She put her phone back on the nightstand and became reacquainted with her ceiling. Rebecca was startled awake by a loud beep. She didn’t even remember falling asleep. She sat up and reached for her phone. The time stared back at her—2:36 a.m.—and underneath it was a text.
Yes.
Rebecca smiled and unlocked her phone. She pressed the text app, but before she could reply, something stopped her. She didn’t want to tempt fate. Dani was listening, and for tonight, that was enough.
Chapter 19
Rebecca walked beside Rick down the hall toward his apartment. “I’ve been back for a while, so I know you have Coke and food, especially since you’re invitin’ me over to hang. Thanks by the way. It’s been a long week, and it’s just Wednesday.”
Rick smirked and shrugged. “No prob, and no promises. I haven’t been home a lot lately.”
She bumped him with her shoulder, but he was big enough to absorb the impact. “Look at you. She must really be somethin’ to hold your attention like this.”
He elbowed her back, and Rebecca stumbled. She glared at Rick.
“What? You started it and yeah, probably.”
“Yeah probably…oh, you mean Sandra.” Rebecca sang her name as if she were in grade school.
“Yes, I mean Sandra. I think you two should meet soon.”
Rebecca stopped and looked up at him. “Damn.”
Rick grabbed her arm, practically dragging her. “C’mon, and just so you know, Dani’s home.”
“I know. I saw her car.” Her tone softened.
Rick paused and met her gaze. His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Is somethin’…scratch that. I’m not sure I wanna know.”
“Okay, consider it scratched.” Rebecca moved ahead of him, but she could feel him watching.
They reached the door to his apartment. Rick tried the knob and then whipped his keys out of his pocket.
As they entered, Dani came out of the kitchen. “Look Ma, I brought home a stray.” Rick grinned, and Dani smiled back. A second later, when she looked at Rebecca, her expression turned unreadable.
Rick made a sound in the back of his throat. It was somewhere in between a snort and a grunt. “I’m goin’ to go hit the shower. I trust y’all won’t kill each other.”
“We’ll be fine.” Rebecca shooed him away with her hand, but her gaze remained on Dani.
Rick made that sound again, and then, they were alone. The last time Rebecca had seen Dani she’d been writhing on top of her. Her stomach knotted as her body remembered too. For just a second, she couldn’t breathe. “Hey.”
Dani’s eyes darkened, and another telltale sign that she was far from unaffected was the fact that her nipples were standing at attention. That could have been explained away by the fact that Dani wasn’t wearing a bra, but, Rebecca liked her explanation better. Dani went back into the kitchen. “Hey,” she called over her shoulder. “Coke?”
There was no animosity in her words or her tone, and the anger that usually surrounded Dani was absent. Maybe this visit wouldn’t end up being awkward.
Rebecca smiled slightly and followed her. “I’ll get it.”
Dani turned quickly. “Uh, no, but you can go back into the living room.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“But, I’m already in here.”
“And you can just as easily be back out there.” Dani pointed toward the couch.
They were an arm’s length away from each other. A light bulb went on for Rebecca and she took a step closer.
Dani moved back.
“What are you doin’?” Rebecca’s heart took a dive.
“Is it so wrong that I don’t want you near me?” Dani’s face was flushed.
“Why?”
“I don’t know what this is. I can’t trust it, and I don’t know if I can trust you. Plus, I have too much going on…” Dani’s voice trailed off and she shook her head.
“Do I still taste the same, Dani?”
The air around them immediately increased in density and heat. Rebecca savored the ache left behind. Dani’s eyes widened and her chest heaved. “Stop…just stop. You can’t just say things like that and bulldoze yourself into my life. But anything to get what you want, right? So much for all those ‘changes.’” Dani clawed at the air and she actually looked somewhat gleeful while doing it.
Rebecca pointed at her. “You—” She pressed her lips together and took in a deep breath through her nose. Dani did need some bulldozing, but she also needed subtlety. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to get a rise outta you.”
“Well, you got what you wanted. Do you want your Coke or not?”
“I do.”
Dani turned and opened the refrigerator.
“I thought our conversations would be different after all the textin’.” Rebecca watched as Dani paused and stiffened. “But you’ve been so quiet lately.”
“I told you. I have a lot going on.”
“I miss it. To me it was more like you whisperin’ in my ear at night.”
The back of Dani’s neck reddened and her shoulders rose and fell as if she were struggling to breathe.
Rebecca moved closer. “Maybe I can help or I can listen, if that’s what you need.”
Dani spun around. “What did Rick tell you?” The anger that had been missing was more than present now. Dani’s face was flushed and her eyes were accusing.
“What? Nothin’. What are you talkin’ about?” Rebecca held her hands up and stumbled back.
“Just because you’re supposedly a brand new person doesn’t make you an expert. I don’t know who you think—”
“No, you’re right. It doesn’t, and I never claimed to be.”
Dani’s mouth snapped closed. Her shoulders sagged and she looked away. She suddenly seemed more embarrassed than angry. What the hell was Rebecca missing?
The sound of Rick’s laughter made them both turn toward it. He walked into the living room with his phone pressed to his ear. He eyed them and looked heavenward before sitting down on the couch. Intent on giving Dani some room, Rebecca went to sit beside him.
Dani wanted nothing more than to go to her room and dive underneath the covers. Wasn’t that what people did when they were ashamed? Hide their faces. She was, indeed, getting tired of feeling this way, so Dani made a concerted effort to fight against it. Besides, it was stupid and juvenile to be jealous and resentful of Becca because she’d turned over a new leaf, especially when Dani had deeper things to be resentful for. That didn’t stop those emotions from surfacing, however.
To add more to the already overwhelming mess her life had become, seeing Becca shook her; being close to Becca floored her, and having her address the perplexing situation between them nearly made her come apart at the seams. Yet, somehow, instead of retreating to some place safe, Dani headed into the living room with a huge bowl of microwave popcorn and a couple of Cokes.
Rick looked at her curiously when she shoved the bowl in his hands and sat down beside him, opposite Becca. He gave her a slight nod. She didn’t return the gesture, but for some reason, his encouragement made things easier.
“We’re gonna need more than this, especially since the cupboard is bare.” Rick held up the bowl. “Pizza or Chinese?” He glanced at Dani then Becca and back again.
“I’m not picky.”
“Chinese,” Dani answered just as Becca responded.
“Chinese it is, then. Call our order in, Dani. Since Becca is a guest, she gets to pick what we’re gonna watch.”
“She’s not—” Dani started to argue.
“She doesn’t live in this apartment, so that makes her a guest.”
Dani closed her mouth. He had a point. Having left her phone in the kitchen, she grabbed Rick’s. Conveniently enough, he had the restaurant they usually ordered from labeled ‘Chinese.’
&
nbsp; Becca leaned forward and glanced at Dani. “You have a menu lyin’ around?”
“I know what you like.”
Their eyes met. Dani’s stomach fluttered. She looked away. “Kung Pao Chicken, extra spicy with veggie lo mein.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” Becca eased back against the couch and turned to Rick. “What’s on the DVR?”
“Law & Order: SVU?”
“God no. Not right now.”
“Grey’s, Lucifer?” he continued.
“No.”
Rick named a few more shows as Dani dialed the restaurant and put their order in for delivery.
“I saw Unbreakable in the three-dollar bin at Walmart last week and thought of you. It’s somewhere in that mess of DVDs.” He pointed to the haphazard collection stacked on top of the cable box.
Becca nodded. “Jackson as a villain. He needs to make more of those.”
Dani nearly rolled her eyes.
“I’ve seen this one a few times, and I still can’t get over his hair. Black is beautiful and all that, but my man just needs to be bald in all his movies.” Rick shook his head, and he sounded so indignant.
Becca snorted, but it was quickly followed by full-blown laughter. “It’s worse than the jheri curl in Pulp Fiction.”
Being next to them like this was like watching old home movies. Becca had even eaten half Rick’s egg roll just like she used to. An ache formed in Dani’s chest. She tried to push it down, but wasn’t that part of the problem? Her stuffing her feelings? “This is weird.” The words fell out of her mouth.
“Good weird or bad weird?” Rick asked.
Dani tried to choose her words carefully. “Not bad, just… I don’t know.”
Rick smiled. “Yeah, I kinda miss it too.”
The ache got bigger. “I didn’t say I—”
“Semantics,” Rick interrupted.
“Well, I’m not uncomfortable at all,” Becca chimed in.
Dani glanced at her.
Becca cleared her throat. “Okay, yeah, maybe I am a little.”
Rick chuckled.
“How is that funny?” Becca glared at him.
“Shonda Rhimes should write our story.” Rick laughed even harder.
“Oh God.” Dani couldn’t stop the smile that snuck up on her.
“All we need”—Becca joined in on the hilarity—“all we need is a baby.”
Rick doubled over.
Dani glanced at Becca but found that she couldn’t look away. Becca smiled at her, and Dani’s world tilted a little bit. The temptation to run was impossible to resist. Dani stood and grabbed their plates. Instead of giving in completely and heading toward her bedroom, she went to the kitchen. Progress. That had to be some kind of progress.
She put the plates in the sink and wasn’t at all surprised to see Rick standing behind her. “You okay?” He kept his voice low.
“I think so. It was just too much for a second. I don’t want to get caught up in the past. That’s part of the problem.”
“That’s understandable, but I guess I see it a little bit differently. That was us gettin’ used to us…you know, like we are now.” He opened the refrigerator and took out two more Cokes.
“Yeah, maybe.” Dani nodded. He could actually be right.
Rick looked over his shoulder as he walked out of the kitchen. “Hurry up. I wanna talk to both of you.”
When Dani sat back down, Rick and Becca were laughing. She didn’t want to interrupt, so she waited.
A few seconds later, Rick clapped his hands, “Okay, so I have some news.”
Dani glanced at Becca. Her eyes were wide, and Dani wondered if she looked as anxious. “I’m…we’re listening.”
“I’m gonna show Northwestern how it’s done!” Rick’s smile was huge.
Sucking in a surprised breath, Dani did her best to smile back. She was happy for him, but still.
Rick looked at Dani and then at Becca. “Y’all don’t have to look so constipated. I’m not goin’ till next year. I don’t wanna plop down in the middle of the year and play catch up.”
Dani leaned on his shoulder. “You’re going to kick ass.”
“No doubt. What about Sandra?” Becca asked.
“I’m gonna be doin’ the long-distance-friend thing with y’all, so I’m gonna try the long-distance-relationship thing too. So does she.”
“Well, good, but I’m tellin’ you now, I’m not comin’ to visit durin’ winter. You can keep all that snow.”
Rick chuckled.
No matter what position she tried, Dani couldn’t sleep. Her thoughts chased each other around in her head, and she couldn’t make them stop. Her night felt incomplete. Dani knew what would settle her, but her rational, practical side fought against it. Her other half reminded her about the baby steps she’d been trying to take toward change. She was tired and wanted it all to go away, allowing one of the voices to get louder. Dani sat up and reached out in the dark for her glasses. She flipped on a bedside lamp and picked up her cell phone.
It was early yet, just after eleven. For the most part, Becca had a tendency to wait until after one a.m. to text her. Before she could talk herself out of it, Dani typed a text.
I’m sorry about what I said about your effort to change. You have obviously worked hard at it.
Minutes passed, but Dani did her best to wait patiently.
Thank u but I really don’t understand what made u so mad.
Dani read the text a couple times and contemplated her reply.
It’s complicated and hard to explain.
Ok. We can talk about something else if u want. Im just glad to hear from u.
Becca’s response wasn’t what she’d expected. There was a time when Becca had been predictable in her demands and her anger, but Dani was constantly surprised by this version of her. She racked her brain for something to say but came up dry.
Like what?
I have cat pics.
Dani chuckled but sobered quickly, looking around the room as if someone was watching.
I’m sure you do but I don’t want to see them. I still can’t believe you’re a cat person.
I can’t either, but it is now a fact. Peyton owns me. I don’t know maybe she could tell how lonely I was.
The ache Dani experienced earlier came back.
How, or better, why do you do that?
What?
Just put yourself out there. Did you forget who you were talking to?
Dani watched the ellipses appear, disappear, and come back again.
No, I know I’m talkin to u and yes doin it is scary.
Then why? I don’t understand.
Because I let myself feel a lot more than scared these days.
She stared at Becca’s response, letting it seep into her, and before she knew it, she was half way through typing back. How did you… Dani stopped and studied her words. She wanted to know Becca’s secret, and she wanted it for herself. Yet, she was afraid to ask. She took a deep breath and finished the text. How did you do it?
U sure u want to know?
Yes. Dani wrote quickly before she lost her nerve.
The ellipses blinked at her for several seconds, and Dani looked forward to Becca’s response.
When I left and found somewhere to settle I tried therapy for a while. I really wanted it to work but it was hard finding the right therapist or maybe I just wasn’t comfortable with myself. Not sure but I did learn a lot from them. I was at rock bottom. Hell I couldn’t even stand myself, but I got tired of always feeling angry. It was like that was all I felt. Took a while but once I found something 2 like about myself, it went frm there.
Becca’s words were both illuminating and heartbreaking.
That must have been hard.
Very. Is it okay that I
ask you why u wanted to know?
Yes, I guess. Dani answered.
I’m asking. Becca added a smiley face emoji.
I’m not the same person I was. I don’t like her. Nobody likes her. Dani typed out the words in a rush.
I find that hard to believe.
I’m not a nice person. I haven’t been for a while. I don’t want to be her anymore.
There, it was out. It was almost like she’d screamed the words out loud. She’d said something similar before, but now, Dani meant it more than ever.
I’m sure Rick will b behind u all the way.
He will be. He is.
Good. Becca wrote back.
I don’t want to confuse things between us and I don’t want to lead you on. But, can you help?
Dani couldn’t believe what she’d just asked. The whole thing was more than likely Rick’s influence. She was okay with that especially now more than ever. There went the ellipses again. Her heartbeat accelerated, and she studied the screen as if she were looking at an MRI.
Can I call?
Dani swallowed. Yes.
Her cell rang. Becca’s name flashed. Dani exhaled shakily and pressed the speaker icon. “Hello?”
“Hey. You sure about this?”
“No, but I have to do something.” Dani cringed. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant, but like you said, I’m no expert. I’m not sure how—”
“The past few minutes was a start.” Dani pressed the phone to her ear, waiting for a response.
Drawing the Line Page 20