He’s thinking through the same things I am. “She’s got a picture of her mom with King.” I wipe one hand down my face. “Her mom looks young as hell in the picture, man.”
Tracker’s head snaps my way. “How young?”
“Too young.” Just saying it turns my stomach. Makes it burn with a hatred I thought peaked when King tried to kill Gypsy and Moon. “She looks strung out.”
“Fucking great. Underage and coked up. Kerri’s going to lose her damn mind when she finds out.”
The door slides open and Carly steps out. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?” I step in close to her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Her eyes go to Tracker a second and she leans in. “Jill figured out I’m not an asset in the kitchen so she sent me out here.”
“That means they’re a man down.” Tracker pushes up out of his seat. “Looks like I’m on deck.” He gives Carly a smile and a wink. “Those girls like to have someone to order around.”
Carly’s quiet until the door closes behind him. Her eyes don’t meet mine. “How old is Kerri?”
“Almost thirty.” I know where she’s going with this and it makes my stomach ache.
I wanted to protect her from all this. From discovering sometimes the truth is so much worse than not knowing.
Carly turns to look back into the house. “They seem so nice.”
“I’m not sure I would call Kerri nice.”
Carly’s head snaps my way. “What would you call her?”
I watch Kerri through the window. “She’s smart. Honest. Strong.” I can’t help but smile a little at the woman who kicked off the uprising against King, getting him arrested and burning down his clubhouse.
“Is that better than nice?” There’s something in Carly’s tone that’s off.
“What does nice even mean, Carly?” I wouldn’t call any of the women I know nice. I would call them loyal. Capable. Unbreakable.
Pinky’s shoulders drop a little. “I don’t know anymore.”
I rest my hands on those same shoulders. “Nice is about the most boring fucking way to describe someone, Pinky.” I step in closer to her. “Nice doesn’t mean honest. It doesn’t mean kind. It doesn't mean faithful. Nice just means palatable. Fine.” I wait until she looks at me. “The women in there are not nice. They are exceptional.” I hesitate to finish all I want to say, but Pinky looks like I just kicked her fucking dog. “Like you.”
Her brown eyes jump up to mine. “I’m not like them.”
“No. You’re not.” I inch a little closer. “But that doesn’t mean you're not just as good or just as interesting or just as strong.”
Her eyes dip to my mouth. “How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?”
Her assessment of what’s happening right now catches me by surprise. “I don’t do that. I just tell you what I know, Pinky.” I pull my hands off her body, even though all I want is to pull her close, pretend she didn’t just say what she did.
Clearly Carly’s not seeing me for what I really am.
Her eyes narrow on me. “You did it last night too. When I was mad. You calmed me down. Made me feel better about everything.” She steps forward as I back up. “And you did it the night I showed up at your house. You held me while I cried.” Carly blinks a few times, her eyes moving to one side. “I don’t think I’ve ever cried in front of anyone else, Levi. Not ever.”
“Stop.”
“No.” She takes another step toward me. “If you can tell me what I am, then I can tell you what you are.”
“No you can’t.” I grit my teeth against the truth. “Because you don’t know what I am.”
I’m an ass. I hear it a hundred times a day.
It’s better than what I heard as a kid.
Piece of shit.
Worthless.
Stupid.
“I think you’re the one who doesn’t know what you are, Levi.” Carly stalks toward me, sending me stepping back faster, trying to keep space between us. The back of my boot catches on the leg of the chair Tracker sat in and I go down, ass first onto the concrete.
A nice woman would take pity on me.
But the woman in front of me is not nice.
“You are a grumpy old man, Levi.” She wags one finger in my face. “You act all crabby and hateful to keep people from getting close. To keep them from liking you.”
She leans down, hands on her knees.
“But I like grumpy old men.” Her lips twist into a smirk. “And I like you.”
12
LEVI STARES UP at me from where he’s sprawled across the patio.
I should help him up.
But he can’t keep running from me if he’s on his butt, so I’m going to just leave him there. “You are a kind man. You’re patient, and you’re driven and you’re—”
I straighten. “Well, you’re really easy to look at.”
He doesn’t move. Just keeps staring.
Like I’ve lost my mind.
But I haven’t. I’ve only begun to find it. To claim it as my own.
To use how I want. To believe what I know to be true and real.
And I know Levi is not an asshole.
He’s just scared.
Which is good, because so am I.
“Dinner’s—” Jill pokes her head out the door. “Levi, honey. Get up off the dirty ground and come wash your hands. It’s time to eat.” She smiles at me. “Carly, why don’t you get him up and take him to get him cleaned up?”
“I can do that.” I smile back at Jill.
Levi’s right. She’s not nice.
Calling Jill nice is doing her a disservice.
She is warm, and kind, and sweet, and caring. Probably a whole lot more, but I’ve only known her an hour.
I turn to the well-built biker still lying on the ground at my feet. “Come on, big boy.” I reach down and grab his hands and lean back, trying to use my body weight to get him up. “You’re heavy. Why are you so heavy?” He’s not much taller than I am. I figured he’d be easy to get up.
“You don’t have to help me up, Pinky.” He tries to pull his hands from mine. “I can get up all by myself.”
“Of course you can get up by yourself, but I want to help you.” I pull him again, squeezing his hands harder.
I’m getting his butt up off the concrete if it kills me. I drop lower to the ground, trying to get more leverage. He still doesn’t budge. “Stop making it difficult.”
Levi sighs. “You’re the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.” Finally his body comes up off the ground, hands gripping mine tight as he comes up.
I start to fall back but Levi pulls me up with him, making sure I don’t end up in the same spot he was in. “Come on, Pinky. Let’s go inside before Jill gets snippy.” He wraps one arm around my shoulders. It’s heavy and warm.
I lean into him. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
Levi might not realize how sweet and considerate he is, but that doesn’t change the facts.
He might be the kindest man I’ve ever met.
“Why do you always act so different than you are?”
His hand stalls on the handle to the sliding glass door. “Lots of reasons.”
“Oh.” I want to ask more, but Jill is staring at us from her spot at the kitchen island. “She likes having company for dinner, doesn’t she?”
“She likes taking care of the people she cares about.” Levi opens the door and lets me go in first, his arm dropping from my shoulders as we move inside.
I liked having his arm around me.
I just like having him around me. He makes me feel like I can be all the things I never thought I could.
Should.
“Come on, slow pokes.” Jill pulls out a chair. “Levi, you can sit here and Carly honey, you can sit right beside him.” Jill hustles around to sit on my other side, with Kerri and Evan at the end. “Has Levi been feeding you well?”
“He has, actually.” I peek at
him. “I can’t cook. At all. When I was young my mom worked a lot and I had to fend for myself most of the time, so all I learned to cook was what I could make in the microwave.”
“Then you’ve made a good choice snagging that one there. Levi is the best chef there is.” Jill beams at him. “Has he made you cheesecake yet?” She shakes her head. “It’ll widen up those hips of yours in a hurry.”
Levi is silent beside me, his ears red as he pretends not to hear a thing Jill is saying.
“What about you, Jill?” I lean between them as I move the conversation to something else. Jill’s praise clearly makes him uncomfortable.
Like mine did the day he brought me tacos, bolting the minute I told him how good they were.
“What sort of things do you do to pass the time?” I know very little about the man we all have in common, but based on the house I’m sitting in and the jewelry on the woman beside me, Jill isn’t hurting financially.
She smiles. “Oh, a little of this. A little of that.” Her lips curve in a way that makes me think there’s a secret there.
One no one in this room knows.
She passes me the platter of taco shells. “What about you, Carly? What do you do to pass the time?”
“I work at Elm Grove Retirement Village.” I drop a crunchy corn shell onto my plate and pass them to Levi. “I’m the activities coordinator there.”
“I know a lady who lives there.” Kerri leans so she can see me around her mother. “My next door neighbor fell last year and couldn’t live by herself anymore.”
“It happens a lot.” I scoop some meat into my shell. “The same thing happened to my friend Violet.”
Kerri’s eyes go wide on me. “Violet? That’s my neighbor’s name.”
“That explains a lot.” Levi finally joins the conversation. “Violet’s the one who talked Pinky into stalking me.”
Kerri throws her head back, laughing loud. “Holy shit, that sounds like her.” Kerri rests one hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Remember when she tried to seduce you guys?”
“The turnover for our aerobics instructors is really high.” I shake my head. “And it’s not just Violet.” I press my lips together trying to stifle a smile. “But I worked out a deal so hopefully the girls will be on better behavior.”
Kerri’s smile softens a little. “Maybe I could come visit sometime. I wasn’t sure she would want me bothering her.”
“Oh, I’m positive Violet would love the company. She doesn’t love hanging out with old people.”
“Lucky for her you do.” Jill bumps me with her shoulder.
I poke at the rice on my plate for a second. “I have always liked older people. They are ni—” My eyes bounce to Levi. “They are kinder. More accepting. Less judgmental.”
“I’m not sure we’re talking about the same Violet anymore.” Kerri snorts. “Because the Violet I knew had an attitude on her.”
“Then it’s definitely her.” I shake my head a little. “She’s feisty and hard-headed, but she will do anything for someone she loves.”
I choke up a little.
Because I think Violet might love me.
And I definitely love her.
The rest of dinner passes with small-talk and a few jokes from Evan. We all do the dishes together and before long it’s time to go.
“Thank you for letting us stay for dinner.” I give Jill a smile. I’m still not quite sure how to navigate the situation.
Her husband cheated on her.
With my underage mother.
“Oh, honey.” Jill grabs me and holds me tight, squeezing me for a long time. She smells good. Like a midnight flower. Warm and sweet and a little mysterious.
She’s not the kind of woman who looks mysterious.
But looks can be very deceiving.
“I want you to come back and visit me more. We have a lot to talk about.”
“Okay.” I hug her back.
When she lets me go Kerri moves in. “You should come over for girls’ night one weekend.” Her eyes barely move to where Evan stands. “We make cocktails and talk about girl things.”
I’ve never been invited to a girl’s night before. I’ve never been invited to anything before.
Not that it would have mattered when I was young. My mother would never have allowed me to go.
I nod. “That sounds like fun. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” She slugs Levi in the shoulder. “Just keep giving this guy hell and we’ll call it even.”
“Don’t encourage her, Ker.” Levi rests one hand on my back. “She’s already got someone giving her ideas.”
Kerri points my way. “And tell Violet I’m coming to see her.”
“I can do that.”
Levi and I wave at them as we back out of the driveway, their smiling faces peeking out the open door as we go.
“How you doing, Pinky?” Levi reaches across to rest his hand on my thigh.
“I’m good.” I take a deep breath and let it back out. “Really good, actually.” I turn to him. “You knew they would accept me.”
“I wouldn’t have taken you there if I didn’t.” He doesn’t look my way, instead keeping his eyes on the road.
“I know that.” I scoot a little closer to him. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me.”
“I’m going to, and you’re going to hear it.” I reach out and trace the line of his ear. “I don’t care if your ears get so red they fall off.”
Levi jerks his head from my touch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“When someone compliments you your ears turn red.” I lean so I can see his face better. “Why does it bother you?”
He’s silent, jaw clenched tight together.
I stay in the same spot, watching him the same way, the whole drive home. If he wants to be difficult then he’s going to be uncomfortable while he does it.
Levi pulls his truck into the garage bay of the firehouse and turns to me as the overhead door slides into place. “No one wants a kid who cries every day, Pinky. No one wants a kid who’s needy.” He straightens in his seat, eyes sharp on me.
Like it’s a dare to keep asking questions.
“Do people like kids who are mean better?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
I wait. There’s more. I know there is.
I want him to give it to me.
I want to understand. I want to know what his life was like. What made him the way he is.
I want to know I’m not alone in being a messed-up product of an unhealthy environment.
“But mean kids don’t care.”
“I see.” I reach over to find his hand, stroking my fingers over the colorful lines inked across the back. “Did you think you would be able to live the rest of your life without someone seeing you for what you are?”
Levi gives me a slow nod. “I did.”
“Well that’s unfortunate.” I scoot closer to him, tossing my hair a little to one side as I bite on my lower lip. “You probably should have found a way to get rid of me before that happened.”
“I realize that.” Levi’s eyes stay on me. “What are you doing, Carly?”
“I’m trying to figure out how to look sexy.” I attempt to swing my leg over the console between us. I do succeed in getting my foot on the other side of Levi’s body, but I bump my head on the car’s ceiling in the process, bouncing myself back down, knocking me off-balance enough that I over shoot my target and bump my temple on the window and my butt on the steering wheel.
Setting off the alarm.
Flashing lights and the blaring honk of the horn echo around the dark garage. A second later light spills from the door leading to the house and three backlight forms race through.
Levi fumbles around, trying to reach the button to switch off the alarm. After a few slaps of his hand against the dash everything goes quiet.
And then the overhead lights flip on.
“Seriously?”
Moon is wearing nothing but a pair of Calvin Klein briefs, slung low on his hips.
“You can stop staring at his dick, Pinky.”
My eyes hurt they’re so wide. “I’m not.”
Levi chuckles. “Sure.” He shoves open the door and grips me tight, hauling both of us out of the truck. His glare turns to Moon. “Go cover that monster up. You’re making me look bad.”
Moon smirks at him. “Pretty sure the snake makes yours trump mine.” He gives me a wink. “Doesn’t it, Carly?”
Levi sets my feet on the ground, keeping one arm tight around me. The other shoves Moon as we pass him. “Shut up, dick.” He doesn’t slow down until we’re in his room. He stays right at the door, his hand still on the knob.
I watch Levi for a minute, trying to decide how to handle the situation.
I’ve never been close to anyone except my mother, and I’m only just beginning to see that relationship for what it was.
Stifling. Smothering.
Demanding and controlling.
I don’t feel that way at all with Levi.
I feel the opposite, actually. Like I can be all the things I was so sure would be wrong of me to be.
And I can do all the things I thought were wrong of me to do.
I’m not afraid of any of them.
And I’m not afraid of him. Of letting him close.
I want him close.
But Levi is still scared. Worried I will turn my back on him if I see what he really is.
He’d rather people hate him for what he’s not, then have someone abandon him because of what he is.
Which I understand. I’ve been ridiculed my whole life for being what I am and it’s hard.
“You look like you want to leave.” I wait. He’ll answer me.
He’s too polite not to.
It’s one more thing he tries to hide.
“Leaving is the last thing I want to do, Pinky. But I think it’s the best thing right now.”
“If leaving’s the last thing, then what’s the first?”
His nostrils barely flare. Like a horse close to being spooked. “Doesn’t matter.” He straightens. “Why didn’t you show me that picture before today, Carly?”
“Because I didn’t have it before today.” I do move closer now. “Stop trying to change the subject.”
Cook's Choice: A Bad Boy Protector Romance (Lost Boys Book 4) Page 11