by Jill Shalvis
“Because—and stop me if I’m boring you here—you told him you weren’t interested in such things as love.”
“Grandma—”
“You’re afraid,” Lucille said flatly and with frank disappointment. “Call a spade a spade, honey, and at least own up to it. You’re afraid to open your heart and let anyone in. And let me tell you what, that man isn’t just anyone, he’s a man I hand-picked for you, and I’m never wrong. Now I’m serious about retiring from this matchmaking gig and you’re going to single-handedly mess up my one-hundred-percent accuracy.”
Callie thunked her head to the table a few times. When she lifted her head, she was facing Mr. Wykowski. He smiled kindly. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear me say your grandma is right, so I’ll spare you that.”
“Thank you,” she said dryly.
“And I’m sure you also think that as a man, an old one at that, I don’t know shit about love.”
“Can we take that word off the table?” Callie asked. “Please?”
“But it seems to me,” Mr. Wykowski went on, unperturbed, “as if you’re judging Tanner by the people in your past.”
“I’m not—”
He held up a finger. “Your parents retired early and then later moved away from here, rarely coming back. You took that as a rejection, and rightfully so.”
“I’ll say,” Lucille grumbled in front of the stovetop. “I taught my son better than that.”
Mr. Wykowski never took his gaze off Callie. “And then Asshole Eric didn’t help things.”
Callie choked out a laugh.
“I call ’em like I see ’em,” Mr. Wykowski said. “He might have rejected you, but you dodged a bullet there to my way of thinking.”
“No shit,” Lucille muttered beneath her breath. When she realized that both Callie and Mr. Wykowski were looking at her, she mimed zipping her lips and tossing away the key.
“He didn’t deserve you,” Mr. Wykowski said to Callie. “But this thing you’ve got going, being braced for rejection, all you’re doing is putting out that negative energy into the universe, and now it’s all coming back at you.”
“So what do I do?” Callie asked.
“Own your past,” he suggested. “Learn from it. Know you deserve better, that the right man will come along and, when he does, you’ll give one hundred percent of you.”
Callie stared at him. “You sound like a therapist.”
He smiled. “I watch Dr. Phil while I’m on the treadmill.”
“Isn’t he the sweetest thing?” Lucille asked.
Mr. Wykowski smiled. “Love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you too,” Lucille gushed.
Mr. Wykowski looked at Callie. “You see? It’s really not that hard to put yourself out there.”
“That’s hardly fair,” Callie said. “You knew she would say it back.”
“Not true,” Lucille said. “The first time he told me he loved me, I didn’t say it back. I didn’t, because he’d told me when he was—” She paused and bit her lower lip and blushed.
Mr. Wykowski laughed softly.
Callie covered her eyes. “Subject change, please.”
“You love Tanner,” Lucille said firmly. “I see it every time you look at him. I hear it in your voice when you speak to him. I can feel it between you when you’re both in the same room. The air sizzles.”
“There’s a difference between attraction and love,” Callie said. “A big one.”
Lucille barked out a laugh. “Well, of course there is. But attraction”—she used air quotes around the word—“doesn’t get devastated by being stood up. Attraction doesn’t make you yearn for a person so badly you hurt when you think it’s over.”
Callie thunked her head on the table again. “I know,” she said miserably. “God, I know. And I do love him. I love the way he’s working hard to be the best dad he can be in spite of the fact that he doesn’t even know what a good dad looks like. I love how he takes care of his mom and not just monetarily. I love how he’d do anything for Sam and Cole. And I love how he looks at me, how he touches me, how he makes me laugh, makes me think, makes me feel…” She shook her head. “Everything.” Head still down on the table, eyes closed, she sighed. “I love him like I’ve never loved anyone before. And I don’t think I can handle it. You were right, Grandma. I’m afraid. I’m so afraid that I’m thinking of going back to San Francisco in order to escape facing it. And I’m not proud of that.”
There was a single knock at the back door.
Callie jerked and lifted her head, her worst fears realized when she saw the tall, broad shadow standing there.
Chapter 29
Callie jumped up and whirled to face her grandma. “Tell him I’m not here,” she whispered. “Tell him I’m already gone. Tell him—”
“That you’re a big, fancy liar?” Tanner asked.
She whirled back. The window in the back door was open. He’d bent low and was looking right at her.
He was in a backward baseball cap and sweatshirt, hood up against the wind.
She could see nothing of his expression, but that might also have been because she was holding her breath and her own vision was wavering from a severe lack of air.
He gave a small head shake and she didn’t know if that quirk of his mouth was amusement—in which case she’d have to kill him—or annoyance—in which case he could just get in line.
Then he opened the door, calm as you please, and…walked right in.
“Hey, honey,” Lucille said to him. “We were just talking about you.”
“Grandma!”
Tanner gave Lucille a kiss on the cheek. He turned and shook Mr. Wykowski’s hand.
“Do you want some cookies?” Lucille asked him.
“Maybe later,” he said, and looked at Callie. “Right now, I’d like a moment alone with your granddaughter if you don’t mind.”
“Oh,” Lucille said in clear disappointment. “But—”
Mr. Wykowski took her by the hand and pulled her toward the door, winking at Callie over her grandma’s head.
Callie didn’t wink back. Couldn’t. “How long were you standing there?” she asked Tanner quietly. “What did you hear?”
“Nothing. I’ve got some things to say to you, Callie.” His voice was quiet steel. “And I need you to look me in the eye and tell me you’re going to hear me.”
She crossed her arms over her chest but her heart still ached so badly she didn’t know how she was supposed to function. Then Tanner was there, right there in front of her, cupping her face up to his. His eyes were dark and serious, oh-so-very serious. Which wasn’t to say that she didn’t soak in the rest of him, the scruffy jaw, the feel of his hands on her, his scent—which was so unbearably familiar they triggered all sorts of memories and made her ache all the more.
“Say it,” he said. “Say you’re going to listen.”
She reminded herself that she was the injured party here, that she was the one who’d stood on that damn dock like an idiot for an hour.
Yes, an hour.
She was the one who’d put her heart on the line and been burned for it. She was the one who was about to completely lose it.
“Please,” he said softly. Intently.
Tanner was strong, of both mind and body. Confident. Smart. Loyal. Tough. God, so tough. It wasn’t often he asked for something, anything, and as much as she wanted to push him out the door and go back to her pity party, she found she couldn’t deny him anything. “I promise to listen,” she whispered.
He didn’t waste a second. “I’m sorry about this afternoon. I had an emergency with Troy. I should have called or texted and I didn’t, and I hurt you. I can’t take that back, but—”
“Is Troy okay?” she asked. “What happened?”
He blinked and then smiled a little. “That right there,” he murmured. “You putting Troy first is why I—”
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah,” he said. “He got in a fight at
school, and—”
“Oh my God.”
“He’s okay,” he said. “But—”
“—but he needed you,” she said, and let out a breath. “I get that. You put him first and you should.”
“Callie, I’m sorry.”
“No,” she said. “You did the exact right thing putting him ahead of a silly date. You always do the right thing. I wouldn’t ever expect otherwise.”
He stepped close and stroked his thumb along her jaw, and then beneath her eye, catching a wayward tear she hadn’t even realized she’d shed while talking to Lucille and Mr. Wykowski.
“But by doing that, I hurt you,” he said. “I hate that.”
“That’s on me, not you. I was waiting for you and when you didn’t show, I…reacted badly.”
“You thought I’d left you waiting on purpose,” he said, looking extremely unhappy. “In fact, in some ways you’ve been waiting on me to leave you from the beginning.”
“No. I—”
“Truth,” he said, holding her gaze, not letting her look away.
“Okay, yes. Fine,” she said. “You’re right. I’ve been half braced for that. I figured you’d walk away eventually, I just didn’t know when.”
His eyes flashed and she knew he was frustrated and probably ticked off, but he listened when she went on.
“So this afternoon when you didn’t show,” she said, “it sent me spiraling. I went straight to a bad head space and assumed the worst.”
“There’s something you don’t get,” he said. “Some men walk away. Not me. I don’t operate that way. Yes, I fucked up. I fucked up big and I hurt you, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. But I want to fix this. I’m not sure how, but I’m not running. I’m choosing you, Callie. I’m not going anywhere and I want this to work. But if you don’t want it too, tell me right now.”
She didn’t say anything and he stepped in closer so that she was forced to tilt her head up to see him. “You set the parameters for this relationship from the get-go,” he said. “And I let you. Do you know why?”
“Because they suited you too,” she said.
“Maybe at first, but things change. And now they don’t suit me in the slightest,” he said. “But I wanted to be with you, and I told myself to take whatever you could give me and be happy with that. But I wasn’t, Callie. I wanted more. I was going to get to that tonight, in fact, even though I wasn’t sure you would ever admit to wanting the same. Until I heard you talking to your grandma and Mr. W.”
“Hey,” she said. “You said you didn’t hear anything.”
“I lied. I heard everything. And I want to hear it again, right now, while you’re looking into my eyes.”
She sucked in a breath.
“Fine. I’ll go first,” he said. “I fell early and fast for you, so fast I was dizzy almost every single second we spent together. And I loved it. I love your sweet laugh, I love how frigging smart you are, I love how you took your own strengths and made a successful business for yourself. I love how you take care of your grandma, coming back here to a place that wasn’t necessarily filled with happy memories just to make sure she wasn’t heading for the crazy house.”
“Excuse me,” Lucille said through the kitchen door. “I don’t mean to interrupt but I’m years away from the crazy house.”
Tanner didn’t take his eyes off Callie but he did smile. And at the sight, the knot in her chest loosened very slightly.
“I’m going to tell you what else I love,” he said. “Even with our audience. You okay with that?”
All she could do was nod.
“Good,” he said. He put his hands on her hips and lifted her up to sit on the counter. He pushed her thighs open and stepped between them so that he was flush up against her. “You,” he said simply. “I love you.”
The knot loosened a little bit more even as her heart swelled against her rib cage so that she could scarcely draw a breath. “You heard me tell my grandma how I feel about you,” she said. “That doesn’t mean you have to say it back. I don’t expect—”
He put a finger over her lips, shutting her up. “You should expect,” he said. “And this is me. I say only what I mean, always. You can take that to the bank, Callie. That, and the fact that I love you, I’m always going to love you, and if you need to hear it every day for the rest of your life to believe it, I think I can manage that.”
Her eyes filled, and she wrapped her fingers around his wrist, pulling his hand from her mouth. “You said your life was full,” she said, “that you had everything you needed.”
“I was wrong,” he said, gaze darkening and pinning her in place. “I didn’t realize I needed you in my life. Now I can’t imagine my life without you. I fit with you, Callie. You’re my other half, my better half.”
“I…” She shook her head. “I’m not even sure what that means.”
“It means—” He hauled her in close and pressed hot kisses along her jaw, his voice low, for her ears only as he spoke in between each kiss. “That the next time you and I make love, it won’t be because we have an itch to scratch, or because we’re convenient, or because of any benefit plan.”
“Oh, for God’s sake” came Lucille’s voice through the door. “They’re talking too quietly. I can’t hear a thing.”
Tanner grinned and his voice lowered even further, his lips brushing the shell of Callie’s ear now, sending heat spiraling through her body. “It’ll be because we can’t live another day without being together.”
She opened her mouth to respond to that and his lips caught hers, his tongue making itself right at home with hers.
“The next time,” he said when they broke free for air, “it will be forever. Now.” He waited until she looked up at him. “Say it again. Tell me what I want to hear while you’re looking at me, talking directly to me.”
She waited for the chest pain of anxiety to hit but it didn’t. In fact, the words were right there on her tongue, ready to be said. “I love you, Tanner.”
He let out a whoosh of air and pressed closer, dropping his forehead to hers, making her realize she hadn’t been the only one feeling the strain of a possible rejection.
Then he lifted his head a fraction of an inch. His mouth brushing against hers, he said, “Again.”
She cupped his scruffy jaw and met his gaze. “I love you,” she told him.
His mouth curved. “Did it hurt?”
She laughed softly. “No.”
“Good. Again.”
She kissed one side of his jaw, and then kissed the other, and then his chin. And finally his mouth. “I love you,” she said against his lips.
He caressed her cheek with his thumb, the palm of his hand warm against her jaw line. “I’m not going to be able to get enough of that.” He entwined their fingers and put her hand to his chest so that she could feel his heart beating strong. “It hurt when I thought I’d blown it enough that I might not ever hear that from you,” he said.
“You didn’t blow it,” she told him. “I did, by not letting myself free fall for you even after I knew you’d catch me.”
“Always,” he vowed, and brought tears to her eyes.
“It’s you and me together now,” she said, giving him a vow in return. “I won’t hold back again.”
“I know. But you and I are still in a vulnerable place,” he said. “I want a commitment.”
She stared at him, her heart surging with emotion. Good emotion. “A commitment?”
“Yeah,” he said, and then kissed her.
Just as the kiss got as serious as his statement, including a good amount of tongue and heat, there was a knock at the back door.
“Ignore it,” Tanner said. “We’re busy. They’ll go away.”
“Wish we could” came Cole’s amused voice.
Callie pulled free of Tanner and looked at the door. Cole, Sam, and Troy stood there, all three of them bent and staring in through