by B. B. Hamel
“I know, but—”
“Listen to me,” he said, his voice hard. “You didn’t choose your father. You didn’t ask the Leones to come and try to kill you. And you didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I played a pretty big role in that.”
I smiled a little. “I guess I could blame you then, huh?”
“Blame away,” he said. “So long as you’ll keep talking to me.”
I shifted from foot to foot. I glanced inside at the brightly lit living room, and thought about leaving him there. Maybe I could steal some money from my dad and get the hell out of the city. Maybe I could start over.
Instead, I shut the door and walked over to the table. I sat down across from him.
“I never thought I’d have a kid,” I said. “Never something I wanted.”
“I never really thought about it either,” he said.
I smiled. “Easy for guys not to think about it, you know? Women get pregnant, they’re the ones stuck with the baby when it comes out. You can just walk away and never have to see the baby again. But there’s no walking away for me.”
“You think that’s what I want?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t think so. You wouldn’t have come back here if you just wanted to get away.”
He nodded, sipped his drink. “I don’t want to leave you alone,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I know that much, at least.”
“So, what, you want to be this baby’s father?” I asked, half-kidding.
But he didn’t smile. “Yeah, I do.”
“You kill people for a living, Tanner,” I said, my voice gentle. “How can you be a father?”
“I don’t have to kill people,” he said. “It’s not something I need to do. It’s just something I’m good at.”
“Think about that,” I said. “You’re good at killing people, so you do it. Most normal people don’t know they’re good killers, much less are happy to just keep doing it.”
He spread his hands. “I am what I am.”
“That’s what I’m worried about.” I stared into his eyes. “I don’t want my baby to be like my father. And you’re too much like him. It scares the hell out of me.”
“I’m nothing like your father.”
“You both hurt people,” I said, starting to feel my heart race. I shouldn’t say these things to him. I knew I should keep my mouth shut.
Tanner was dangerous. I kept seeing him kill Bennigan. I kept seeing the look on his face afterward.
Blank, almost bored.
He didn’t care that he had another man’s blood smeared all over him.
That scared me so much. Even more than the idea of Bennigan killing me.
“Your father does more than hurt,” Tanner said. “And I don’t choose the people I kill. I’m given a job, and I do the job. I mostly kill scumbags, people in the business, people that deserve it.”
“My father thinks he’s right too, you know,” I said. “He thinks everything he does is for a good reason.”
“I’m not your father,” he said, leaning toward me. “I’ll give up killing, if that’s what it takes. Would your father ever give up what he has?”
I shook my head. “No, he wouldn’t. But it’s easy for you to say you’ll walk away. Harder to really do it.”
“How can I prove myself?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Then I guess I’ll have to figure something out.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “Why are you doing this?” I asked.
“Because you’re pregnant with my baby.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m not the kind of man to turn my back on my responsibility. And you’re my responsibility, Elise.”
“I don’t have to be.”
“I want you to be.” He leaned toward me. “And you want it too. I know you do. You pretend like you’re so afraid, but we both know you want it just as much as I do.”
I shook my head. “Come on,” I said. “You don’t owe me anything. You don’t want this baby. You’re just… you’re just trying to do the right thing, and it’s bullshit, okay? You can just walk away, Tanner. Nobody’s keeping you here. You’re not a part of this anymore.”
That seemed to get him. He shook his head and his eyes lit up, a little bit of anger showing through the mask.
“So long as you’re pregnant with my baby, I’m a part of this,” he said. “I always will be, whether you like it or not.”
I stood up. “We had a moment back there,” I said. “I’m not going to pretend like that didn’t happen. We had a really good moment and we had a lot of fun, and some of it felt good, but it’s reality time now. I’m pregnant and a crime family wants me dead. I need to stay with my father until this all passes over and I can have a life again. So just… just leave me alone, okay?”
I went to walk past him but he stood faster than I thought he could. He took my wrist and pulled me away from the door. I let out a soft, surprised yelp as he yanked me against his body.
“Don’t bullshit me,” he growled.
“Tanner,” I said.
“You walk around like you know what’s best, like you know what you want, but it’s bullshit,” he said. “You say you don’t want me, you say you’re afraid of me, but every time I touch your skin, you light up like you weren’t even alive before. I make you feel good, Elise. I make you feel better than you ever have before.”
“Stop,” I whispered.
He leaned down and kissed me.
I groaned into that kiss. I tried to push him away but he held me tight. He kissed me slow and deep and I sank into that kiss. I stopped struggling and put my hands flat on his muscular chest, letting my world vibrate around him like lightning.
God, he was right. He made me feel good. So good I could barely breathe.
He turned me toward the house and pushed me up against the wall next to the door, away from the window. I gasped as he kissed my neck, palmed my breasts. I shivered with delight as his hands moved down my hips and grasped my ass hard.
“I’m tired of you running away,” he said. “I’m tired of your excuses. You keep acting like you’re better than me, like you’re afraid of what I do. But fuck that shit. You want this, you dirty girl. And I’m taking it.”
“Oh, fuck,” I whispered as he slid a hand down the front of my yoga pants.
I was wet, dripping wet. His fingers slid up my lips and teased me as I kissed him harder and grabbed his hair. Pleasure exploded through my body as I thought about his words, about him having me, controlling me, dominating me. He pushed me against the wall and I knew he could do exactly what he was threatening, and I knew I wanted it so badly it hurt.
His fingers slid inside me and I let out a gasp. It was almost pathetic. I moaned his name and rolled my hips.
“Look at you,” he said. “One touch and you’re already throwing yourself at me. Come on, Elise. Stop pretending like you want me to just go away. What you really want is to give yourself to me, every inch of yourself, for as long as I want it.”
“Tanner,” I said. “You have no clue what you’re saying. You have no clue what it means to be a part of my life right now.”
“That baby’s mine,” he said. “And you’re mine. This dripping wet little pussy is mine. Your gorgeous body is mine. Those pouty lips? They’re mine too, especially when they’re wrapped around my cock.”
“It’s forever,” I said. “It’s a baby. It’s… it means… oh, fuck… being a father. Being there. Fuck, being there all day long.”
His fingers felt like heaven as they rolled around my clit then slid back inside. He fucked me with them, teased me with them, bit my lower lip.
I tried to argue, tried to get him to see, but I could barely think.
“I don’t care what it means,” he said. “I’ll make the sacrifices I have to make. And I’ll give you what you need.”
“You have to be better,” I moaned as his fingers continued to wreck me. “No more… fuck… k
illing. No more… hurting people.”
“I can do that.” He circled my clit as my back arched. He kissed my neck and teased me faster. “I can give you what you need. I can give you a man and a father for the baby. Give yourself over, stop pretending, stop denying, let me have it all.”
“Shit,” I moaned. “Tanner.” His fingers felt like heaven as he went faster and faster.
There was a sound inside the house.
I thought he’d stop. But instead, he kissed me deeper, pressed me harder against the wall, flattening us both into the darkness, and kept going. His finger rolled around my clit faster, faster, faster. I moaned and he covered my mouth with his hand.
My father was in the kitchen. I heard him cleaning up after my dinner. He was at the sink, maybe ten feet away at most.
Tanner kept going, finger rolling around my clit. I was pinned to the wall, my mouth covered by his hand, and I couldn’t take it anymore. His words rolled through my mind in echoes and fits and starts and, fuck, it was pure pleasure, it was too much. He wanted to be the father to my baby, he wanted to give me whatever I needed, and all I had to do was submit, give myself to him, and oh, god, it’s what I wanted more than anything.
I came like lightning and thunder on his fingers. I bit his palm and he let out a soft growl of pain but didn’t move. I bit down and came so hard I nearly blacked out. I released my teeth and he kept his hand there, covering my mouth.
I thought I tasted blood on my tongue.
I drooped against the wall. I could feel his hard cock pressed against me. The water at the sink stopped and the light in the kitchen snapped off as my father walked away.
Tanner waited, didn’t move. Then he pulled back and dropped his hand away. He smiled at me as he rubbed his palm.
“You bite like a demon,” he said.
“Sorry.” I leaned my head against the wall. “I just came so hard I think I blacked out.”
He laughed gently then ran a hand down my cheek. “Think about what I said.”
“Okay.” I chewed my lip as he turned and began to walk toward the back fence. “Wait.”
He paused and looked at me, head tilted. “Yeah?”
“Where are you going?”
“I’ve got some shit that needs to get done,” he said. “If you want me out of the game, then I’m going to get out. But first I need to make sure this situation resolves itself.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ve been talking to the wrong people,” he said. “It took me all this time to realize it. I kept thinking I could stay in their good graces if I didn’t go too far, but that was fucking dumb. It’s time to finish things.”
“Be careful,” I said. I felt stupid but the words meant something.
“I will.” He smiled at me then turned and jogged to the back fence. He jumped over it like it was nothing and disappeared into the night.
I lingered there for a while longer, getting myself together. His glass sat on the back table. I walked over and sat down. I thought about finishing the drink, thought about how good it would feel. But instead I just put my hand on my stomach and stared at it.
I opened the back door and went inside.
My father looked up from the TV. He looked surprised to see me.
“Hey,” he said. “I didn’t know you were out there.”
“I was just having a drink.” I held up the glass then dumped the rest down the sink.
He got up and lingered near me. “You doing okay?”
“Fine,” I said.
“You’ve been hiding in your room. You know, the way you used to, when you were younger.”
“I was hiding from you back then,” I said.
“Guess you still are, huh?”
“Guess so.” I gave him a flat look. “You need to fix this, Dad.”
He held up his hands. “Honey—”
“Talk to Don Leone,” I said. “If they send people over, just talk to them, okay? No more killing.”
“Elise, come on.”
“Do it,” I said. “You owe me. You’ve done so much shitty stuff, and now you almost got me killed, all because you think you can move down here to be closer to me. Well, I don’t want it, I don’t want any of it. So fix it.”
He opened his mouth then snapped it shut. I could see the anger in his eyes.
“Why do you think Don Leone’s going to talk to me?” he asked.
“Because I have a feeling,” I said and stormed past him.
I half expected him to grab me, but he didn’t.
I reached the stairs and looked back.
“I’ll do what I can,” he said and stared at the floor.
For just a brief moment, I softened. He was my father, after all. I thought he loved me, in his own broken and fucked-up way, at least.
But it wasn’t the time to get soft. I headed upstairs and went into my room. I closed the door and locked it behind me.
Then climbed into bed and waited.
I wasn’t hiding anymore. Tanner was out there, and I made up my mind. If he was sincere, I was going to give him a chance. Maybe I wasn’t sure about him yet, and maybe he still scared the hell out of me, but he deserved a chance.
After everything he’d done, that was the least I could do.
If he left that life behind and tried to be a normal father, or at least as normal as he could be, then maybe we could have something.
Maybe, just maybe, it could be okay.
I tried not to let myself hope, because hope always betrayed me, one way or another.
24
Tanner
Don Leone’s city mansion was one of the most famous buildings in all of Philadelphia. I stood down the block from it, leaning against a light pole. The facade was under construction and guys were constantly coming in and out of the place. I’d heard about the big gun fight and the fire that wrecked half the place, but he seemed committed to bringing it all back to life, slowly but surely.
Which worked for me, since it made it easy to get inside.
I walked over, hands shoved in my pockets. I looked down at my work boots and baggy mud-covered jeans. A couple bags of Quikrete sat next to a large white moving van and I hefted one up onto my shoulder. I kept it covering my face as I headed toward the front door. A guy wearing black boots came down the stoop and I kept the bag between the two of us. He grunted something as I stepped into the main entryway.
The room was magnificent. Or at least it was at one point. The walls were all covered in paint and plaster, and every inch of the place was being rebuilt. The floor was a gorgeous tile mosaic, and a glittering chandelier hung above the destruction, the only untouched piece in the room.
Everything else was pockmarked or scorched. The smell of burnt wood and gunpowder still hung in the air. The walls were littered with bullet holes and there were large gashes torn in the tile.
I walked through it. A couple guys stood over near the staircase. The handrail had been ripped to shreds and only a few sticks of wood were left over from the once-glorious railing.
“Hey,” one of the guys called out, a fat man with pig eyes and a pen between his teeth. “Hey, Joey, drop that fuckin’ bag, what are you doin’?”
I grunted something and kept going.
But Pigman didn’t give up so easy. “Joey, hey!” He came down the steps toward me. I heard him stomp on the tiles as I walked.
I did the only sensible thing I could think of. I slipped a knife from my pocket, flicked it open, and jabbed it into the Quikrete. The white powdered concrete fluttered out into the air. I cut a huge hole then pretended to stumble. I turned and slammed the bag down onto the floor.
Concrete blasted up into the air.
“Fuckin’ shit!” Pigman shouted. “What the fuckin’ fuck! Holy shit, is that concrete? What the fuck!”
I ran, shirt over my mouth, trying not to breathe. I gagged and coughed, but I made it into the hall and around the corner. I stopped and leaned up against the wall, brushing as much
of the concrete from my clothes and hair. I took a second to look around at the blackened and burned formerly plush red carpet, at the holes in the walls, at the partially painted and replaced doors.
Then I moved again. I heard more shouting behind me and picked up the pace. Those guys were going to be fucking pissed, so I’d better find a new way out of this place. I just guaranteed they’d be spending the next week cleaning that shit out of that room.
Up ahead, a door opened. I ducked to the side and slipped into another open doorway. The room behind me was dark and empty, but it looked like it used to be a parlor of some kind. The furniture was covered in drop cloths and the walls were a fresh white.
Voices echoed down to me. One male, one female.
“— need to stay away.”
“He’s always like this,” a woman said.
“I know that, Mona,” the man said. I recognized his voice and a smile passed over my lips. “But just tell Vincent to keep his head together, all right? The Don’s got a lot on his mind.”
“Like this renovation?”
The couple stopped outside of the room I was hiding in. My heart hammered in my chest, and although I couldn’t see them, I could picture the guy in my mind.
Medium height, bald head, beady little eyes, pissed-off expression. That was Roberto, the Don’s main bodyguard, and potentially the second most important man in the entire family. He had the Don’s ear unlike anyone else.
“The renovation’s just a start,” Roberto said. “Please, Mona. Go home. Go tell Vincent to keep things quiet, all right?”
“I’ll try,” Mona said. “You know my husband. He’s not really interested in pleasing anyone.”
“Except for you.”
Mona laughed. “Which is why he’d better listen.”
“I know he’s on edge. This new family in town’s been causing all sorts of problems. But we’re handling it, so Vincent doesn’t need to worry himself.”
“I’ll pass that along. And tell the Don I stopped by. I was hoping I could invite him to dinner this weekend.”
“I’ll let him know.”
More yelling from the main room. “We got concrete here! Youse guys better be careful, yeah?”