by Bina Bernard
“There are no crosses at a Jewish cemetery,” Hannah said.
Lena bit her thumbnail. She had not properly prepared her son for what to expect at a Jewish cemetery. “Only the Star of David on Jewish tombstones, see,” she said, pointing out several granite headstones.
“All the people buried here are Jews? There are so many of them,” Stefan said.
Neither Hannah nor Lena commented.
As Hannah pulled up behind a long line of parked cars she said, “Mother was as good as her word. She really delivered.”
In the distance she saw Robert and Molly in the middle of the big crowd near Harry’s grave. She glanced at her watch. Exactly four minutes to three.
“We made it. I got you here on time,” she said, very pleased with herself. “You two better prepare to be hugged by a lot of strangers,” she said in Polish.
Lena opened the door of the car, and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the side-view mirror. She ran her fingers through her hair, just the way she remembered Helga doing hundreds of times, when she was about to meet someone she wanted to impress. Lena felt a jab of disloyalty to Molly and she tried to shake the image of Helga.
“Come, chodź,” Hannah extended her hand to Stefan. Lena took his other hand and the three of them marched toward the assembled crowd.
Molly rushed toward them. “You’re here! You’re here! You’re finally here!” As she put her arms around Lena, Molly looked at the sky and said, “Harry, see who we brought you?”
His mouth wide open, Stefan stared at Molly. He was shocked to see how much this stranger resembled his mother. When Molly loosened her hold on Lena, she turned to Stefan. In Polish, she said, “Come, give your poor grandmother a proper hug!”
Stefan slipped his hand out of Hannah’s grip and tentatively extended it to Molly. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward her. With Lena on her left and Stefan on her right, the three walked to the grave.
Frozen in place, Hannah saw her mother, sister and nephew merge with the gathered throng into a dreamlike tableau. She stood offstage watching, until Robert’s arms engulfed her.
“Congratulations!” He kissed her. “You did it!”
Robert’s praise was sidelined by her own thoughts.
“I’m not an only child anymore,” she said out loud, but really still to herself. “Not sure how I feel.”
“You should feel good. No. Great,” Robert said. “Harry is somewhere up there bragging about his amazing daughter who did what he couldn’t do.”
Hannah leaned against Robert. “Come on. We’ve got to get this show on the road!” He gripped her shoulders with both his hands and propelled her forward.
As they approached the gravesite, Hannah thought she saw Lena glance toward the grave, start to cross herself, and then stop. Their first few months in New York, she remembered seeing Molly do the same whenever she passed a church.
“Another point of similarity,” Hannah told herself.
The ceremony itself was short. The rabbi spoke briefly, “Birth is a beginning, death a destination. Life is a journey. Harry Stone’s journey is over, but his life will echo in the memories of those he loved and those who loved him.”
When the rabbi asked: “Who will say the Mourner’s Kaddish?”
Lena answered, “He will!” and handed her son a piece of paper.
Stefan took a deep breath, unfolded the paper, and, without looking up, started to read the Hebrew words written phonetically in Polish. When he finished reading every syllable that was written on the page, Stefan looked at his mother. Lena squeezed her son’s arm.
Once Stefan stopped, the rabbi finished the Mourner’s prayer. After his final “Amen,” he cut the ribbon unveiling the polished black granite headstone. Etched in block letters, the inscription read:
IN MEMORY OF
HARRY STONE
LOVING HUSBAND
FATHER AND GRANDFATHER
Forever In Our Hearts
The crowd lingered after the service. Molly, the perfect hostess, began serving her homemade sponge cake and wine that she and Robert had laid out on the folding table they’d set up near the grave.
“I’m sorry for the plastic plates and glasses,” Molly apologized, knowing full well no one expected china and crystal at an unveiling.
Hannah left Robert talking to cousin Helena and her husband Gerald, and with a glass of wine in hand she walked closer to the headstone to say her private goodbye to Harry. In keeping with a Jewish tradition, she placed the largest rock she could find on top of the granite headstone. Leaving the rock was proof of her visit.
She raised her glass. “I know it’s not the reunion we both hoped for. I’m sorry. But it’s the best I could do, Dad. I wish I could have gotten you and Lena together earlier. I should have let you see the letter. If I had, I might have found her sooner. But you did have one of your wishes granted,” Hannah said cheerfully. “You told me, ‘Before I die, I want Lena to know that I came back for her just as I promised.’ Turns out, while you were still with us, she did learn you had come back for her! Unfortunately, not from you,” she whispered and sighed. “You didn’t count on having a grandson, did you, Dad? Or that your firstborn became a doctor? You were right about Lena. She is more accepting. I’m more like you, confrontational!” Hannah admitted. “But I no longer feel that’s so bad!”
Hannah closed her eyes and thought about their Saturday walks and how much she’d missed them. “All the time we were fighting, Dad, I always hoped things would change between us. Then a miracle happened and they did. But we had so little time. . . .”
As she continued her one-sided conversation, Hannah vacillated between looking down at the grave, and up to the sky. “Feels strange not being an only child. Getting Lena back doesn’t make up for what I lost. I now have to share the only parent I have left. She has gained a mother. But my life has changed for the better. Robert is back living in New York.”
Hannah stopped talking for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and exhaled. “I want to tell you a secret, Dad. I think I’m pregnant!” She grinned and lifted the wine glass up toward the sky. “Naturally, if it’s a boy, we’ll name him Harry!”
She ended her soliloquy, but Hannah knew she wasn’t ready to end the conversation. She reserved the right to continue talking to her father, hoping her words reached him in whatever dimension he now inhabited. Hannah could not envision a universe where Harry Stone no longer existed.
In the distance she saw the dwindling crowd. Her mother and sister stood so close they appeared to be conjoined twins. When Lena made eye contact with Hannah, she extricated herself from Molly and walked over to join her.
Looking very serious, Lena said in English, “I never said proper thank you for giving me my family back.” In Polish she added, “In a way you brought me back to life.”
Lena kissed Hannah’s hand and put her arms around her. With tears streaming down both their faces, they remained locked in an embrace for some time. Then, holding hands, they walked back toward their mother. “Oh, it is wonderful to have a sister!” Hannah said.
With one arm firmly around her grandson’s shoulder, Molly was saying goodbye to the few remaining friends and relatives.
As they approached, Hannah heard her mother say, “Yes, my Hannah can do anything. She’s just like Harry!”
EPILOGUE
An exchange of post cards between Lena and Hannah.
Dear Hannah,
Time has passed very quickly these last two months. Mother has adjusted to life in Warsaw very well. She is teaching Pola and Roman to play bridge and Stefan English. At meal times she speaks only English to him. He has learned many English words about food.
Love,
Lena
Dear Lena,
Things are different here, too. The daughter we’re adopting will be arriving from Colombia a week before Molly returns home. Mother will have another grandchild to teach English to. By the time I give birth in seven months she will have had
lots of practice as a grandmother. The only name Robert and I can agree on is Harry.
It better be a boy!
Love,
H
Acknowledgments
I owe much to Joseph Heller for encouraging me to write my novel, to Lou Ann Walker for helping to get it into shape, to Jeannette Seaver for first thinking Keeping Secrets was worthy of publishing, then adding her editorial touch. And to Lilly Golden for guiding Keeping Secrets to publication.
There were others who read the early manuscript along the way whose comments influenced the final draft. My daughter Sarah Bernard made me rethink the opening, and Hugo Lindgren wisely counseled that Hannah had to return to Poland. But I cannot overstate the help of Natalia Olbinski, my adviser on all things Polish.
I am also indebted to Harriet Fier, Byron Dobell, Sheila Wolfe, Robert Loomis, Hilary Mills Loomis, Joanna Hershon, Edward Sorel, Tracy Chutorian Semler, Carole Lalli, and Melissa Osborn for their support and sage advice.
About the Author
Bina Bernard reported on political figures and writers for People magazine. Keeping Secrets is her first novel. Born in Poland, her immigrant experience remains central to her view of the world. She lives in New York, where her parents settled after World War II, with her husband, Walter Bernard, the graphic designer.
A Note on the Typeface
The text for Keeping Secrets is set in 10 pt. Janson, an old-style typeface created by Miklós Tótfalusi Kis 1650-1702). While living in Amsterdam, Kis became a talented engraver and master for stamping matrices for casting metal type. This typeface is based on surviving matrices mistakenly believed to have been created by Anton Janson (1620-1687). In 1954 it was proven to be the work of Miklós Kris.
Keeping Secrets:
Reading Group Guide
1. What life-changing secrets are revealed in Keeping Secrets? What family secrets are kept?
2. Harry Stone loses faith in God when he returns to the orphanage and the Mother Superior tells him, “I’m sorry. Lena is not here.” Why is Molly Stone’s faith not shaken?
3. In what way does Molly deal with the loss of her firstborn daughter?
4. How does survivor guilt affect Harry’s life in America?
5. Why did Harry and Molly both keep Lena a secret from Hannah for 30 years? How did this ruse complicate the life of the family?
6. Did you sympathize with Lena’s response to her stepfather’s confession: “I lied to Sister Marianna. I told her you had been sick and died . . . I kept you from your real family.” Or were you shocked by it, as Hannah was?
7. Lena’s husband is killed, and her loving stepfather dies unexpectedly. Hannah thinks her husband wants to leave her. How does each sister deal with her fear of being abandoned? Discuss the themes of abandonment in this novel.
8. Hannah became angry when her father said, “You’re a reporter. If anyone can find out what happened to Lena, you can.” Why did she finally agree to search for her sister?
9. Knowing the tiny gold cross around her neck is a red flag for her Jewish mother, why can’t Lena stop wearing it?
10. Given the anti-Jewish sentiment rampant in Communist Poland, what would it mean for Lena’s thirteen-year-old son, raised Catholic, to suddenly be revealed a Jew?
11. When Lena asks her sister, “Are you and mother close?” Hannah answers, “Mother and I have had a complicated relationship.” What secret does Hannah not reveal? Why?
12. Six months after they first took Lena in, why did her stepmother want to return her to the orphanage? What changed her mind?
13. Hannah was used to her combative relationship with her father and his coldness to her. She was stunned when she heard him suddenly declare “I love you” in Polish. What made her finally forgive her father’s past neglect?
14. How difficult is it for both sisters to adapt to a new family dynamic?
15. Hannah wept as she was telling Lena about the time she, Aunt Marta and Emma were squatting on the train station platform being expelled from Warsaw after the uprising failed. “Watched over by German soldiers pointing their guns, they waited. But no one knew where they were going. Or when. As a diversion, she had been spinning herself around like a top. When she stopped and saw no sign of Aunt Mara or Emma, she was sure she’s lost them forever. By the time they found her, she had stared to hyperventilate. But she did not cry.” Why wasn’t Hannah sobbing in terror at that moment?
16. Lena grew up with a rejecting stepmother and an adoring stepfather. Hannah’s mother over-compensated for Harry’s withdrawal from their supposed only child. Compare and contrast the challenges the two sisters faced growing up.
17. “I remember the oppressive heat from the burning buildings. The flames glowed red and gold on both sides of the street. It was October, but it felt as hot as summer. I wanted to rip off my coat. Mother and Aunt Emma each held my hand so I wouldn’t. We were walking over lifeless bodies that had been there for days in various stages of decomposition. I can’t forget that dreadful smell of decaying flesh. It comes rushing back even now, when I see a dead body lying in the street on the news, or even in a movie. The German soldiers shouted, ‘Mach schnell!’ I accidently kicked a helmet lying in the road and it rolled. A head was still in it. I almost threw up. Mother and Aunt Emma dragged me by the hand to keep me moving.” How did Hannah’s flashbacks of her wartime experience in Poland alter your perspective of World War II?
18. Why can’t Hannah give up acting as caretaker for both of her parents?
19. As post World War II refugees, how was the Stone Family’s immigrant experience different or similar to people seeking to emigrate to the U.S. today?
20. “No Mistakes Allowed!” Why does that phrase remain Hannah’s guiding principle?