He nods and sips his water again. He smiles at me, but it’s forced. “Let’s grab some seats.”
The plane is small but comfortable. I sit in one of the oversized leather seats and Alex sits next to me. Len sits across from me. The flight isn’t long but because I didn’t sleep well I doze off. When I start to wake up again, Alex is still talking with Jordan. Jordan’s words quickly pull me out of my sleepy state, but I don’t open my eyes or move my head off Alex’s shoulder where it must have dropped when I nodded off.
“So no one is coming? Not even Brie and Mac? You haven’t brought anyone to family day, like, ever have you?”
“I have you guys and your crazy families to amuse me,” Alex jokes back, but I can feel the tension in his body.
Jordan laughs. “Yeah, we do tend to be entertaining.”
“Nothing is going to be more entertaining than watching you try to be a dad,” Alex laughs. “This kid is in for a hell of a ride. Hopefully I’m on this team long enough to see it myself or else I’ll have to have Jessie send me videos of all your epic diaper-change and burping fails. Have you bought the kid a helmet and protective suit yet? You know you’re going to drop it at least once.”
“Fuck you, buddy,” Jordan jokes. “You can bust my balls all you want, but I think you’re not so different from me anymore. So remember, payback is going to be a bitch.”
“I am not the family-man type,” Alex says.
Jordan makes a noise in the back of his throat. “Yeah, well you’re fooling everyone right now. Even yourself.”
I know he’s referring to me and I can feel their eyes on me. I know a flush is imminent so I stir, moving my body Alex and tilting my head toward the window so they don’t see my face. I still pretend I’m asleep though, because I need time to absorb what I just heard.
“I know you always said you break headboards not hearts,” Jordan whispers but I hear it loud and clear. “But this thing with…” He doesn’t say my name but I’m betting he’s gesturing to me. “Feels like more than a broken headboard and I have to say, it suits you.”
“It is.” His answer is terse. “Now shut up.”
“You’re a headcase you know that, Rue,” Jordan says with a slight chuckle. “You’re lucky chicks think you’re cute.”
“They think you’re cute,” he retorts back. “They think I’m a god.”
“Ha!” Jordan balks at that and I shift again, this time opening my eyes and praying I look groggy and like I just came out of a coma.
“Hey. Have a good nap?” Alex asks and kisses my cheek. I nod and plaster a fake smile on my face and glance across from us at Len who is still sound asleep. I’m guessing she’s not faking it by the snoring. I lean forward and give her a gentle shake.
“We’re landing soon,” I tell her and she nods, rubs the sleep from her eyes and mumbles something about freshening up and heads to the bathroom.
Alex reaches over and takes my hand in his. His eyes cloud over. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Sure. Have you been to Maine before?”
He nods. “Yeah for Jordan’s wedding. And a couple times before that during the summers to visit him. I spend most of the off-season bumming around visiting teammates.”
“So most players go back to their hometowns when they aren’t playing?” I question.
“Yeah.”
“When was the last time you went back to Quebec?”
He looks startled by that question but he answers it. “I haven’t been back since I was started playing professionally. No point.”
“What’s the family thing Jordan was mentioning?” I ask bluntly. Now his startled face morphs into a guilty one because he knows I heard his conversation.
“It’s nothing.”
Okay then. I lean forward and turn to look at Jessie across the aisle. “Jessie, what’s family day?”
“With the Barons?” she questions and I nod. “It’s a day near Christmas where the families come to the arena and skate on the ice. We bring toy donations for charity and there’s food and Santa usually makes an appearance for the kids.”
“It’s a way for hockey players’ extended families to get to know each other,” Callie adds as she shifts in her seat across from Jessie. “Devin’s parents always come down, and Luc’s mom showed up last year.”
“With her new boyfriend. Who is now her old boyfriend,” Luc adds with a roll of his eyes. “She’s actually flying solo to the wedding thankfully.”
“Maybe she’ll pick up a player,” Callie replies and Luc groans. “Come on, maybe something younger will do her some good.”
“Stop talking now before I barf,” Luc warns, and I laugh at the look of horror on his face. But Callie started something that no one but Luc wants to let go of.
“Chooch is single,” Alex tells everyone. “He’s coming, right?”
“Stop,” Luc warns.
“Right! Chooch could use the gentle touch of an older woman after that viper of an ex-girlfriend,” Jordan announces and Luc looks like he might be physically ill.
“No seriously, stop,” Luc begs and covers his hears with his hands.
“What’s a Chooch?” Len asks as she sit back down.
Rose’s eyes light up and I swear I can see hearts floating in them. “Actually, you know what? You’re going to find out what a Chooch is. I’m going to sit Mike at your table!”
“You’re in trouble now,” Callie tells Len. “My little sister is the matchmaker from hell.”
“Truth,” Jessie adds with a grin.
“I was going to focus on Alex here, but seems like that work is done so you’re my next victim!” Rose looks absolutely gleeful.
I don’t know whether to be concerned for Len or excited. She looks like she’s not sure what to feel either. I look over at Alex who is chuckling at the whole thing, but when our eyes meet he seems a little guarded. I wish he had invited Mac and me to this family day thing. The fact that he didn’t makes me worry that I’m moving faster than he is and it’s the worst feeling ever.
The plane lands and there are two SUV cabs waiting to take us to Silver Bay. All the guests are staying in the same lakefront inn so we all get dropped off first and then the locals get taken to their homes. We agree to meet up later tonight, after their rehearsal dinner.
Len checks in and tells me to text her once I get settled because she wants to go for a walk around town and explore. I agree and watch her trot off to the elevator as Alex talks to the front-desk clerk.
“You’ll be in room 304,” he tells Alex and slides the key card across the polished wood countertop. “And Miss Bennett is in room 303, just across the hall.”
He slides a second key card across the countertop and my heart hits the floor so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t crack the tile.
Chapter 23
Alex
She hasn’t said a word since we checked in. I’ve been talking. She’s been nodding as I babble on about this little town, but I know she’s pissed. I should have said something before we got here, but what the fuck could I have said? “Hey honey, I got you your own room because I don’t want you to have a black eye at the wedding.”
Jesus, she’s going to run so fast in the other direction. We get to the third floor and she walks to her door. Without looking back at me she says, “I’m going to unpack and then head out with Len to explore the town.”
“Oh. Okay.” I should say more here. Stop her? Beg her to not be mad at me? Have sex with her? I don’t know but something. This feels wrong. But I don’t do anything more than watch her disappear inside her room.
I head into mine, drop my overnight bag on the bed, hang my suit in the closet and text Avery to see if he got here yet. He texted back that he and Stephanie are having a late lunch down in the tiny restaurant attached to the inn. Five minutes later I’m standing next to their table. Avery looks confused by my appearance. Steph can see the tension radiating off me and pulls out the extra chair at their table. “Sit.”
I do what she asks and she smiles gently. “What happened?”
“Nothing yet, but I’d bet money I’m about to get dumped,” I admit and drop my elbows on the table and my head in my hands.
“Wait. What?” Avery asks. “From the Barons?”
“No. A girl.”
“You’re dating a girl?” Avery croaks out his tone drowning in wonder. “Like exclusively? You have a girlfriend? A real one, not one you blow up?”
I lift my head long enough to glare at him. He laughs a little and tries to cover it with his hand. “Sorry, but come on. It’s like unheard of that you’re exclusive with someone. It’s against your personal brand or religion or whatever.”
“You of all people should know things change,” I retort.
“Yeah, but I smartened up. I didn’t think you were capable of that,” he quips and I glare at him again. “Sorry. But seriously, you were single by choice. I was single because I had to be. So this is a shock.”
“Well she’s going to dump me anyway,” I tell them. “Because I have no idea how to do this and I fucked up.”
“How?” Steph pats my hand and pours a glass of water for me from the pitcher. “You can tell us. I won’t judge and if he gets snarky again I’ll kick him. I promise.”
Avery rolls his eyes but says. “I promise to quit with the jokes.”
“Tell us about this mystery girl,” Stephanie commands. “And why you think you blew it.”
I give them a quick rundown of how we met, how amazing she turned out to be and then tell them about the current situation.
“I booked us separate hotel rooms,” I admit. “Because of the nightmare situation.”
Avery and Steph are the only two people who know about my nightmares and I didn’t tell them by choice. I had a bad one this summer when I was visiting them. Avery burst into my room and tried to wake me, but I was thrashing so hard I clocked him in the head and gave him a black eye.
“So you’ve been dating her for a couple weeks and you’ve never…” Avery’s eyebrows lift as his sentence trails off suggestively.
“Are you stupid? Of course we have. A lot,” I clarify. “I just haven’t slept over afterward. You saw what can happen.”
“You’re still having nightmares?” Avery asks. “I thought that was a random thing.”
“I’ve been having them on and off my whole life. Anyway, I can’t do that to her. I would never forgive myself. And I can’t explain that to her because…she’ll think I’m crazy.”
Stephanie gives me a little shrug. “I’m betting she’s pretty fabulous if you’re dating her. You don’t date just anyone. So why not give her the benefit of the doubt?”
“Yeah, I mean if she’s crazy enough to give you any kind of shot in the first place, she can probably handle it,” Avery adds and bursts into a giant grin when I glare at him again. I feel the table shake and his face contort. “Ouch!”
Steph kicked him. Good.
“Oh come on, Steph!” Avery gives his girlfriend a pleading look. “He’s made it his mission to take the piss out of us when we’re in relationships. Now it’s my turn!”
“Avery, my love, can you run off and see if Seb and Shayne are ready to head into town? Since I have some experience with hiding stuff I shouldn’t from boyfriends, I’m going to keep talking to our clueless friend here.”
Avery pushes back from the table and stands up, leaning across it to kiss the top of Steph’s head. “Meet you in the lobby when you’re done,” he tells her and then reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. “Good luck, buddy. I know you need it.”
“I want to tell you to fuck off, but I do need it,” I mutter back and he walks off.
Stephanie watches him go and then turns to me with a clear, calm expression. “‘It’s not ruined. Avery knows you’re right for him. The kid isn’t as stupid as he looks. It’ll be fine, Steph.’”
“What?”
“Your words to me when Avery found out about my past,” she says. “You said it better than I ever could.”
“Yeah, but I knew Avery well. You’ve never even met Brie,” I remind her.
She shrugs. “Yeah, but I know you. And this girl has to be special if she’s got you feeling something.”
I smile sheepishly. “We have similar pasts. She just had better luck.”
“Your luck will only change if you let it, Alex,” she says. “Let her in. If you think you’re going to lose her either way, then what difference does it make? Give it your all.”
“I’ll take your advice,” I tell her and let out a long, slow breath.
“Good. Now go find her and fix this,” she says shooing me from the table as she stands up. I stand too and she wraps her arm around my shoulder reaching up to kiss my cheek. “And remember, no matter what, you’ve got us.”
I leave her in the lobby but not before saying hi to Sebastian and Shayne, who are also there now with Avery. They invite me to join them, but I decline and head upstairs, knocking on Brie’s door. She doesn’t answer so I text her but she doesn’t answer that either so I call her. It goes to voicemail.
Fuck.
My chest tightens and I start to feel cold—on the inside. I don’t know how else to explain this sensation I used to get as a kid every time I felt rejected, by a classmate or another foster kid or when the social worker explained to me that my family couldn’t…wouldn’t take me. It’s this feeling of frost growing in my veins and I hate it. I’ve had little flickers of it resurface when I get traded from a team, but although one team is rejecting me another team wants me. But now the feeling is back with a vengeance. This is exactly fucking why I never wanted to be involved with someone. Because they’d reject me. Everyone always rejects me if I give them enough time to do it.
Fuck this.
I grab my phone and my wallet and storm out the door.
Six hours later I’m on the back end of buzzed, sliding face-first into full-on drunk. And it cannot come fast enough. I walked around town for about an hour aimlessly. I was hoping to find Brie but eventually I ran into Seb, Shayne, Steph and Avery, who were on their way to dinner. I joined them, refusing to talk about Brie when Steph tried to ask me the million questions she had about why I wasn’t with her right now. I barely touched my food while downing three scotches. Then the guys went to the local bar owned by Jordan and Devin’s younger brother Cole, to meet Luc, Jordan and Devin and the girls broke off and went to another to meet Rose. It was their version of a bachelor and bachelorette.
I didn’t try to text her or call Brie again. With every drink my resolve grew. She was cutting ties—just like I knew she would, just like everyone does—so I was going to let her. I would help her. Fuck this. The night though, was annoyingly low key. The guys just wanted to sit around Cole’s bar and play pool and shoot the shit. And by ten o’clock there were mutterings they were about to call it a night.
“Are you serious?” I asked. “It’s your last night as a free man and you’re turning in before midnight? Barely drunk? Luc, you’re doing this wrong.”
“I’m doing it very, very right my friend,” Luc replies and sips his beer, which I swear he’s been nursing for like an hour. I bet it’s even one of those ridiculous nonalcoholic ones. “Besides, I haven’t been a free man in years and I’m happy about it. This is just a piece of paper to make it legal to other people.”
“What about you two?” I ask turning to Jordan and Devin. “Let’s have some fun before you’re both on diaper duty.”
Jordan shakes his head. Devin grins. “Dude, Callie is in the horny stage of pregnancy. I’m not giving up any extra time at home right now, especially because my parents have Conner for the night.”
“Don’t you want to get back to the hotel to see Brie?” Sebastian asks me. “This is your first weekend away together as a couple isn’t it?”
“I need a fresh drink,” I announce and down the rest of my scotch. I start to stand to head to the bar, but Cole interrupts me.
“The waitress is on her
way over,” he says and he turns to look at Luc with a devious grin. The next thing I know the future Mrs. Richard is strutting our way holding a tray in a short, even by my standards, jean skirt, a tight little tank top and cowboy boots.
I try not to let my jaw drop to the floor, because it’s inappropriate, but then I notice that every man in the place had their mouth hanging open. Still I snap mine shut and look at Luc who I think might try to hump her right here on the table judging by the look on his face. Behind Rose I see Callie, Jessie, the blonde Cole is married to, Len and Brie. Our eyes connect but she looks away.
“What can I get you boys?” Rose asks.
“Is this a role-playing wedding or something?” I whisper to Jordan who laughs.
“Rose used to work here,” he explains. “And dressed like that to get tips. And to drive Luc crazy.”
He grabs her by the waist and pulls him to her. “I need to take you home before someone else in this bar tries to.”
“I just have to finish my shift,” she jokes, and the next thing I know he’s picked her up, over his shoulder and is carrying her out of the bar.
“Wait! You can only keep her until midnight!” Callie is calling as she chases after them. “She’s sleeping at Jessie’s tonight or else it’s bad luck!”
Devin stands up. “I’m going to go get my superstitious wife and head home. Night guys.”
Jordan stands next and I almost tackle him to stop him as he reaches for Jessie. And then it happens, the way it always does, one by one my friends couple up and leave. Now it’s just Brie and Len standing awkwardly in front of the table where Chooch and I have been abandoned. Brie looks at me again. I stare back, trying to look like I’m not a giant mess inside. But I must be failing because Chooch, my only single ally left, stands up. He smiles at Len in his totally uncool, awkward way and clears his throat. “I know we’ve never met, but they seem to have some stuff to work out. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure.” Len smiles back at him all bright and bubbly like she always is.
“Rose is right,” I mutter more to myself than Brie, but she hears me.
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