by Jenny Wood
The morning of my birthday, Cameron took me shopping. I bought new stuff for school, which was a lot cheaper now that I was doing it online and didn’t have to lug my books from class to class or worry about new clothes and shit. I could sit at my computer in my underpants and leave my books on my desk and grab the one I needed, when I needed it. Still, it was fun being with Cameron and it felt good to be home and doing normal shit.
Pulling up at Morgan and Kingsley’s cottage a little before seven, I walked down the coolers that I’d packed earlier today around the house, to the small, sandy area that sat behind their place. It was gorgeous out here, and we’d had more than our fair share of get-togethers out here in the summer. It was a small trek through the trees on a little path to get down to the sandy beach on their private little lake area, but once the clearing broke, it was gorgeous. The guys had set up tiki torches and lawn chairs around their giant fire pit along with logs, and more coolers and yes…there was even a keg. I wasn’t much of a drinker, and while technically I was only turning 20, I knew the guys wouldn’t say anything as long as I didn’t get out of hand.
The air was cooling off a bit as it the sun was starting to set. Morgan had turned on some music up at the house, and I was glad that his closest neighbors were several miles away. The water, I knew would be warm and I told myself that one weekend, I’d come out here to go fishing.
“Happy Birthday.” I hear murmured behind me. I knew who it was and I was surprised to hear it.
“You came.” I smiled, maybe a little too brightly as I turned around to greet him. I wanted to play it cool, like I couldn’t care less if he showed or not, but I did care. I did care, and I was glad he was here.
“Didn’t want to be rude.” He answered, “And Kingsley wouldn’t stop harping at me.” He smiled tightly.
“Oh,” I say, wishing that he’d have said something like, “Yeah, sorry to have ignored you, but I’m here now so let’s say fuck the rest.” Instead, he’d been badgered to come, and he didn’t want to be rude. Why did that hurt a little bit? “Okay, well… there’s beer in the keg; other shit in the coolers, you know where the guys are, and I’m assuming that if you stick around there will at some point, be cake.” I tried to hide my disappointment passed by him without another word. I should’ve thanked him for coming, but I needed a minute and probably a couple ofdrinks to school my expressions. The cooler had premade piña colada’s in a pouch, much like the kid's pouch drinks only these were for adults and were plied with rum. I drank it quickly while walking back up the trail to the house to put on some swim trunks and leave my shirt in the house.
Morgan and Kingsley were full on making out inside the kitchen, and I threw my pouch in the trash without a word and walked right passed them. The embarrassment and disappointment had taken a back seat, and I knew the guys had gone through a lot of trouble for tonight, so I was going to push the unwanted emotions aside and try to have a good time. Kingsley was in the kitchen, sans husband attached to his face when I walked out in my trunks and a pair of sandals.
“One shot,” Kingsley smirked and held up a small shot glass full of what looked to be vodka. “One shot and if Papa Bear asks, I’ll deny, deny, deny.” He chuckled pouring us both a shot. We both slung them back, and Kingsley told me happy birthday before cranking the nob to the music and following me out the door and back to the beach where everyone else was already getting started.
All the guys were already in their swim trunks; Kayson and Conner were working on getting the firewood set up so we could start the fire. Jody and Kingsley were now throwing a football back and forth. Morgan was watching and cheering for Kingsley while Cameron walked up and handed me a shot and then blocked my body from Jody until I took it. I wondered how many of the guys would offer me shots until they realized someone else was offering them as well. Just because I didn’t normally drink, didn’t mean I never did. I was away at college for a whole year, remember. I could keep up. Tonight, though, I just wanted to have a good time.
“Merissa brought a date,” he tells me on a whisper like we’re over here by the water, gossiping.
“Yeah? Who is it?” I asked, looking around and not spotting her or an unknown man. My eyes locked with Joker and his jaw was locked hard, and I could see the squint in his eyes. He was pissed about something, and I wanted to see what it was.
“I dunno, he’s cute though,” Cameron answered, making me jerk my attention to him, like, really? He cackled but shrugged.
“I didn’t even know they were here; I haven’t seen her yet,” I told him, feeling my body warm and loose from my two shots and chugged piña colada in a matter of ten minutes. We break apart and Cameron goes to get another drink, and I find the cooler with the another colada before parking my ass in a lawn chair. Everyone is having fun and talking and laughing and my eyes track Joker every few minutes. Finally, he comes and sits in the chair beside me.
“So this is the party huh? Just loud music, alcohol and everybody hanging out?” He asks, gruff and not impressed. “Seems like a normal day to me, only you’ve added alcohol.”
“If you didn’t want to come, why did you?” I ask, ballsier and a little harsher than I would’ve normally been had I not been drinking.
“I told you…” He grounds out, but I interrupt.
“You didn’t wanna be rude, right.” I deflated. I’m not a hateful person; I can’t be intimidating or rude; it’s just not me. We sit in our chairs, looking out at the water and listening to the soft melody of the rare slow song that’s now playing on someone’s playlist. I’d guess it was Morgan’s because I know that Kingsley likes those power ballads that he can sing to. The thought makes me smile.
“I wanted to come, Jase. I just didn’t wanna want to.” Joker says softly. I lean my head against the back of my chair and turn to look over at his handsome, concerned looking face.
“Is your real name Joker?” I ask. He blinks one, twice, before he smiles. It’s a far sight better than that scowl he’s been wearing all night.
“No.” He answers but doesn’t elaborate.
“Shane?” I guess.
“No.
“Jared?”
“No.”
“Matt?”
“No” His smile splits, and he laughs. “Where did those come from? Do I look like a Shane, Jared or Matt?”
“No, you look like a Joker,” I say, honestly.
“My real name is Jacob.” He whispers, watching me as it sinks in.
“Jacob,” I whisper back and close my eyes. I like it; it suits him. Had I met him at school or out at a bar, he’d probably introduce himself as Jacob, and I’d think, he definitely looks like a Jacob. It fits.
“Jase.” He calls.
“Jason.” I correct. “Jacob and Jason.” I smile and look over, thinking that sounds alright together. I want to tell him so, that I think it sounds good together, but that I also think “Joker and Jase” sound even better. I don’t though.
“Yeah.” He smiles back. Conner and Kayson get roars from the group as they finally get the fire going. The sun only has a few more minutes before it sets and the darkness is coming on fast. Joker and I stare at each other for long minutes, or maybe it just feels that way to me because I can’t look away.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t answer your text,” Joker admits. “I was feeling sorry for myself, and I thought you might get in trouble with me around.”
“That’s not nice,” I tell him, meaning it wasn’t nice of him to think so little of himself.
“Yeah, well… sometimes, I’m not nice.” He smiles, and I believe that. I think if he wanted to, he could be downright bad. The thought made me shiver, in the best way.
“You know, every single thought you have plays over your face.” He chuckled beside me.
“Uh-oh.” I murmured and looked away. He laughed louder that time and I looked back.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” He commanded softly.
“I’m thinking, that I think y
ou’re gorgeous. I think that I want to go to lunch with you again and I want to sit on this lake and spend the day, fishing and getting to know you. I’m thinkin’ that when I saw you over there earlier with your pissed off look, and your jaw set real hard, that I wanted to slide my tongue in your mouth and loosen you up.” I looked at his red, wet lips that his tongue just swiped and I think I might’ve even groaned. “I’m also thinkin’ that I don’t even know if you’re gay and it would just be my luck that you aren’t and you’re about to punch me on my birthday.” I blurt out the content of the last several minutes.
“Jase.” Joker shakes his head and scoffs on a surprised laugh. “You’re killing me.”
“What? Why?” I gape. I was honest, like brutally, brutally honest. It was probably too much, but he did ask. You shouldn’t ask someone what they think if you don’t really want to know the answer.
“Will you have lunch with me tomorrow?” He asks instead of answering.
“Can we make it dinner? I don’t want to be awake before lunch?” I stupidly confess. He only smiles, much like he did the last time we were together for lunch. It’s like his face completely transforms when he smiles and he looks like a completely different person. One that looks like a Jacob and one that looks like a Joker. I adore them both.
“That’s a good analogy.” He says, and my eyes get huge, realizing that I’ve just said that out loud. Idiot. I always hate when people pretend to accidentally say things out loud because how can you not realizing you're saying something out loud… I just did it; maybe those people aren’t so crazy after all.
“I’d give anything to know what you’re thinking right now, but I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to keep up.” He chuckles again and leans closer. “Dinner tomorrow, then? Text me?” He offers, and I can only nod. Dinner with Joker tomorrow, something amazing to look forward to.
“Happy Birthday, Jason.” He leans forward and kisses my cheek before standing up and walking away. I watch him walk back to the party and Kayson hands him a beer. I close my eyes and listen to the music and everyone is laughing and yelling and having a good time. Giving myself a few minutes to get my head together, I stand up on surprisingly steady legs and join everyone else, including Merissa and her date; even though my eyes stay with Joker.
Joker
Jase’s party was fun, and I’m glad that I went.
I figured that I’d take him his gift, which was a watch, a really nice watch, actually; there’s something about guys with sexy arms and a nice watch that just makes my dick twitch. I can’t help it; it’s my thing. Some guys like asses, some guys like tits. I like sexy arms. Sexy, tatted up, Jase looking arms, apparently. Still, I planned to stay away from him a first, but when I saw him standing by the edge of the water looking all reflective and shit, I couldn’t stay away. Then, I’d tried to be all nonchalant and indifferent, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. They followed him everywhere he went, and I took notice, every single time he looked back at me. Then, by himself again by the water, I sat beside him and watched him buzzed and adorable. I figured I owed him an explanation, and if he still wanted to be friends with me, I’d settle for that and if he wanted something else, well… I didn’t think I’d be able to stay away from him to say no.
While it’s true that Jody was huffy about my getting to know Jase, he didn’t flat out say that I couldn’t. He just warned me that I worked with his family and I didn’t want to hurt him. I already didn’t want to hurt him; I already liked him more than I should probably admit. When he started talking about going to lunches and fishing at the lake to get to know me, I wanted all of that too. In a perfect world, of course, I wanted that too. I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my fucking life; I’d had a lot of years being alone, and it was terrible. Who would knowingly want that? Therefore, I was going to be honest with Jase. Yes, he was young, yes, he had goals and aspirations but, fuck, I wasn’t trying to take those away. So, lunch today, I’d explain everything. Maybe it’d suck, and he’d tell me to fuck off, or maybe he’d understand. I didn’t know. I was scared as all hell to find out, but what did I have to lose?
I was now sitting in a greasy burger joint off the highway that was a frequent truck stop for truckers, staring at my phone, wondering if I was in the right place, waiting for Jase.
Jase: Alice’s, five o’clock.
That was it, nothing more. It was currently ten after. I cleared my phone and typed in Alice’s Restaurant and other than a song by Arlo Guthrie and the name and address of this greasy spoon, it was the only thing that popped up. Ordering a soda and scanning the parking lot for his jeep, I completely missed him walking in the door. I didn’t look over until he plopped down in the booth seat across from me.
“Holy shit. What happened to you?” I asked with a laugh. His oversized sweatshirt, baseball cap, and sunglasses weren’t doing much to hide the green of his complexion and just-rolled-out-bed look.
“Ugh” Was his reply.
“What can I getcha sweetheart?” Our waitress asked, and I swear I saw him gag.
“Coffee. Black. Please.” He ground out, earning another chuckle from me.
“Rough night?” I asked, though the evidence was obvious before me.
Linda, as her nametag said, brought him a cup of coffee and poured it as she stood there. “Anything to eat?” She asked, and he all but begged her to come back after when he was human, telling her that it would be at least two more cups until that happened. I, on the other hand, ordered runny ass eggs, hash rounds that I’d douse in ketchup and sausage links a little too well done. That should be nice to look at, and this dump luckily made breakfast at all hours.
“You hate me, is that it?” Jase whined. I patted his hand that was resting on the table not huddled around his cup of coffee. He still hadn’t taken off his cap or his glasses, and he was looking adorably miserable.
“Not at all. I’ll share.” I grinned as he scowled. I had a little bit of compassion as I knew how he was feeling. The first night I got out of prison, I went and got me a fifth of whiskey and drank until blacked out in a hotel room by myself; not necessarily because I wanted to or that I had this overwhelmingly need to get drunk. I did it because I could. I legally could, and nobody could stop me. I hadn’t done it since. Because of that little bit of compassion and sympathy I had, I sat quietly while he drank his two cups of coffee. I only slurped my runny eggs twice, making him gag and it was well worth his reaction. I couldn’t help but tease him, even as I wanted to scoot over to his side of the booth and kiss the pout from him ridiculously kissable lips.
“You feelin’ better darlin or do you need another few minutes?” Linda stepped up to our table and asked. He shook his head and buried it into his arms and Linda looked at me with an understanding smile.
“Can he get some toast please?” I ask, and she winks and walks away with a “You got it.”
I keep myself from taunting him as I butter him up a piece of toast and try to cajole him into eating a few bites along with a few bites of a banana. His color was becoming a regular human color, and he wasn’t curled into himself as he was. After making sure he could keep it down, he orders a giant plate of fries. By the time we left, he was almost normal.
“You wanna come back to my place for a bit?” I asked after Jase threw down some bills with a hefty tip and shut me up with our arrangement from last time. I paid last time, so he did this time. I’d get the next one…if there was one; if not, we’d be even. I didn’t want to talk to him at his house because I figured Jody might be home and I wasn’t dealing with all that shit today. My place may not be much, but at least it was private.
“Yeah, alright.” He agreed and told me he’d follow me there. We pulled up in less than five minutes and even though he was walking a little sluggish, he followed me up the stairs.
“It’s not much, but I’ve not been here long, and I’m still trying to acquire everything I need,” I explain, slightly embarrassed at what little I have.
&nbs
p; “I’m still living at home; believe me, this would be heaven.” He laughs and falls onto my futon and leans back like it took everything he had to walk up the fifteen steps to my apartment.
“You want anything to drink? Water? Coffee?” I offer.
“Water would be amazing; I feel like I could drink a gallon.” He groans. His phone rings as I’m in the kitchen and he answers it without looking to see who it is.
“Hello?” He mumbles down the line.
“Yeah.”
“I’m with Joker; we just had breakfast.”
“Fine, Dinner then.”
“No go ahead and eat without me, I might be dead before I can crawl back home.” He chuckles, and I can hear a man on the other end of the line but I can’t make out who it is. I sit beside him and hand him a water, watching him mouth “thank you” before taking off his glasses and cap.
“I will, promise.” “Okay, bye.” He says and ends the call.
“Jody really doesn’t care for you, what’d you do, hit on Cameron or something?” He jokes. Of course, Jody isn’t a fan, but I really didn’t know why? Because I was quiet and watchful? That made no fucking sense, or was it because he didn’t want me to spend time with Jase? Or was it something else altogether? I wasn’t sure. Still, I was going to be honest with Jase.