by Amanda Renee
“Liv, you couldn’t have been more prepared. You knew everything there was to know about having children except the emotional aspect of it and I don’t think anyone can ever prepare for that. What about Kevin? Did you think he’d come back once you had the children?”
“Kevin.” Liv sighed. “He was my one true love. A part of me will always love him, but I knew he wasn’t coming back. Even if he wanted to, I doubt I could ever trust him not to walk out on me again. Besides, he’s engaged to be married soon.”
“I heard all about it. You’re okay with that?” Jade didn’t want to bring up the fact she knew Kevin was marrying a woman with children. She assumed her sister already knew.
“It doesn’t involve me.” Liv’s lips thinned and Jade sensed a renewed tension in her words.
“If you weren’t in love with Wes, why did you follow him all over the place?”
“Oh, for heaven sake, I wasn’t following him.” Liv threw her head back and laughed. “Have you seen some of those rodeo cowboys? Those men are hot. I wasn’t interested in anyone around town, so I met up with Wes when it was convenient. I enjoyed the atmosphere. I enjoyed getting out of town for a day or two. And I certainly enjoyed the eye candy. So let me reiterate one more time, I’m not in love or attracted to Wes. Are you asking about Wes because you’re interested in him?”
Jade opened her mouth and quickly shut it. She didn’t want to lie to her sister. She didn’t want to hurt her, either.
“Oh wow.” Liv paled. “You and Wes. I never saw that coming.”
“There is no me and Wes. He’s gone and he doesn’t plan on returning.”
“Ever?”
“That was the original plan, wasn’t it?” Jade’s defenses began to rise. “You knew he was leaving town, that’s why you used him as a donor. How could he possibly come back? It was extremely difficult for him to see the girls.” Liv had been in the room with the girls for ten minutes and she still hadn’t touched, hugged or even looked their way for longer than a second.
“It sounds like he spent a lot of time with them.” Liv’s voice remained even and Jade couldn’t get a read on her emotion.
“He was a great help to me.”
“Liv,” Dr. Stewart said. “How do you feel about Wes spending time with your daughters?”
“I don’t like it.” Liv held Jade’s gaze. “She can have any man in the world, just not the father of my children.”
Jade inhaled deeply, trying to collect her thoughts. “You should have told me you weren’t using a donor. Wes and I have a history.”
“You what?”
“We dated in high school. It was brief, but it didn’t end well. You would have known that if you had told me you were fertilizing my eggs...with someone from town. Especially someone my age. Didn’t you think the likelihood we went to school together was pretty high?”
“All the times I talked about you, Wes never once mentioned knowing you.” Liv’s voice broke as her hurt turned to anger.
“Because he hated me. We did some terrible things to each other back then. But that doesn’t matter now. I had a right to know. You violated our agreement and you violated my trust.”
“Okay.” Dr. Stewart crossed the room to stand between them. “Jade, you’re blaming Liz.”
“I don’t know how to do this and not blame her.” She glared at her sister. “This part happened before her postpartum depression. Honestly, Liv, your actions have terrified me. I’m still trying to figure out why you packed away all the girls’ things in the downstairs closet?”
“I needed normalcy. I felt myself spinning out of control and I thought I could regain it if I confined everything baby to the two nurseries.” Liv’s face reddened in anger. “Clearly it didn’t work. And despite whatever you feel you’re entitled to, I was under no obligation to tell you who I chose to father my children.”
“Our legal agreement says you were going to fertilize my eggs with an anonymous donor. Are you really going to split hairs and say it was anonymous to me and not to you? I think any court would frown on that.”
“Oh, so now you want to take me to court?”
“I’m not saying that at all.” Jade forced herself to stay calm despite her flaring temper beneath the surface. “Wes and I are the same age and we grew up in the same town. The chances were pretty high we knew each other. The point I’m trying to make is, I may have given you my eggs, but I still had certain rights. You should’ve told me what you were doing.”
“You’re right. I had blinders on all through this. I was so excited about finally having a family of my own, I didn’t take anyone else’s feelings into consideration.”
“There is something else I need to tell you.”
Liv’s body went rigid, bracing herself for another onslaught. “I’m listening.”
“I’ve been living at Silver Bells with the girls in one of the larger family guest cabins.”
“You took my children out of their home? Why?”
“Because Maddie and I couldn’t do it alone. I am so grateful she offered to stay with me but she has a job and a life of her own. I think you may have forgotten I have a business to run, and it’s been difficult to do long-distance. The two girls that babysit for me live on the ranch. It’s very convenient for me to stay there.”
“I bet,” Liv said sarcastically. “Don’t you find it a bit hypocritical? You just finished preaching to me about the girls growing up in the same town with their cousins and all these what-if scenarios...yet you have them all living on the same ranch.”
“They’re infants. They don’t know what a cousin or even a relative is. I think there’s a difference. If it makes you uncomfortable, I will move back to your house. I only went to the ranch because I needed all the help I could get. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I did it for their safety and well-being. If there was a fire, I wouldn’t even be able to get the three of them out of the house at the same time. This way there is usually two people watching the girls.”
“I’m not asking you to leave. I gave you temporary guardianship because I trust you. So I have to trust you’re making the right decisions.” Liv crossed the room to her daughters. “With so many people around, they probably don’t even miss me.”
“They have definitely missed you.”
“How do you know?” Liv said in a broken whisper.
“Because they’re never settled. Not completely. They always seem to be looking for someone.”
“Really?” Liv glanced back at Jade. “You’re not just saying that?”
“No, I mean it. You’re their mom and they love you.”
“But I left.”
“You left to get help.” Jade wondered if the guilt Molly had told her about was what Liv was experiencing now. “They don’t feel the same way toward you that we felt toward Mom. It’s different, Liv.”
“Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
“It’s the truth.” Jade moved to stand beside her. “I have something funny to tell you.” She nudged Liv’s arm. “When I first got to your house, I was so afraid I’d mix them up, I wrote their first initials on the bottom of their feet.”
Liv tried to suppress a laugh. “You did what? They’re not identical.”
“All babies look alike to me.” Jade shrugged. “I used permanent marker so it wouldn’t wash off when I gave them a bath.”
“No, you didn’t!” Liv said, half laughing, half crying. “Do their little feet still have writing on them?”
“No. It eventually wore off.” Jade smiled, relieved to see her sister in good humor. “See, they’re very intrigued by you. And I think Audra has your eyes.”
“I can’t believe how much they’ve grown in such a short time.” Hadley brought her tiny hand to her mouth and smiled up at her mother. “Oh my God, they’re smiling now.”
“I’m still trying to figure o
ut if it’s a genuine smile or gas. They’ve been a little stinky. They have their two-month checkup on Tuesday so I’ll ask the pediatrician about it.”
“It’s probably the formula again.” Liv’s shoulders slumped. “I thought the last one was the right one. It would have been so much easier if I had been able to breast-feed them.”
“Liv,” Dr. Stewart interrupted. “Remember what we talked about. Your inability to breast-feed was not your fault.”
Liv nodded and knelt on the floor in front of them. Jade was glad to see her sister interact with the girls, but it also meant her time with them would soon end. That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? Then why did it hurt?
“I’m going to head out for a little while and give you some time with them.”
Liv smiled at her over her shoulder. “Thank you for coming today.”
“Anything for you.”
* * *
BY THE TIME Jade locked the car seats into their bases in the back of the SUV, she felt physically and emotionally drained. She slid behind the wheel, turned the key in the ignition and switched on the AC to cool the vehicle down since it had been parked in the sun all day long. The clock on the dashboard glowed quarter to four. No wonder she was tired. She’d been going since two in the morning.
“Oh shoot!” Jade dug through her bag for her phone. “I forgot Tomás.”
She flicked off the side mute button and tapped at the screen. Thirty-two missed calls, nine of which were from Tomás, twenty-seven text messages and over a hundred emails.
Nothing from Wes.
It wasn’t like she had expected him to call. She said she’d call him later and she would once she got home. She glanced at the clock again. He was probably midflight, and if she called him now, she could get away with leaving a voice mail. It would be easier on them both after this morning’s emotional goodbye.
She pulled up his contact and pressed Call. Straight to voice mail as she figured.
“Hi, Wes, it’s Jade. It’s almost four and I’m just leaving the PPD center. Liv saw the girls, but it was extremely slow going. After about half an hour, she got very overwhelmed. The doctor feels she’ll probably need to be there for longer than thirty days. I told her that I knew about you and that you had spent time with the girls. I also let her know we were living on the ranch. She was upset at first, but she understood. Okay, um, well, I just wanted you to know, so I’ll talk to you when I talk to you, I guess. I—I miss you, Wes. I’m sorry it had to be this way.”
Jade disconnected the call. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him the last part. Maybe she should have said more. No. It was better this way. She shifted the SUV into drive when her phone rang. Tomás.
She answered the call. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just getting ready to head home from the postpartum depression center, can I call you back when I get there?”
“I hope that means you’re sitting down, because we have a problem.”
Jade shifted back into Park. “Tell me.”
“We lost the Wittingfords.”
Jade gripped the phone tighter. “Lost as in they canceled or lost as in they went with someone else?”
“They went with someone else.”
“No, no, no.” Jade rested her head on the steering wheel. “What happened?”
“Word has gotten around that you’re not in town and our competition is poaching our clients.”
“But the Wittingfords have been with us for years. Their parties are the cornerstone of our business. Who did they go with?”
“Margot Schultz.”
Oh no, not Margot. She was smart, savvy and had a world-class reputation. She was one of the best, if not the best, in the industry. “If she managed to take them, there’s no telling who else she’ll get. She has the potential to destroy us.”
“When are you coming back? I can do a lot of things, but I’m not you.”
“I don’t know. Liv’s first visit with the girls did not go well. And they’re telling me she’ll be there past thirty days. Possibly sixty or ninety days.”
“Wow, love, I’m so sorry to hear that. I still don’t understand why you can’t check her into a facility here.”
“If I had known about this in advance, I would have. She’s comfortable where she is and it seems like a great place. I just have to do the best I can from here.” She turned in the seat to make sure the girls weren’t too cold. “I know you’re trying to find the perfect candidate, but I want you to hire two people by tomorrow afternoon. No exceptions, Tomás. I refuse to lose my business because you’re picky. You can train whoever you need to train and mold them into mini yous. If you think you need to hire three people, then do it. But I need you to be me. Your reputation in this town is just as good as mine. There is nothing I can do that you can’t.”
“I appreciate the confidence you have in me, but—”
“But what? Is it money? Is that what you want? More money? I’ve already given you a raise, but if that’s what it takes—”
“Jade, breathe,” Tomás ordered. “I was going to say, it’s not the same without you here. I miss you, love.”
“I miss you too. And thank you. It’s nice feeling wanted.”
“Uh-oh, problems with your cowboy?”
“He flew home to Texas today.”
“And are you okay with that?” Tomás asked.
“I haven’t had time to think about it. Dwelling on what could never be is an exercise in futility. We spent some time together, we shared a few kisses and that was all it could ever be. After the way Liv reacted today when I told her Wes was in the girls’ lives, I feel even more guilty.”
“Whoa, I’ll let you tell me about the kisses later, but you two shared a lot more than that. You have children together. Donor or not, you’re always going to be connected. I can only imagine that loss. And we don’t have to talk about it. You can choose to ignore it all you want, just know, I’m here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on.”
More like cry on. Jade missed Wes. Watching him walk out the door hurt more than losing her biggest client. She hung up and steered the SUV onto the highway. She had Tomás, Maddie, everyone on the ranch and she had the girls, yet she’d never been more alone. She did feel a loss. Whether she wanted to or not, she had fallen hard for the cowboy. Her sister was right. She could have any man in the world...just not Wes.
Chapter Ten
The warm Texas sun felt good on his shoulders as Wes strode across the Bridle Dance Ranch’s parking lot toward the Ride ’em High! Rodeo School’s outdoor arena.
“Oh, I know that look,” Shane Langtry said from the top fence rail as a teenage version of him demonstrated technique in the center of the ring. “Either you just got bad news or you just got your heart broken.”
“What are you, clairvoyant?” Wes watched Shane’s son execute a smooth dismount after a successful eight second ride. Something he may never do again. “Hunter looks good out there.”
“Thanks. I have no doubt he’ll take the championship one day.” Shane swung his legs over the fence and jumped down. “Well, am I right?”
“About Hunter? Most definitely. He’s the finest young rider I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m asking if I was right about you.”
“Yeah, a little.”
“From the expression on your face I’d say whatever’s on your mind is more than a little. Did you see Dr. Lindstrom?”
“I’m just returning from there. Thank you for the referral. She’s really nice, although I didn’t want to hear what she said.”
“You know who she’s married to, don’t you?” Shane pushed his hat back and propped an arm on the fence.
“No, who?”
“Brady Sawyer.”
“The Brady Sawyer? The Brady Sawyer who works here?” The man had been a legend on the circuit until an accident paralyzed h
im from the waist down. They never thought he’d walk again, but he not only walked, he went on to compete until he retired. Now he works helping others to recover at Dance of Hope, the nonprofit hippotherapy center Shane’s mother owned next door. “I had no idea.”
“She was one of his doctors who put him back together. They fell pretty hard for each other while he was recuperating. If she could fix him, she can fix you. What did she say?”
“She confirmed what my first doctor had suspected.” Wes watched another teen climb into the chute, remembering back to when he was that age. He thought he was invincible. If he got bucked off he just shook it off and got right back on. “There’s no way I can compete again unless I have the surgery. And then I’m looking at six months to a year recovery.”
“So it’s not a matter of if you’re going to have the surgery, it’s when you’ll have it.”
“It’s scheduled a week from today. Next Wednesday.” Wes hadn’t even told his agent yet. As much as he had wanted to wait, the pain had become too intense. If it meant his biggest sponsors not renewing his contracts this year, then so be it. He would just have to work twice as hard next year. He’d been debating his options since his last competition. While the surgery alone terrified him, not doing what he loved most terrified him more. “That will leave me without a job though. I won’t be able to teach for a while. I guess I’m giving you notice since I can’t expect you to keep my position open for that long. But don’t worry, I have enough money to cover my rent here on the ranch.”