“I know.” Even though it had been a few years, Rebecca remembered most of the things she’d said out of anger, resentment, and loneliness.
“I wanted to hate you.” Rick closed his eyes for a second.
Rebecca swallowed and said nothing. She knew that as well. In fact, she hated herself for a while too, but finding a direction, a purpose, had been the key to changing all that.
“The way things are goin’ down right now isn’t helpin’.”
“I know that too.”
“Yeah? What else do you know?” Rick crossed his arms over his chest and waited.
Rebecca met his gaze without hesitation. “Not a damn thing.”
His stared at her for several seconds. Then, slowly, a small smile appeared. He reached for Rebecca, pulling her close. “Welcome home.”
A loud yowl interrupted the moment. Rebecca looked down at Peyton. “What? You’re not gettin’ enough attention?”
Peyton blinked and let out a meow that sounded closer to a whine.
“Don’t talk to her like that.” Rick kneeled and reached for the cat, scratching her underneath her jaw. Peyton stared at him and purred loudly. “She’s bein’ sweet.”
“Yeah, but you know how she—”
“Ow, goddammit!”
Rebecca cringed. “Nevermind.”
Peyton brushed and weaved her way around Rick’s legs like she hadn’t bit the shit out of his hand a few seconds earlier. “I’m tellin’ you she’s bipolar,” Rick whispered.
“She just has personality. Why are you whisperin’?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know.” His tone was only a little louder than before.
Rebecca laughed. It was good to be home.
Dani left their apartment before Rick did. In her opinion, it saved them some awkwardness. Instead of driving, she took public transportation. MARTA was slower and more time consuming, but that’s what she wanted, needed. Time to kill. Despite the briskness in the air, Dani loitered around the lake at Piedmont Park. The cooler temperatures helped to ensure that the area was less populated for the moment. She shoved her hands deep into her jacket pockets and slowly walked along a well-defined trail lined with huge, nearly leafless oak trees.
It was difficult trying to dissect emotions she’d worked hard to forget. The first few months after Rebecca had left were trying, for lack of a better word. When they’d ended, everything happened so abruptly that the entire situation left her reeling. Dani stopped walking. There were stronger words for what she’d felt then. Devastated, enraged, and abandoned—a malicious trifecta had taken hold of her, and she remembered all of it well. Needing to sit, Dani walked toward a nearby bench. After taking a few deep breaths, she leaned forward and pressed her hands against her face in an effort to push away a contemptuous tide rising within her. It came anyway.
Dani stepped off the elevator and walked slowly down the hall toward her apartment. It was nearly two a.m., and she had no intention of being so late. She should have called but didn’t want the added stress of yet another argument to bog her down while at work. Dani paused. She took a deep breath and tried to center herself, intending to do her best to be solicitous in the face of Becca’s belligerence. It would be hard for Becca to fight without much input.
Taking the last few steps quickly, Dani shoved the key in the lock. She opened the door, and darkness was the only thing that greeted her. The TV wasn’t even on, which was odd. Still, Dani’s shoulders sagged in relief. Maybe Becca was sleeping and she could just slide in bed beside her and pretend that everything was okay, even if it was only for a few hours. As quietly as she could, Dani felt her way toward the bedroom. As she got closer, Dani was a little surprised by the faint light coming from around the half-closed bedroom door. She tensed up involuntarily, hoping that Becca wasn’t lying in wait.
Dani couldn’t stand there forever. She charged in, expecting the worst. She stopped at the foot of their bed, neatly made, and Becca wasn’t in it. Something hot and searing snaked its way into Dani’s stomach. She pressed her hand against her abdomen and turned toward the closed bathroom door.
“Bec-ca?” Dani whispered. She was suddenly scared to speak too loudly. Her heart thudded against her chest as she put her hand on the knob. Things were bad between them, but… “Please be locked. Please be locked.”
“Becca?” Everything was quiet. She turned the knob easily and pushed the door open. The bathroom was in complete disarray. Toiletries were scattered on the floor and the sink. The doors to the cabinet were wide open.
Dani closed her eyes, and it was extremely hard to open them again. But she did. Her gaze was riveted on the empty side of the vanity. Dani tried to suck in a deep breath and found that she couldn’t quite make it. The weight on her chest went from uncomfortable to crushing, making things even harder. Panic set in, and her vision tunneled. Her heart beat was loud enough, hard enough, like a percussion playing in her ears.
She had to get out. Like her body had a mind of its own, Dani left the bathroom and went straight to the closet. The folding doors were slightly ajar, and Dani ripped them open violently enough to pull one off track. She stared at the half-empty space. Part of her curled in on itself, leaving an emptiness behind as well.
The kitchen was her next stop. She flipped on the light. Numbly, she opened drawers and cabinets to find glassware, silverware, and even a majority of the food gone. When she finally made it back to the living room, Dani sat down on the couch. She stared at the cheap Wal-Mart television stand. There was a reason the TV wasn’t on. It wasn’t there anymore. It had been Becca’s. Gone too was the DVD player, and only two DVDs remained on the open shelf.
The numbness was at once replaced by a blistering heat and a simultaneous cold that made her shudder. With shaking hands, Dani reached inside her scrubs pocket and got her phone out to call Becca. She had no idea what to say. Maybe she would yell. Maybe she would cry. Maybe she would beg.
“We’re sorry. You have reached a number…”
Dani sobbed. Those two sentences cleaved her in two, leaving her vulnerable parts raw, exposed, and throbbing. She brought her knees up to her chest and continued to stare at the TV stand until it became blurry.
Becca was gone.
The sense of loss made her gasp, but it was far from the only emotion that filled her. With a loud cry, Dani threw her cell phone across the room.
Dani stood up and stumbled back onto the walking trail to get away from the hole that the bench had sucked her into. Breathing hard, she put her hands on her hips and leaned forward to try to gather herself. A jogger muttered an “excuse me” as he stepped around her. A few seconds later, a group of laughing women walked past her.
It had taken over a year for Dani to get to the point where thoughts of Rebecca were few and far between and for the ache they caused to be manageable. She’d poured herself deep into that last year of medical school and was convinced that nothing else mattered. No one else mattered, except for Rick. He’d been there through it all.
She shook her head, pulling herself from the past, and landed smack dab in the middle of the bitterness that had broken free. She could taste it in the back of her throat. Rick had been keeping things from her, and she had a feeling there was a lot more to learn. That knowledge brought a hollowness with it which settled deep in her stomach. She knew it was his way of protecting her, but Dani couldn’t help but think he was protecting himself too. He had a life separate from hers, and she didn’t begrudge him living it. Maybe they didn’t know each other as well as they thought, which wouldn’t be the first time she’d made that mistake.
Becca was here.
Dani scoffed silently. Becca coming home was the very last thing she’d expected to hear or have to face. The past that she thought was securely tucked away had been yanked free without an ounce of permission, severely disrupting the peace she’d fought for.
&n
bsp; Her emotions were jumbled enough to give her pause. The lack of closure in that chapter of her life only contributed to her overall predicament.
She started walking again. None of this was going away. She had to deal with it, but she’d had enough for today. Hopefully, going to the hospital instead would help her keep it that way.
Instead of going directly to pediatrics, Dani took the scenic route, stopping at the emergency department first. As always, it was bursting with the sights, sounds, and smells of the sick, injured, and possibly dying. No amount of antiseptic could cover all that up. Patients moaned, coughed, cried, and there was even someone yelling. Doctors and nurses zig-zagged around her to get where they needed to be.
As a med student, she’d spent an ample amount of time dealing with adults in various areas of the hospital, and, occasionally, it was nice to reminisce. Having her fingers in so many pies was interesting, but once she’d decided on an area of concentration, Pediatrics, Dani hadn’t looked back.
“You look so lost. I can find you somethin’ to do.”
Assuming she was being spoken to, Dani spun around in the direction of the voice. Dr. Steven Yates, the ER attending, grinned and fluttered his fingers at her. He stood tall, gangly, and reed thin, reminding Dani of a scarecrow complete with a crooked, garish smile.
Dani pressed her lips together to keep from smirking, which didn’t work very well. “I’m not actually supposed to be here. I just—”
“Miss it. I know. Trust me you’re not the first to wander down here and you won’t be the last. Where are you right now?”
“I’m in Pediatric oncology for the next couple months, but before that I was in cardiology,” Dani answered.
“Well, we might not have anything that exciting for you, and we’re not exactly short handed. Still, pick a corner for the time being.” He nodded toward the controlled chaos around them. “Some of these kids could learn a lot from you.”
Dani inhaled deeply. Instead of responding, she turned and looked around to find a place where she could belong for the next couple of hours. It meant she had to interact with other residents, and keeping professional boundaries was something she’d become very proficient in. It prevented entanglements and perceived demands that had cost her dearly in the past.
She walked toward a patient who seemed to be the most distressed, denoted by her racking sobs. The left side of her bed was crowded with people who obviously cared. One held her hand, and the other two were reaching out, as well touching her arm and knee. The resident on the other side had her eyes trained on an iPad, reading from it verbatim instead of splitting her attention between the results or recommendations and the patient. There were people involved, and a personal touch was needed. They all looked Dani’s way as she came closer.
Dani smiled slightly at the patient and her family before addressing the resident. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Instead of responding verbally, the resident stepped to the side. Dani did the same. She held her hand out for the iPad. “You should probably come up for air and actually look them in the eyes while you go over things.”
The resident pressed her lips into a thin line, and her face flushed. “Uhm, well, I’m pretty sure she’s drug seeking. Look at her records.”
Dani scanned the records silently. Irritation rushed through her, and she did her best to swallow it down. “First or second year?”
“Huh?”
“Is this your first or second year in residency?”
“Oh, first.” The resident—Dr. M. Salinger, according to her glossy white name tag—smiled, but Dani didn’t smile back.
“You’re probably right, but reading her diagnosis to her isn’t going to fix anything. Don’t you think she knows she has cancer?”
Dani didn’t wait for Dr. Salinger’s response. “Just watch and learn.” She moved back toward the bed. “Mrs. Flowers?”
“Y-yes?” The woman’s skin was sallow and her features pinched.
“We’re gonna do what we can to reduce your pain since it’s the weekend, but please contact your oncologist on Monday, okay?” Dani made a notation in the chart and handed it back to Dr. Salinger.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Dani nodded and flashed a soft smile at the people near Mrs. Flowers’ bedside before stepping away
Dr. Salinger followed her. “But Dr. Russell—”
“She’ll be on her way to a hospice in the next few months. She could be an addict, but she’s also dying,” Dani whispered. Sometimes a doctor had to look past what was written in a chart.
Dr. Salinger’s face reddened again. She didn’t look happy, but she nodded anyway.
By the time Dani headed up to pediatrics, her focus had sharpened.
Chapter 5
Back when Rebecca was still only contemplating a return to Atlanta, she had researched and vetted the woman who was now her new boss. Based on her findings, Rebecca had already started to develop a healthy respect for Lieutenant Benz. Not because she was a woman in a position of power, but because she was passionate, intelligent, blunt, and good at her job. It was sort of like looking in a mirror, ignoring the fact that the lieutenant was older and white.
Rebecca waited in front of Lieutenant Benz’s desk as she continued to bark into the phone. Her voice dripped with irritation, and her gaze was steely even though it wasn’t focused on anything in particular. It almost made Rebecca smile. The sight was so cliché, a cookie cut-out from the cop shows that flooded the major networks. Too bad those shows only scratched the surface.
A few minutes later, Lieutenant Benz hung up the phone and, with raised brows, peered at Rebecca. “So, Detective Wells. You won’t need it, but I’m thinking you figured out that I’m not the type to hold your hand on your first day.”
“I did.” Rebecca switched her box of personal items from one arm to the other.
“Good. Just like with your last squad, we work together and pair off when it’s called for. Emmet’s gonna help you get your feet wet.”
Rebecca nodded.
Lieutenant Benz smiled. It transformed the hard angles of her face into something softer and more approachable. Rebecca decided then and there that she liked her the other way better. “Detective in three and a half years. You hunker down and get shit done. We need that around here. May light some fire underneath certain asses.”
Making sure to maintain eye contact, Rebecca nodded again.
“Okay, I’m already tired of looking at you.” The lieutenant moved her chair back slightly and opened her top drawer. She reached in and then carefully placed the contents on her desk. “Go introduce yourself, get your service weapon, and get to work.”
Rebecca stared at her new shield. She already had a lanyard around her neck ready and waiting. “Thanks.” She picked up a new piece of her future and headed for the door.
“Don’t talk my ear off or anything.”
The statement was so deadpan that Rebecca paused and looked over her shoulder.
Lieutenant Benz grinned. More of a baring of teeth, really. “Emmet is gonna love you.”
Rebecca nodded and put her shield in the box with the rest of her stuff. Once more, she stepped out into the squad room. Three sets of eyes looked back at her, staring the same way they had when she’d first walked in.
One man, clean shaven and balding, peered at her over the rim of his coffee mug. He raised a thick bushy brow as she met his gaze. Rebecca moved toward him first and held out her hand. “I’m Rebecca Wells”
He put his mug down and rolled from behind his desk. Staying seated, he took the hand she offered. “Mark Strong. Nice to meet you, Becca.”
Rebecca cringed and pushed away the urge to sigh. That name didn’t sound right coming out of his mouth. “Just Rebecca, please. Not Becks. Not Becca, B, or ReRe. No offense.”
His mouth twitched, and
his blue eyes twinkled back at her. “None taken.”
As they talked, the other two men got up and came forward. Mark jerked his head toward the right. “That one there is Emmet Thomas.”
Rebecca turned toward him. He was on the short side, maybe three or four inches taller than her own five-foot four-inch frame. His arm muscles bulged, but so did his stomach. He sported a goatee and had blond flouncy hair like he belonged in a boy band. Emmet smiled all big and bright.
“You can call me Em. It’s cool.”
She studied him, wondering if he was teasing, but his gaze was warm, open. Emmet took her free hand, covering it in both of his. He glanced at the box Rebecca held in the other. “Can I help you with that?”
“I got it. Thanks,” Rebecca answered.
“All right there, Dudley,” Mark mumbled.
Emmet pursed his lips and rolled his eyes.
The other guy snorted.
“Dudley?” Rebecca looked from Mark to Emmet and back again.
Mark grinned. “Yeah, as in Do-Right.”
Rebecca cut her eyes in Emmet’s direction. “By the book, huh?”
“Yes.” Emmet drew the ‘s’ out. He glared at Mark, but smiled slightly.
“Nothin’ wrong with that,” Rebecca said.
“Boom! Thank you!” Emmet threw his hands high above his head.
Rebecca joined the other two men in staring at him.
Emmet sobered almost immediately.
“Uh-huh.” Mark shook his head. “And this is—”
“Alvin,” the man interrupted, “Alvin Johnson.” He was tall, stocky, and his complexion was much darker than her own. The bottom part of his face disappeared behind a thick but short graying beard that matched the hair on his head. “Hey. Good to have you. Thank God I’m not the token anymore.”
Mark and Emmet groaned but didn’t say a word.
Rebecca shook his hand. “Yeah, I guess you can look at it that way.”
Drawing the Line Page 4