by Alex Lidell
“Pyker?” River asks. “Has he become any more talkative?”
Coal goes to cross his arms, winces slightly, and lets them drop to his sides. “The prisoner confessed to leaving bait for the piranhas and paying the two bastards to hide in the mountains and attack the mortal. All to convince us to let him join the quint.”
“Klarissa.” River’s voice is ice.
Coal shrugs. “Of course. However, Pyker will not admit to it, and the one male who showed himself is long dead. But Klarissa did leave the severing knife in Pyker’s care.”
River snorts.
“Klarissa will say it was simple precaution given the nature of our quint,” Coal continues, then pauses, letting the silence hang as his eyes finally find mine, a thousand emotions streaking through that purple-tinged glance. Relief. Fury. Need. Violence. Worry.
I press deeper into Tye’s arms, wondering if I might be able to will my body into an instantaneous sleep.
“I’d like to speak with the mortal, please,” Coal says. “Alone.”
“I have a half hour open on my schedule early next week,” I mutter.
River, coward that he is, rises smoothly and disappears behind the rock partition that splits this little makeshift shelter in two. Tye is slower to rise, ensuring that I’m wrapped up in the cloak before settling me on the ground. Tye, at least, is wearing his small clothes, though not much else.
My cheeks heat. Five hours. I wonder whether they took turns warming me.
“Like what you see?” Tye says, catching my gaze and stretching languidly.
“Not particularly,” Coal answers dryly before I can conjure up a reply.
Tye turns to the other male and makes a derisive sound in the back of his throat. “That is because you are unable to appreciate the finer things in life, Coal. If you think it’s only females who know a good thing when they see—”
“Get the hell out,” Coal says.
Tye grins, contracts his pectorals in a muscle wink, and saunters away before Coal can assault him.
Left alone with Coal, I struggle to gather my legs under me and get up. It’s already bad enough that I’m naked beneath the cloak; I don’t want to additionally imitate a puddle.
“Don’t bother,” says Coal. “Even if you do manage to stand, I’m taller than you anyway.”
“Good for you.”
Shaking his head, Coal lowers himself to the ground, crouching before me. Weighing me with his gaze. The square cut of his jaw is tense, the clenching muscles stretching his taut skin. Coal’s hair is pulled back into its usual bun and glistens as if washed recently. He wears a sleeveless black shirt, and his wrists, braced comfortably atop bent leather-clad knees, show those horrid scars. The foot of space between us vibrates as words race through my mind but refuse to form on my tongue. I want to lean into him, thank him, run away from him, kiss him. All at the same time.
“I was going to die,” Coal says finally, his face so still that I can’t read the emotions beneath.
“They were shooting at—” I start to say, but he shakes his head.
“I mean that I was prepared to die. It was a choice I’d made. A choice I had the full right to make.”
I draw my knees up to my chest and tip my face up. “If that’s what you really want, I’m sure it can be arranged.”
Coal doesn’t smile. He watches me, those brilliant blue eyes tinged with a bit of purple that is as hidden as it is mesmerizing. “It wasn’t because I do not value my life, but because it would have been worth it. Because you are worth it, mortal.”
A shiver runs through me. I’m more used to Coal trying to kill me than being kind, and this turn of events prickles uncomfortably. So I do what Coal would do. Ignore it. Talk about something else. Except the words that bubble from my chest aren’t the ones I wanted. “I was going to die too. When the five of us joined, it was supposed to kill me. But . . . Maybe you are worth it too, you bloody bastard.” An uninvited lump forms in my chest. Trust Coal to dig through until he finds whatever makes you tremble. “Can we not talk about it?”
“Were you scared?” Coal asks.
I growl softly and bite my lip. Thinking back to those moments is more difficult than it should be, given how everything turned out. But reality seems to have little respect for what it should and should not be like.
Coal waits.
“No,” I say finally.
He cocks a brow.
“Yes?” I groan when he only blinks like a damn owl. “What do you want me to say?”
“Start with the truth and we’ll go from there,” Coal suggests.
I sigh. “At first, yes,” I say. “When I realized that . . . that you were hit. Bleeding. I was very frightened then.”
He nods but keeps his silence, as if knowing what I need to find my words. And he is right.
“Then, when I had the idea about connecting us, when I decided to tap into the power of five, the fear faded. I didn’t think I was going to die; I knew I would, and I was all right with that so long as I forced the quint to connect.” I draw a breath. “And then—I mean now, when I didn’t die, I’m scared all over again. About what could have happened, what did happen, about everything.”
For the first time since he came up beside me, Coal touches me, laying a hand on my cheek, his thumb sweeping a soft line along the bone under my eye. Warmth travels from that point and spreads through my body, warming me almost as well as Tye’s chest did. For a moment he’s silent, scanning my face as if making sure it’s all still there. “Me too, mortal,” he says quietly.
Relief eases my chest, tingling over my skin.
Coal drops his palm to my shoulder and gives it a squeeze, which in Coal’s world is probably the equivalent of a bear hug. “Just so you know, I will train you to fight for however long you wish. A lifetime. There is no limit.”
“A lifetime? But that’s only possible if . . .” My eyes narrow, Coal’s words finally penetrating. If I want to stay in Lunos, then Coal at least will have me. Mortal and all. Stars.
He rises quickly, before I can finish my thought.
“One other thing,” Coal says, his voice returning to its usual briskness. “Shade will have a few things to say to you when he calms enough to speak. In short, I don’t envy you, mortal, but you are on your own for that one.”
“Coal building me up so I can face Shade?” I throw up my hands. “Did the world turn on its ears while I was in the Gloom and forget to turn back?”
A small smile touches the corners of Coal’s mouth. “Shade is a big, fuzzy wolf, mortal girl. Don’t let his good table manners distract you from what he eats for dinner.”
31
Leralynn
The sun is setting behind distant trees when I finally see Shade. The male, in his wolf form, is returning from a hunt to drop off a pair of fat rabbits beside the fire River built. Shade’s yellow eyes flash at me in the firelight as he turns away, lifts his tail into the air, and trots back to the forest.
I follow him toward the edge of camp, glad to finally be in my clothing—Autumn’s finely tailored leather-fortified riding pants and a red tunic that tucks in at my waist, beneath a furry overcoat. Despite the warm coat I have on, straying far from the fire is difficult, the Gloom’s chill still racing through me with each small blade of wind. “We’ve five rabbits and a deer already, Shade,” I call to the wolf’s retreating form. “I think that can hold us over for an hour or two.”
The wolf hesitates, his body bending as he turns to look at me over his shoulder. Our gazes meet. One of Shade’s ears twitches and then he turns away from me again, disappearing into the trees.
I sigh and return to the fire. Tye is already roasting a sizzling piece of meat, the smell making me moan a bit with hunger. Sitting beside him, I content myself with pining after dinner and am just starting on my second rabbit leg when Shade appears again.
“Hello,” I tell the wolf.
Shade adds a squirrel to our growing stockpile and turns away.
“The meat is going to go bad,” I yell after him.
Tye snorts. “The meat will be gone by morning, Lilac Girl. Using magic will leave you starving.”
“I don’t know if what I did counts as using magic. I just conducted it through me.”
“You really want to debate magic theory now?” says Tye.
“No.” I sigh. Despite a still-growling stomach, my appetite disappeared with Shade. Wrapping my coat tightly around my shoulders, I walk to the edge of camp and find a spot to sit. Not so far as to be out of the males’ sight, but far enough away to allow Shade to yell at me in private—whenever he finally gets around to it. There is little point in putting off the confrontation, since I know I won’t be getting much sleep without his warm body pressed against mine.
I see the yellow eyes watching me a good quarter hour before the male himself appears, walking in his fae form out of the high brush. My breath hitches at the beautiful planes of his face, revealed by dark hair pulled back at the temples. At the chest muscles shifting beneath his loose linen shirt. At the storm raging in his golden eyes, a twin to the one that crackled there when we faced off in my palace bedroom. A simmering, rigid Shade.
Stalking silently to where I sit, Shade settles on the ground beside me, his face raised to the fat moon hanging overhead.
“You aren’t going to bay at the moon, are you?” I ask finally. A week ago, I didn’t know the damn male existed, and now all I can think about is easing the tension between us.
“No,” says Shade. “I don’t feel the pull today.”
I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “For the sake of efficiency, let’s just acknowledge that I did the one thing you demanded I never do—connect myself with the full quint. Let us also acknowledge that I am not the least bit sorry and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Now, with this out of the way, please feel free to yell or growl or do whatever you planned to as much as you wish.”
Shade is silent for a moment, still watching the sky. “Efficiency,” he repeats, tasting the word.
“Efficiency,” I confirm with a nod.
He leans back on outstretched arms. “I’m immortal,” he says flatly. “I’m not attracted to efficiency.”
Silence settles between us again, which only makes waiting for the eventual storm that much harder. My limbs shift, the tension in my muscles making it impossible to stay still in the way Shade seems to have perfected. I bite my lip and a tick rattles a muscle in Shade’s jaw, betraying how aware he is of each of my movements.
Aware and unyielding. The space between us is no more than two feet, yet it might as well be a piranha-filled crater for how likely Shade’s hand is to breach it. I feel that lack of touch more keenly than I’ve ever felt a blow.
“Did you give Coal this hard a time as well?” I ask. “Because what he did, taking all those arrows, it wasn’t much different. So I’m thinking it is only fair that he and I receive the same treatment.”
Shade squints at the stars dressing the velvet sky. “Coal and I spoke, yes. I was extracting arrowheads from him at the time, however. It’s fascinating just how tightly you can hold someone’s attention when you’re about to dig a piece of barbed steel from the sensitive spot just under the shoulder blade here.” He presses a finger into my back, hard enough to tease a slight flare of pain. A mere tiny fraction of what Coal felt.
I shudder. “Yes.” I swallow, licking moisture back into my lips. “I imagine one’s attention would be quite undivided in those circumstances. Even Coal’s. Fortunately, no such measures will be necessary with me. Please scold away at your convenience.”
Shade pushes off his arms, sitting up straight. And just like that, the calm veneer shatters to pieces. “You don’t get to kill yourself,” he snaps, the vibration of his voice more potent than I expected. “Whatever the problem, suicide is not the acceptable solution. No discussion. It isn’t. If you were a wolf, I’d be grabbing you by the scruff of your neck right now and shaking you until your teeth rattle.”
Despite expecting it, the sheer force of Shade’s onslaught singes my nerves, the fear and fury in his voice burning my core.
“I’m sorry—”
“Sorry won’t help if I lose you.”
“No.” My voice is even despite my pounding head. “It won’t. That wasn’t an apology for fighting, by the way; it was an expression of empathy for your worry.”
That does it.
Shade growls at me. His eyes are feral, his words a barely leashed violence. “You don’t get to get yourself killed. Never. Not for us, not for me.”
My chest aches for him. I tilt my head back, looking up at the same sky Shade was studying moments ago. “Are we talking about me or Kai?” I ask finally.
Shade stills, the tension in his muscles rippling through the air. “What?”
“Klarissa told me what happened with your twin,” I say quietly. “How you went into the Gloom alone. How Kai went after you. How only you returned.”
Shade leans away.
I grab his wrist. “Don’t you dare shift into a fuzzy puppy to avoid this conversation,” I say, looking right into those large yellow eyes. “Or we’ll see just who shakes whom by the scruff of the neck.”
Shade growls again, showing his teeth, but it’s different from before—defensive. He remains in his fae form. “It wasn’t Klarissa’s story to tell.”
“No,” my grip tightens. “It was Kai’s story. He was the one who made the choice. You don’t get to take that away from him, Shade, to say what his priorities should have been.”
Shade’s eyes flash, his shoulders rising with rapid breaths. He tries to jerk his hand back, but I’m ready and hold on with all my might. Instead of freeing himself from my hold, Shade’s movement pulls me closer to him. The male’s nostrils flare and he growls into my face.
I don’t pull away. I don’t even flinch. My knees settle beside Shade’s thighs and I place my free hand against his sweaty cheek.
“It wasn’t his choice to make,” he says.
“Whose choice was it?” I ask softly.
“I went into the Gloom,” Shade whispers. “I went. I made the choice. Me. No one else. I was cocky and confident and reckless and stupid. And—” He cuts off his words. A snarl that’s meant to be vicious but is brimming with pain instead escapes his chest. “You know what happened next.”
I rise high on my knees and bring my forehead to rest against Shade’s. Feel the trembling of those powerful muscles. My heart longs to wrap Shade in my arms, easing his thoughts. But I don’t. Can’t. I owe him better than that.
Ten years. He’s spent ten years avoiding these memories. And it’s time for Shade to return in soul as well as body.
I make my voice hard. A wolf, Coal reminded me, Shade is a wolf. And sometimes wolves need a nip. “Say it.”
“I can’t,” Shade whispers.
My heart tears, but I don’t let the male escape. Not from this. The heat of our bodies fills the air. “Say it, Shade. You made the choice. You went into the Gloom. And then?”
“And then a school of piranhas was there. And I could have left, but I didn’t. I went after them for bloody bragging rights. I didn’t see that they were coming from the Subgloom, that there wasn’t an end to their masses. And then it was too late. There is a paralytic on their teeth, and one chomped down on me the wrong way. They were so slow, those damn worms. And I was fast. Until I couldn’t move at all.”
“And then?”
“And then I kept my mouth shut,” Shade stutters, his voice rising with each new word. “But Kai was my bloody twin and he sensed my peril anyway. So he came. And then he died. It should have been me, but it was him. Is that what you wanted me to say, Lera? I am the one who should have died. Me.”
I press my mouth over Shade’s, pouring every ounce of understanding and compassion and resolve into the kiss. The large male freezes beneath my touch but his lips yield to mine, his heart pounding so hard I feel it through our touching chests.
Shade stills, my last words hanging between us. My own body goes still as well, my heart stopping for a moment before sprinting into a neck-breaking gallop. I meant the words for Shade, but the truth of them recoils into my soul, ricocheting with merciless power. I do need him. I need them all. I love them.
Stars. I pull back from Shade, my eyes wide. I don’t get to love them, not without them dying for it. Hell, I nearly got everyone killed just crossing a stretch of land, and if we stay together it will only get worse. I’m a distraction at best and a bloody target at worst. I study Shade’s beautiful, strong face. The silver lining his yellow eyes. Kai loved Shade enough to ensure he lived. And though I’ve never met Shade’s twin, I understand Kai completely.
I’ll do whatever must be done to keep the males alive.
“Cub?” Shade asks, reaching his hand toward me.
I jerk back. Get to my feet. Dip my hand into my pocket to feel Klarissa’s stone. I know what I must do, and that I need to do it quickly, while I’m still brave. There is only so much willpower inside me, and I’m down to the very last drop. Pulling out the stone, I bite my lip hard enough to raise a bead of blood.
“What’s going on?” River’s voice cuts through the air as he strides toward us, the other two behind him. I wonder whether they smelled the blood or just saw me jump to my feet.
“What the hell did you do, Shade?” Tye demands.
“I will kill you, wolf,” Coal growls softly.
Shutting my eyes, I press the stone quickly to my bleeding lip, flinching at the sudden flash of magic that sparks and vanishes into thin air. My chest tightens and I drop to my knees, letting the bloody stone roll free from my palm as I drink in the males I love.
“What did you do, Leralynn,” River whispers, picking up the stone. “What is this?”