by Rachel Lacey
“Got a few things to say if you’re willing to listen.”
She stared at him for a moment, considering. She wasn’t angry any longer. Hurt, definitely. Disappointed, yes. Heartbroken, oh yeah. But she and Mark were part of the same circle of friends so if he wanted to clear the air between them to make things less awkward when they inevitably bumped into each other around town, then she was willing to give him that chance. She nodded, patting the blanket beside her.
He sat next to her, staring out over the stream as she’d done earlier. “Not sure where to start,” he said finally.
Something in his tone caught in her chest. He sounded uncertain, almost vulnerable. Totally out of character for Mark.
So she just sat next to him, taking in the view and waiting for him to sort himself out. For once, she’d be the listener and let him do the talking.
“My parents were only sixteen when my mom got pregnant with me,” he said finally, still watching the stream sparkling in the sunshine so far below them.
Her breath caught in her throat. Whatever she’d been expecting him to say, it definitely wasn’t this.
“I don’t know that much about them. I don’t know what it was like for them trying to raise me when they were just kids themselves, and being an interracial couple too. Can’t have been easy. I guess both of their families disowned them, but I don’t know for sure. I only know that I didn’t have any other family around, no grandparents or anyone else. When I was six, my dad died in a car accident.”
She reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder.
“After that, my mom had to raise me on her own, and she struggled with it. I went to school a lot without a lunch or missing my coat, things like that. Someone—probably my teacher—filed a report with social services. When my mom found out she was being investigated for neglect, she just…left. Dropped me at school and never came back. She left me a note. In my backpack.”
“A note?” Jessica could hardly draw breath. What would that be like for a six-year-old boy, being dropped off at school and never picked up?
“She said I’d be better off without her. She likes to leave notes when she’s ready to bail, I guess. Saves her from the tough conversations.”
She could hear the pain in his voice, raw and harsh, and it cracked her heart wide open. “Mark, I’m so sorry.”
“I waited for her,” he said quietly. “Took years for me to realize she wasn’t coming back. And somewhere along the way, I just turned into a bitter, angry kid who’d rather tell the world that both his parents died than deal with what really happened.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“She was dead to me. That’s the truth.” He turned to look at her then, and she saw all the hurt and anger of that abandoned little boy reflected in his eyes.
She wanted to fling her arms around him and hold him and try to make it okay. But she couldn’t. Those days were past. And besides, nothing could ever make this okay for him. “I hate that you had to go through that, Mark.”
“I know what it’s like to wait for someone, Jess, not knowing when or if they’re coming back. That’s why I had to make a clean break with you when I enlisted. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t leave you here waiting for me.”
“What?” She drew back, reeling from all the information he was throwing at her.
“I should have told you then, but I didn’t know how. I was a stupid, messed-up kid, and all I knew was that I needed the Army to straighten me out before it was too late. Actually…” He paused, and a slight smile curved his lips. “I didn’t even know that much. Your dad gave me a rather strong nudge in the right direction.”
“My dad?” She pressed a hand to her forehead in confusion.
Mark nodded. “He wrote down the address for the recruiting center and told me to get my ass down there and let the Army make me a man.”
“He…he sent you away?” Jessica stiffened. Her dad had sabotaged her relationship with Mark all those years ago?
“No.” Mark settled his gaze on the stream below them again. “He didn’t tell me to break up with you when I enlisted. That was all me. In fact, he was really pissed at me for hurting you like I did. He was…well, I guess he was being a father figure to me, Jess. He saw me headed down a bad path, and he showed me a way to straighten myself out. I owe him a lot for that.”
“Oh.” Her anger faded into gratitude for her dad, even if his actions had ultimately resulted in her very first broken heart.
Mark was quiet for a few minutes, and they just sat there, side by side. The enormity of it…of what he’d been through…it made her heart ache. For him, living it? She couldn’t imagine.
“When Sharlene came to town this fall, it shook me up,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “I didn’t know how to handle it so I just shut down, shut her out, tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. And I guess I shut you out too. I never meant to lie to you.”
She swallowed hard. “Okay.”
“All I can say is that I never made a conscious decision not to tell you. I was just so determined not to let Sharlene back into my life, not to even think about her. It was easier for me, I guess, just to not talk about it. To anyone.”
“I understand.” And she appreciated his honesty, even if it still ripped her to pieces that he hadn’t shared the truth with her back when it happened.
“And when she left again, when she left me another fucking note, I just…” He shrugged, his body gone stiff with tension.
“She hurt you all over again,” she whispered. Oh Mark…
“Stupid, right?” He sounded so tough, but she heard his pain.
“Not stupid at all. You’re human. Of course it hurt when she left again.”
“So I just blocked it all out and tried to forget.”
“Mark, when was this?” Please tell me it was before we started sleeping together…
“It was after the meteor shower.” He said it in a monotone. “I know I should have told you. I’m sorry. I truly am.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “How many times did you see her before that?”
“Two. Three maybe. It wasn’t like we were hanging out. She came by a couple of times, asking for another chance. I shut her out, told her to leave me alone. That’s all it was.”
“Mark, why didn’t you tell me any of this when I asked you about it last week?” That was what she still couldn’t understand. Why had he walked away when she’d asked him for the truth? Because she would have forgiven him, dammit, and now…
“I don’t know.” His eyes had taken on that faraway look again, like they had that night at the spa right before he walked away.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“I called her last night,” he said.
“Called who?”
“Sharlene. We’re going to set up a time to meet…talk.”
“Wow, that’s…that’s huge, Mark.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “What made you decide to call her?”
A hint of a smile touched his lips. “I had a little help. And I realized I couldn’t ask you for another chance if I wasn’t willing to do the same for Sharlene.”
Was he asking for another chance? Her heart lurched into her throat. But if she gave him another chance, he’d just shut her out again. He’d walk away when things got tough. “I hope it goes well.”
He shrugged.
“I really appreciate your honesty,” she told him. “And I’m so, so sorry for everything you’ve been through.”
“But some things can’t be forgiven. I know that better than anyone.” He kept his eyes straight ahead.
Dammit. “I do forgive you, Mark. You never meant to hurt me. I know that.”
“But I hurt you anyway.” He turned to look at her, and the raw emotion, the pain, in his eyes knocked the breath from her lungs.
She dabbed at the tears that streaked her cheeks. “We keep repeating the same cycle, Mark, and it’s just too painful for me…for both of us, to go through it agai
n.”
He nodded. He swiped at his eyes and then got to his feet. He started walking away, and the pain that rose up inside her was so strong that she pressed a hand to her chest. Don’t go, she wanted to scream. But he had to. There was no other way. She watched as he walked through the trees toward Off-the-Grid, his steps heavy as if walking away hurt him every bit as much as it was hurting her.
Gah. Life just sucked sometimes.
And then he stopped. He stood there for a few seconds with his back to her, and her breath caught in her throat. What was happening?
Then he was walking back toward her, each stride swallowing the distance between them. She stood, her heart thumping in her throat, her knees weak and shaky.
Thank God. Oh, thank God…
Nothing had ever felt more right than the sight of him coming back to her. He stopped in front of her, his face so full of emotion—of pain, and fear, and love—that she almost didn’t recognize him. “I can’t do it. I can’t walk away from you this time, Jess.”
And it was her turn to stare, speechless.
“I—” His voice broke. He cleared his throat and then reached out to take her hands in his. “I panicked last week when you asked me about my mother. I realized how badly I’d fucked up, and I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to forgive me so I acted like an ass and walked away. Biggest mistake of my life.”
Holy shit. Her heart tripped all over itself, thumping painfully against her ribs.
“I wish I could promise that I’ll never hurt you again, but I can’t. But I can promise you this…my eyes are open now, Jess. I get it. I see what I did wrong, and I promise you I’ll do my very damn best not to make the same mistakes again. If you’ll give me another chance, I think I can be a better man.”
“Mark—” More tears splashed over her cheeks. The truth was that he couldn’t possibly be a better man. He’d come here today and opened himself up, laid himself bare. He’d come back this time. And in doing so, he’d told her everything she’d needed to know.
“There’s never been anyone else for me, Jess, and there never will be. I think…I think I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen.”
She gasped. “Did you just say…”
He smiled, and she could swear his eyes were damp too. “Yeah, I did. I love you, Jess. I’ve been all over the world, but I can’t forget you. You’re it for me, whether you give me another chance or not.”
She just stared at him for a moment in shock, and then she flung her arms around him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I love you too. God, I love you so much.”
He kissed her, sliding one hand around to cup her head, so gentle, yet so fierce and protective. “Please say it again.”
There was something fragile in his tone. He hadn’t heard those words nearly enough in his life, but she could make up for it now. “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. And I promise I’ll help you work out this stuff with your mom. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be here with you. And you have a new family here in Haven. Me, Ethan, Gabby, Ryan, Emma…we’re family now.”
“I like the sound of that.”
And this time she wasn’t imagining it. An honest-to-God tear ran down his cheek. She kissed it away, and then she kissed the scar beneath it. She loved this man so much, every perfectly imperfect inch of him…
“I love you.” He tugged her in for another kiss. “I’m not sure I’ve ever said those words out loud before today.”
“I’ll make sure you get lots of practice.”
“Good.” His arms tightened around her. “Because I don’t want to waste another minute.”
And neither did she.
EPILOGUE
Mark walked down a flagstone path into the woods behind the spa. His heart pounded in his chest, and adrenaline flooded his body, leaving him jittery. He’d faced down armed mercenaries in some of the most dangerous places in the world without breaking a sweat, but right now, he was so nervous he was about to jump out of his own skin.
A cabin came into view ahead, wood-paneled with lots of windows. Brightly colored flowers bloomed along the walkway. Jess’s new spa cabins didn’t officially open until next week, but he was staying here with her tonight, a reward for all their hard work over the last six months as they got her spa resort and Off-the-Grid’s mountain bike course completed and ready to open for business.
And Jess was inside that cabin right now, waiting for him. He quickened his pace. Last month, they’d driven to South Carolina together to visit Sharlene. The three of them had sat and talked. It had been awkward and painful, but good too somehow. He didn’t know what the future held, but if it brought Sharlene back into his life, he was okay with that now.
Life was short. Family was precious. And love was something never to be wasted.
When he reached the cabin’s front door, he paused, drew a deep breath, and then knocked. Jess pulled it open, wearing a purple sundress. Her cheeks were flushed, and her brown eyes sparkled with health. She still had bad days when the Lyme disease flared up, but for the most part, she was as good as new. Better, because now she was his.
“I’m spending the night at the spa. You know what this means, right?” He pulled her into his arms.
“What?” she asked with a smile.
“It means I’m totally whipped.”
She laughed, pressing her lips to his. “It means you’re a smart man who realizes he gets to do all kinds of naughty things to christen this place tonight with the woman he loves.”
His dick stirred in his pants. “Well, in that case…”
“Come on in. Dinner’s being delivered in a little while, and I’ve got champagne for later.” She stepped back, tugging him inside with her.
“That so?” He closed the door behind them and looked around. He’d seen the place a few times during construction but not since it was finished. There was a bedroom to the left and a lounge area to the right, but he followed Jess through a doorway into the open-air atrium at its center. A hammock was strung between two trees, and behind it the private hot tub beckoned. He’d had all kinds of plans for tonight, rehearsed how to do this right, but he blanked on all of it as he stood in the courtyard with Jess.
The sun shone down on them, warm and bright. A robin landed in the tree beside them, hopping from branch to branch and twittering happily.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” she said.
“It really is. Jess?” His stomach tightened, and his palms grew damp.
Her smile faded. “Are you okay? You look…”
Like he was about to hurl? Because that’s how he felt. “Yeah, I just…” He paused and drew a deep breath. “I have something to say, and I’m afraid I’m going to mess it up.”
She took his hands, giving him an encouraging smile. “What is it?”
Here goes nothing. “For a long time, I thought I wasn’t cut out for anything but a life in the military. The Special Forces gave me a purpose, a reason to keep getting up every day. And I was damn good at my job. After the explosion, I thought I’d lost the only worthwhile thing in my life, but I was wrong.”
Jess’s eyes widened.
“I’m happier now than I’ve ever been before, and it’s all thanks to you. I never really knew what love was until I met you, Jess. And then I fucked it up…several times.” He grimaced, and she laughed softly. “Thank God you kept giving me second chances.”
“There’s a learning curve for everything,” she said, reaching out to touch his cheek. “Even love.”
“Well, I hope I’ve mastered it this time because, Jess, I need to ask you something really important.”
“Okay,” she whispered, her eyes locked on his.
“I’ve always known I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but…well, what I’m trying to say is…Jess, will you marry me?” The words just tumbled out of him, and his heart was beating so fast he could hardly breathe.
Jess was already nodding as tears spilled over her cheeks. “Yes.�
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A funny lightness spread through his chest. She said yes! He must be the luckiest sonofabitch in the whole world because the most amazing, gorgeous woman had just agreed to marry him. But…fuck. “Wait. I forgot…”
“No, you didn’t. It was perfect.” She flung her arms around him, kissing him through her tears. “I’m so happy.”
Hooah! “Me too, baby. Me too. But I forgot the most important part.”
“I’m pretty sure the most important part was asking me to marry you.” She kissed him again, and he was so happy he felt like his chest might explode trying to contain it.
He stepped out of her arms and reached into his back pocket, pulling out the little black box he’d been carrying around with him all day. He dropped to one knee and held it up. “Amethyst is supposed to be good for peace and meditation…and health. So—” He opened the box, revealing the ring he’d had made for her. A diamond glittered in the center, flanked on either side with amethysts and set in white gold.
When he looked up, Jess was sobbing. “It’s so perfect. Oh, Mark…”
“Really?” Because it was an unusual ring, but he’d thought it suited her. An ordinary ring would never do for his extraordinary Jess.
“I love amethysts for all the reasons you just said, and purple is my favorite color too. Mark, it’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. I love it. I love you. So, so much.”
His hand shook as he slid it onto her finger. “I love you too, Jess, more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone.”
She touched her ring finger, smiling, then flung herself into his arms. “I could have never picked out a ring I’d love more or envision a more perfect way for you to ask me to marry you. I will never forget a single moment of tonight.”
He kissed her, holding her tight while his pulse slowed and peace descended over him. He felt calm, centered in a way he never had before, like for the first time in his whole life he was where he was supposed to be. His heart swelled with warmth when he saw his ring sparkling on her finger. So this was what it felt like to be happy, to be loved, to be part of a family.
It was the best goddamn feeling in the world.