by Bina Bernard
Hannah shook her head to dislodge the image of a panicked Zosia. “What I remember most vividly are the scary times,” Hannah explained.
“Emma often left me alone in the apartment. I worried. What will happen to me if she doesn’t come back? There was no one I could call. I was told to talk to no one. Not even a neighbor. But I never cried,” Hannah said proudly.
“I could almost bear it during the day. As evening approached the heavy drapes, necessary to comply with the blackout, turned the apartment into a dark cave. To stave off my panic I paced from room to room counting to one hundred over and over. Always hoping Emma would walk through the door before I reached the next one hundred. When she finally did come home, she cheerfully told me about her day. I never let her know how afraid I’d been. That was my secret.”
Hannah came back to the bed. Finally talked out, she sat next to Lena for a time, thinking. Suddenly she decided to share her most terrifying secret with her sister.
“One night there was a knock on the door. I was sure it was the Gestapo. Emma went to the door. I quickly found the documents Father had left with me for safekeeping, ripped them up into little pieces and flushed everything down the toilet. But there was no Gestapo. The superintendent had come to enforce the blackout. Light was shining through the window because the drapes were not closed securely. When he left, Emma asked what I had done. I told her I had ripped up our old papers. As soon as I said it, I wished I could take my confession back. Emma’s only response was, ‘Go to bed!’ But I knew I had made a terrible mistake. By telling her about our old papers I was afraid I had revealed our secret, that we were Jewish. From that moment on, till the end of the war, I lived in constant terror Emma might turn us into the Gestapo. If she did, it would be my fault. I had made a mistake.”
“Oh my God! You poor child,” Lena whispered.
Locked in an embrace, the sisters rocked back and forth for a very long time.
CHAPTER
22
WHEN SHE ARRIVED inside the LOT Airlines terminal at Kennedy Airport, Hannah felt like Dorothy returning from Oz. She had to keep pinching herself mentally to shake off the air of unreality of the last few days. But the photos of Lena and her son in her purse were proof that her trip was no fantasy. Hannah cleared customs in record time and ran toward Robert who was waiting at the gate.
“The conquering heroine returns,” he said, as he took Hannah in his arms and swung her around.
“How did it feel to be back in Poland?” Robert asked.
“Strange. Half the time I felt like I was in the middle of a dream. Overall, I was not as afraid as I had expected to be. But nobody knew why I was really there. It was the same old pretense. Only now I was Hannah McCabe instead of Zofia Nowakowska. I spoke to Helga in Polish, but I never mentioned that Lena was my sister. Or why the family left her at the orphanage in the first place. She didn’t ask any questions about Lena’s family. And at the hotel, I was an American tourist. No one knew I spoke Polish. I wanted to know what they would say when they didn’t think I could understand.”
“Did you discover any of their secrets?”
“Guess not,” Hannah laughed. While she had not heard any anti-Jewish sentiment uttered by the friendly Polish people she’d met, that was not enough for Hannah to believe they now welcomed Jews.
“You should have brought Lena home with you!” Molly said to Hannah as she opened her apartment door.
“Mom, you really think I’m powerful enough to tangle with the Communist power structure and win?” Grinning, Hannah hugged her mother.
“Thank you for finding your sister,” Molly said, and kissed her on her forehead the way she used to when she was a child. “Your father was sure you’d find her. If only he could be here for the reunion.” Molly heaved a sigh.
A week later, when Lena arrived in New York for the medical conference, Hannah went to pick her up at the Tudor Hotel on East 42nd Street. As she entered Lena’s hotel room Hannah saw the various outfits on the bed and chuckled to herself.
“Mother will think you look wonderful no matter what you’re wearing,” Hannah reassured her sister.
“I’m very nervous,” Lena said and bit her lip.
“No need to be. In this case all you have to do is show up!” Hannah said.
“Where’s Molly?” Hannah asked, when Robert opened the door to the apartment.
“Getting ready to make a proper entrance,” he said, and winked.
Hannah kissed him, then pulled Lena in front of her.
“Doesn’t she look familiar?” Hannah asked.
“No question who your mother is!” Robert said, just as Molly stepped out of the bedroom.
Molly shouted, “Lena! Moja droga Lena!”
Lena spun around. Seeing her mother in the flesh made the tears cascade down her cheeks. But these were tears of joy and disbelief. Although Hannah had told her how much she resembled their mother, Lena was shocked to be looking at an older version of herself.
Holding on to Lena, Molly turned to Hannah.
“Your father came to me in a dream last night. He told me you were bringing Lena to me,” Molly said.
“I’m happy he knows,” Hannah whispered under her breath.
Lena looked around the well-appointed apartment and imagined Hannah’s life, growing up in this loving family, being pampered by Molly. A counter image of Helga, hands on her hips, often reprimanding her for a minor offence popped into Lena’s head. Then she remembered she always had Stefan in her corner.
For the next three hours Molly stayed by Lena’s side. She patted her hand and smoothed her hair trying to reassure herself her lost daughter had finally been found. As the two chatted in Polish, Hannah and Robert sat nearby and silently witnessed the emotional reunion being played out in the Stones’ living room. Hannah at least understood what was being said. Poor Robert had to be content watching a foreign-language drama without the benefit of subtitles.
Molly couldn’t stop repeating, “Not a single day went by that your father and I didn’t think about you. Wondered where you were. Or if you survived. I was sure you were alive. I could feel it,” Molly said, a smile illuminating her face. The smile vanished as she thought about Harry’s anguish and sighed. “Your father never got over losing you. I’m sure it’s what shortened his life!”
Hannah winced.
“But you’re here now. We finally have you with us! Getting you back is the miracle we had prayed for!” Molly said, and patted Lena’s cheek.
Hannah was silently mourning Harry’s absence.
Lena could never condemn Stefan for what he did, even though she could feel the pain her absence had caused her family. She stayed close to her mother.
Molly brought out tins of family photos. As Lena eagerly studied the pictures, she thought about the Saturday she spent in Zygmunt Turowski’s basement hoping to find a clue to her family. Silently, she thanked Stefan. When she spotted some photographs that looked like those she had commandeered from Mr. Turowski, Lena let out a howl.
“These, I have!” she shouted, then listened as Molly turned the faces of strangers into family members. As she regaled Lena with stories, Molly kept a tight grip on her daughter’s hand. Feeling her mother squeeze her hand hard reminded Lena how she had gripped Harry’s thumb on their way to the convent. Molly gently wiped her daughter’s cheek without realizing why she was crying.
“What have you planned for dinner?” Hannah asked her mother, expecting to be told there was a feast awaiting them in the kitchen. At first shocked when Molly suggested ordering Chinese takeout, Hannah understood. The woman who relied on food to make things better decided this extraordinary reunion didn’t require her superior cooking skills to make it special.
While Lena and Molly remained in the living room, it was left to Hannah and Robert to plan their dinner. Surprisingly, Molly didn’t issue a single menu suggestion. But as she heard Hannah setting up the dining room table, she yelled, “Don’t forget to use my good china!”<
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Molly’s cobalt blue and gold rimmed plates were already in hand. Hannah winked at Robert, who was unpacking their food, and called out to Molly, “Will do!” Bickering is over! Hannah thought. Lena’s first family meal must be special!
Once they sat down to eat, Robert and Hannah finally got to join the conversation.
“How old is your son?” Robert asked.
“He is to be thirteen on his next birthday.”
“He can have his Bar Mitzvah right here in New York!” Molly announced.
Before Lena had a chance to react, Hannah changed the subject as she saw her sister put her hand over the tiny cross around her neck.
“Who’s taking care of Stefan while you’re away?” Hannah asked.
Ignoring the Bar Mitzvah issue, Lena quickly answered, “My brother Rudi!”
Lena was surprised to see the shock on Molly’s face when she mentioned her brother.
Until that moment, Molly had never considered how her lost daughter functioned in an orbit outside of theirs. Having found her, Molly expected to pull Lena into their world unencumbered. Rudi’s existence brought Lena’s life into focus for Molly.
“They are good pals, Rudi and Stefan. My brother is younger than I,” Lena said, trying to fill the awkward silence.
“So now you have a sister and a brother,” Hannah said, cheerfully.
“But she had a sister before she had a brother,” Molly shot back. Staking her claim again, she pinched Lena’s cheek.
Hannah was amused. In true Stone family tradition, Molly was adjusting reality to suit herself.
After they finished their dessert of ice cream and kumquats, and each of them had opened their fortune cookie, Hannah noticed Lena kept checking her watch.
“Do you have to be back at a certain time?” Hannah asked her sister.
Molly answered for her. “No. Lena is going to spend the night here.”
“I cannot,” Lena said. “I would like. But I tell them I be back in evening. They are expecting me. We must prepare for tomorrow. I must make ready what I will say at conference.”
“Lena is speaking tomorrow?” Molly said to Hannah. “What time? Where? I must be there.”
“It’s at the U. N. and it’s not open to the public,” Hannah said.
“I’m her mother, not the public. I always went to hear you when you spoke at school,” Molly said defiantly.
“This is not school, Mom. I’ll represent the family. I have a press pass.”
“What about after the conference? Can you come back and stay with me?” Molly asked.
“For a short time, yes. I have not much free time here. Unfortunately, I must attend conference,” Lena said. “I have obligation with delegation. Is why I come.”
“But I want to introduce you to your relatives,” Molly said. “Give a party for you. Show you off!”
“Perhaps a small party in evening?” she suggested. “And maybe I can spend the night.” Lena wasn’t sure she was up to meeting more relatives. I have to get used to being part of a new family, she told herself. But Lena had to admit it felt good to know she had other family members to get to know.
“Very good!” Molly said, and clapped her hands. “I promise you a celebration worthy of the occasion.”
After she cleaned up, Hannah signaled to Robert and Lena they had to leave. At the door, Molly said plaintively to Hannah, “You brought her, and now you’re taking her away.”
“Yes, Mom, that’s how I am,” Hannah said sarcastically, and blew her mother a kiss.
Molly threw her arms around Lena. “I can’t let you go!”
“I must go,” Lena sighed. “Is for my work.”
“You sound just like Harry. Work always came first,” Molly said, more as a comparison than a complaint.
CHAPTER
23
THE NEXT MORNING HANNAH ARRIVED at the U.N. early for the opening of the conference. She signed in at the press desk and headed directly to where Lena would be speaking. Hannah walked into the empty auditorium and instead of picking a seat in the rear, as she usually did at such an event, made sure she was front and center. The two sisters exchanged waves as the panel walked onto the stage. “You must be very proud of your daughter, the doctor,” Hannah said to her father, clasping her hands as if in prayer. She had total confidence that Harry Stone was witnessing this scene from somewhere in the universe.
Dr. Lena Malińska was free to leave the conference after the three-hour panel discussion. The sisters rushed out and hailed a cab along First Avenue to Molly’s Upper West Side apartment. When they got off the elevator, they heard loud voices emanating from apartment 7B. Both Hannah and Lena were shocked to see the size of the crowd Molly had assembled as they entered the apartment.
All chatter stopped when a jubilant Molly ran over to Lena, took her hand and pulled her into the crowd. Hannah thought their interlaced fingers looked like one pair of hands—except for the Matador Red polish on Molly’s carefully manicured nails.
“Please welcome my daughter home!” Molly bellowed, and everyone applauded.
Feeling the need to ward off possible criticism for throwing a party so soon after Harry’s death, Molly added, “Harry would expect us to celebrate this special occasion even without him!”
Molly had gone all out to make Lena’s welcome home party a festive affair. The dining room table now held a buffet befitting a major celebration. A huge arrangement of calla lilies in the center was surrounded by many platters of fish and fowl, as well as several plates of marble cake and strudel, next to a twenty-five-cup coffee urn.
Before Lena could catch her breath, Molly dragged her overwhelmed daughter from one person to another.
“Isn’t it something, my Lena is a doctor, just like Harry,” Molly repeated to every guest.
Unfortunately, few people spoke Polish. Result: While Lena generally understood what was being said, because they talked so fast, she was unable to translate the English into Polish quickly enough to engage in a meaningful conversation. She just let her mother do all the talking. Until she was cornered by her cousins, Helena and Leah. They did speak Polish and took turns telling Lena stories about her early years. She listened ever hopeful their memories would bring back some of her own. But no new images of her first four years resurfaced.
Hannah was on her best behavior. She deftly fielded complaints (“How come we never see you anymore?”) and graciously accepted compliments (“We’re very proud of you! We read all your articles. I tell everyone, that when you came here you didn’t speak a word of English. Now look at you, a published writer!”). Hannah had forgotten how strongly her fellow refugees identified with her and took pride in her success.
As she mingled, Hannah overheard several of the guests take note of the tiny gold cross around Lena’s neck.
“She’s probably not Jewish anymore!” Hannah heard someone say in Yiddish.
“Who knows? Once the Catholic Church gets you, that’s it,” another one said.
Hannah noticed that Lena often kept one hand at the nape of her neck, shielding the cross, as her mother pulled her around the room by the other. Although she wondered how her sister felt about finding out she was Jewish, Hannah never asked.
When she saw Lena struggle to keep her fixed smile on her face, Hannah came to her sister’s rescue.
“Excuse us a moment, please, I need to talk to Lena,” she said, and pulled her into the guest bedroom where Robert appeared to be dozing while a golf tournament was silently in progress on the TV.
“How bad is it?” Robert asked, when he caught sight of them.
“Bad enough,” Hannah answered. “She deserves a rest!” And gently pushed Lena into a chair.
“I cannot stay here,” Lena said. “Your mother, I mean, our mother will be not pleased with me.”
“Okay, go back in there if you must. You are obviously a glutton for punishment,” Hannah said.
“I do not understand. What does that mean?”
“It m
eans you are too nice,” Hannah said, just as Molly came into the room.
“There you are,” she said, “I have some latecomers you have to meet.”
Lena followed her mother willingly.
By eight o’clock when the place finally emptied out, both Lena and Hannah were exhausted, but Molly could have celebrated for another few hours.
“Do you think people had a good time?” Molly, the concerned hostess, asked.
“Everybody had a great time, Mom. Now you take it easy, Lena and I will clean up.”
“You prepared much food, Mom. Enough to feed Polish army,” Lena joked.
Molly was happy. She kicked off her shoes and stretched out on the sofa.
As she started to pick up empty plates and glasses scattered around the apartment, Hannah said, “I’m sure Dad would have had a good time!” While she had keenly felt her father’s absence from the celebration, Hannah had actually enjoyed Lena’s welcome home party more than she would have suspected. And she wasn’t ready to leave her sister and mother.
Hannah walked over to Robert and kissed him. “I think I want to sleep here tonight. Do you mind?”
“Nope. It’s more than okay with me. But I’m taking off. You two have a fun sleepover,” Robert said. He kissed Hannah, gave Lena a peck on the top of her head, and waved goodnight to Molly.
Hannah and Lena, each wearing one of Molly’s nightgowns, were getting settled in what was once Hannah’s room, when Molly came in to say goodnight.
“Can we have some hot chocolate, Mom?” Hannah asked. It had been her standard request years ago whenever she had a friend sleep over.
“Sure. But I only have instant.”
“That’s fine,” Hannah said.
Lena nodded without really knowing what she was agreeing to.
After Molly delivered the hot chocolate and was out of earshot, Lena asked, “Are you and your mother close?” Embarrassed, she corrected herself. “I mean our mother!”