25 to Wife

by J. C. Robinson

  We made it to the car without me melting in a puddle of feelings, leaving us to get in and drive home. Going through withdrawal from the show, the three of us didn’t speak much. Jenna drove the car out of the parking lot and we were on our way home.

  “So,” Paul said. “Are you a fan?”

  Jenna's eyes darted to me, curious about the answer. She knew I didn’t listen to very calm music, being the bundle of nerves I was. “Yes, actually it was nice to sit there and let the music wash over you,” I answered. “I want to see if it works on my phone outside of the concert, then I might not have to hike to de-stress.”

  “Or, you could do both,” Paul said. “That actually sounds amazing. Can we do that?”

  “Sounds like a plan to me,” I said, noticing that my facial muscles were sore. That was saying something too – Jenna was always saying I had a smile like the Joker.

  “Wait,” Jenna said. “Are we bringing like a stereo?”

  “Well,” I started, “first of all, who said you were invited?” I tried to keep a straight face as her mouth dropped open in mock hurt.

  “Fine,” she said. “Drew and I will go by ourselves.”

  Paul’s low voice came from the back. “All four of us should go.” I looked in the rearview mirror, meeting his eyes when he caught me looking. He was in the middle of a shrug and I averted my eyes. I usually never lost eye contact first – I learned not to back down from my arguments with my mom. But now, apparently I was shy in the face of low voices and cute shrugs. I could feel myself begin to blush.

  “Uh oh,” Jenna muttered.

  “What?” I asked, thankful for the distraction.

  “You didn't hear that?” she said, pulling the car over to the side of the road. “One second.” She got out then climbed back in, frowning. “We have a flat. Do you know how to change a flat?” she asked me.

  I shook my head. We then turned and looked to Paul.

  “Nope, sorry,” he said. “Cars are not my thing.”

  “Can you call your mom?” Jenna asked me.

  Usually, yes. She’d probably help begrudgingly, but there was no chance with Paul here. “Nope, I think she’s out of town.”

  “I can Google it,” Paul said. “Do you have the right tools?”

  “Not sure, maybe,” Jenna said.

  “I can Google that too.” He chuckled. “Although, do either of you have a tow truck thing through your credit card? That’s a thing, right?”

  “Oh!” Jenna exclaimed. “I think you’re right.”

  I nearly face-palmed, but instead I settled for looking to Paul and shaking my head with a dramatic flourish.

  “That’s good.” He laughed. “Otherwise, I might have had to call my grandma, or maybe lose an arm out there trying to replace the tire.”

  “Aw,” I said. “Now I kind of want to meet Grandma Paul.”

  “Maybe when we’re not sitting on the side of the road.”

  “Fair enough,” I said. I guess now I wanted to meet his grandma?

  Jenna called the towing company and they gave us an estimated half an hour of waiting.

  “So,” Paul said, breaking the silence. “How long have you and Drew been together?”

  Jenna thought for a moment. “You know, I have no idea.”

  “She’s very forgetful,” I said. “She wouldn’t know her anniversary date if her life depended on it.”

  “I’d be mad if it wasn’t true,” Jenna said. “I’ll ask Drew. Luckily for me, he doesn’t mind my forgetfulness.” She typed a few words into her phone before looking up. “What about you? How long have you been with Kelsey?” I shot Jenna a look and turned to Paul with an apologetic face to make up for the awkward question.

  “I don’t know how many dates you can count, if any,” he said. “But not long enough.”

  I was flattered to the point of speechlessness. Jenna added an “Aww” though.

  “Yep,” he said. “So what’s your goal in life, Jenna? Besides marrying Drew.”

  I was thankful that he had the ability to make conversation after rendering me unable to speak. I thought he was supposed to be shy. Or at the very least, didn’t Jenna say that he didn’t think he was good enough for me? But the confidence in the back seat radiated off him and caught me off guard, which was rare. I would definitely need that talk with Jenna later.

  “Right now I’m teaching, but I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do forever.”

  “Yeah, no kidding,” I said. “You should hear her complain every day.”

  “Well, what about you?” Jenna turned and asked me.

  “I’m not sure,” I said. “I just know it’ll be far away from here.”

  “Why’s that?” Paul asked.

  “Don’t get her started,” Jenna said.

  “Well,” I said, ignoring Jenna, “I wouldn’t say I want a fresh start, but there are a few things I could do without.”

  “Like her mother,” Jenna added.

  “Yes, like my mother,” I said. “What about you, Paul?”

  “To be honest, I just want my old job back.”

  “Dream job?” I asked.

  “Not quite,” he said. “But I was content.”

  The mood had taken a turn for the worse with talk of jobs. It seemed no one in the car had their life together. “But if it wasn’t for Target, we never would have met!” I said, hoping to clear away some of the gloom.

  “You’re right.” Paul looked me in the eyes. “That might make it worth it.”

  Again, I was taken off guard by his direct confidence and had nothing to say. Fortunately, the tow truck pulled in front of us at that moment, saving me from my shock.

  Nine

  Paul

  I should have known mixing Bon Iver with Kelsey would leave me emotionally overloaded. I sat in my chair at the re-entry program the next day – early of course – and used that time to reminisce. Despite breaking down on the side of the road, which had turned out nice, it had been a perfect day. Who needed a new guitar anyway. I was mentally exhausted though, trying to keep my head clear of self-doubt. But I did it. If I could keep my head when with her, and remain doubtful only when not with her, maybe I’d have a chance. I chuckled to myself. Whatever worked. I really liked this girl.

  A few minutes after I arrived, the instructor for the day showed up, then my classmates came in. I nodded politely, waiting for Kelsey’s appearance, silently hoping the seat next to mine would remain open. I didn’t have any good friends in this program so there was a good shot.

  “Oh, hey there.” Kelsey’s perky voice hit me like a slap to the face. I spun in my chair, a bit too quickly. Definitely not calm and collected.

  “Hey,” I said, watching as she sat down. She looked beautiful, per usual. Nothing to hold her golden hair from her face today, though. I liked how it flowed freely – it reminded me of her.

  “Recovered from our roadside situation yet?” she asked, showing her stark white teeth.

  I rubbed my hand over my head. “Barely. It was a lot of Jenna and Kelsey to handle,” I joked.

  “You passed Jenna’s test, though,” she said. “So congratulations.”

  “And if I hadn’t?”

  “I would have had to drop you. No hiking or hand-holding for you.”

  “Well, damn,” I said. “Glad I passed then.”

  “Me too.” Her eyes sparkled. She always seemed so incredibly genuine. Maybe that was why I had no worries around her. This girl could infuse me with such genuine interactions that even I couldn’t doubt her intentions.

  “I’d like to hear more about this getting out of the state, though.” I didn’t want her to leave. I certainly couldn’t leave in my situation and I didn’t want to lose a chance with her for such an uncontrollable reason.

  “Oh, it’s nothing.” She waved a hand dismissively. “It probably won’t happen.”

  The teacher stood up and cleared her throat. She began speaking, telling us what we were to do today.

  “B
ut if it does?” I asked quietly, eyes on the teacher.

  “Then just follow me, silly,” she said.

  “Tough to do on parole.” I gave her a quick glance with a tight smile.” But, only 6 months left!”

  “Oh.” We sat there silently for a few minutes, not really hearing the lesson.

  “What are you doing after?” I asked.

  She paused to think for a moment. “Nothing, why?”

  “Do you trust me? Come listen to me play after the program.”

  “Okay.” She didn’t hesitate.

  ---

  An hour later, I was letting her into my place. My keys were slightly slippery from my sweaty hands as I tried to fit them into the keyhole.

  “It doesn't usually take me this long to get in,” I said over my shoulder.

  “Oh, don’t mind me,” she said. “I’ll just enjoy the view.”

  I turned and gave her a look. There was no view to speak of, unless you counted a dumpster. “Not all of us can have beautiful beachside views out the front door.” I finally unlocked the apartment and gestured inside.

  “Hey, I like it here,” she said, bumping shoulders with me as she walked by. She looked around, taking in my kitchen and living room. “My mother is nowhere to be found.” She turned toward me and grinned.

  I dropped the keys on the counter and opened the fridge. “What’s so bad about her?” This wasn’t the first time she’d mentioned avoiding her. “Water? Juice? Sorry, no alcohol. I might have to invest in some if you decide to hide out from your mother here on a regular basis.” I grabbed the water pitcher and poured two glasses.

  “Excuse me,” she said. “I have quite the varied palate. Water is perfect. Thank you.” She picked up the glass and drank. “So, my mother?”

  Leaning against the counter, I nodded. “If you’re comfortable.”

  “Have you seen Harry Potter?”

  “I’ve read it.” Lots of time to read when locked up.

  “Okay, well she’s a mix of Dolores Umbridge and Cruella De Ville.”

  “Yikes.” I frowned.

  “I’m not done yet. I don’t know if that portrays her well enough.” She set her glass down and crossed her arms. “Okay, I’ll settle for a racist Dolores De Ville hybrid.”

  My frown deepened. “So…”

  “Yeah, so that’ll be fun,” she said.

  “Oh well.” I shrugged. “But wait, I’m willing to bet one of Cruella or Dolores is already racist.”

  “Ugh, I don’t know! Close enough.” She straightened up and broke into a smile. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen either.” Walking out of the kitchen, she poked me in the side. As she sat on the couch, she asked, “Where’s this guitar of yours?”

  “Okay, okay, I’ll get it.” I shook my head at her and retrieved the guitar from my room. “Wait, is that why your mom wasn’t a an option after the concert? Would she have had a fit to see you in the same car as a black guy?” I asked, sitting on the couch next to her.

  “Yeah, probably,” she said, not quite meeting my gaze.

  “Unless she thought I was the chauffeur or something.”

  “In the back seat?” She looked at me with a small smile.

  I laughed. “True.”

  “Sorry,” she said. “I know she’s the worst, hence why I’d like to get as far away from her as possible.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, “as long as you keep me a secret we should be fine.” I jokingly elbowed her, trying not to show the disappointment on my face. How was I supposed to date this perfect girl with such an awful parent?

  “What are you going to play for me?” she asked.

  “Let me guess,” I said, beginning to tune the guitar. “You want to hear Wonderwall?”

  Her face scrunched in mock disgust. “What kind of girl do you take me for, Paul? I’ll have you know, I am resistant to Wonderwallers.”

  “Damn. I’m out of songs then.” I stopped tuning the guitar and took it into my room. Coming back out empty-handed, I saw she had confusion plastered across her face. It took all I had to keep a straight face.

  “Wait,” she said. “Really? If so, then I could listen to some Wonderwall…”

  My face cracked a smile.

  “Oh, you jerk,” she said. “I thought I had squashed your love of music.”

  “Nope.” I retrieved the guitar for the second time and sat down next to her. “I’ll just play some Bon Iver. No singing though, you have to hear that.” With the guitar tuned, I played one of my favorites, Holocene. I ended up playing several songs for her. When I finished the last one, I looked over to her. She was sitting back on the couch, looking quite at peace. When she realized I had stopped, she opened her eyes and smiled.

  “That was great.” She stretched. “Are you done already?”

  “You looked like you were falling asleep,” I said.

  “I was, but in the best way.” She sat forward after I placed my guitar against the couch. She leaned her head against my shoulder and neither of us spoke. Even if I knew what to say, I didn’t want to ruin the moment. We sat like that for several moments, eventually moving to a reclining position with my arm wrapped around her. I closed my eyes and tried to capture this exact moment, so I could look back upon it. The smell of her hair so close to my face, the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed… I didn’t want it to end.

  “Can we just do this forever?” I asked, surprising myself. She pulled back slightly with that beautiful contagious happiness on her face and nodded. I was overcome with the desire to kiss her. My head wanted nothing more than to lean in, I was being drawn in, but I was paralyzed by fear. I managed to suppress any of the flashbacks of Alisha and the last time I had kissed a girl I was this into, but I was still frozen in place. All I could do was hope she wanted the same, and was willing to lean in. I would say I didn’t hold my breath for it, but I did.

  Her head moved slightly forward and time slowed down. Was she returning her head to my chest? Was she thinking about kissing me? I hoped I gave off a calm demeanor on the outside because on the inside my thoughts were a mess. I felt myself lick my lips, thinking of how obvious my desire must have felt to her. I was sure I was radiating want for her. And while I pondered all of this, she finally leaned in and kissed me. Her lips reached mine and my eyes went wide before recovering and closing. I was wrong before – this was heaven. Her lips were soft and my hands found her back. It was a gentle kiss and she pulled back after a few seconds, but I could still feel her on my lips. I ran my finger over my lips, looking to her smile, displaying her perfect teeth. Wow.

  “So,” I started.

  And she leaned in again. I melted under her kiss. My shoulders relaxed and any worries I had were released. Her hands reached up to my face, running her fingers across my beard. There was a low moan that rumbled in my throat. That was new.

  I turned my body to face her directly as we pulled back for the second time. “Wow,” I said aloud. “You’re amazing.”

  She gave a slight shrug that simultaneously said, “Thank you” and “I know.”

  I racked my brain for something witty to say but came up with nothing. We simply continued eye contact, neither saying anything. In my case, it was because I had nothing to say. Words couldn’t describe these first two kisses.

  “I think we can go hiking now,” she said with a small giggle.

  “Oh good,” I said. “I’m at a loss for words now, though. You’ll have to forgive me.” I leaned back into the couch, still watching her, and running my hand up and down her back.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “Me too.”

  Well, that was flattering. But she still seemed able to operate. I wondered what it felt like to know I deserved the person sitting next to me on the couch. What was she thinking? How did she feel about me? Was I of equal value to her? Was I someone fun to kiss occasionally? Maybe that’s why she had no trouble expressing herself, maybe that’s why she was comfortable in the moment. I could only ask myself as
I watched her lean in again, clearing the worries from my head.

  Ten

  Kelsey

  The sun shone through my front windshield, blinding me, but in the best way. It was warm out and I could already see the view from the parking lot. I was practically bouncing in my seat as I drove – I couldn’t wait to get to hiking with Paul.

  When his car pulled into the lot, I took a deep breath and threw the bouncing urge somewhere far away. I could resume my excitement after. I had to be under control in his presence, because he certainly seemed under control in mine. I shook my head. No, I couldn’t be the over-excitable girl. Balance, Kelsey, balance.

  He stepped out of the car and looked around. He had the same handsome, unreadable expression on his face. Today would be the day I cracked that.

  I hopped out of the car and grabbed my backpack. Paul saw me and I thought I saw the slightest bit of excitement flash over his face. I walked over to him – okay, basically skipped – and gave him a hug. He smelled good, per usual. “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey there.” He pulled out his backpack and slung it over his back. “Ready to teach me how to hike?”

  I playfully rolled my eyes. “It’s just walking! Except on a path.”

  “Hey, I don’t know, I’ve never been,” he said.

  I realized he was still holding my arms. I blushed, the heat rushing to my cheeks. His grip felt strong, yet gentle. His forearms showed the smallest hint of strain and my body threatened to shiver.

  “Kelsey?”

  Oops, had I been staring? I let my eyes meet his.

  “You okay?” he asked with a smile.

  “Yeah,” I answered, hoping my cheeks weren’t too red. I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. “You’re just distracting,” I added.

  “Oh. Hmm.”

  I laughed at his reaction. His eyes had gone wide before he broke into a grin. His mannerisms were so subtle I had to really pay attention to pick them up. I didn’t usually go for such quiet, introspective guys, but Paul had made me realize I might have been making a mistake. Especially when he exuded a quiet comfort, one that helped to distract me from my wild week of teaching those rascals.