Passionate Addiction

by Eden Summers

  “Gabi.” Blake rapped softly on the door. “Leah and Mason are on their way over. I need to speak to you before they get here.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute,” she lied.

  She already assumed Leah and Mason were on their way, and she planned to hide until they arrived. Even though curiosity demanded she find out what his latest problems were, it would be an opportune time to leave while Blake was distracted. She only hoped they wouldn’t be too much longer. Although the thought of food made her nauseous, her stomach growled in frustration.

  “Gabi, I need to use the bathroom.”

  Shit. “I’m coming.” She sagged in defeat and stood. The partially steamed mirror taunted her. No amount of make-up had been able to hide her sorrow. It still clung to the puffy bags under her eyes.

  With a deep breath, she pushed at the door handle and walked into the suite. She kept her gaze averted from Blake’s dominating form, but his hand caught hers, pulling her back. He didn’t speak. He simply tugged her into his chest, increasing her misery when he hugged her with gentle arms, resting his face in her hair.

  She ignored his heat, the lingering scent of aftershave that she always associated with passion, and stared at the pocket of his black collared shirt. He’d put his clothes from last night back on, his tailored pants belted and buckled, while his shirt fell open, exposing his muscled stomach. He had no buttons. Well, he did, they were just strewn over the floor.

  Time passed, each second making it harder to keep her hands at her sides. She wanted to claim his affection, to grasp it with everything she had and carry it home with her. Finally, she gave up trying to fight it. With heavy arms, she circled his waist, leaning her head into his neck.

  Goodbye, Blake.

  She clutched him tighter, listening to the faint beat of his heart, the pained exhalations of breath. In time they would regain the friendship that had been shattered—the trust that had been lost. She would forgive him, and they could go back to the way things were before they met in person.

  A knock sounded at the door, startling her.

  Blake didn’t move, he only squeezed harder, moving his hand into the back of her hair. “I love you, angel.”

  Her breath hitched, smothered by another knock at the door.

  “Blake?” Leah’s voice called from the hall.

  Gabi lowered her arms and stepped back with straightened shoulders. Without making eye contact, she went to her pajamas, grabbing them off the floor while Blake strode to the door. Quickly she shoved her clothes into the front pocket of her suitcase and rushed to the bathroom to retrieve her personal items.

  Leah and Mason’s voices filtered in while she grabbed her things—toothbrush, comb, make-up, and finally the necklace Blake gave her for her birthday. She held the charms in her palm and worked the chain through her fingers. The gift had given her strength over the past weeks. She had toyed with the turtle and guitar pick whenever they spoke on the phone and laid awake at night running her fingers over the smooth gold. Now the thought of putting it on tightened her throat.

  Be strong.

  Thrusting the necklace into her jeans pocket, she gripped the vanity. This wouldn’t break her. She would go home, concentrate on her studies, work her ass to the bone, and move on with her life.

  Oh, who was she kidding?

  Blake was her life and had been for a long time. But she vowed to respect herself enough to gain the space needed to clear her head. One day soon, he would figure out his life. Hopefully by then Gabi would’ve gotten over the way he left her behind.

  Clutching the beauty case under her arm, she strode back into the quiet suite and faltered. Blake sat on the end of the mattress, his head in his hands, entirely broken. Gabi swallowed down her need to go to him and glanced at Leah and Mason, finding them watching her with expressions mixed with concern and confusion. She ignored their scrutiny, giving Leah a brief smile before continuing to her suitcase, stuffing her personal items into the main compartment and re-zipping it. Then she reached for her ankle boots on the floor beside her and yanked them on.

  “What are you doing?” Blake raised his head and pinned her with his gaze.

  Gabi focused on her boots, pulling up the zippers before making eye contact. “I’m leaving.” Thankfully her voice didn’t waver. After the days of heartache, finally she’d gained the strength to carry on without tears.

  Blake stood, his brow now creased. “Please, Gabi. Don’t go. Not yet. Give me a chance to figure things out. Then we can talk.”

  She shook her head. Her mind was made up. A relationship was about sharing burdens, about sticking together through the hard times, the worst of times, no matter what. “No. I’m going home.”

  He moved to her, huffing in frustration. “Please.”

  His plea almost undid her, almost stole her strength. Before she buckled, she reached into her pocket and sucked in a steadying breath. “Here.” She pulled out the necklace and went to place it in his outstretched hand. “When you gave this to me, you told me the charms were to serve as a reminder of you when we were apart.”

  He pulled away, and she gripped his wrist with her free hand, firmly placing the necklace in his palm.

  “I no longer want a reminder.” She never needed one. He was always in her heart. Now the necklace choked her, weighing her down, taunting her with what she couldn’t have.

  “No.” He thrust it back at her. “Don’t do this. I’ll sort it out. I’ll fix things. Just give me some time.” His eyes pleaded along with his words. “I can’t do this without you.”

  She scoffed. Didn’t he understand? Couldn’t he see? “That’s just it. The problems started when you tried to shut me out. We were supposed to be a couple. We were supposed to share everything. But you lied. You pushed me—”

  “I didn’t—”

  “No. Let me finish. None of this would’ve happened if you were honest. I knew you had demons to battle. I knew that. I also knew how much it meant to you to be able to face them on your own. But keeping this from me… Letting me believe you were with someone else. Why the hell didn’t you call?”

  He stepped closer, and she stepped back.

  “I didn’t know how to tell you, and didn’t want to do it over the phone. Your disappointment would’ve killed me.”

  She sucked in a shuddering breath, betraying the unrelenting hurt she tried so hard to hide. “I’ve always been proud of you. Always.”

  The trill of a cell phone broke the silence and Leah’s soft voice answered the call.

  “Angel.” Blake reached for her, his shirt open, his chest and part of his heavenly tattoo on display.

  She flinched and pulled away. “Don’t.”

  If he touched her now, she’d crumple into his welcoming arms and would never be able to walk away. She still loved him, with all her heart and everything she was. There would never be another man to fill the gaping hole he left inside her. “I need time.”

  “Blake.” Leah’s voice interrupted. “I’m sorry,” she gave Gabi a regretful smile, “we need to discuss this now. The label was on the phone, demanding answers.”

  Gabi lifted her suitcase to stand and grabbed the trolley handle, guiding it forward.

  “I don’t care,” he growled, moving to block her path. “Gabi, I can’t let you go.”

  She continued walking, pushing around him. “You already did.”

  Blake stared at the door, his body numb except for the stabbing pain emanating from under his ribs. He no longer needed to fight. If he didn’t have Gabi to protect, it didn’t matter who found out about the darkness in his life.

  Reckless Beat didn’t matter. The band was his home, his sanctuary, but Gabi was his heart and soul. Without her, there was no point.

  “Blake, we need to discuss this.” Leah came up behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

  Her touch should’ve brought comfort. He felt nothing—no hope, no relief, no peace. “I don’t give a shit anymore,” he whispered and meant
it. “I’m done.”

  He turned on her, and she stepped back, her brow furrowed.

  “Give Gabi the time she asked for. I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but you’ll work it out. She loves you.”

  “She loved me,” he corrected. The love Gabi once held for him wasn’t in question. She had loved him. He’d known that. And now that love was gone.

  Mason pushed from the sofa. “Come on, Blake. There’s a shit-storm brewing and you’re caught in the middle. We need to sort this out and address the media before it gets out of hand.”

  Shit-storm was an understatement. The taint of abusing a woman would never leave him, guilty or not. The question would always hover in the back of people’s minds.

  “I didn’t do it,” he muttered, sliding his fingers through his now greasy hair. God, how he wished Michelle had never entered his life. He never had much of a reputation to uphold, but damned if he wanted to go down in history as the drug addicted, woman abuser.

  “I know that!” Mason spat, striding forward. “Do you really think any of us would believe you’re capable of doing that? Christ, Blake, fuckin’ man up.” Mason got in his face and glared at him. “We’re family. Your innocence isn’t in question. We just need to get your story to the media before they start spinning shit that can’t be fixed.”

  Blake glanced away, frowning hard to fight the tightening in his chest. “I can’t—” He cleared his throat, pushing back the emotion. “I can’t do this without her.”

  He should’ve known from the start that keeping her out was the wrong thing to do. She was his guardian angel, the one who fought his battles with ease and continuously placed him on the right track. She was his strength. His clarity. His everything.

  “Don’t worry about Gabi. That woman knows you’ve got a champagne flavored cock. She’ll be back beggin’ for more.” Mason smirked, yet the arrogance didn’t reach his eyes, instead concern hung heavy in his friends brown irises. “And if not, you can always go back to begging. I’ve never had to do it myself. Maybe you could ask Ryan for pointers.”

  Blake released a ragged excuse for a laugh and led them back to the sofa. Sitting back on the mattress, he waited for Leah and Mason to get comfortable.

  This was it—the end.

  “I was with Gabi last night.” He stared at his feet and pressed his toes into the heavy carpeting. “She’s my alibi.”

  Leah let out a relieved breath. “That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me straight away? The news kept repeating that Michelle hadn’t made a statement, but the two of you were seen fighting in the lobby last night. There was even amateur footage.”

  “At least it’s an easy fix with the media and cops,” Mason added.

  “I’ll call hotel management,” Leah stood, her relief palpable. “We can make a statement from the front of the building and stop the rumors before they spread.”

  “Wait,” Blake murmured, glancing up to briefly make eye contact with Mason. God, this was going to hurt. He’d always looked up to the lead singer. He had has shit together all day, every day, when Blake continuously felt like he was flailing. “Michelle is blackmailing me.”

  “For what?” Leah frowned, retreating to drop back into the sofa. “With what? What would she have over you?”

  Blake retrieved his cell from his back pocket and scrolled through to the picture message from Michelle. With a deep breath, he did exactly what he’d done with Mitch and handed the phone over.

  Leah didn’t say a word. Her disappointment was clear in the barely discernible way she shook her head.

  “Show me.” Mason grabbed the phone and stared at the image. “When the fuck was this taken? You look like a minor.”

  “A few months after I started with Reckless.”

  “Are you still using?” Leah asked softly.

  “No.” He shook his head and stared at her, trying to convey his sincerity. “I haven’t touched drugs or even alcohol in four years… I’m sorry, Leah. I know this is going to create a nightmare for you, and that’s the last thing I want. I hoped to fix the situation by myself. Obviously I can’t even do that right.”

  He clenched his jaw and turned his attention back to his feet. “Michelle started me on cocaine the first night we met, and it didn’t take long for me to realize I had a problem. I started craving the high—on stage, alone, even when I woke in the middle of the night to take a piss. That’s when I found Gabi.”

  Silence. Leah and Mason didn’t move, they barely even breathed.

  “She was an online drug addiction counselor. Well, not even a properly trained counselor. She was just there to keep an eye on the chat groups and provide moral support when possible. The first night we spoke, she saved me.”

  He glanced up at Leah and winced at the tears in her eyes. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t fucking cry. “With a few simple words, she gave me strength and helped me get through the hardest days… It was all her. Gabi is the only reason I’m here. Nothing else. I couldn’t save myself. I never can. I’m too fucking weak. I owe her everything.”

  Leah stood, closing the distance between them and sat beside him on the bed. He swallowed over the growing lump in his throat and leaned into her as she ran her hand around his shoulders.

  “Damn,” Mason whispered. “I bow down to your secrecy skills, man. I had no clue.”

  “Me either,” Leah whispered. “It shows how horribly lacking I’ve been in my position. I should’ve noticed…paid more attention.”

  “No.” Blake shook his head. “This has nothing to do with you. I’ve fucked up enough in my life to know how to keep my mouth shut, and in the beginning I couldn’t think past losing my position in the band. I would’ve done anything to keep it quiet.”

  “And now?” Mason asked.

  Blake sucked in a deep breath. He was still hollow, numb and detached from the neck down. “And now, none of it seems to matter. All I want is Gabi’s forgiveness. I can’t see past losing her. She’s all that matters to me.” He raised his gaze to Mason. “I’m sorry, bro. I’ve fucked up, and I know having me kicked out of the band will cause a lot of extra work for you.”

  “Kicked out of the band? Like hell.” Mason frowned. “That’s not gonna happen.”

  Leah cleared her throat and released her grip on Blake’s shoulder. “Unfortunately, it could. Blake’s contract with the label has a morality clause for exactly this reason. Anyone seen to bring the label into disrepute or do anything that could harm sales can be in breach of contract. I’ve seen it happen before…mainly in groups with members that the label feels are interchangeable.”

  Meaning me.

  “So, you’re saying he could get the axe ‘cause the label thinks we could find a replacement?” Mason sneered. “That’s bullshit.”

  “That’s life,” Leah countered. “Reckless have always stood proud against the claims of drug abuse in the music industry. Hell, last time we were in Richmond, you visited the drug rehab center and the story was covered by the local newspaper. This won’t go down easily, by the label or the community.”

  “It’s OK.” Blake shrugged. “I’ve come to terms with leaving.”

  “No. Fuck that!” Mason pushed to his feet. “It’s not an option. If Blake goes, I go. Simple as that.”

  Blake’s heart clenched, showing the first sign of life since Gabi left. He had no clue what he’d done to deserve friends—family—like this. If their roles were reversed, Blake would put his career on the line for any one of the Reckless guys, no questions asked. He simply hadn’t expected Mason to do the same.

  “Leah, call the label. Tell them what’s going on and find out what they plan to do.” Mason stood tall, his eyes flashing with anger. “If they plan to get rid of Blake, I’m walking. They can find someone else to earn them millions.”

  “It doesn’t work like that.” Leah sighed. “You’re the lead singer, Mason, and under a tight contract. You can’t walk away because you disagree with a decision they are legally entitled to
make.”

  “I know I can’t,” Mason shot back. “But I can be in Time Square snorting coke off the sidewalk in less time than it takes to organize a press conference. And unlike Blake, I don’t give a shit about my reputation. My low morality was cemented years ago.”

  “Christ!” Leah rubbed her forehead. “Just settle down. Who says this needs to go public anyway? Can’t we continue to keep it quiet?”

  “No.” Blake sat in shocked silence, unable to believe the lengths Mason would go through to save him, but he couldn’t continue to hide. “I can’t live a lie anymore. I need to get it out in the open so I can move on.”

  The low hum of the airplane drowned under the weight of Gabi’s thoughts. She stared out the window, ignoring the deep blue ocean below. All she could see was Blake. The airline food had kept her occupied for half an hour, then she’d tried a movie, music, a documentary, not even episodes of The Big Bang Theory called to her.

  Unfortunately, she had to come to terms with all the time she had to reflect before they landed in Sydney—hours in which she didn’t have a phone or computer to keep her occupied. And her mind was the enemy. Already she’d begun to second guess her actions.

  Leaving had been the right decision. She needed space and time to figure out all the things that didn’t make sense. And at the moment, that was a lot of things—seeing Blake with Michelle, the way she touched him with familiarity, the way she’d kissed his cheek. Even though he’d told her it didn’t mean anything, the shock had unbalanced her, affecting the way she rationalized everything else after that moment.

  Maybe if she hadn’t been blindsided things would’ve been different. Maybe if she had time to sit and think before checking out of the hotel suite and racing to the airport. Maybe…

  Or maybe not.

  Going home was the best option. It didn’t have to be a permanent decision. She loved Blake too much to give up on forever, but right now the thought of being close to him made her ache with distrust.