“Jesse,” Nash shouted unnecessarily given that everyone seated around the large space on various leather couches and chairs was already watching our spectacle of an entrance. “Addie’s being a brat. I think she needs a spanking.”
Addie whipped her glare around on Nash’s brother, who was keeping another pretty girl in a tight dress company. “You even think about touching me and I will kill you.”
Jesse laughed at her threat.
“I hate both of you,” she grumbled.
“No you don’t.” Nash threw his arm around her shoulder and pressed a sloppy kiss to the side of her head.
“Eww.” She shoved him off and he returned to his seat, dragging the busty, pouting bimbo back onto his lap.
“This is my crazy family,” I told Jason with a sigh. He was smiling, but his eyes were a bit unsure. “Come on, you may as well meet the rest of them.” I dragged him into the sort of semi-circle, carefully avoiding Abel’s gaze.
“You already know who this guy is,” I smiled at Jesse, “but these are Abel’s cousins, Zack and Josh. Zack’s the one with the baby face, and Josh is the one with the hot wife, Kaye,” I teased, flashing her a grin.
“You mean I’m the handsome one and he’s the lucky one,” Zack corrected, earning a laugh from just about everyone except his brother. The neatly trimmed beard covering Josh’s jaw was the only thing not identical about their faces. The only other visible way to tell the difference between them was the two full sleeves of tattoos Josh sported. His clean-shaved twin displayed no visible ink, but together they made up my favorite pair of Boston’s finest and bravest. The cop and the firefighter, ever competing.
There was an exchange of handshakes and nice to meet yous, and then I turned my grin on a face I wasn’t expecting to see. “Jaime, I didn’t know you would be here, where’s Molly?” I bent over and squeezed him around the shoulders.
“At Mom and Dad’s with Amelia,” he beamed, proud father.
“You guys will be at the party tomorrow, right? I need baby snuggles.”
“Of course. I just came out tonight to hang for a little bit. Not staying too late though.”
Remembering my manners, I stepped back to Jason’s side. “This is my boyfriend, Jason, Jason this is Jaime.”
“Another cousin?” Jason stuck his hand out and Jaime took it.
“Yeah, my dad is Andrew Reid, or Ace as you might know him.” Of course Jason was familiar with Ashes and Embers’ bass player.
“Oh, right on.” Jason was clearly doing his best to keep his cool, but I knew him well enough to see the way he was buzzing like an excited kid. “Did I hear you have a daughter, how old?”
“About to turn one.” And just like that Jaime pulled out his cell and the slideshow of baby pics began. We dropped into empty seats beside him and before long, Jason had managed to ease himself naturally into the conversations around us. Talk soon shifted to sports and the next stunts Jesse was going to tackle on his show. It was like being in a room of little boys, except for the adult beverages the friendly waitresses popped by regularly to refill. The volume of the chatter and laughter went up with each drink.
Addie, Kaye, and I scooted chairs around and made up our own little group on the edge of the circle.
“How’re the girls?” I asked Kaye.
Her lips stretched into a bright smile. “Looking forward to having a baby brother.”
“What!” I exclaimed. “No! You’re pregnant?”
She bobbed her head excitedly and waved her glass. “Yep, so it’s water for me for the next five months.”
“Are Grace and Faith so excited?”
“We all are. I think Josh is just relieved it’s not another girl. We found out last week we’re having a boy, and he hasn’t stopped smiling since.”
“Congratulations, that’s wonderful.”
“Thank you.”
“Now Zack just needs to find a nice girl and settle down.” I eyed her brother-in-law.
Kaye laughed. “Believe me, I’ve been working on it. I’ve been trying to set him up with one of the kindergarten teachers at my school since last year. She’s a total sweetheart, and I know they’d hit it off, but he refuses. I don’t think he’s interested in meeting a nice girl right now.”
Addie snorted, “He’s as bad as Jesse and Nash. Nice, wholesome, teacher types aren’t really their style.”
As if to prove her point, the brunette draped over Jesse whined, “I want to go dance.” She slid her hand down his chest and tugged on his belt.
“Me too,” went the one on Nash’s lap.
“Nobody’s stopping you,” Jesse told them.
“Come on.” His date pressed her pouty lips to his throat and skimmed them along his jaw. Addie, Kaye and I shared an eyeroll.
“Didn’t come to dance tonight, babe. Came to hang out with my friends.”
“Why don’t the two of you dance for us,” Nash suggested slyly.
The two girls shared a look and then rose off the guys’ laps and strutted over to the glass wall that looked out over the dancefloor below, and started swaying and moving to the music. The guys watched on as the two started running their hands all over and grinding on each other.
With a raised brow, I eyed Jason. When he finally noticed my stare, he looked at me abashedly and shrugged. I gave my head an amused shake, and then did something I’d been avoiding since we walked in. I met Abel’s eyes, which were on me. He offered a faint smile, which I returned, and then he tore his gaze away and pulled Josh and Jaime, who also didn’t appear interested in the shameless display of lewd dancing, into conversation.
“You know, I wasn’t sure what to think when I heard about Abel getting hitched, but I haven’t seen his eyes so much as wander to another skirt the entire night,” Kaye commented.
Addie snorted. I ducked my eyes and shifted in my seat.
“I’m sorry,” Kaye mumbled. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It must be a little weird for you. Josh says you guys were pretty madly in love as kids.”
I forced a smile and hoped it was convincing. “That was a long time ago. I’m happy with Jason. No awkwardness.”
“I wish you would break them up,” Addie grumbled, barely audible, under her breath.
“Addie,” I snapped.
“What? You could.”
“You don’t like her?” Kaye stated.
“I can’t begin to tell you all the ways I don’t. My brother has lost his mind and I’m still waiting for him to tell us all that it’s been an elaborate joke.”
I kept my mouth shut. Abel would tell her when he was ready.
Despite the two girls’ attempt to lure Nash and Jesse out of their seats, it wasn’t long before they lost interest and returned to discussing sports, athletes, cars, and all things guy talk.
The girls stopped dancing and started pouting some more at being ignored.
Addie, clearly feeling feisty and maybe a tad fired up, laughed loudly, “Nice try girls, but you might have better luck somewhere else in the club. That’s not here. Where you’re clearly not wanted.”
Blondie and the darker haired one shot nasty looks at Addie. Blondie sneered. “No one asked you, you anorexic bitch.”
Conversation in the group came to a screeching halt, the only thing missing was the sound effects as every one of the guys’ heads whipped around. I could see Abel, stone faced, about to let loose, but Jesse beat him to it. “The fuck you say to her?”
They looked wide eyed at Jesse, unspeaking.
“Time to go,” he growled.
“What?” They shrilled.
“I said, get out.”
They looked frantically at Nash, as if he might contradict his brother. Nash simply stretched out in his seat smirking. “You heard him, adios ladies.”
With a huff, they stomped off and out of the VIP area. Addie smirked and sent them off with a little wave. I rolled my eyes.
A moment later one of the waitresses poked her head in. “Everything all good
?”
“Can you make sure those girls are escorted out of the club,” Abel requested.
“Of course,” she nodded. “I’ll see to it.” And then she disappeared.
“Real classy those two were,” Addie shot an accusing look at Jesse.
He shrugged, “They were hot,” and then conversation resumed as if nothing had happened. Jason looked at me, a little bewildered. I gave him an I told you they were crazy grin.
“You can’t resist stirring up trouble, can you?” I chided my best friend.
She shrugged, not bothering to deny it. She’d never shied away from trouble, because she knew she’d never have to be the one to finish it, not with a pack of wolves, or big brothers and cousins, ready to draw blood for her.
“One of these days, a guy’s going to come along who doesn’t let you get away with your antics, and you’re not going to know what to do when you can’t wrap him around your finger,” Kaye said.
Addie snorted softly and sipped from her glass. “We’ll see.”
“Yes, we will,” I chuckled and then stood and excused myself to the bathroom.
One of the perks of being VIP was VIP bathrooms. No lines, no wait, and no vomit or funky smells and dirty stalls.
I used the toilet and then stood in front of the mirror and inhaled deeply. “It’s not so bad,” I told my reflection, letting it all out. The guys were being cool with Jason, and Abel hadn’t said two words to me. Maybe tonight would even end up being fun.
I washed and dried my hands before slipping from the bathroom. I stopped short in the doorway when I saw who was waiting, propped against the wall opposite.
The door smacked me in the butt as it closed on me and I awkwardly stepped forward. Abel pushed off the wall, looking broody and tortured.
“Please don’t. Please give me tonight.”
He ducked his head and scrubbed a hand over his head. “I’m sorry, it’s just hard. Seeing the way he watches you, the way you smile at him. It’s hard.”
I shook my head and closed the distance between us. “You don’t get to tell me how hard it is. Not when you’re wearing this.” I grabbed his left hand and fingered the silver band on his fourth finger.
“I know. Believe me, I know I don’t have any right. I’m an asshole, but it still hurts.” He intertwined his fingers with mine and I felt the gentle squeeze inside my chest.
“That’s life, Abel. Sometimes it hurts,” I muttered, dropping his hand, and then left him standing there while I returned to our friends.
He followed a few minutes later with a new drink in his hand and he didn’t look my way again the rest of the night. Not that I caught anyway.
Nine
Abbi
“Was it everything you hoped it would be?”
Jason gave me a lazy grin from the passenger seat. He was still buzzing. It wasn’t even midnight, but once Jason’s eyes had started drooping in the middle of the conversation, I knew it was time to call it a night. He wasn’t quite on the same level as the rest of the guys, but had given it the ol’ college try to keep up all night.
“You know the best people,” he drawled happily.
I smiled back. “They’re alright.”
He grabbed my right hand from the wheel and dragged it to his lips. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” I muttered softly, and then tugged my hand free and returned it to the wheel as something hollow opened up in my stomach.
Guilt. Shame.
And so many other things that just admitting would make the guilt and shame so much worse. Already they were a gnawing ache in my stomach and chest cavity. Jason didn’t deserve this.
I didn’t deserve him.
I knew it, and every time he said those words with so much conviction and affection was a reminder of just how despicable I was. How unworthy of his love I was.
I truly did love him back . . . I did . . . but . . .
I’d only ever loved two guys.
The problem was, I never stopped loving the first one. I would always love the first one. Nothing and nobody could overshadow that. Not even the incredible, goofy, kind, generous, and slightly drunk man staring sappily at me from the passenger seat.
But I was choosing him. I had already chosen him. That had to count for something.
Except you didn’t choose him when it mattered, did you? A quiet, judgmental voice reminded me. I’d been ready to leave him. It was never my intention to keep this ugly secret, because I didn’t think I’d have to. I thought I’d be letting Jason go, but then . . . well then, that didn’t happen, and I stayed with him.
I cast a sidelong glance at him and met his sleepy gaze. He flashed another big smile before his eyes drifted shut and his head flopped to the side and rested against the window.
I let out a heavy breath and turned the radio on low, snuffing out the condemning silence.
Rather than drive back to Jason’s, I made the turn toward my place. I wasn’t about to face three flights of stairs in an attempt to get all six intoxicated feet of him up to his apartment. He came to when we pulled up outside of my house, but was of little help getting inside.
He was feeling very flirtatious and handsy when I helped him out of the car. We stumbled our way up the walk, me swatting at him every few feet while I fumbled with my house key. Once inside, he staggered to the couch and collapsed. By the time I’d deposited my keys and purse on the entry table and kicked my heels off, he was passed out face first in a decorative pillow. I peeled his shoes off and maneuvered him onto his side, so he wouldn’t suffocate in the couch, and then covered him with a fuzzy throw blanket. There was little point in trying to get him to the bedroom.
I trudged tiredly to the kitchen and poured a glass of water, sinking onto one of the tall chairs at the backside of the counter. I sat in the quiet with my thoughts. There was part of me that wanted to wake Jason up right that second and confess everything. The heavy weight on my chest wouldn’t be lifted until I did, but as I watched him sleep, I couldn’t do it. I was so terrified to ruin what we had. He was my future. Abel and all of our mistakes were my past.
Like the selfish coward that I was, I deposited my glass in the sink and plodded down the hall to my bedroom, needing the escape that sleep would provide from this night.
Tomorrow would have its own set of worries and stresses.
As I climbed into bed, I glanced at the screen on my phone. Ten minutes after twelve.
Happy birthday Abel.
I clicked off the lamp, pulled the covers up, and closed my eyes, chasing dreams of things just out of reach.
Jason woke in the morning before I did, and the smell of bacon and something sweet greeted me when I ventured out of my room. With sleepy steps I made my way to the kitchen. Shirtless Jason had his back to me at the stove, but glanced over his shoulder as I entered the kitchen and slid onto a chair.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”
“You’re awfully chipper for someone who was three sheets to the wind last night,” I groaned. “Shouldn’t I be making you breakfast?”
“I figured I owed you breakfast for having to take care of my drunk ass last night.” He grinned and went back to flipping pancakes.
“I won’t object.” Without me even having to ask, Jason moved to the coffee pot just as it finished brewing and poured a cup. After adding cream, he slid it in front of me. “Thank you,” I said softly and rose up on my seat to meet his mouth in a light kiss.
“Breakfast will be done in just a minute, then I figure I’ll head home and let you have the day to relax and get ready for the party. I’ll pick you up around five?” He posed it as a question, to which I responded with a nod, as I sipped from the cup of hot coffee.
Jason finished cooking and served up breakfast. While we ate, he gushed more about the night before and how great he thought the guys were. I could tell it would be a while before he lost that starstruck glow around them.
“Do you think Nash meant it when he said he would get us
into his next fight?” he asked around the last mouthful of pancake he shoveled into his mouth.
“I’m sure he did,” I told him as I rose, and cleared our plates.
“We should do that then. Make a weekend in Vegas of it. Maybe even take a few extra days. His next fight is in January. We could tie it into the new year. Wouldn’t that be fun? Our first vacation together.”
“It would. We’ll need to put in for the time off right away though.” I laced my words with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to take the trip with Jason. I did. It was just . . . honestly, I didn’t know why I wasn’t more excited, but I was relieved Jason didn’t notice, and he left on cloud nine.
I stared at my perfectly spotless kitchen, and then, sighing deeply, dropped my head to the counter.
Was there such a thing as someone being too perfect? A man who made breakfast and cleaned up had to be.
NO! You idiot.
I sat up and could have slapped myself. What was I doing? I was happy with Jason, happier than I’d thought I ever would be again. Abel would go back to New York tomorrow like he always did, and everything else would go back to the way it was supposed to be.
When Jason returned that evening, it was with a huge bouquet of flowers and an infectious smile. I answered the door in my robe and was swept into his arms immediately.
“You’re early,” I laughed as he carried me backwards into the house.
“I know.” He squeezed me around the waist and dropped a kiss on my lips before setting me back on my feet. “Go finish getting ready and I’ll get these into water.” He waved the flowers.
“They’re beautiful, any particular reason for them? It’s not my birthday yet. Don’t tell me you got them for Abel,” I teased.
“Funny. I don’t need a reason except that I want to brighten your day the way you brighten mine every time I see your face.”
God, this man.
He was so sweet and thoughtful I almost burst into tears right there. Instead, I shoved the torrent of emotions down and offered him an adoring smile, even while my stomach sank. “You’re too good to me,” I whispered.
“Not nearly good enough,” he countered. “Now go, get dressed.”
Finding Abel (Rebel Hearts Book 1) Page 9