by M. J. Haag
“That explains it.”
“Explains what?”
“He came over this morning and was asking how long you could go without food before dying?”
I snorted a little.
“That’s all my fault. I was tired and hungry and a little dramatic when Shax invited me over with the promise of food then handed me a smashed snack cake. Afterward, I explained about hormones, but I don't think he fully bought it. I hope you let him know I'm not in danger.”
She took a bite and considered her plate.
“I don't know if you're in danger. I have no idea what your starting weight was. If there’s a scale here, you should weigh yourself so we have a point of reference from now at least. The sad fact is that we're all a little underfed. With the supply situation being what it is, I think it's best to assume that the baby could face danger in the new future. You need to eat. If you begin to look a little chubby, then we'll talk about portion control. Until then, I think we need to treat you like you're starving.”
“You won’t hear any argument from me,” I said. “If you want to feed me until I look like the Doughboy, I'm game.”
I continued to consume my breakfast with gusto.
“So, is that why you're here? Shax went to get you because he thought the baby was dying?”
“I know the fey can overreact. So, I brought over some food because I wanted to see you for myself.”
“Thank you for this. I'm sorry I had to cut into your food supply.”
“Don't worry about it. Kerr assured me it's easily replaced. And if Shax starts leaving for supplies, you'll have your own stockpile of food in no time.”
As soon as we finished eating, we cleaned up the dishes.
“What are your plans for today?” Cassie asked, putting on her coat.
I looked around the house and shrugged.
“I'm not sure. I've been watching movies. But, that’s been getting a little boring.”
“Why don't you come with me? I'm going to go visit Mya. I'm worried about her. The stress of dealing with all of this tension isn't helping with her headaches.”
I grabbed my jacket, willing for an outing, and left with her.
“Are you comfortable staying with Shax?” she asked as we walked.
“Yeah. Like all the fey, Shax is really nice. I just hope I'm not taking advantage of the situation. I know he's having a hard time getting Hannah on board the Shax Express. I don't want to ruin his chances.”
“You think he's still interested in her? He seemed pretty attached to you.”
“When have you ever known a fey to lose interest in a girl once he’s set his sights on her? And he's not interested in me. You saw him and his interest.” I lowered my voice. “Every time I turn around, he's staring at my belly.”
“He does seem to have a fascination with babies. You should have seen him with Caden that first night. All of the fey were in awe, actually.”
A raised voice caught my attention.
“Now what?” Cassie said from beside me.
When we drew closer to Mya's house, we saw a group of people clustered in her front yard. Not as many as the night they’d raided the supply shed but still enough to spell trouble.
They were yelling and demanding to talk to Mya. They wanted supplies. Food. Answers.
A group of five fey stood outside the house, creating a barrier that the humans wouldn’t dare try to pass.
“I don't get these people,” I said. “They're perfectly capable of going out and getting their own food. We did it before the fey came. Why do they think it's okay just to come here and to demand someone else give food to them? It's not fair to expect the fey to provide for them just because they’re here.”
One of the men near the back turned and looked at me.
“When was the last time you were outside gathering supplies?” he asked angrily.
He had me. I hadn’t gone since Matt found out I was pregnant. Almost since the last commander died.
“I haven't gone outside the wall,” Cassie said when I remained silent. “I’m happy to go with you.”
The guy immediately blustered.
“No, you need to stay here. We need you doctoring.”
“Exactly. We all have roles. If you were a supply runner at Whiteman, you need to be a supply runner here. It’s that simple. Matt Davis’s rules haven’t changed. You all need to pull your weight to keep people fed.”
Some of the group started turning toward us, having heard her.
“Maybe now isn’t the best time,” I said quietly.
Cassie shook her head and started forward. I quickly followed. No one tried to stop us, but they had plenty to say.
“If you get food while you're in there, you better share with the rest of us.”
“Tell her we need more fey out there gathering food.”
“Why should we go out when the fey are just standing around doing nothing?”
As we passed between two of the fey, I reached out and touched one of them.
“Thank you,” I said. “I know you don’t just stand around.”
He glanced at me, nodded, then continued to stare out at the group of assholes.
When Cassie and I stepped inside, I saw we weren't the only ones to come see Mya. Several of the other original Tolerance residents were there as well. I recognized Eden and the fey with her. But many I did not recognize.
I listened as I took off my jacket.
“Standing around? Do they have eyes?” Mya said. She looked at Drav. “Seriously, I would feel a lot better if you’d just go out there and hit a few of them in the face.”
Mya looked worse than the last time I saw her. Her face was pale, and the way she was rubbing her temple let me know she had a headache.
“No, she wouldn’t,” Julie, said quickly.
“Their anger will only get worse,” Drav said. “We do not mind getting more food.”
“I’m starting to wish we hadn’t burned the vibrators,” Eden said. “Might have kept the natives busy with something else.”
The guy next to her grunted, his lips curving.
“I doubt it would be that easy,” Julie said.
“Food is the only thing that will quiet them,” a young man said. “The group I took out yesterday was willing enough to check nearby houses, but there wasn’t much to find.”
“That’s Mya’s brother,” Cassie whispered in my ear.
“I know what you’re going to say, Ryan,” Mya said. “But, I don’t think it’s right to ask the fey to go with these ungrateful people so they can safely search further out. The fey who are here keep plenty busy clearing the infected from the trees. With Whiteman vacant and us turning on the lights every night, we’re the new beacon for them. The rest of the fey are working around the clock on the new place. Because the wall’s made out of cars, which the humans can’t move into place, the fey are doing all the heavy lifting during the day. And since the walls aren’t finished and offer no protection yet, Matt has the fey pulling guard duty at night.”
“We need to rotate them out,” Cassie said. “They’ve been working there too long with little to no sleep.”
“I will start a rotation,” Drav said.
“And the ones who come back must rest,” Mya said, firmly.
Drav grunted.
Even I could tell it was non-committal.
Mya stopped rubbing her head to glare at him.
“If you continue to bring these people rations, they will only demand more. Then you're right back to where you were before. Working nonstop with not even a smidge of thanks or respect for it. No, the people from Whiteman need to get out there and get their own shit.”
“And the rest of us?” Eden asked.
“We do the same. Gather our own supplies. Just don’t be obvious about it, or it'll cause riots.”
Chapter Ten
I stepped outside and inhaled the cool evening air. Spending the day at Cassie’s after leaving Mya’s had been informative and
slightly terrifying. I walked away from Cassie’s house with a sense of relief that I still had weeks to mentally prepare myself for what was to come.
My concerns about bringing a baby into this world were continually changing. After the quakes, I’d been worried about just keeping it alive. Then I’d worried about what I would do to pull my weight after the baby was born. With a baby clinging to my nipples, I’d be useless. And while all my prior concerns hadn’t gone away, since coming to Tolerance, they had faded a little. As Mya had pointed out, the only job for females around the fey was princess-in-a-tower. The fey would keep us safe and fed.
The one concern that had grown a little stronger was what to do to keep busy. Kids liked doing things. When they were tiny, the “eat, sleep, poop, and repeat routine” was enough for them. But what about when they got older?
I passed a fey, and he nodded at me. I smiled back but didn't stop to say hello.
After a day with Cassie, I knew how very misguided that concern had been. I was living in the world's biggest daycare. Anytime I got tired or needed a break, all I had to do was ask a fey to hold the baby. If the other fey were anything like Kerr, whoever I handed the baby to wouldn't let go. The way that man had entertained Caden—and the way Caden had entertained that man—had been endless. Not only was he loving the kid’s attention, but other fey were stopping by to play with the baby and Lilly as well. Kids here were treated like mini-celebrities.
“Angel,” a voice called from behind me.
I turned and saw Garrett jogging toward me.
“Hey, Garrett. How did the supply run go?”
“Good. I have this for you.” He took a small jar of applesauce out of one pocket and a can of green beans out of the other.
“I know it's not much,” he said.
“I can't take that.” I covered his hands with mine and stepped closer to push them back into his pockets. It was stupid to wave food around out in the open.
“Yes, you can. There's more at the house.”
He was stronger, and I gave up trying to get him to put the food away.
“Honestly, it's okay. I just ate at Cassie’s house.”
He looked down at the jars then back up at me.
“I know,” he said.
“You know I ate there?” That sounded a little stalkerish.
“No.” He looked around, making sure no one was near, and my stomach did a nervous dip.
“That first night, Carol was sitting in the upstairs hallway, listening to you downstairs. I stayed up to make sure she didn't cause any trouble. She dozed off, and I heard you tossing and turning, so I went to check if you needed a pillow or anything. The blanket was off, and your restlessness had pulled at your shirts just right. I saw. But, don't worry. I covered you up, and Carol stayed upstairs, so she doesn't know.”
I couldn't believe it. He knew about the baby.
“I just wanted you to know that I know, and I'm not like the rest. I don't believe that there's such a thing as a useless mouth to feed. We’re all important. We need to protect each other. If we don't, we’re as good as dead, already.”
“Thank you,” I said. “For thinking of me and for not saying anything.”
“I was a little worried that you knew I knew when you didn't come home last night. I thought you were avoiding coming home because of me.”
“I'm actually staying with one of the fey. It's more private, and I get a bed. It’s more comfortable.
“And he's treating you well?”
I laughed lightly.
“Have you ever seen a fey not treat a female well?”
“Good point. Can I ask how far you are?”
I knew he wasn’t talking about living distance.
“I think just over six months. I’ve lost track of the date.”
“Yeah. Easy to do without a phone reminding you every time you look at it.” He firmly pressed the applesauce and green beans into my hands, and I quickly tucked them into my pockets.
“I'm going out again tomorrow. Is there anything I can get for you? You know, supplies for the future?”
He was so sweet. I thought of all the items in Cassie's house. The diapers. The wipes. The formula. The bottles. The list went on and on.
“As much as I would love to start collecting some of that stuff, I don't think it's safe yet. People would want to know why you’re wasting your time with that instead of bringing back food. You should have seen the crowd outside of Mya's house today. They’re angry, and it’s only going to get worse as more people run out of food.”
“I can imagine.” He shook his head as if disappointed in his fellow man. “If not future items, is there anything I can get for you now?”
“Food will always be welcome,” I said. “Cassie told me I need to eat like I'm starving.”
“All right,” he said. “I'll make sure to bring as much as I can.”
His gaze shifted to something over my shoulder.
“He looks pretty upset,” he commented.
I followed his gaze and saw Shax stalking toward us. The fey were typically misread because they didn't have the same range of extreme facial expressions we had. But anyone who paid attention could catch on to what they were feeling. And right now, Garrett was absolutely correct. Shax looked angry.
“Yeah, you normally don't see him looking like that,” I said.
“Maybe we should get out of his way. Can I walk you to where you're staying?”
“I'm actually staying with him.”
“Him?” There was worry in that one word.
“Angel. Why are you outside?” Shax demanded.
“Bad day at work, dear?” I asked.
Shax blinked at me, his angry expression melting to one of confusion.
“If you're okay, I think I'm going to get going,” Garrett said.
“Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for thinking of me.”
“Anytime. I'll stop by with some stuff tomorrow.”
Shax scowled at me as Garrett walked away.
“What?” I asked. “Seriously, did something happen today?”
Shax scooped me into his arms and started jogging toward our house.
“Infected got your tongue?” I asked playfully, knowing whatever was going on, he wasn’t actually mad at me.
“No, I was not bitten. I came home, and you were not there. Why did you leave the house?”
Holy crap. He was mad at me. Well, not mad. I’d seen fey mad. Shax was barely annoyed by comparison.
“I left because I was bored, and Cassie invited me to go visit Mya. Did you know that the wall is more than halfway done at the new place? But Matt is working the fey day and night. Mya said they're sending some people out tomorrow so that those guys can get a break. If they send you, can I stay at your house?”
He opened the door and stepped inside. When he gazed down at me, he looked even more upset.
“Or not,” I said. “If you’d rather I go back to—”
“Your place is here,” he said firmly, setting me down. “And I am not leaving.”
“Are you sure you're the one to decide that? It seems like Mya and Drav kind of, you know, do all the leading,” I said as he helped me out of my coat.
“Drav will ask for volunteers. I will not volunteer. Sit. Eat.”
I looked at the table and saw an honest to goodness piece of red meat. Unfortunately, it wasn't cooked.
“How about if I just warm this up a bit?” I asked.
He grunted and watched me move around the kitchen. I had no idea what kind of meat it was. Just that it was a huge chunk. Something my mom probably would have called a roast. I tried to slice a few hunks off but couldn’t manage since it was still frozen in the middle. I looked at Shax then handed him the knife. Without a word, he cut it up into slices.
“I'm guessing you like yours rare?”
“Yes.”
He watched me closely as I browned us some pseudo-steaks.
They were probably going to be as tough as hell, but I didn'
t care. I’d chew until my jaw fell off. I hadn't had red meat in ages.
As I worked by the stove, Shax took the can of green beans and jar of applesauce out of my jacket and opened them. When he was done, he set them down kind of hard on the table. I turned off the stove and plated the steaks.
“Okay, talk to me, big guy. You're obviously upset. Is it really because I left the house?”
“You said the baby needs to be a secret. If you go out, my brothers will find out about the baby.”
I considered how the fey treated Caden and thought I understood why Shax was upset. He was being prematurely jealous. He wanted to be the only fey with access to the baby.
“I do want to keep the baby a secret until I feel it’s safe to tell people. But that doesn't mean I should be a hermit. I still need to get outside and get fresh air. The fresh air and sunlight are good for me. Both keep me healthy. If I’m not healthy, the baby is less likely to be healthy.”
Shax frowned for a moment then grunted. Even if my leaving the house increased the risk that he might need to share, he wouldn’t try to stop me. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the baby.
After that, he seemed to relax a little, and we had a nice, quiet dinner. I tried asking him questions about looking for supplies outside, but he kept telling me I didn't need to worry about it.
“You do not need to know how to find food. I will find it for you.”
And I knew that if he lost interest in the baby, there were over one hundred other fey who would be willing to get supplies for me. I just hoped Shax wouldn’t lose interest for a while.
“Who was that man talking to you?” Shax asked as he took my empty plate to the sink.
“Garrett. He's one of the people who was assigned to my house.”
Shax made a growling noise.
“Why was he talking to you?”
“He wanted to give me some food. The green beans and the applesauce you opened were from him.”
“You do not need Garrett food. I will find you food.”
Rather than let him get all worked up and jealous again, I changed the subject.
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Yes.”
He left the dishes in the sink and grabbed my hand, leading me to the living room like he was in a rush. Grinning at his quirkiness, I settled on the couch and watched him study the selection of movies. After a moment, he grabbed Beauty and the Beast, and I melted a little.