“What’s wrong, Paul?” Mema asked, walking back into the room. She dried her hands the dishtowel. “I heard a gasp.”
I looked up at her worried face and smiled to assuage her fear. “It’s nothing. I was accepted but I didn’t complete the application.”
“Was that who just called?” she asked. I nodded. She laughed and said, “Well, call them back, dummy!”
“That’s probably a good idea,” I said, grinning. I picked up my phone and hit redial.
---
I didn’t remember a thing about the ride home or how I ended up sitting on my couch. I’d called Joel Ibanez back before I left Mema’s, and he told me I actually had been accepted. I didn’t know what to think, so apparently that meant I went into autopilot. I didn’t know how it had happened. Well, the only possible way was Kelsey, right? But my hands were actually shaking. I was thrilled, but when I looked at myself in the mirror I looked terrified. My palms were sweaty and I wore a nervous smile. My heart hadn’t stopped beating a mile a minute since I heard the news. Would Kelsey want to know? It would be a decent excuse to talk to her. I could really use a conversation with her now.
I picked up my phone and dialed four of the ten digits. It was natural that I’d want to speak with her so soon, but I’d have to get used to it after a breakup. I paused with my finger hovering over the fifth number. I should only call her if I want to beg for her back. Beg wasn’t the right word. Have a discussion, get closure. Those were better phrases, but were they just excuses to hear her voice again? I could think in circles for ages and get nowhere. I needed to make a decision and live with the consequences. I dialed the rest of her number.
Twenty-Eight
Kelsey
I walked into my classroom and sighed. Another day in this hell with these monsters. I prepared for the day, making sure Mr. Golden Sunshine and his other caterpillar friends were still alive before moving to the more mundane tasks. I couldn’t quite manage to get excited about my job anymore. In fact, I’d begun to dread coming in. I shook my head. Counting down the days until the weekend was no way to live. Darn this life, I thought.
The first kid to come into the classroom was John. “Hi, Ms. Cohen,” he said.
“Hi, John,” I said with the kindness I definitely did not feel. “Take a seat. I’ve got an exciting day planned for us today.” I waved John’s mother goodbye before going to sit at my desk. The smile dropped from my face as soon as my back was turned. Twenty-three days, six hours, and thirty minutes left until summer…
The day moved as smoothly as one in my Pre-K class could, and hours later it was finally time for the troublemaker extraordinaire Alexander to go home. I had finally convinced the school board to put him on a half-day schedule, but beyond that, I got little help. He was on his sixteenth one-on-one behavioral. How could the school tell me that Alexander was fine if even the one person whose sole job was to assist Alexander with school work couldn’t last more than a few days before they quit? They expected me to handle him and thirty others. It was time for him to be considered for a different, more structured school setting and I knew it. My eyes were glued to the clock, but the boy’s mother never came. Instead, the principal, Mr. Idunlisen, stepped into the room. I put on an educational dance video for the children to watch while I chatted with him. Maybe the kids would demonstrate their disdain for Alexander right now and I could go home. Woah, where did that come from? What an angry thought...
“Ms. Cohen, good day.” The principal nodded in the pretentious way that only he could manage. Again, I managed to restrain an eyeroll. “I regret to inform you that Alexander’s mother will not be picking him up today.”
“Uh…” I said. What was I supposed to say to that?
“Yes, I’m very sorry.” he smiled.
“So, what’s happening to him?”
“Well, we’ve got a waiver filled so that you can take him home,” he said. “We believe your strong-hand will assist in helping him to grow and prosper.”
“What?! Is that legal?” I asked.
“Yes!” He chuckled. “Don’t be confused with our inability to get other productive forms signed. This flew right through the board of education - everyone agrees your home is the best fit! Even his mother thought it was a wonderful idea. He’ll be staying with you until he’s eighteen.”
“Is this a joke?” My fists involuntarily tightened. I began calculating my income if I quit and only drove Lyft. I released the grip on my fists as I finally realized what was going on - this must be a dream, or nightmare, rather. Thankfully, it had gotten so ridiculous I was realizing what was going on. I tried to open my eyes but I was unable to wake myself up. It was usually a fifty-fifty shot. The principal, who I now realized wasn’t even the same gender as my real-life principal, resumed speaking.
“Hardly, my dear. We have no other choice.” He turned and high-stepped his way out of the classroom. He turned before exiting. “Have fun!” Then he left the room.
Suddenly Alexander’s backpack, toiletries, and belongings were thrown into the classroom. “Sorry, I forgot to give you all his stuff!” Mr. Idunlisen’s voice carried from outside the door.
I went and sat at my desk. The kids stared at me as ‘Get Your Body Moving’ had stopped playing. “Ms. Cohen?”
“Ms. Cohen, the video’s over!”
I ignored them all. I was now a mother. I stood up, gathered my belongings and walked to the caterpillar tank. I debated flipping the tank of bugs onto the floor but decided the bugs deserved better. Without another word, I strode to the window and kicked it open. I decided to take advantage of my dream-powers, and vaulted into a flip out of the window, using one hand as a gymnast would to spring themselves into the air. I landed and smoothed my skirt out, walking to my beautiful metal steed and drove off, never to return.
I woke up with a start, frantically looking around, breathing hard. I was drenched in sweat and the room was dark. I was back in my bed. Finally. I lay back down into the puddle of sweat my nightmare had seemingly produced. I took a look at the nightstand – it was only three in the morning. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get back to sleep though. I was drained, and work hadn’t even started.
---
A few hours later, I actually arrived at work. I pinched myself a couple times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming again. I walked into the classroom and glanced at our classroom’s caterpillar, Mr. Golden Sunshine – he was real. I frowned. It was unnerving having to remember what was real and what had only existed in my dream. The kids piled into the classroom, as I greeted them at the door. I sat at my desk, still seemingly gathering my wits for the day. I wondered if they would assign me a new one-on-one for Alexander or if the dream was an omen, predicting the future.
The one-on-one for Alexander did not arrive – they were still working on finding a sub. Not a great start to the day. Regardless, I went on with the lesson plan. We took note of the caterpillar’s growth and began to craft our toilet paper roll caterpillar crafts. Surprisingly, there were no interruptions. I didn’t realize until we had completed the activity that I hadn’t had to scold anyone. My eyes swept across the crowd of children and landed on Alexander. The usually troubled boy was sitting on the floor, not interacting with anyone. This was unlike him. By now,he would have pulled a braid out of someone’s hair or have hit one of his peers at this point in the day. Instead, he just idly played with his toilet paper roll caterpillar. Checking my watch, I narrowed my eyes. It had been over an hour. I couldn’t remember the last time Alexander behaved for more than thirty minutes. Something was up.
Maybe I wouldn’t have to kick my way through the window after all. I found my lips curling into a slight smile. Which was also weird because I thought I had forgotten how to smile at work.
Lunchtime came and I dismissed the children to the cafeteria. Alexander had continued to behave for the most part, a reserved shell of what he had been the whole year. I held him back for a moment – I was dying of curiosity.
&nbs
p; “Alexander,” I said.
Holding his lunch box in both hands, he looked up at me.
“Are you feeling sick today?” I asked. “Everything alright?”
“Yes, Ms. Cohen,” he said, rolling his eyes. Okay, so he was still in there somewhere. Dare I risk releasing the beast?
“You’ve been quiet today. Any reason why?”
“I don’t want to go to prison, duh.” He rolled his eyes in an even more exaggerated manner.
I opened my mouth to inquire further before dropping the thought and waving him off to lunch. Prison? Where did he get that notion from? Paul?
I settled in for lunch. Maybe I wouldn’t have to quit after all. Then, my phone rang.
Twenty-Nine
Paul
“Hello?” Kelsey’s voice came through the phone, and instant relief flooded through my body. My worries left me and I felt free. It made no sense, but her voice was a welcome sound.
“Hey,” I said. “It’s Paul.”
“Hey, Paul. Did you threaten to call the cops on Alexander or something when you volunteered?”
“Who? Me?” A wide grin broke across my face. I could imagine her smiling too. “Yes,” I admitted. “I mean, no. I didn’t threaten him. I just gave him an abridged version of my story.”
“It worked,” she said. “He didn’t make a peep today.”
“Really?” I had forgotten about speaking to him, with all the worrying I had been doing. “That’s awesome. Maybe now you don’t have to quit. If it lasts.” If she didn’t have to quit, then would she still want to move? I shook the thought out of my head. Don’t get too excited.
“That’s what I was thinking,” she said, and her voice carried a note of excitement. What caused that, though? “Thank you,” she added.
“You’re welcome. I hope it lasts.”
“Me too. But hey, you called?”
Oh yes, I guess I did. “Yeah, I had just been thinking. Did you…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. Should I ask her to come over and talk rather than talking to her over the phone? “Oh! Did you send in my applications?” I nearly forgot about those.
She was silent for a moment. “I did. I dropped them off at the post office. Did you hear back?”
“They accepted me. I got the call today.” I could be more than a Target security guard. Maybe I was worthy of her. Maybe she didn’t need to move. A lot of maybes. The answers were on the other side of the phone, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
“That’s amazing, Paul. I have to get back to teaching, lunch is almost over. But we’ll talk again soon?”
“Sure,” I said, wondering when soon was. I didn’t ask, but I didn’t need to. She had sounded excited to talk to me. Things weren’t over yet. I wasn’t going to be kept down by my own insecurities. I would put my best foot forward, whether that was Target or my old desk job. I would do my best, continue to demonstrate my worth, and let her decide.
My hand made a fist and I stared at it. Why had I been insistent on shooting myself in the foot all this time? She had said it herself, she was used to the bottom of the barrel with guys and I had provided value to her, even at my worst. I could only improve, especially if I stopped moping around. The next time I talked to her, I would lay it all out on the line.
---
I got nothing accomplished over the next few hours, besides creating a mental script for the next time I talked to Kelsey. It would surely all go out the window when I saw her face again, but it calmed me to organize my thoughts. Otherwise, I’d be bouncing off the walls due to excitement and/or nerves.
When I ran out of things to plan, I turned to playing my guitar. I did my best to divert my energy to my fingertips as I practiced more than I had in weeks. I was rusty to start, but as one hour hit two, and then three, my fingers responded deftly to my commands. My fingertips hurt after such an extended practice session, with my guitar calluses not being what they used to be. I have to make sure not to neglect the guitar no matter what happens with Kelsey. I’ll make time for it. That was as long as my guitar held up to the wear and tear – it was getting up there in years.
I set the old guitar down and looked at the time. As soon as I saw the clock change to four in the evening, my phone buzzed. I had a text.
What are you up to?
It was from Kelsey. My fingers fumbled to respond, causing me to nearly drop my phone. I settled on a reply.
Nothing much. Just finished practicing the guitar. You?
That was calm enough. Or at least it would have to be, because I sent it. I received a response in a few short minutes.
Doing anything tonight?
Nope.
It was a short response, and I hoped it wasn’t a conversation killer, but I was too anxious that it could be her checking if we could have a conversation. On the other hand, I hoped it wasn’t an idle meaningless text. Then she replied.
I have a surprise for you.
My jaw slackened and my eyes went wide. A surprise? That left me both terrified and thrilled. Happy because I’d get to see her again shortly, that she would do something for me, and that she felt something that made her want to surprise me. It made my heart pound, my hands clammy, and my stomach drop because surprises always reminded me of the time Alisha surprised me with the police on our doorstep. I still had nightmares about that. They had become less frequent but they still came through every now and then.
Unfortunately, I could remember that day with intense clarity. I had just gotten home from work. It was a Wednesday and I had worn my favorite, albeit slightly wrinkled, pink shirt that day. I remembered driving past a police car parked down the block, not thinking it was related to me. Who would have? I pulled into my space in the lot, and only then did I notice there was another police car, this one unmarked - the lights barely visible through the tinted rear window. I gathered my things and stepped out of my car, eyeing the plainclothes officer as I walked toward the apartment where Alisha and I were staying. That was when things got incredibly uncomfortable, ultimately ending up with me being arrested. I shivered at the memories, my doorbell bringing me back to the present. I put my head in my hands as I worked to clear my mind of Alisha’s surprise. The doorbell rang again and my phone buzzed with another text.
Get the door!
It was from Kelsey. This was a good surprise, one that allowed me to banish nearly all my worries of Alisha. I trotted to the door and opened it.
“Wow.” I stared through my door frame at the girl I almost let get away. Her smile washed away any doubt I had about trying to work through this. I was sure anything was possible.
“Surprise!” She held up…
“A guitar?” My eyes snapped from the guitar, back to her face, and back to the guitar. “Is this for me?” My voice wavered. She nodded her head rapidly, wearing an inviting smirk. I leaned over the guitar and kissed her. “Come in!” I waved her in and we sat on the couch. She handed me the guitar. “How… how did you know?” I said. It was the exact guitar I would have bought if I hadn’t gone to Bon Iver with her.
She giggled. “I can’t give away my secrets.”
“Wow, Kelsey.” I ran my hands over the guitar. It was brand new. I was speechless.
“I know your old one is on its last legs,” she said. Her hand met my back, running up and down over my shirt.
I looked to her. A huge smile threatened to break out. “Does this mean I don’t have to give my big rehearsed speech?”
She laughed and leaned forward, bringing her lips centimeters away from mine. “Only if you want to.” Then she kissed me.
“We can do this,” I said, once our lips had separated. “If you’re willing of course. I know my situation isn’t the best, but I know that I am the best for you.”
“I think you’re right.” She laid her head on my shoulder. I set my shiny guitar down and placed my hand over hers.
“We work best together. I’ll be your strongest advocate when it come
s to grocery store incidents. I could have been better before.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Next time.”
“And…” She looked up at me. “I will support you through your situation. I don’t care that about your past.” She jerked upright. “Why didn’t you tell me Alisha lied?”
“Hmm,” I hummed. “I’m not sure.” Why hadn’t I? “I think I blocked it out. I hardly thought about it myself after finding out. I didn’t get a retrial or anything so I decided focusing on it would only make me bitter. I was fortunate to get out relatively early and I just tried to forget about it.”
“You might be a better person than me,” she said with a small laugh.
“You deal with your mother,” I replied. “I think we are equally good people for not letting those around us bring us down… well, not bring us down for long.”
This would work. Kelsey was on board with my situation and would support me, much like she had with the applications. In turn, she seemed determined to get educated on what I went through on a daily basis with people like the old man from the grocery store. Together, we could build each other up and be the best that we could be.
Thirty
Kelsey
My shirt fell to the ground as my lips met his. We made our way clumsily into his bedroom, stopping at his bed. Without a word, he pulled me into him and continued to kiss me. It was a kiss that made it obvious just how much we had missed each other. I felt his body press into me and his arms wrap around my back, pulling me into him. Our lips continued to collide as a slight moan escaped him, and I felt him grow hard. We separated and I glanced down. “Oh,” I said. Oh? That was all I had to say? I met his gaze once I had recovered. “It’s been a while.” He nodded as I reached down between his legs, stroking him, feeling him thrust ever so slightly forward.
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