I realized neither of us had said anything. Was his mind on a thought tangent as well? “Are you okay?” I asked, returning his question with a grin.
“Yeah, yeah.” He let go of one of my arms and scratched the back of his head. “You just leave me speechless sometimes.”
“Are you trying to make me blush, Paul?”
“No,” he said. “Am I?”
“Maybe…” I said. “But don’t worry, I’m sure my charm will wear off when I burp or something.” Before he could respond, I grabbed his hand and began to drag him toward the start of the trail.
An hour later and we had made progress up the mountain. Watching Paul experience the serenity of nature for the first time made me feel like quite the successful tour guide. We continued up the trail, watching the birds fly through the sky. We still held hands. I knew I didn’t want to let go. He asked me a few questions about the different types of wildlife on the path, the various plants and foliage, and other things we came across. I did my best to answer, interspersing kisses in between my not-so-helpful answers. He didn’t seem to mind.
A short time later, my phone vibrated for the second time.
“You should check it,” he said.
I pulled it out of my backpack, cursing whoever had to interrupt such a nice date. Turning it on, I groaned when I saw a message from the principal.
“What’s wrong?” Paul stopped walking and turned toward me.
“We’ll see,” I said, clicking into her message. I read it aloud. “Hi Kelsey, Alexander’s paperwork is being processed. You should have an answer in a month or so!” I threw my head back and groaned. “This kid is killing me. He disrupts the whole class.”
“What is the paperwork for?” he asked, crossing his arms.
“I’m trying to get him a one-on-one educational assistant, or an emergency removal to a more appropriate school setting. Nothing’s working, none of the other supports have helped. No one is cooperating because they don’t have to deal with him on a daily basis.” I kicked a rock and it skidded down the trail.
“Here.” Paul grabbed my hands and led me to a rock, sitting me down on it. He took a seat in front of me. He rubbed my hands and I swore I felt the calm demeanor that I was coming to know slowly flow through me. I felt the weight on my shoulders, the tension I hadn’t realized was there, lift for a moment. I felt lighter. I was able to take a deep breath. “How can I help?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Listening is good. You’re already good at that.” I gave him a half smile.
“Well, whatever I can do, I’m here,” he said. “Hiking? You got it. Wonderwall? Fine, I won’t love it, but you got it.”
I laughed. “Can you make them look at the eighty pages of supporting documentation I have on the kid?”
“Eh, I don’t know if I’m that helpful.” He maneuvered to his knees and brought my head to his chest. “I’m guessing that’s another reason why you want to leave Oregon?”
“Yup,” I said, enjoying feeling the warmth of his body against my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment.
An hour passed by and I was happy to be able to forget about Alexander for the moment. It was nice to sit there in silence, enjoying each other’s company. I smiled to myself, thinking about what Jenna would say. She knew I was a talker. I knew she’d tell me this boy was special if he could get me to just sit.
On the way back toward the parking lot, I remembered how Paul had said he’d be content to get his old job back. “Hey, Paul?”
He turned to look at me. “Yeah?”
“Why do you want to stay here? Why do you just want your old job back?” I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to go out and experience something better.
“That’s a good question.” He looked forward. “When I’m unhappy, AKA when I’m standing at the front doors of Target with a backache, I just picture myself back at my old job – not happy, but not loathing my job. I suppose after you’ve been locked up, you tend to lower your expectations on happiness.” Shrugging, he continued, “Or maybe that’s just me?” He paused briefly. “Are you having trouble relating?”
“A bit, yeah,” I said. A bird flew overhead, making the most obnoxious noise. We both laughed. “But I think I’ll figure it out eventually.”
“Good luck. I don’t even fully get it myself.”
We continued down the path in relative silence, only speaking up to point out something eye-catching.
“Man, this is exhausting.” He exhaled.
“Do you need a break?”
“Depends,” he said. “How far are we from the cars?”
“Oh.” I stopped walking. “Maybe we should turn around then and start heading back.”
“No.” He brought his hands to his head. “No way. Kelsey…”
“I’m just kidding,” I said. I stood on my toes and kissed him. “Only a few minutes.”
“You scared me. I thought we’d be camping out here for the night. If we weren’t even halfway…”
I laughed as his voice trailed off. “No,” I said. “Don’t worry. No camping. At least not yet.” I winked and grabbed his hand, pulling him along.
Back at his car, we leaned against the side.
“What’d you think?” I asked.
“It was fun. But tiring. If we could take the tiring out then, A-plus.”
“And if we couldn’t?”
“B-plus, but only if it comes included with kisses.” He looked at me expectantly.
I twirled my hair. “Oh, was that a hint?” I asked, feigning obliviousness.
He just smiled as I kissed him. This time he held me against him as our lips maintained contact. When we finally detached, he said, “Yeah, definitely worth it.”
“Even when I’m all sweaty?”
He nodded. “Even when you’re sweaty.” His gaze roamed into the distance. It was approaching sunset and the sun glanced off the elevation beautifully, shining through the trees as it fell in the sky. “So let’s do it again.”
“Really?” My heart beat faster, surprising me with my excitement.
“Why not?” he said. “These legs will get used to it, someday. That’s how it works, right?”
“Yeah, of course,” I said. I would have agreed even if it wasn’t true. I was surprising myself even more with my eagerness.
“Good.” He kissed my forehead. “Yum, sweat,” he joked. “See you tomorrow at the program?”
I felt my smile widen. “I’ll be there.” I hadn’t volunteered this much in a while.
“See you then.” He grinned and opened the car door. I backed up, watching him sit down before turning toward my car. I sighed. I reached into my backpack and yanked out my phone before I had even reached my car. I was dialing Jenna by the time I sat down.
Eleven
Paul
I was back at it again, and I was finally getting the hang of it. After the first hike, I woke up the next day with an urge to go walking. I tried to get myself out of bed that day and realized I might have to wait a day or so. I didn’t know it was possible to be so sore from simply walking. I never skipped leg day at the gym, but this was something else.
So today, out hiking for the fourth week in a row, I was pretty pumped. This time I even brought a friend. A few years ago, I never would have imagined having to reach out to Patterson to do something. Back then, I was never alone, whether I was with Alisha or one of my other friends randomly stopped by. But this was nice. I’d asked Patterson from work if he wanted to go on a hike, and he agreed. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed his company from high school. Mema was going to be proud.
Anyway, I had lost track of how many times I had been lately, and why. Was I trying to put up a better showing than last time?
“Quite lost in thought there,” Patterson said.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “Sorry.”
“It’s no problem,” he responded. “Hopefully it’s something good?” He narrowed his eyes and leaned in. “Wait a minute. I remember that look
from high school. It’s a girl!”
I nodded. “Yeah, and I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Well lay it on me, man.”
“That’s right,” I said. “You’re still with that Jessica girl, aren’t you? You probably have great advice. I’m all ears.”
“Well, one…” He held up a finger. “You have to tell me the problem before I can offer a solution. And two…” A second finger went up. “Jessica and I are off and on but I can do my best. You were the one with all the girls back in high school.”
I shook my head and laughed. “Like two. Plus, I’m a different person now. But yeah, listen up.” I detailed meeting Kelsey at work and the progression we had gone through. I told Patterson about the concert, seeing her at the re-entry program, and our first hiking trip. I told him about the doubts that had plagued me the last month, despite Kelsey and I getting closer.
“That’s a tough one.” He scratched his face in thought as we continued down the path. “Side note: my legs are killing me.”
I smiled. “Been there,” I said, remembering wishing for a wheelchair the day after my first hike.
“Are you comfortable around her?” he asked.
“Moderately so. I’m able to be myself around her for the most part, but my brain is waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to realize she’s too good for me.”
He stopped walking and looked around, finally settling on a rock to sit on.
“Hmm,” he said, scratching his whiskers again.
My phone rang. A glance at the caller ID told me it was Kelsey.
“Uh…”
“What?” Patterson looked up to me.
“It’s Kelsey,” I said. “She’s never called me before.”
“Well, pick it up dummy!”
I picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Kelsey,” she said.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “It’s 2017, we have caller ID. What’s up?” I wonder if she could sense me smiling through the phone.
“Just making sure! You never know,” she said. “But hey, what are you doing in two weeks, on that Saturday?”
“No plans, why?”
Patterson had his head in his hands, exuding impatience.
“Drew surprised Jenna,” she said, “and they’re literally getting married in two weeks.”
“Oh, wow.”
Patterson mouthed, “What?” I shooed him away.
“Yeah, I know! I don’t envy her, planning the whole thing in half a month. But I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?”
She wanted to take me? To the wedding of one of her best friends? “Yes.” I wracked my brain for anything else to say but it was too busy making sense of the invitation. People didn’t just casually invite people to weddings. Or did they? I had never been to a wedding.
“Great! We can hash out the details at the program tomorrow. I’m excited.”
“Yeah, me too,” I managed to say. “I did not see this coming.”
She giggled. “Just be ready. Bye.”
I said bye and hung up. Then I turned to Patterson with a slackened jaw.
“Dude! What?”
“She just asked me to a wedding,” I said.
He jumped up. “Well, problem solved then. Now we know she likes you too! Let’s finish this hike. My butt is starting to hurt.”
I broke out into a smile that didn’t fade for a couple of hours. For the entirety of the walk back, and even after departing from Patterson’s company, I ran through sixteen imaginary weddings. What if I was worrying over nothing? What if she was actually into me? As hard for it was for me to grasp that concept, Kelsey was putting up clear signs that were starting to break down my paranoid exterior. I couldn’t help but feel I was getting myself into trouble, but she had a magnetic pull that I couldn’t resist.
Alexander Interlude
“Alexander,” I said, “Come here.”
Of course, he did not. He turned and walked to the back of the classroom, grabbing two wooden building blocks and throwing them at my feet. I looked back to the rest of the class, ensuring they were still working on their drawings.
“Don’t you want to color?” I said. “The best picture gets a candy.”
The boy huffed and crossed his arms. “Keep your candy, banana-butt.”
Another new nickname. I ignored it and said, “Alexander, come sit when you’re done being difficult.” I fought the urge to turn around completely and walked back to my desk, keeping one eye on Alexander the entire time. I grabbed some of the extra paper for the rest of the students and began circulating the room as they worked. Alexander got up from his spot on the floor and grabbed more wooden blocks from the block center, tossing them around the back of the room.
In the beginning of the year, I would have attempted to control his block throwing, but now I knew that was impossible. The best I could do would hope he’d continue to keep himself busy in the back of the room, leaving the other children to complete their work. A building block flying by my head dispelled that hope. Looking up, he was coming right for me, no longer entertained by misbehaving in the back. I stood as he approached me. He hurried around the side of a table and raised his fist. I grabbed it before he could hit me. My heart rate remained level despite the threat of physical violence from this four-year-old. If he didn’t have scissors or some other weapon in his hand, then it was a good day. With only his right arm restrained, he was able to scratch me with his left. I grabbed his left hand, ignoring the new scratches on my arm. I turned him around and picked him up, doing my best to restrain him without hurting either of us.
I guided us to the intercom and called for someone to escort him to the office.
Jenna’s wedding couldn’t come soon enough.
Twelve
Paul
The two weeks flew by and Kelsey and I were on the way to the wedding. Well, they flew except for the part where I had to have the tuxedo company send me three different shipments. The first time they gave me a vest that would fit a toddler and pants that were way too tight around the waist. The second order was perfect, except the vest was the complete wrong color. They got it right the third time, but I didn't realize until the day of the wedding that the tie was a wrap-around clip-on it tended to droop every five minutes or so. Kelsey laughed at me every time I pulled down the car mirror to jam the knot back into my neck.
“Why am I wearing a tuxedo anyway?” I asked after pushing it up for the umpteenth time. “I looked it up and only the special people get dressed up.”
She took hers eyes off the road for a moment, glancing in my direction with that never-ending smile of hers. “I’m one of the bridesmaids, so I have to dress all nice. I thought we could match.”
“That’s a decent enough reason,” I said. “You did say I didn’t have to, but how am I supposed to turn that smile down?”
“That’s how I like it.”
We sat silently for a few minutes before she mentioned we were about fifteen minutes out.
“Anything I need to know?”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Does Jenna have any wild family members I need to watch out for?” Best to be prepared.
“Not that I can think of.” She thought for a moment. “Probably just Uncle Al or my mother.”
“Your mom’s going to be there?”
Kelsey sighed. “Probably, she likes to show up and spoil my good time.”
“Oh, man,” I said. “Why am I going then?”
She looked at me briefly once again. “Because I like you.” She reached for my hand. “Plus, you’ll be pretending to be the boyfriend of one of Jenna’s other friends.”
“Oh.” I stared forward out the windshield.
“I’m kidding!” We hit a stoplight and she gave me a quick kiss. “We will deal with that speed bump when and if she shows up.” She shrugged, looking not concerned in the least. All I could picture was an episode of the Real World, one of the ones where the
fights went down and someone had to leave.
“Yeah,” I said softly. “What could go wrong?”
“It’ll be fun either way,” she said. “Maybe you’ll be able to see why I can’t wait to leave.”
“Well, even if I do, it’s not like I can leave the state now.” Every past time she had talked about leaving, I had forgotten I couldn’t physically leave the state without approval from my parole officer.
“Oh, are you assuming I want you to come along now?” she asked.
Yikes. That was a good point. Had I gone from knowing she was too good for me to assuming she’d want to take me along?
She continued speaking I when I didn’t respond. “I’m kidding, again, Paul. You take me so seriously sometimes.”
I couldn’t help when a joke fell right in my paranoia wheelhouse.
“I would want you along, though,” she said. “I don’t take just anyone to a wedding you know.” All I managed was a smile. I liked the aftermath of her jokes. Even if they stoked the fires of paranoia, she always knew what to say to flatter me back into a speechless submission.
I was still deep in thought when we arrived. Kelsey pulled up and we hopped out, then the car was taken away by the valet.
“So what now?” I asked, pressing my tie to my throat.
“Kelsey!” A voice carried from a distance away. I turned and looked over my shoulder. Three guys were walking toward us, the first with quite the frat boy look. Even when dressed up this guy couldn’t cover up that vibe. He had blond hair that almost covered his eyes and his other sharp features. His nose was quite prominent and his laugh could be heard from across the parking lot. The guy was loud. I turned back to Kelsey.
“And who's that?” I asked.
The sides of her mouth twitched downward, threatening to frown. “That’s my ex-boyfriend, Bradley.”
We both watched as he came closer, laughing with his two other friends. “Did you know he’d be here?” I asked.
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