"Elle, if you ever run out on us again like that, I'll..." my mom said,
trying to scold me, but it was of no use-she knew I was sorry for my actions. At least, I hoped she knew.
"Mom, I really am sorry," I said, hugging her around the neck.
My mom sighed and hugged me back before she and the other moms went into the kitchen to talk with the men. I wasn't sure what they were talking about exactly, but I had an idea it was a plan in the making.
Asher walked over to me, captured me in his arms, and hugged me tightly. "You scared me," he huffed. "I know you're stubborn at times, but please, don't just run away from all of us. We're here for you," Asher said, gently stroking my hair.
I loved how safe I felt wrapped in his arms. He was my protector now.
It made me think of Maddox. "Where's Maddox?" I asked. "Did he go home mad at me?" I laughed and stepped out from Asher's embrace. "I should probably call him. He always gets so mad at me, but he doesn't stay mad long."
Asher shook his head, watching me carefully. "He wasn’t with you?" he asked warily.
"No, why?" I asked, panic rising in my chest. It had suddenly become more difficult to breathe, and it felt as if I had a heavy weight sitting on my chest.
"After you left, Maddox went looking for you. He said he had a bad feeling, but we all just dismissed him. Your parents said Maddox is always coming to your rescue, and he's a little dramatic. Anyway, we all just assumed he'd found you. You didn't see him?" Asher asked.
"No," I cried out. "I thought he was here or mad at me over at his house."
"What? Where is my son?" Maddox's mom, Lois, asked as she swiftly walked into the room. It was clear she'd overheard our conversation and was now frantic at the idea of Maddox still being out there with hunters.
My mom threw an arm around Lois's shoulder and tried to soothe her. "We'll find him. I'm sure he's around here, somewhere," mom said with a half-smile.
Just then, the men came back into the room. After being caught up on what was going on, they seemed alarmed, which sent further warning bells off in my brain.
"We need to find him," Jack shouted. Maddox's dad was the epitome of the alpha-male. He shared Maddox's strong jaw, dark hair, and rugged good looks.
The men dispersed in pairs, each of them yelling out the different locations they'd search. They raced outside where I knew most of them would shift first in order to cover more ground. Lois and my mom called Maddox's cell phone, but there was no answer.
I must've texted him a million times, begging for him to answer and tell us he was alright. With each second that passed without hearing back from Maddox, my heart sank deeper and deeper into my stomach. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I had to sit down.
I fell onto the couch and began to sob, having realized Maddox was gone and it was all because of me.
I must've dozed off because I woke up sometime around 3 a.m. to a crowded room with pained faces. "What is going on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.
"Elle, Maddox is gone," Asher said. As much as Asher and Maddox despised one another, I knew it hurt Asher to see me so upset.
"What do you mean, he's gone?" I asked, taking in the pale faces around me. Everyone looked worried and upset, and I felt my stomach drop once more.
"When you went out and no one could find you, Maddox went searching for you. We told him not to go alone, but he wouldn't listen," Maddox's dad said solemnly.
Oh, no, I thought, this was all my fault. I'd just wanted a moment alone. Maddox was always there, never giving me a moment to breathe, and now he was gone.
"It's my fault Maddox is gone," I shouted. The memories from the hours before flooded into my mind and I felt like I might blackout again.
"You all told me not to go into the woods alone. I knew the risks involved and ignored your warnings anyway." I was growing sick to my stomach, knowing Maddox was out there somewhere and I couldn't get to him. It was killing me inside. If anything were to happen to him-
I couldn't even finish the thought.
Chapter 22
People often say that the death of a person can change you in ways never imaginable. I hadn’t conceived the idea that I'd be stuck in a wicked sort of limbo where I wasn't sure what my future would hold. With Maddox still missing and the real threat of hunters lingering in our town, I'd never felt more uneasy and detached from my life and myself
As the clouds began to roll in, there was the faint rumble of thunder in the far distance. The cold air had finally arrived, adding more of a chill to an already icy world. Thanksgiving had passed, and we were approaching December. I looked out through my bedroom window at the only home I'd ever known. Somehow, it all seemed so different to me now. I couldn't tell if my world was full of good or evil or a twisted mixture of both. Either way, I felt like I'd begun to look at the world through a different lens.
"Elle, honey, what are you doing?" my mom asked. She was standing in my doorway with her arms wrapped around herself.
I was sitting at my desk at the time, my legs hugged to my chest as I watched the trees dance outside my window. My eyes hadn't left the woods or the horizon since Maddox had been pronounced missing. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I believed that if I stared long enough, Maddox would emerge from the trees, a wide grin on his face as he bounded toward the house, and my living nightmare would end.
'Tm just waiting," I admitted with a sigh. There wasn't anything else I could do. I wasn't allowed out of the house to help the search parties. Asher had been called to help, too, and I couldn't call any of my friends and explain the situation to them. Instead, I barricaded myself in my bedroom like a self-appointed prisoner.
Mom took a step further into my room and came up behind me. "Elle, they'll find Maddox, you just need to have faith. Stay positive, and maybe we can arrange for you to go out."
I thought about her words for a moment as I touched my hand to the window and felt the cold from the outside reaching out to me. I needed to get out and run. My body craved the air and the sound of the woods, but I just couldn't leave. Not because I was under a strict house arrest, but because I didn't have the energy in me to leave until Maddox had been found.
"I can't go to school. You all called and told my principal I was sick and was homebound. I haven't texted or called any of my friends, I stopped checking my social media, I can't run, be the animal I am, because a part of me is missing," I said, my voice cracking from the raw emotion I was feeling.
The pain I felt from missing Maddox was far worse than any pain my body was in as a result of my denying its calls for me to get out and run. Shifting was necessary for me, at times and I'd been ignoring the signs from my body folate.
"Elle..." my mom started, but then she stopped. She knew better than to feed me lies or hopeless wishes that we both knew might never come true.
"I don't know how much longer I can wait for him to come back," I cried out. "Maddox is my best friend. I can't live without him."
There was a creak from the hall, and my mom and I jerked our heads in the direction of the uninvited sound to see Asher standing just outside my door with a wounded expression on his features; I instantly knew he'd heard my conversation. Yes, I loved Maddox, but not like I loved Asher. It was a different type of love, and I needed Asher to understand that.
Asher cleared his throat and walked in like he hadn't just been eavesdropping. My mom patted my shoulder and offered me a consoling look before she turned to leave my room.
With Asher and I alone in the room, the awkward tension floating around us was tangible.
"I know you heard us," I stated.
Asher nodded his head and looked down at his feet. "We've been out all morning. I was cold and wanted to see you. I can leave if you need to be alone," he offered.
I jumped up from my seat and rushed to his side. "No, Asher, I don't want you to leave," I said. "I'm sorry you had to walk in when you did. I don't want you to take what I said the wrong way."
"Elle, I d
on't know if I can compete with what you have with Maddox," Asher began. The damage had already been done. I hoped it wasn't enough to end us.
I reached out, grabbed his hands, and squeezed. "Asher: yes, I love Maddox. He's my best friend, and I'd die if anything happened to him, but my love for him isn't what you think. It's a love built on years of friendship, protection, trust, and understanding. When I'm with you, I feel something different. My head spins and my breath falters. Sometimes, I can't think straight when you're around. They're not the same feelings I have for Maddox, though I still care deeply for him and he'll always be a big part of my life," I finished. I looked up and willed him to see me. I needed him to see the truth and honesty in my words. My eyes pleaded with him to believe me.
Asher took a deep breath before speaking. "Elle, I believe you; I really do. It's just hard for me sometimes. The only reason I'm helping everyone search for Maddox is so you'll be happy again. You look so sad right now, you aren't acting like the Elle I know and love."
A small gasp escaped my lips. "You love me?" I asked.
At that moment, I caught my reflection in the standing mirror next to my closet. My hair was up in a messy bun, I hadn't worn any makeup in days, and my sweats were baggy against my small frame. How could he possibly love me when I looked like a hot walking mess?
"Of course, I do, Elle," Asher gushed. He leaned down and placed a tender kiss on my lips. "You are my everything." He smiled.
"I love you, too," I exclaimed, hugging him. I felt my frozen heart begin to thaw and a pang of guilt washed over me. How could I be so happy when Maddox was still missing?
I looked down, trying to hide my growing emotions, but Asher saw right through my facade.
"Elle, it's okay to be upset and be happy too. Maddox would kill me if he knew I wasn't trying to keep you happy," Asher joked.
I laughed, knowing he was right. "I just don't know what to do. I want to smile and laugh and be with you, but I also want to disappear into my room and wait for Maddox to return. I feel so conflicted," I admitted.
"I understand," Asher said. "I'll do my best to make you happy...forever." He kissed me again.
In my heart, I knew Asher had meant what he'd said. Our connection was special and strong. Somehow, we'd found each other-me, a shifter, and he, a human. Even though we were different, we were the same, too. Our beliefs and determined strength kept us together.
I just prayed that Maddox was found soon. I wasn't sure how long my forever would be without him.
Two weeks had passed since Maddox had left.
My hope dwindled more with each second, minute, hour, and day that passed. I could tell my dad was losing hope, too. Though he'd never admit defeat, his tired eyes and exhausted body told us everything we needed to know but didn't want to admit.
Maddox was gone.
One Saturday afternoon, while my dad and the rest of the pack were looking at maps of the town and surrounding areas, I walked into the shed where I'd shifted for the first time. So many memories flashed through my mind as I took in the cold and damp space.
"Elle, what are you doing down here?" my dad asked, having noted my arrival. He looked uneasy and I knew it was because I wasn't supposed to be down there, but I was going crazy waiting alone in my bedroom.
All heads turned my way, and the men nodded before turning back to their task.
"Dad, I want to help," I offered.
After having sat for two weeks as I waited for Maddox to come home, I'd finally had enough. I was done waiting-it was my turn to help.
My dad chucked and half-smiled. "Elle, that's not possible. You've only been shifting for a few months. You don’t know the territory, and you aren't strong enough yet to fight off other predators or hunters.
"You have to give me a chance to try," I shouted. I knew that, to them, I must have looked crazy, but I didn't care; I was desperate. "Maddox is missing," I continued. "I can take you to where I saw the men, and we can hunt together."
"No!" my dad shouted. He pounded his fist on the table, the wooden surface shaking violently in response. The other men glanced up to watch the fight taking place before them.
"Dad-" I started, but was cut off quickly.
"No, Elle, this is not up for discussion. Maddox left to find you that day.
"Elle, you're my daughter, and I love you, but you're not rational. You don't think logically. You use your heart to drive you and not your brain. We have to plan for what the hunters might be using against us. We need to sniff out their tracks. We need to think like Maddox, like shifters. You'd only slow us down or put us in grave danger.
"Now, this isn't up for discussion anymore. Stop this and go back to the house." My dad sat back in his seat and went back to his conversation with the men, without so much as looking my way again.
I stood there, frozen in place. Never had anyone talked to me like that before, especially not my dad. His words had pelted me like tiny daggers and I felt myself crumbling from the harm he'd inflicted on my ego and my heart.
I walked slowly away and went back to my house, but I didn't bother to look back at Asher. Even through the darkness and my separation from him, I sensed his need for me. I'd fought against my own internal battle and kept walking all the way to my bedroom. Once there, I wiped the tears away, crashed into my bed, and cried myself to sleep.
That night, I had powerful dreams of Maddox. In each scene that played out, I saw Maddox in pain, fighting to escape the black hole in which he'd been trapped. Glimpses of his devastating nightmare came to me in several visions, and I awoke filled with dread and covered in sweat and tears. The magnitude of the situation had finally hit me, seeming to take with it what was left of my heart.
I gasped for air and tried to shut my eyes, but the sights and sounds from my mind haunted me. I prayed for something to help me forget, but everything about my dreams had been so vivid. In them, I saw Maddox, his hair a mess and clinging to his sweaty and tired face. His body was limp as he lay, exhausted from screaming and fighting to escape. Blood trailed along his hands from where he'd tried to claw his way out of his cement prison. I heard his voice break as he pleaded for hope and to be saved. The smell of the damp room made me feel like I was going to be sick from the heat of the sweltering room.
Having risked my sanity, I decided I was tired of waiting. I knew I was the only one who could save him. I'd seen the hunters, had memorized their look, their scents, their movements. I could sniff them out, follow their scents which would form a trail that would lead me back to them. Back to Maddox.
I got up and dressed in a pair of jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. I knew exactly what I needed to do and refused to let anyone stop me. I crept down the steps, and the floor creaked beneath me with each step I took, making me cringe. I held my breath as I padded down the stairs and out the front door. Thankfully, I'd made my escape without waking my parents. They must've been in a deep sleep as usually, the slightest of sounds would wake them from even the deepest of slumbers. Since they'd engaged in scouring the land for Maddox, they were beyond tired.
I closed the door slowly behind me, saw a shadow emerge from behind one of the large oak trees in my yard, and braced myself for an attack, holding my breath. I should've known I couldn't just escape my house without being caught or having something terrible happen to me. Nothing ever came to me easily. I couldn't escape the dangers lurking around me no matter how I tried.
The figure slowly walked my way and I closed my eyes and waited for whatever it was that was about to happen.
Chapter 23
"Elle," a voice said, breaking my panic.
I knew that voice. "Asher?" I asked, both shocked and relieved it wasn't one of the hunters ready to take me away-or so something possibly worse-like they had with Maddox.
"Yes, it's me," he said, emerging from the darkness and into the slight glow of the porch light.
My body relaxed for a moment before I grew suspicious. "Why are you here? It's past midnight." My brows
rose in curious anger.
Asher let out a slight laugh, as he stood there looking statuesque, shrouded in darkness, with only his face visible in the glowing light. With a surprised half-smile, Asher turned his head to one side. "Did you really think I was just going to go home after our argument? Elle, I know you. I know how stubborn and determined you are. I knew you weren't about to let everything go with Maddox. I've been waiting here for you to rush out and try to go and find Maddox on your own, only I can't let you do that." He winked at me.
Anger boiled deep down inside of me. How dare Asher think he could tell me what to do! I was his girlfriend, but that didn't mean he had some unspoken claim over me and what I did or didn't do. I was my own person; I decided what I did.
"You have some nerve coming here and thinking you can stop me," I began, raging, lashing out with my voice. I heard its sharpness as it cut through the blackness of the night. "Asher, I care about you, but this is something I have to do."
Asher shook his head and came closer to me until he was standing only inches away from me. The night shadows crossed his face. His coal black hair seemed to disappear into the background. Dark circles under his eyes framed them, exaggerating his exhaustion. His sharp features made him look otherworldly, and I caught myself being mesmerized by his beauty. I had to remind myself I was angry at him, but looking at Asher had cooled my anger and made me want to slump into his embrace.
"Elle, I know this, that's why I am going with you. Take my help and my support. Together, we can be a great team, even if our goal is to save Maddox, whom, I might add, I still don't like." He let out a slight growl.
Surprise registered once his words had sunk fully in. "Are you serious?" I exclaimed, jumping into his arms and throwing my arms around his neck.
Asher hushed me and laughed as he held me tightly. "Of course, I could never let you go alone. I'd worry too much. Plus, like I said, you're too stubborn to listen to anyone, even to me. I knew you were going to go looking for Maddox, but unless you want to be caught now and stopped by your parents, you need to be quiet."
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