“Why not?”
“Because…me. That’s why.”
“Don’t you want to be play partners?”
“Well, yeah, but I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because look at me.”
“I am. Are you scared of me?”
“No!”
“Then try me. I dare you. If you’re so convinced I won’t want you as a play partner, prove me wrong.”
“That’s just silly.”
He leaned in. “Why is it silly?”
She finally looked up at him. “I’ve seen you play. Unless they figure out a way to cure fibromyalgia, I’m never going to be able to play at that level.”
“Serious question. Would you have a problem with me playing with Tory at the club like I did the other night?”
“No.”
“Would you have a problem playing with me like you and I did the other night?”
“Well, no, but—”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
She reached up and nudged her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose. “I’m used to losing,” she quietly said. “Doesn’t mean I like setting myself up for it.”
* * * *
“The only way this is going to work is if you trust me and let me in.”
Holly stared at him. “The only way what’s going to work?”
Walt smiled. “I’ve told you that you need to let me worry about my ‘needs.’ If you don’t want to date me, or be play partners, or see where this might lead, that’s fine. But you need to tell me you only want to be friends with me. I can do the friends-only thing, just ask Kimbra. I’d like more than that with you, if you’ll let me in.”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
He stood, crossed the room, and sat next to her on the couch. Then he held his hands out to her, palms up. When she finally placed her hands in his, he gently closed his fingers around hers and brought her hands to his lips and kissed them before tucking them against his chest. His touch felt so light, he didn’t even squeeze her painful joints.
Like he already knew how to perfectly handle her, physically as well as mentally and emotionally.
“You seem to have it in your head that I’m one particular person,” he said. “The truth is, I’m like anyone else. There’s more than one side to me. Sure, I like to play heavy, but it’s not a requirement for me. I can find all sorts of ways to enjoy getting my sadistic fix without it being at the end of a cane or even playing hard. I’m more interested in having a partner who is there for and with me in more than just the dungeon. Someone I can be there for, too. Someone I can take care of, who is a partner to me. Because most of my life isn’t spent at Venture.”
“Yeah, but why would you want me?” she asked. Unable to look him in the eyes, she focused her gaze on his hands. “I have a ton of emotional baggage, I have days where it’s barely all I can do to get out of bed and drag myself to work, and then there’s Louis. What’ll people think about you if you’re with me?”
“Look at me.”
She finally forced her gaze up to his. Blue eyes with flecks of midnight stared back at her.
“I don’t care what people think,” he said. “The kinky part of my life has to stay quiet because of my job. Who I date or have a relationship with is no one’s business but mine. You don’t think I had friends and family who deserted me when I fell in love with and married Kimbra?”
“Why—oh.” Heat filled her face.
“Yeah, oh. Been there, done that. I’d hope that the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with now respect me enough to know that I know my own heart. Hopefully the narrow-minded jerks were weeded out years ago. If not, it’s their loss. We’ll get Louis a new trial somehow.”
“Don’t make me promises you can’t keep.” She fought against the tears pricking her eyes. “You don’t know that.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t know that. But I know Kimbra, and I know nothing will stop her.”
* * * *
Bless her heart, Holly’s fear radiated from her, a cursed halo she couldn’t shake. One she’d worn for too many years.
Walt knew this was more because of how he felt about her, not how he felt about her situation. She’d been alone for so long, gone through so much, it was no shocker she’d isolated herself and had a hard time seeing what he saw in her.
This wasn’t a case of he wanted to swoop in and rescue her.
Maybe a little at first. Not now. He’d found himself already falling in love with her, her drive, her dedication, her intelligence. While she still saw herself as damaged, someone who couldn’t do what she once could, he saw everything she’d managed to accomplish on her own, her strength, her will.
He saw the real her, not the filter she viewed herself through.
“What if in a few years you’re tired of dealing with me?”
“What will it take to convince you that I know my own heart and I’m not like any other guy you’ve dated before?”
“It just…it feels counterintuitive. Like it’s too easy.”
“Consider it the two of us against nature, then,” he said with a playful smile. “I’ll always have your back, never doubt that. Not for a minute.” He draped her arms around his neck before settling his around her.
“Two against nature, huh?”
“Do you trust me?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Does that scare you?”
She finally nodded. “Yeah.”
“It scares me, too, because I don’t want to ever harm you. I want to prove to you this is worth trying. Like I said, even if all we can do is be friends, I’ll still have your back.”
He fought the urge to hold his breath as she finally relaxed in his arms, her head resting against his shoulder. He pulled the throw more securely around her shoulders and rested his cheek against her curly hair.
The more time he spent with her, the more right it felt.
Now he’d just have to convince her how right it was.
Good thing for both of them that he was a very patient man.
Chapter Thirteen
Tuesday afternoon, Walt was parked and waiting for Holly when she emerged from the building after work. Her stomach ached from the good kind of nerves jumping around in there all day since he’d picked her up at home and drove her to work that morning.
She’d thought she might not sleep well Monday night because of thinking about seeing Walt again so soon, but she’d actually slept pretty damn well.
Unfortunately that made her feel a little guilty. More than a little guilty, actually.
Louis didn’t have a choice about how he slept. About where he slept.
It didn’t help her nerves at all today that she’d ignored Joyce. Holly had brought lunch with her today and left while Joyce was on a call. Holly had staked out a quiet corner in the employee lounge, a place she didn’t often retreat to since she didn’t want to accidentally get roped into socializing more than she wanted to. She was already back at her workstation and on a call when Joyce returned.
Holly had glanced over and spotted the other woman’s frown before she sat and got back to work.
Maybe in a couple of days she’d feel up to dealing with Joyce, but Holly’s spoons were limited.
Right now, she wanted all her extra spoons devoted to Walt.
Walt had been looking at his phone but smiled when he spotted her and had already reached over and opened the passenger door for her.
“Hey,” he said.
She leaned in and kissed him hello. Even that felt natural and right already. “Hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Achy. That’s pretty normal for me, though.”
“Honesty time—can you afford to get regular treatments from Nate?”
She felt her face heat. “Not every week, no.” Admitting that sucked, but she refused to lie to him when he’d demanded honesty from her.
After all he’d done for her so far, the l
east she could do was be honest with him.
It didn’t cost her anything but her pride.
“That’s what I suspected. I’m going to talk to him tonight and see what our options are. I know some of my friends have TENS units, so I want to talk to him about one of those. Maybe he can teach me how to do cupping on you, too. I want to try to work through whatever we can to try to keep your pain levels down.”
She stared at him, barely able to believe what he’d just said. “Huh?”
He pointed at himself and then at her. “We’re a team, right? Two against nature. I can be a sadist and help you feel better at the same time. Totally a win-win.” He smiled.
He’d apparently already obtained the address for Nate’s office, because he didn’t ask her for directions. Twenty minutes later, he pulled his truck into the parking lot outside the building where it was located.
Cherise sat behind the desk and greeted them with a smile. “Hey! He’s just finishing up with a client and he’ll be right with you.” She handed Holly a clipboard with a couple of forms. “Fill those out for me, please, and then I can get you programmed into my system.”
She lowered herself into a chair and must have winced or let out some other signal that she was in pain, because Walt noticed. “How much are you hurting? Honestly?”
She nodded. “Yes.” Putting a number on it was worthless, because a ten on someone else’s scale was maybe a one on hers. Pain was relative and constant. On days she’d slept well and wasn’t unusually stressed, she barely noticed the pain.
When winter hit, or she was in a flare, or something was stressing her out, the same pain could translate into debilitating agony.
Walt let out what sounded like a sad sigh, but he didn’t interrupt her while she filled out the forms. When she finished, he took the clipboard and walked it back up to Cherise, leaning in to talk with her for a moment in tones too soft for Holly to understand.
She was the only other patient in the waiting room, and she took a moment to look around. Several framed pictures hung on the wall, large landscapes that looked soothing, peaceful, as did the soft, light bluish-green paint on the walls. No harsh overhead lights, even though there was a darkened fluorescent fixture in the ceiling. Holly gave thanks for that. Some fluorescent lights triggered migraines in her ever since the attack. Three floor lamps brightly filled in the space, along with the late afternoon sunlight that filtered through the blinds. A couple of Tibetan salt lamps also softly glowed from where they sat on shelves.
When Walt returned, he sat next to her and lightly draped his arm around her shoulders. “Whatever he tells you to do today, I want you to do it. All right?”
“What if I can’t afford it?”
“It doesn’t matter.” His blue eyes pierced through her resistance. “I’m taking care of it.”
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered.
He smiled and leaned in to kiss the end of her nose. “That’s my good girl.”
Maybe if she wasn’t in constant pain, worried about Louis, or stressed over finances, she might argue with him.
Not today.
For today, it felt too damn good to have someone on her side for a change, someone taking care of her, and maybe it made her weak.
Maybe it made her stupid.
Maybe it made her blind and no better than Joyce.
She didn’t care.
At least she knew enough people who knew Walt, and had seen him in action before. She had no reason to doubt him.
He’d had three chances already he could have tried to cop a feel or do more than he should. Not once had he done that.
He easily could have forced himself on her.
Again, he hadn’t done that.
Trust had to start somewhere, and she didn’t have the spoons to second-guess herself to infinity.
Trust started here.
He was on her side—that’s what he said. The two of them.
The world could—and had—thrown its worst at her. So far she’d managed to keep getting back up, although maybe a little slower each time than the time before.
Now she wanted him, this. A chance.
One damn thing.
An older woman walked out and stopped at the front desk to pay and make a new appointment with Cherise. Down the hallway, Nate appeared and spotted them.
“Come on back,” Nate called out.
“Can I come, too?” Walt asked.
“Sure. It’s up to her.”
“Of course you can,” Holly said. “I thought that was kind of the point.”
Smiling, Walt stood and offered a hand to help her to her feet.
She took it.
* * * *
Yeah, Walt would be lying if he said watching Holly get worked on by Nate wasn’t about anything more than just because he wanted her to have pain relief. He had a thirst for knowledge about the human body.
Including techniques he could use to help her, but also what he could use or store away for his inner sadist’s future use.
What he didn’t really want to fully admit to Holly yet was that being able to do something for her like this made him feel good in a way he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. He wasn’t expecting anything in return, either.
Some people were addicted to pain, some were addicted to pleasure.
His particular fix—outside of his sadistic fun—came in the form of making a positive, helpful difference in someone’s life. Getting her here to Nate’s today could be the start of her life getting just a little bit easier in at least one way. He couldn’t control her condition, but he could help her mitigate her pain, her symptoms. The bad kind of pain would wear her down and prematurely age her. Holly had enough on her plate to deal with.
Helping her was a win-win and meant she could focus on Louis.
Walt helped Holly climb up on the padded table, a professional and more heavy-duty version of the massage table Nate used at the club. Nate offered her a gown to wear, if she wanted it, but considering he’d already seen her topless at the club, she opted just for a sheet. Once she was facedown on the table, Nate started probing along her spine and shoulders with his fingers.
Purple circles of varying hues still marked her back from the cupping he’d done on her Saturday night.
“How’s your pain levels?” Nate asked.
“Be more specific,” she said. “Because that’s a loaded question.”
“Compared to the other night.”
“The left shoulder’s wanting to knot up again,” she said, then let out a pained gasp as his fingers traced around her shoulder blade.
“You mean right there?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Can I feel?” Walt asked.
“Sure,” Holly said.
Nate guided Walt’s fingers around her shoulder blade, and yep, he could feel the knot. “Do you think a TENS unit would help her?” Walt asked.
“I was going to suggest that, yes.”
“Can I buy one?”
Nate let out an amused snort. “You can buy anything.”
“I mean, do we need a prescription or something to get one?”
“No.” Nate turned and picked up a tablet from his desk, swiping through to something before showing Walt. “This is where I get my supplies. They have several reasonable options.”
“Pick one for me to buy for her. One that will do what she needs and you feel is the best unit.”
He tapped through a couple of screens and handed it back to Walt. “That one right there is the one I’m going to use on her. It’s not a professional model, but it’s a good one you can fine-tune and use various modes. It’s relatively inexpensive. They’re fairly heavy-duty, all things considered.”
Walt pulled out his phone, called the site up on it, and started to place his order. “What else will she need?” He held his phone out to Nate.
Nate added a few things to Walt’s shopping cart, including extra electrodes for it. “That kit comes with an AC adapter. But you’ll want to get
some rechargeable nine-volt batteries for it on Amazon,” he suggested. “Look at the reviews, though, to make sure they aren’t slightly larger than average-sized batteries.”
“Gotcha.”
“What are you doing?” she asked Walt.
“Ordering. Shh.”
She tried to lift her head, but Nate gently tapped the back of her head with his finger to make her lay it back down again. “Walt, I can’t let you spend more money on me,” she tried to protest.
“Good news, sweetheart. You don’t have to ‘let’ me spend money on you. I’m an adult and can spend it however I want. Tell her it’s a multi-tasker, Nate. I can help or torture her with it. It’s as much for my amusement as it is to help her.”
Nate laughed. “He’s got a point.”
Then the man broke out his own TENS unit, showed Walt how to position the electrode pads depending on where Holly had muscle knots, and turned it on low. “I’ll send you the PDF I developed for different settings. They give a variety of sensations. How’s that feel?” Nate asked her.
“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I’m going to bump it up some. Let me know when it gets painful.” Once he hit that point, he backed it down a few notches. “You want to start out strong and then ease up after a few minutes. That helps kick in the endorphins. Some patients like sharp and zappy at first, and then change it to thumpy and tingly after a few minutes. You’ll have to experiment with what works best for her.”
He started placing acupuncture needles in various locations. Walt could see the tension visibly flow from her body as the treatment progressed.
Walking around to her head, Walt pulled a chair over and sat so he could talk to her. “How are you feeling?”
“Better, thanks,” she softly said.
“Are you all right?”
* * * *
There was a loaded question if she ever heard one, nearly as difficult to answer as the one about her pain. “I don’t know how to feel about everything you’re doing for me.”
“I don’t expect you to feel any particular way,” Walt said. “I won’t do something I don’t want to do or can’t afford. My goal is to do things that I enjoy doing and that make your life easier, or lessen your bad pain. Consider it an early Christmas gift, if you want. I’m having fun doing this.”
Two-Against-Nature [Suncoast Society](Siren Publishing Sensations) Page 11