by Shayne Ford
He pauses for a moment, a sad smile crawling up his face.
“There are things not even someone like me can have,” he says, sort of like a conclusion, and then he glances at me. “What about you? What would a girl like you want?”
“To be happy.”
“Happy?” he says, surprised. “You’re not happy now?”
“No, no.... I am. I want to have a happy life.”
“What’s happiness for you?”
I shrug.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know how to define it. If I knew, I’d probably find a way to get it.”
“What are you missing right now?”
I smile, suddenly sad.
“Many things. My father who died a few years back. My friends who moved away. My sister who grew up and is no longer the girl she used to be. Sometimes I miss a place I’ve only seen in my mind. A quiet place. A place of love, and laughter. Perhaps of music. Of lights and dimness. Peaceful like the sky above us.” Tilting my chin up, I point at the sparkling stars. A few moments pass by as we both take in the pulsing lights. “A full life... That’s what happiness is. I think,” I murmur.
He stays quiet.
“You said things had pulled away from you. What things?” I ask.
I swing my eyes to him.
Smiling, he keeps gazing at the stars.
“My father when I was very young. My innocence, when I was very young as well,” he says with humor, yet sadness lines his voice.
“Innocence?”
“Yes. I learned too much too fast. And I experienced too many things I shouldn’t have. Not that early anyway. That’s how I lost a certain taste for life. I no longer saw pleasure in the little things, or wanted them.”
He looks back at the sky.
“Remember when I said I’d know everything about you?” I say.
A soft chuckle falls from his lips.
“Yeah...”
“You know how many times it dawned on me it was one of the most ridiculous things to say?”
“It probably was,” he says nonchalantly.
More silence slips by.
“What else have you lost?”
“Things I’ve never had,” he says.
“Like what?”
He just shakes his head, a hunch telling me he won’t answer.
In the distance, a flash of lightning spears a fork into the sky.
“Have you ever been in love?” I ask.
He tilts his lips with a smile.
“Hmm... I don’t know. I guess I was.”
“What happened?” I ask, my heart slowly sinking.
“I fell for the wrong woman. You?” he tosses at me, quickly shifting the focus to me.
“I’ve never been in love. Why was she the wrong woman? She didn’t love you?” I ask, stubbornly bringing the topic back.
“She was not meant for me...” he says, suddenly nostalgic. “She would’ve probably loved me, but she couldn’t be mine.”
“You still miss her?”
“Do you still miss your dad?” he says, glancing at me, leaving me no other choice but to admit.
“I guess, I do...”
“That’s what happens. Things you no longer have, hold more power over you than the things you have.”
He studies me for a moment.
“How come you didn’t fall for anyone?”
I shrug.
“I guess I didn’t meet the right person.”
“You didn’t try much though,” he says.
“What makes you say that?”
A knowing smile curves his lips.
Smiling, I wave him off.
“Never mind,” I say, my cheeks burning. “Yeah, I probably didn’t.”
A rumbling thunder rips the sky not far from us. The wind picks up quickly, unsettling the trees. He barely rolls the windows up when the rain starts rapping, squalls of wind hitting the car.
He starts shifting the key into the ignition.
I bring my hand to his.
“Let’s wait.”
He glances at me, his eyes glinting in the dimness.
“Okay,” he mutters and turns the music on instead, a soft jazz tune drifting through the speakers.
“This is my favorite,” I say, pleasantly surprised.
He gives me a questioning look.
“Almost blue is one of my favorite songs,” I say as the sound of the piano and the trumpet mingle in a melodious cry. “That’s what I was talking about... Listen,” I say as the tune smoothly rolls. “Can you hear it? The sadness, and regret. The things you cannot have or change or simply cannot bring back... The ones that pull away from you,” I mutter, my own voice drowning in nostalgia. “That’s what I was talking about. Happiness is anything but that,” I murmur.
“And yet, you can’t have one without the other,” he says softly.
“Why would you say that?”
“I used to think like you,” he says. “I always wanted the good things. Never the bad ones. When you are very young–– I was a teenager at the time, you think that’s how life works. Have it all. One flavor. And just feast. That’s not how it works. Sorrow helps you see and feel and taste life and makes the happiness you talk about sweet and precious. That’s why you can’t have one without the other.”
“Are you happy?” I ask.
He looks away for a moment, staring blankly through the wet darkness outside.
“Yes. I think I am,” he finally says.
“But not all the time,” I mutter, and he swivels his head to me.
“Maybe. But there’s no good reason why I shouldn’t be all the time.”
We share silence for a moment, his gaze tearing away from me.
“Who was that blonde?”
He smiles, distracted.
“Someone from the past. Nothing of consequence.”
“And yet you would’ve been with her right now, had I not send you that message.”
He lifts his gaze to me and gives me a playful grin.
“You don’t know that.”
“Was that a test?” I ask, caught in his game. “Like everything else...”
“Maybe.”
“What are you testing me for?”
He weighs his words for a few moments before he answers.
“Everything.”
A sly smile drapes over his lips.
“You’re quite new at this game,” he says.
“Am I?” I ask, grinning.
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Why does it have to be a game?”
“Because people are rarely honest, especially when they are attracted to someone else.”
Hmm.
“You do that often?”
His lips part into a lopsided smile.
“What?”
“Testing women?”
He slowly shakes his head.
“No. Most of them are easy to read.”
“I wasn’t?”
“You were. But there were parts you didn’t even know you had so I couldn’t read them.”
Silence rises a wall around us as the sound of rapping rain fades away.
Shifting his eyes away from me, he lowers the windows. A smell of hay and wet dirt fills my nostrils.
The bolts of lightning travel away from us.
“It’s late,” he says with a quiet voice as if a random thought or emotion affects him. “We have to go back,” he says with a colder voice, and a hole forms in my heart reminding me that every time I get close to him, he pulls away.
“Okay,” I say.
I shift in my seat and look out the window. Darkness rolls across the field, faint lights pulsing in the distance.
The engine rumbles while the car slowly rolls to the main road as we head back. We reach a crossroads, a sign pointing left to London.
He steers right.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
Minutes pass by before the lights of another village cast a glow on th
e wet road. A picturesque sight with cozy cottages and a century old castle and facades unfurls around us.
The streets are empty, the lights pale, shining here and there at the windows. Soon, we reach a wooded area, and he takes a left, seemingly knowing where we’re going.
The road takes us to a meadow and a small house sunk into the darkness.
He pulls the car to a stop in the middle of nowhere.
“Let’s go,” he says.
“Whose house is this?”
“A friend.”
Careful not to break a heel, I step out of his car and follow him. A big cherry tree sits in front of the cottage. He strides in front of me when a gust of wind shakes the branches and the leaves, throwing a bucket of water on me.
“Oh, shit...” I say, my wet dress clinging to my body, damp strands of hair gluing to my face.
He stops and spins around.
“You okay?”
Drops of water roll down my cheeks. He laughs.
“It’s not funny,” I say, smiling, and just to prove my point I reach up, grab a branch and pull it down.
A curtain of water falls on him too, soaking his shirt.
He gives me a warning look.
“You’re gonna pay dearly for this...” he says, grinning.
“Oh, I’m shaking,” I say wiggling my fingers at him. “I forgot what an ass you can be.”
He slaps his hands on his hips, the outline of his pecs visible through his wet shirt.
“Did you just called me an asshole?”
“Yeah, I did,” I say, laughing.
“I’m your fucking boss,” he says.
“Prove it,” I say daringly.
He erases the space between us, yanks my body off the ground and throws me over his shoulder.
“Fuck, no...” I say, laughing and kicking and squirming.
My hemline travels up high, and then some more, snagged by his hand.
“No. Lex, no.”
Unfazed, he cups my bare ass, and my skin tingles beneath his touch.
“Please don’t do that...” I say, upside down, chuckling as his hand goes straight between my legs.
He sinks his teeth in the swell of my butt and bites me hard.
I yelp.
A moment later, he stops in front of the door. He fishes a key from a secret nook and unlocks it.
“Whose place is this?” I croak.
He finally sets me on my feet. My dress is wet. So is his shirt.
I look around. A large foyer sprawls in front of us, dark tiles lining the floors.
“I told you. A friend’s.”
“What friend?” I ask suspiciously.
“You don’t know her,” he says cockily.
“Her?”
“Yeah, baby... There were women before you,” he says, smiling teasingly.
“Do you bring women here often?”
“No. Never. You’re the first one.”
“Why would I believe you?”
“You’re free to believe whatever you want.”
“Where is she?”
“Overseas.”
“We are overseas,” I say, smiling.
“Hong Kong.”
“Is she gonna get mad?”
“Nope,” he says, unbuttoning his shirt and peeling it off.
His torso glistens in the dim light. My gaze licks his wide shoulders, and cut muscles, floating a bit longer over his washboard abs.
“Follow me when you’re done ogling me.”
I’m watching him stride across the room.
“Are you coming?” he says, glancing at me over his shoulder.
I pull my shoes off, and barefoot saunter across the room. He holds the door open for me as I squeeze by. A small hallway takes us to a bedroom. Not far from it, there’s a bathroom with a shower.
He lets me go in first.
Minutes pass by, the water rolling down my skin when I hear the door opening.
My heart thuds in my chest.
9
DAHLIA
So many times I imagined this first moment with him... The real first moment with him.
I thought I knew everything about him and how this would unfold, but now I realize–– one more time, that I know nothing.
He enters without knocking, a towel wrapped around his waist, a smile brushing his eyes. I turn the water off and let my gaze drift down on him, sweeping his pecs and the birthmarks on his neck and shoulder.
My eyes get caught into his well-carved V pointing to his groin. I drag my gaze up, finally sinking my gaze into his hypnotic eyes.
A smile curls his lips as he silently observes me.
Holding my gaze, he closes the space between us. I take a step back, my shoulders meeting the cold wall of the shower.
“Hey,” he says softly, his eyes warm with a smile.
“Hey...” I murmur, completely swept under his spell.
Smoothly, he runs his fingers across my shoulder and cuffs my neck.
“You okay?” he asks, his thumb slowly caressing my skin.
“Yes,” I mutter, already lost.
His fingers trail up my neck as he slowly slides his lips onto mine. Pleasure flows through me. I float with it.
He barely touches me, and yet I feel him deep inside me.
He breaks the kiss and reads my eyes, his hand resting on my neck. A soft shiver runs through me, the words failing to express the way he makes me feel.
As if he knows how badly he affects me, he comes to me again, his fingers tracing the edge of my towel, peeling it off.
Without tearing his gaze away from me, he tenderly cups my breasts, his fingers playing with my nipples.
“Lex...” I breathe out.
Smiling, he starts to kiss me.
It’s like the gentlest wind brushing your skin and the softest sunlight warming you up. It’s everything I thought it’d be.
Slowly and softly, his lips love mine before he takes me harder, pouring passion in his kiss. A secret algorithm guides his lips, getting me primed for him.
Breathing shallowly, I wind my arms around his neck and pull him into me. His hips crash against my belly as he grinds his full, hard cock into me. I slide my hand between us, flick his towel open and wrap my hand around his shaft.
He groans inside my mouth, and I almost come. Cupping the underside of his erection I run my hand up and down on him, stroking his hardness.
He moans again and twitches in my hand and then he slowly rolls his hips and thrusts against my fist.
My center tingles. My mouth waters too.
Tearing his lips away, he watches me with bedroom eyes as I cup his balls with my free hand and start to passionately stroke him, polishing his rock hard crown.
His eyes get heavy.
His lips start parting, moist and swollen. His hands brace against the wall on either side of me. He leans closer, his body closing in on me until there’s almost nothing else to breathe but him.
He lowers his mouth again, hungry for mine, the moment we connect, our tongues tangling in a fiery kiss. My belly flutters with need as I feel him deep inside me as if he just entered me.
He deepens his kiss, and I stroke him harder, sucking on his tongue, desperate for relief.
“Fuck...” he murmurs as he senses me tensing, and I drive his pleasure high.
Flushed, he grabs the back of my hair and presses his body against me, his cock grinding into me, his lips tormenting me again.
Smoothly, he lifts my thigh, and tilts my hips, slowly sliding into me. I gasp and almost lose my breath, sucking on his tongue even harder. He stirs inside me as my core clamps on his shaft.
Every roll of hips, fills me to the brim, bringing me closer to the edge. Caught in the throngs of pleasure, I grip his neck with force and mark his skin.
He gently bites my lip as he fills me up, over and over again, stretching me, making me so hot and wet.
He stills, burning inside me, panting against my mouth. My whole body vibrates, hungry
for his touch.
“You feel good,” I murmur, quivering in his arms.
“You too, baby,” he purrs, sweeping my lips with the tip of his tongue, teasing me, and playing with me.
I lock his lips.
“You’re so fucking famished,” he says, sinking his teeth into my lip again.
“And you’re no better either...” I say tauntingly.
He smiles cockily as he gives me a quick glance, and then he pulls out and nudges me around to face the wall.
His hands latch onto my hips.
“That’s fucking good,” he murmurs.
By the sound of his voice, I can tell he dipped his gaze.
I push my bottom out, and his palm sweeps my ass.
“Now, be a fucking good girl for me,” he says, tracing the crease between my butt cheeks with his heavy cock.
He sweeps my butthole, and I jerk, my back hitting his chest.
A soft laughter rolls off his lips.
“Stay still, baby... We’ll get to that some other time,” he says with a husky voice.
He grabs my ass with one hand, positions his erection with the other, and presses the tip against my entrance.
I welcome him again, my walls clenching as he slides into me, thick and hot and wet.
“Relax...” he rasps as I jerk against him.
Slowly, he pushes into me.
My nails scratch the tiles as he goes all the way in, and buries himself deep inside me, iron hard and throbbing.
I’m all soaked with my arousal, my center warm and tingly.
“You’re good,” he says as he feels me milking him.
His voice clues me in he’s looking down again.
Holding my butt with both hands, he drives his cock into me hard. I yelp and gasp and arch some more.
He stills, and leans to me, his breath trailing my shoulder, his teeth grazing my skin. Pressed on me, he pounds again, almost breaking me.
“Fuck...”
My voice sounds feral.
“Mmm-hmm,” he murmurs close to my ear.
Sliding a hand between my legs, he slowly starts to stroke my clit.
More wetness trickles on his shaft.
“Yeah... baby. Who knew?” he mutters, a smile lining his voice.