by J. M. Dabney
"Relax and settle in. I'm going to run out to get us dinner and a few things. Anything special you want?"
"No, I'm fine. I'll probably just pass out after I eat."
I stepped back as he removed his sidearm and flipped it around so the hilt was toward me.
"I'm taking the key with me. If the door starts to open and I don't announce it's me, you shoot, do you understand me, baby boy?"
"I've never—" Anything I was going to say froze on the tip of my tongue as he spun to stand behind me. His broad chest flush to my back. His breath was teasing my ear.
"You hold it like this."
His big hands wrapped around mine.
"This is the safety…don't take it off until you're ready to fire. And don't aim or wrap your finger around the trigger unless you're willing to shoot."
My chest tightened, and my stomach twisted with a swarm of butterflies as he made me hold the gun by myself. It wasn't the heaviness of the weapon that made me nervous, no, it was the spread of his hand across my belly. I knew I was imagining things, but it almost seemed as if he pulled me into him a bit more.
"You need to understand that depending on the circumstance, you're going to have to protect yourself—even if that means leaving me."
I was too afraid of his reaction to protest, but it didn't help that he was warm and solid. His presence was so comforting that I could easily become addicted if I wasn't already. Vernon or whoever was after me were second to him, and that was dangerous. If I wanted to live, I needed to remember that he was only there to protect me. He saw me as a duty and nothing more.
Pain was my addiction of choice. In my fucked-up wiring, agony meant love. Bruises and cuts, a sore ass—all that meant I'd get the sweetly whispered I'm sorry or I love you and the lies that it would never happen again. A security blanket because it was normal and familiar, and that familiarity was a perverse safe place, in way.
Rough fingertips touched my cheek and nudged until I turned my head.
"Where did you go just now?" he asked, with his lips close enough to brush against mine.
I didn’t even toy with the idea of lying to him. "That maybe it would be better to give in."
"Baby boy, we've come too far. You're exhausted and stressed, but I'll make sure everything is taken care of. Now, I want you to get in your pajamas and keep the gun with you, and I'll be back soon."
For a second, I almost thought he was going to kiss me, but then he lifted his head and pressed his mouth to my forehead. He held still for just a moment before he was moving away and all I heard next was the door closing. With shaking hands, I laid the gun on the bed and sat down beside it. I rubbed my chest to alleviate the tightness.
I was doing what I'd always done, latching on and when it was time to move on—when he grew tired of caring for me—he'd leave. I was only a job. His sense of duty kept him close—urged him to protect me. Run, the single word repeated in my head, driving me insane and ordering me to do what came natural—hide.
He was good. He felt clean. A fantasy of those protective Prince Charming characters in the fairy tales and romances I'd secretly read. He was a trap. All I could remember were all the others were nice too. They'd done everything right. Gifts and dates—outwardly, they sold the neatly wrapped package of the happily ever after that wasn't meant for people like me. We were broken and unlovable, only worth the effort for the reward they received—the power to abuse our bodies and minds. And we…I so willingly accepted the scraps for the other times.
The sweet times. Those teasing kisses and loving touches, which ended the split second we were naked. In the end, the gentleness faded until it was no more than a specter, the humiliation and pain taking its place. I told myself I deserved more. I soothed myself with the blackness as I was tied or held down, fucked for their pleasure—their release. Only I was left cold, bruised, and aching. For me, pain was love, and I knew no different.
Did men see me and see the shattered thing that existed beneath the too-thin body and pale skin? Did I wear some sign that told men that I was so starved that they could do what they wanted with me without repercussion? I wrapped my arms around myself, started the gentle rocking as I sought the only comfort I'd had since birth. I fought the sting of tears, but no matter how much I pushed them back while berating myself, they still made hot tracks down my cheeks. Falling drops that soaked into denim and cotton, drying proof of how inhuman I was. I would always be nothing more than an object for other men's use and never the beloved I wanted to be.
Eleven
Yuri
I flipped the hood of my hoodie up and shoved my hands in the pockets as I made it down the crowded sidewalk. Twisting my upper body to avoid the passerby connecting with my slowly healing shoulder. Doc was concerned it was becoming infected and gave me some antibiotics to hopefully stop it before it started getting bad. I had worse concerns than that—keeping my boy alive long enough to take the Cross family down. Even if that meant stepping further outside the law than I already had, then so be it.
I needed to find out what part West played in the attack. He could be innocent for all I knew, but we'd gone around too many times for me to trust him. I'd needed the money, so I'd taken the case.
We'd be locked down most of the time, so I needed to pack in supplies so I didn't have to hit the street often. Plans swam in my head, and those unknown variables I'd ignored came back to haunt me. I weighed the old adage the enemy of my enemy was my friend, but I needed to find out who exactly that was. Who had a hard-on for the Crosses?
I popped into a convenience store for drinks, bread, peanut butter, some packaged snacks, and even some candy to keep my boy happy. With my head down, I checked every aisle. Occasionally, I would look up to see if the cashier paid too much attention. He was too busy on his phone, and the cameras had no cords. Store owners liked to think the possibility of security footage would derail a perp's plan to rob a place. I threw things in the small basket. While Arianna covered the room with a favor, my funds weren't limitless, and I could hope that the Feds hadn't frozen my accounts if I needed them. Hitting an ATM was a risk depending on response time, but if I needed to then, I'd head to the other side of the city.
I got enough to last a day. Sneaking out at night for something more substantial was safer than hitting the streets during the day and chancing that local law enforcement had a Be-On-The-Look-Out issued for us. I could blend, but my boy was way too pretty for that. I grabbed a cooler because I checked for ice and drink machines before I’d left the motel. With that in mind, I asked for quarters back when I got my change.
I hung the cooler from my good shoulder and carried the plastic bag on the same side. When I exited the store, I looked for a place to grab a quick, hot dinner. I scoped out a few dive bars in the hopes of a payphone. The era of cellphones sent those the way of the dinosaurs, but I knew a few places still had them. If I kept the call short enough, we'd be harder to trace. Cellphone signals could be triangulated, and that would lead the authorities too close for comfort.
I walked into an Asian restaurant and ordered several safe options. I knew Josh wasn't picky about food, but I also didn't want to make him suffer through an upset stomach.
While I waited, I thought about the contacts I needed to make. Calls would happen tomorrow, though. Tonight was about supplies and sleep. He'd looked exhausted by the time we'd made it to the motel. The stress was wearing us both down. I knew it was hitting him harder, though. I'd been doing shit like this longer than he'd been alive, and I knew what to expect.
But there was one thing I was having a hard time handling—how badly I'd wanted to kiss him before I'd forced myself to leave the room. His eyes, with their long pale lashes, had dropped to my mouth for a second, and his breath had hitched. Being noble wasn't exactly in my personality. I also couldn't let my hormones take over. Once he was safe, maybe I'd see if he was a Daddy's boy, but until then, it would be too much like taking advantage.
He was starved for gentle
ness and tender control, but his needs were colored with gratitude. My mind warred with my body over that. I hadn't crossed the line with an assignment, and I didn't plan too, but I wasn't seeing him as a witness in need of protection.
My number was called, and once again, I took the bag on my good side. The slight weight of everything was causing the stitches in my opposite shoulder to pull. I knew I needed to take it easier. I snorted as I realized that wouldn't be anytime soon.
My legs felt heavier as I made the return trip back to our room. I needed food and sleep as much as my boy did. Part of me was worried that I was too old to bounce back like I used to; that I wasn't going to be enough to keep him safe. I didn't want to think that his trust was misplaced, but while I didn't have many insecurities, getting older was definitely one of them.
I took the stairs, and when I reached the room, I knocked and announced it was me. When I unlocked and entered, Josh held my weapon in his shaking hands.
"It's okay, baby boy. You can put it down."
I felt guilty as he seemed to lose all strength and barely put the gun down without dropping it. I approached the bed.
"Here, go through everything, and I'm going to grab some ice. Don't wait for me to eat, okay?"
He nodded, and I left the room for the ice. And again, wondered if I'd done the right thing.
I woke with a start automatically reaching for my gun on the bed beside me. I stayed silent as I listened for what awakened me. Feminine giggling preceded a slamming door farther down the hall. When I relaxed, I noticed the weight against my side. Neon and flashing lights came through the thin curtains, and my boy was curled up with his back to me. He was hugging my good arm to his chest, and his head was resting on my bicep.
I turned and pulled his slim body fully against mine. I groaned as he wiggled his ass against my groin, trying to get closer. His thick hair was still slightly damp from his shower. That meant I hadn't been asleep long. I tightened my arm around him, and his little sleepy moan was nearly my undoing. And what happened next broke me.
He tried to move from my embrace, I allowed him to roll over, and he searched for my mouth in his sleep. The soft curves gave under my firmer, thinner lips, and I relented but only for a moment. I fisted my hand in the fabric over his ribs. His sexy little whimper urged me to do more, but I didn't. The kiss had no finesse or heat, just comfort. I softly brushed his lips with mine, whispering between each for him to go back to sleep. And he tucked his head under my chin and nuzzled my bare chest with his cheek.
Grabbing the comforter and sheets, I pulled on them to cover him to his pointed chin. I grimaced and bit back a groan, knowing I needed more pain medicine. But I didn't want to wake him up by slipping out of bed. His slender fingers fisted in my thick chest hair, and he let out a sigh as the tension in his body eased away.
I wondered what he was dreaming about. I'd listened to his nightmares enough at the hotel. The panicked screams. The loud sobs and pleas that easily traveled through a closed door. I knew he'd talked to Arianna, but when this was over, I needed to make sure he found someone to talk to and work out his past. To take the pressure off my shoulder, I turned onto my back and smiled as he followed. He sprawled across my chest, and while it wasn't ideal for me in the event that I had to protect him, it seemed to bring him comfort, so I let him do as he wanted. Maybe he needed comfort more than protection, and I decided at least for tonight we were safe.
So I cuddled and suffered as he straddled my hips, pulling the covers all the way over his head. I'd realized that's how he liked to sleep. I'd yelled for him that morning because I hadn't seen him in the sea of cots covered with blanket wrapped cocoons. I rubbed his back and felt relief that his spine wasn't as knobby.
I relaxed and tried to make myself go back to sleep, but he was too close—too vulnerable. And I reminded myself that I was going to protect him from the people after him, but also me. I wouldn't push until it was right for him. That didn't mean I wasn't going to start getting him used to what having a Daddy Dom was like. I had plans, but when they came to him, I wouldn't push until he learned that love and sex weren't all about the pain inflicted on him.
Twelve
Josh
I awakened from the best dream I'd ever had. One of the few times I hadn't come to with a scream and then I froze as I found myself draped over Yuri. My thighs were on either side of his hips, and I tried to slip to the side without being noticed only to squeak as a very strong, large hand squeezed my ass to keep me in place. This was so not good. I bit my lip and tried again only to be stopped by a deep growl that rumbled the chest under me.
All I remembered last night was falling asleep as far on the other side of the bed as I could get. I'd never really shared a bed with someone before. Usually, when the man I was with went to sleep, I left or found a couch or a portion of the floor to curl up on. At Vernon's, I had my own tiny room which he locked me in every night.
This was the first time I'd ever cuddled with a man, and I wasn't sure it was a welcomed act. I needed to get away before he woke up. His opinion was important to me, and I didn't want him to think that I'd done this on purpose. I planted my hands beside his ribs and then lifted onto my toes.
I was able to get an inch between our bodies before my hips were slammed back down onto a very impressive bulge. My brain went to forbidden territory as I remembered exactly what he felt like in my hands. He was uncircumcised, and I was fascinated by it. Wondered what the loose skin would feel like on my tongue. I shut down my thoughts before something bad happened.
"Shit," I whispered and started the attempt again.
"Baby boy, what do you think you're doing?"
His gruff question had me lifting my gaze to his and realized he was very much awake. "How long have you been awake?"
"Maybe an hour or so."
"Sorry, I didn't realize—" My apology ended when I noticed the corner of his mouth pulled into a smirk. It made the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes deeper.
"Asleep, you didn't seem to mind rubbing on me."
I surged to a seated position and stared down at him. "I was sleeping. I could've done anything." His smile got wider. "What else did I do?"
"Nothing, but we have shit to do today so get on up."
He smacked my ass and rolled out from under me, dumping me onto the bed. I hurriedly crawled off and followed him. I was too shocked by the grin and the suddenly playful attitude to protest the swat.
"What did I do?" I demanded.
"You get pretty affectionate. Now, are you going to watch me piss and demand to know every grope you didn't get to enjoy?"
I narrowed my eyes, and I slammed the door as he let out a loud snort. I liked him better when he was a grumpy bastard, and I stomped across the room to grab the last soda in the cooler. I opened it, and I found the ice mostly melted and nearly cried at a seeing a small can that said double espresso. When we were at the hotel, he'd made sure I had a few cans in the fridge every morning. I knew he was only working with a limited amount of cash because he didn’t want to keep going back to the storage unit to raid his stash, so he didn't have to make the special effort to buy me one. I popped the top and chugged it. I moaned in pleasure.
"I think I remember a sound like that."
I pivoted on my toes to find him leaned in the doorway of the bathroom with the shower running.
"Eat some food. I'm getting in the shower, and then we have to run out to make some calls."
He stepped back into the room and didn't close the door all the way. It wasn't as if I hadn't seen him naked. I'd joined him in the shower. Yet, I tried not to think about that too much, but those thoughts were going to get me in trouble. He’d think I was trying to get him to fuck me. I didn’t want that. One I day, I wanted to be loved on by someone who cared.
Instead of trying to sneak a peek through the crack in the door, I made myself a peanut butter sandwich and grabbed a bottle of water. I took a seat on the end of the bed and turned on the TV to c
heck the news.
Days had passed, and still, there wasn't anything to tell us if we were wanted or not. The judge had postponed the trial until they could find me. Vernon had made bail. He lived in a penthouse in one of the most expensive properties and ran his father's former company since the man had been elected to the Senate. Vernon had all the comforts his wealth could afford.
I heard the door open, and I glanced over my shoulder with a torn-off piece of sandwich inches from my mouth. Water beaded in his chest hair.
"Your stitches look better."
"Still hurts like a son of a bitch, but I've had worse. Anything new?" he asked as he passed me to dig out clothes from the bag.
The bastard had the nerve to drop the towel and expected me to think. Next time I got the gun I was going to shoot him myself. I snorted at my thought.
"Care to share the thought?"
When he bent over, his muscled cheeks flexed as he stepped into his boxer briefs. He straightened and then turned before he covered his thick cock.
"I thought about shooting you myself."
"That isn't an odd occurrence. I usually get that reaction." He spoke as he adjusted himself.
My hands flexed at the sensory memory of the silky skin along his shaft and the heaviness of his sac. I forced my attention back to the TV, but if he asked me what I was watching, there wasn't any chance I'd be able to tell him what I was looking at. I'd never remembered being this fixated on someone. It was new and scary, and I was unable to process that. I didn't know if I could.
By the time he took the seat next to me on the bed, he had on his jeans, and he dropped his boots onto the carpet between his feet.
"So anything new?"
"No, um, still nothing about us and no more mention of the trial since the other day."