He had made salmon with a special sauce, which he said had a secret ingredient. The rest of the plate was filled with broccoli, rice, and even macaroni and cheese. I didn’t know where to start. He had outdone himself.
Once finished, he took the plates and dropped them in the sink. “So?” he asked.
“Delicious.” I patted my belly and closed my eyes.
“Don’t fall into a food coma just yet, you’ll miss the guitar.”
I snapped up, suddenly wide awake. “I’ll be on the couch!”
Paul spent the next hour serenading me with a bunch of songs I had never heard. It was a magical hour and time flew by. He even sang a bit, reserved, but singing nonetheless. After he’d hypnotized me with the songs he put the guitar away and sat next to me on the couch. He wore a troubled look on his face, like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how. I waited patiently, wondering what it could be.
“So you don’t think going back to school would be dumb?” he asked.
I smiled and leaned toward him. “Of course not,” I said. “You know I think you should shoot higher than only being content at your old job. I’m thrilled to hear I’ve introduced you to something you might be interested in pursuing.” And I really was. He had sounded so stuck on trying to get back to his office job, where he’d merely been going through the motions. I didn’t think I’d get through. Watching the subtle excitement on his face had been worth the wait. “If you want help applying or anything, just let me know.”
“Now?” he asked.
“Whenever!” I said.
He flipped open the laptop and we went back to the screens we’d had open before dinner. By the end of the night, we had bookmarked several applications and inquiries he could send to schools and jobs. He emailed me the files so I could print them out the next day at work.
“Thank you.” He closed the computer, letting out a deep breath. “Progress.”
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. I’d have to ask if that annoyed him. Better yet, I should ask his love language. “Do you work tomorrow?”
He shook his head. “Nope. You?”
“You know I work every weekday, butthead.”
“Need a volunteer?” he asked.
“Really?” Our school was lax with volunteers so Paul could absolutely come if he wanted to. “Yes!” I said, wincing as I noticed how enthusiastic that came out. I laughed. “You can see how bad I have it with Alexander.”
“I don't have any plans for tomorrow, so let’s do it,” he said. “That is, if they let someone like me in.”
“I promise there are no racists at my school.” I placed my hand on his arm, caressing it up and and down. “At least none that would say anything aloud.”
He smiled, which I was not expecting. “No, I mean like people who have been to prison. But good to know on the racist part.”
“Oh, you'll be fine.” I waved him off. “You literally just sign your name.” With that being said he didn’t put up any further argument. It was a date. A day-date with thirty or so children.
Seventeen
Paul
Kelsey had slept over last night, so we drove to her work together. It was feeling very couple-y and I wasn’t going to complain. Yesterday had been a great day, minus the old racist man at Target. Mema’s recipe worked in squashing any bad feelings I had left over. I made a mental note to call her and thank her. We had then cooked dinner together, and enjoyed each other’s company on the couch. Sleeping next to her was even better.
We arrived at school way too early – I was still waking up. “Do you get here this early every day?”
“Nope,” she said. “Usually earlier.”
“How?!” I said, before yawning.
“You get used it it,” she said. “For the most part.”
She led me into her classroom and I helped her take down the chairs, the entire time eyeing her comfortable-looking chair. I wanted a nap before the kids got in. I couldn’t imagine how Kelsey and other teachers did this every day.
The kids arrived eventually and introductions were made. Kelsey had me share what I did for a living and the kids actually seemed interested. I had to remember that kids were easily amused.
“Do you arrest the guys who steal?”
“Do you carry a gun?”
“My mom says she likes a guy in uniform!”
Only with Kelsey’s help was I able to keep up with all the inquiries. These kids were interesting, though, if a bit unruly. I hoped their enthusiasm would rub off on Kelsey – I wouldn’t feel so insecure being at such a dead-end job if she liked a man in uniform, like Juliana’s mom.
After being introduced to the rascals I sat behind Kelsey’s desk while she taught them. I cut out some papers, preparing for a project the next week. Idly cutting and listening to Kelsey was oddly peaceful. I got into a rhythm and was unexpectedly enjoying myself. The kids said some wacky stuff that left me laughing on more than one occasion.
Kelsey had told me before arriving that Alexander the troublemaker was on a half-day schedule. She said it was the only concession she could get from the school system in terms of curbing his behavior and not letting him disrupt the classroom. And disrupt he did. I watched as he threw chairs and slapped kids. It was pretty appalling, but Kelsey managed admirably. Once lunchtime was approaching, she sent Alexander to go get his stuff ready to leave. She sent me after to help. I was a little nervous – with the way this kid acted I wouldn’t have been surprised to not make it back to the classroom in one piece. Once we got to his cubby he pulled his jacket off the hook onto the floor. Why? This kid was insane.
“Hey,” I said. He turned to face me. “Have you ever been to prison, Alexander?”
---
“Now you see why I want to leave,” Kelsey said, taking a bite of her sandwich.
It was now lunchtime, the kids were in the cafeteria, and Kelsey was taking a much-needed break. “It is pretty rough,” I admitted. “Even that’s probably an understatement. How soon were you trying to leave?”
“Not sure.” She gave a small shrug.
I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want to lose her already. Even if my officer let me go, would I be setting myself up for disappointment if I went after her? Would she even want me to go after her? We hadn’t been together for too long. The only positive I could imagine was that she would be further from her mother. But she’d grown up with her mom, and any damage was likely already done. Like the grocery store incident – how had she not seen what was going on? Was she ready for the looks she’d get with me? Would that add up? I didn’t want to put her in a position where she’d be uncomfortable due to her upbringing, whether that was her subconsciously adopting something from her mother or just being ignorant of the troubles she would encounter by proxy. To be fair, she had been great so far, considering who her family was, but again, it hadn’t been too long. Being raised by a bigoted mother wasn’t something that would come without its prejudices, no matter how slight.
Part of me wanted to play it safe and keep my head down – return to my old job and simply be content. But Kelsey had awoken another part of me that wanted to strive for more. That part wanted to fight through the society that wanted me to fail, through the mother who wanted Kelsey to go back to frat douche, and continue the all-white lines. I was surprised that the urge to defy her mother was so strong, to prove that I could be good for Kelsey. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I might be wanting to prove to myself that I was good enough for her. Lord knows I had been struggling with that. It was all too easy to imagine her waking up one morning and realizing I was simply an ex-prisoner with a security job at Target and no bright future.
“Are the leftovers that good?” Kelsey was grinning. She had caught me deep in thought. Looking down at my plate, I realized I had barely touched my food. What would I tell her if she asked what I was thinking about?
“I don’t love leftovers,” I said, hoping to keep the topic on food rather than m
y thoughts, “but I think my laziness wins out. It usually does.”
“What do you usually bring to work?”
Success. No inquiring as to my dizzying thought process.
“I work at Target, Kelsey.” I said, laughing. “Do you know how much food we have there?”
Eighteen
Kelsey
A month after the delightful salmon date, Paul and I decided to get away from it all and head to Willett Park, for a weekend without the Alexanders of the world.
Paul had received approval from his parole officer and I had put in my vacation request for a long weekend – we were free, for a few days at least.
We had four days to do whatever we wanted. Hiking, swimming, sex, sleeping all day, anything that came to mind. Willett Park was just over the border, in California. Its main attraction was the giant trail system, but it also had pretty much any outdoor amenity a couple could want.
“Where is all this going, anyway?” I asked, realizing we never talked about it.
“Oh,” he said. “Hmm, what do you want to be?”
I didn’t respond immediately. Did I know what I wanted us to be? I had brought it up quite impulsively when my mind wandered there. “Married, probably.” I spared a glance away from the road to smile at Paul so he would know I was kidding.
He laughed. “I don't have the ring yet, though.”
“Get something at the gift shop,” I said, placing my hand on his thigh. “But actually, I haven’t put too much thought into it. What about you?”
“Um,” was all he said. I glanced at him once more. He was deep in thought, staring forward.
“Something on your mind?” I asked.
“Well, I could lie and say I haven’t thought about it, but I have. Not in the way you’d expect though.”
“What do you mean?” When he didn’t respond right away, I continued, “We can talk about it later if you need more time to gather your thoughts.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said. “You surprised me. That was random.”
“I know,” I agreed. “It’s been a long drive.”
---
We arrived as the sun was setting. We both got out of the car, stretching our travel-tired muscles.
“So what first?” I asked over the hood of the car.
“I dunno…maybe check in?” he said with a hint of sarcasm.
“You know what I mean.” I rolled my eyes. “After that!”
“Well, what are my options?”
We went to the back and pulled out our luggage while I thought about it. “I think there’s a pool? There’s probably a bar, too.”
“Pool, please,” he said abruptly, as he held the door into the hotel open.
Nineteen
Paul
It was an easy decision. Even though drinking at the bar would have decent odds of ending with us in our underwear upstairs, my brain seemed to find the immediacy of her in a bikini appealing.
I held the two suitcases as she checked us in. She took our key and led us up to our room.
My mind must have anticipated the minibar having alcohol, making the bar downstairs redundant. Thanks, brain buddy. I supposed that sometimes my mind could be useful. Sometimes it tripped me up, like earlier in the car, but sometimes it made decent decisions.
“You okay over there?” Kelsey asked from across our room. She had been looking out the window while I was staring inside the minibar.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “My mind was just telling me how it can’t wait to see you in your bathing suit.”
She feigned an facepalm, an elegant one at that. Then she shrugged. “Well, I guess I can’t blame you. I won’t hate the sight of you. I’m hoping for a speedo.”
“Let me work on my quads a bit before I go that far.” We both laughed, then finished getting ready for the pool. We arrived to the near-empty pool area a few minutes later. I looked into the sky. “When did it get all dark?”
“Sometime between our arrival and now,” she said, a smirk on her face.
“Put your stuff down please.”
“Why?” she asked. “So you can push me in?”
“Put the stuff down or it goes in with you,” I said, approaching her.
“Okay, okay.” She threw down her phone and bag. “But let me get in by myself! It’s too cold otherwise. I might, uh, it might activate my medical condition.”
I gave her a skeptical side-eye. “Medical condition? Okay.” Chuckling, I sat on the edge of the pool, my legs dangling in the water. She went around the long way and started walking slowly down the stairs into the pool.
While she took her time to get fully submerged, I looked around the pool. It was a modest size, and there was only one group of individuals at the other end. It was hidden in a crevice on the fifth floor of the hotel, giving it a feeling of exclusivity. Three of the sides of the pool area were the building walls, but from the fourth side there was a great view of the hiking area, or at least some mountainous area that looked to be hiker territory. The moon lit up that section of nature, giving it a haunting aura even from this far away.
Kelsey finally made it to me and I dropped myself into the pool. The water was chilly but I adjusted quickly. “Took you long enough,” I said.
“Maybe so,” she replied, “but my body thanks me for it.”
I looked down at her body, now distorted by the pool water. I mentally kicked myself for forgetting to admire her as she was getting in. I shook my head and laughed to myself. Apparently now I admired nature more than my girlfriend. “You were kidding about the medical condition, right?” Can’t have my girlfriend ailing without me knowing about it.
“Yes, silly.”
I splashed her with a bit of water, a smile playing across my face. “That was a little cruel.”
“You knew I was joking.” She returned the smile and floated over to give me a kiss.
“Fair enough.” I shrugged. “So, about that talk…”
“Which one?” Her eyes lit up with realization a few seconds later. “Oh, yeah. That one.” She leaned against me, wet hair and all on my shoulder.
“Where does one start with a talk like that?” I asked.
“I think we just say what we want.” She looked up at me. It was an irresistible look, so I kissed her. Her kisses sent sparks through my lips. I was frustrated with my inability to describe to her how I was feeling.
“What’s got you so smiley?” she asked.
“Just thinking about your kisses.”
“Maybe I should withhold them until we finish this discussion. I can’t have you getting distracted.”
I took an exaggerated deep breath and settled in for the discussion. “I like you a lot, Kelsey.” I looked into her eyes.
She returned the gaze, not responding immediately. “Is that it?”
“For now,” I said. “Your turn.”
“Hmm.” She took a step back in the water and took hold of my hand while she thought. “As you know, I like you too.”
“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know that, actually.” I tried to smirk, but knowing I wasn’t really joking interfered with that.
“You should have.” She rolled her eyes. “Why else would I be out here in the middle of nowhere with you? I didn’t even know this Willett Resort existed before now.”
“True.” She did have a point. A few days with a guy she didn’t like? That didn’t make sense. But it was so tough to see her as simply wanting to be here with me. Why was it easier to think of some convoluted reason why? “I want to be with you,” I said.
Twenty
Kelsey
“I want to be with you,” he said, surprising me. I didn’t expect him to come out and say it. I broke my “no kisses until the discussion is over” vow and took a step forward and kissed him. “Sorry.” I gave him a sheepish grin.
I wanted to be with him, too. I was scared. Not scared of him, though. I had been turning over the possibilities for the past few minutes while entering the pool. I wa
nted him, but would we last through all the baggage we each brought to a relationship? It was almost as if our respective baggage fit perfectly into a conflict-ridden ride. My mother and his race. His past, even if I wanted to believe he was innocent, presented issues of parole officers and restrictions. I wanted to get far, far away from here. Could he do that? Was it fair to bring that into consideration?
“I want to be with you, too,” I finally said. “But aren’t you scared?”
“Oh, absolutely terrified.” A worried, tight-lipped frown flashed over his face. “But I don’t know what else to do. I spent so long…”
I waited for him to finish, but he didn’t. He turned and set his arms on the edge of the pool. “Spent so long what?” I asked, coming up to his side.
“The grocery store,” he said, looking at me. “Could you deal with that on a daily basis? As much as I want to say your mother and that old man are… unique… they really aren’t. Have you ever been in a situation like that before?”
I hadn’t. I shook my head. It had taken me awhile to even grasp the gravity of the situation.
“No. But should that stop us?” I was asking him, but I wasn’t sure if the question was only for him. Should it stop us? If I was being fair, then my upbringing was likely to blame. I grew up sheltered in my own snow globe, with a lack of experiences and interactions with other races . Would that prevent me from having a successful relationship with Paul?
“I don’t know,” he said. “I mean, I don’t think it should stop us."
Twenty-One
Paul
I didn’t know what to say. Would it be wrong to push for what I wanted? Or was I supposed to be practical here?
25 to Wife Page 10