by Far Freedom
“It’s been too long! You’re sleeping their lives away! You’re stealing my memories, all I have left of them! You’ve stolen my child! Why don’t you let me have what little I can have, my child, my memories, and let me go, let me live out my years and die?”
“Perhaps it has been too long! But we have to know! We have to look for
them. You’re our only hope now. You must live again and carry out the final contingency plan. They may have failed. They may be dead. Now it’s our turn to do what we can. But you must lead the way. You’re the vessel that contains all of our hopes. I’ll awaken when you ‘re ready.”
“What do you mean? You stand in front of me and you’re not awake?”
“This isn’t me. I’m sleeping, remember? This is my duplicate. This is what an old woman with no courage does. This is what an old woman who has lost her husband to eternity does.”
“You’re not the only one to lose a husband! How many times have I awakened from a life I didn’t know wasn’t mine, to discover I’d lost my husband? How many times did I realize once again how much I’d lost?”
“He married you?”
“Yes! How many times will I tell you? I always loved him! I got my chance and I took it! And now I feel this horrible ache of loss again, and I remember the other times I’ve felt it, and it’s just as fresh and horrible as it was those other times. Please, don’t make me do this! I don’t think I can endure yet another awakening!”
“You must! This will be the last time.”
“Do you have pictures of them? I’ve forgotten what they look like.”
“You’ll remember, when the time comes.”
“How long, this time?”
“I don’t know. Probably another lifetime. You have great obstacles to overcome. But I’m making you very strong. You must survive.”
“But it won’t be me, just as it isn’t you, because I won’t remember. I won’t even remember his name! And I’ll never see him again!”
“It’s beautiful,” Rafael said, “both outside and inside, yet so terrible, so unhappy.”
“We have our moments,” Olivier said. “We just had one. I still get goose bumps, remembering Ruby singing Un Bel Di. Never heard it sung that way, or sung so beautifully. Made me cry. Yeah, that’s Oz, the Big Ball. The ocean is on the outside, a shell of water. Stops the radiation. What do you think, Ruby?”
Fidelity thought the concert would never end and she would never get her glimpse at the stars. Her singing of the Puccini aria had ignited the emotions of the broken ones, They had serenaded her with song after song: solos, duets, trios, quartets, choruses . They threw themselves into their music with complete seriousness and performed extremely well. Fidelity was astonished and mystified by their total commitment to the production of their music. It seemed that it was a special occasion for them, but Olivier wouldn’t comment on the reason for it. Now she stood at the promised window, carefully observing the night of space surrounding a globe shining with the reflections of stars. She could see millions of stars, too many stars, so many bright stars that night would never come into this place called Oz.
“I think I’m lost,” she whispered. Both in space and in time.
Section 024 Prisoner Exchange
“You look different, Doctor Mnro.”
So different, he hardly dared speak to her! She had arrived by transmat. He couldn’t remember her ever using a transmat before. She quietly sat down opposite him on the shuttle, briefly glanced at him, briefly smiled, then uncharacteristically withdrew into thought. He waited for others to arrive, all of the assistants who normally traveled with her, but no one came before the shuttle signaled the start of its short journey. He was alone with her and it was a rare moment.
He was alone with a stranger! It wasn’t the Panama straw hat she wore. It wasn’t the baldness beneath the hat. She had lived through decades when managing her hair was too much bother to her. She always claimed to be too lazy to worry about how she looked and too private to hire people to maintain her appearance. It took him awhile to understand that what was wrong with his perceptions was that they were correct. This was not Aylis Mnro who joined him on the shuttle!
“I do?” She replied only after seeming to wake from a trance.
“You are different!” He was gathering momentum to try to solve her mystery.
“I’m not the person you know.”
“Who are you?”
She frowned briefly as she twisted her hands in her lap, saw what she was doing, and slapped them apart on her thighs. She moved her jaw to one side, deforming her mouth in a funny way while thinking: a startling mimicry of a famous habit of the real Aylis Mnro. She leaned forward in her seat to offer her hand. “I am the original Aylis Mnro, R.K. Pleased and privileged to meet you.”
He almost failed to respond to her offered hand. Even after a century of friendship, touching Doctor Mnro was to him a rare and desirable privilege. Ramadhal took the woman’s hand and felt her tremble. Or perhaps it was his own doubt and indecision transferred to his hand. Was this Doctor Mnro? He looked into her blue eyes and saw panic. The meaning of her words, and almost the words themselves, slipped away from his comprehension. “How can you be?”
“I’ve been asleep for two centuries but I’m awake now and quite scared! Oh, dear God! How could I say that to you?”
She released his hand as though he hurt her. He stared at his hand as he tried to retrieve what she first said to him. “‘asleep for two centuries.’ I don’t understand, Doctor Mnro.”
“Aylis! Call me Aylis! How many times have I asked you to call me Aylis?”
How many days in a century? She knew their history together. It was impossible to think of her as “Aylis.” But this was someone different, someone he didn’t know - as if he ever really knew Doctor Mnro. Obviously, he never really knew her! He tried to study her without appearing too eager, too agitated. She seemed to recover from the panic, although she still looked tense. She was quite different. For one thing, in the space of the three days since he last saw her she had lost at least twenty years of age. “You look young, Doctor - Aylis. Too young. How did - ?”
“Do I? Oh, I was afraid of that! Is it too late to turn back? No, I must go on! R.K., I’m so sorry to have involved you in this! Stay on the shuttle! Don’t go
into the Eclipse with me!” Her words flew out of her almost faster than she could form them, shouting her anxiety to Ramadhal and making him nervous. He never saw Doctor Mnro lose her composure for any reason. He never saw her be frightened. If this was she, he didn’t want her to act this way. If this was she… It made no sense! His deep loyalty to Doctor Mnro remained intact. If this woman was in any way an approximation of the real Doctor Mnro, he would be loyal to her also. He knew something momentous had occurred in her life and he must assume this was part of that upheaval and that it was legitimate. Legitimate and impossible!
He tried to argue. “You said you needed me.”
“I did and I do! But this is dangerous! It was wrong for me to ask you to accompany me.”
“Why would it be dangerous?” He knew ignorance and denial were making him braver than he ought to be. They would be guests of the Navy very shortly. The Navy!
“Because of what I just said! It was a stupid, thoughtless error. And I didn’t realize my appearance was so different. Why couldn’t she have told me? Because she was, by definition, as stupid as I am!”
There were two of her, Ramadhal finally made clear to himself. Perhaps an identical twin. Nothing impossible. Nothing so greatly mysterious. A wonderful secret that perhaps only he now shared with her. The sisters took turns handling the monumental task of building and running the Mnro Clinics. He let the simple explanation satisfy him, so that he could manage the emotional confrontation. “I want to accompany you onto the Eclipse! I feel I must!”
“Dear, dear R.K.! You’ve always been the sweetest person, the most patient, and undoubtedly the most vital to my sanity. I thought I was rewarding
your service by inviting you on this… this mission. I thought you deserved a share of my adventure and would benefit from meeting the high and mighty Lord Admiral Etrhnk. But the closer we approach that meeting, the more frightened and worried I become.”
How identical could a twin sister be? Ramadhal wondered. How could she speak as if she knew him for all these years? All Ramadhal could spare a thought to ask was: “Why?”
“I have secrets, R.K.”
“That was obvious to me! From the moment you told me about Pan. I’ve wondered about your relationship to him since Sugai Mai asked me about it more than thirty years ago.”
“You’ve met him, haven’t you?”
“Yes. We’ve been friends for many years, mainly because I wanted to know why he was important to you. He never gave me a reason. I don’t believe he knows why. That’s another reason I felt I needed to accompany you: he’s my friend, too, you know.”
“I wish you wouldn’t.” But Mnro said it in a way that seemed to allow for the opposite meaning.
“I’m already a scheduled guest of the Navy Commander.” This impossible copy of Doctor Mnro sat across from Ramadhal and stared at him the way the real Mnro could see through him. Temporarily released from the stress of the moment, she could make all the facial expressions that were perfect facsimiles of those of the real Mnro.
Mnro seemed to arrive at a decision of great importance to her. “Pan is the son of my husband.”
“Son? Husband?” He could not have been more surprised. How could she keep such a secret for so long?
“How could I keep such a secret for so long?” It was as though the thought was written on his forehead. Just as keenly she anticipated his next emotional reaction. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before now, but it was for the sake of security, both mine and yours.”
“Your husband.” The words, tasted slightly bitter to Ramadhal. He realized he had always felt Doctor Mnro belonged to him, in some collegial way, that he loved her as a friend, that he could imagine her as more than a friend, and now she was lost to him as the wife of someone else. How much did his eyes betray him, that she should gaze at him in such concern? “Who is he?”
Mnro leaned back in her seat and watched the dark limb of the moon uncover a sprinkle of glinting space countries. “I don’t know.”
Her answer disturbed Ramadhal almost as much as knowing she had a husband. The averting of her eyes allowed him to sadly enjoy her youthful features and to try to believe she was the same person he knew as Aylis Mnro. Yet, she was not. “How could you not know who he is?”
“I only remember that I had a husband.” She sounded sad or wistful. “I remember that I loved him. I remember that he’s lost, somewhere far away. I remember with an intensity that’s unbearable! This is a new thing for me, this remembering. Oh, God, and I remember my son! My real son!” She was frozen in troubled thought for several moments.
A soft chime signaled arrival at the Eclipse. The door of the spacecraft opened. Doctor Mnro stood up and took a deep breath. Ramadhal stood up with her. She stepped toward the door and he followed her. She stopped and turned to face him. “Please!” She placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pressed. He shook his head. He removed her hand from his shoulder, clasped it in both of his, and gave it back to her. She leaned forward and kissed him. “From now on I’m kissing everyone I love, because I may never get another chance.”
Ramadhal was proud he never considered taking Mnro’s advice to stay on the shuttle. He was deeply pleasured with the affection she bestowed on him. He had infinite courage - at least for the moment - to follow his friend - his new friend - as far as he could.
They stepped onto red carpet and a dozen Marines in dress uniform snapped to attention. A bosun piped them aboard the flagship. They walked between the ranks of Marines and up to the tall, dark, Navy Commander Admiral Etrhnk. Doctor Mnro continued past him, forcing him to hurry and fall in step with her. Ramadhal followed behind them.
“Where is he?” she demanded, heading across the debarkation bay toward a personnel exit.
“I could guess at the identity of this person,” Etrhnk said, “but I’ll ask it anyway. Who?”
“My younger son, Admiral. You know him as Pan. The Opera Master of Earth.”
“I wasn’t aware you had children, Doctor Mnro.” The Navy Commander, seemingly unbothered by Mnro’s odd behavior and unexpected information, indicated the direction they should walk as they entered an intraship transport terminal. A tube car awaited them.
“I’m not his biological mother. His mother is dead and his father disappeared. I’m all he has left.”
“You knew his parents?”
Ramadhal felt invisible as they seated themselves for a journey through the ship. He preferred it, so that he could listen intently to Doctor Mnro and wonder about what he heard.
“I didn’t know his mother. I was his father’s first wife. How do you do, Admiral Etrhnk? I’m sorry to be such an ill-mannered guest.” She extended a pale, delicate hand, which he took carefully in his large dark hand.
“Perhaps understandable,” the big Essiin admiral said. “And this would be Doctor R. K. Ramadhal. Honored to meet you, sir. I expected many more in the entourage.”
Ramadhal was immediately fascinated with the composition of Admiral Etrhnk. He was quite a rare Essiin specimen of genetic modification. When the light was just right he could see faint patterns in his face, possibly fluorescent in different lighting.
“I thought about dressing up some of my gardeners,” Mnro said, “and having them tour your famous arboretum, but most of them double as security guards, and I didn’t want them becoming too stressed.”
“Why would that happen?”
“They’re quite attuned to my moods and body language. As you must have detected, I’m not very calm. You could even say I’m terrified.”
“You have no need to be. And your son - Pan - is in no danger and hasn’t been harmed. Please know that you’re perfectly safe in my company. It disturbs me that you could possibly feel otherwise. Is there something I don’t understand?”
“No, I think you understand more than I do,” Mnro said. “It’s ignorance that makes me nervous. I’ve come charging into your ship to rescue Pan without the slightest notion of how to do it. Other than being the famous Aylis Mnro, what leverage do I have?”
” You should put aside your mistaken notion that you must in some manner battle me for the freedom of your son. He’s a very interesting person, but I can’t hold him for being a mystery.”
“But you can hold him for some other reason?”
“He seems to have a falsified genetic identity. Would the Mnro Clinic know why its records are incorrect?”
“He was a refugee from the Rhyan Empire and was granted special protection.”
“Can you prove this?”
“No. I’ll make a sworn statement. I think my word should be worth something.”
The intraship conveyance came to a stop and Etrhnk led Mnro and Ramadhal into his suite of offices. They entered a very plain white meeting room containing only a few chairs and a dark wooden table. One wall showed a view of the moon and the lights of cities on its night side.
“Your manner of dealing with me isn’t what I expected,” Etrhnk commented.
“What did you expect?” Mnro asked.
“That you have the confidence of being the most famous person alive, that you have the logic of the great scientist that you are.”
“I’m just a mother trying to help her son. I’ve never been able to apply logic to my personal affairs.”
“Beware Earthians who deny use of logic.” Etrhnk said it as though quoting an Essiin adage. “Let us talk and perhaps a solution will present itself. Or would you first rather have the visitor’s tour of the ship?”
“I’ve seen a few Navy ships in my time.” Mnro almost sounded like the confident person Ramadhal knew. “I assume you have a full spectrum of devices measuring our biological param
eters as we speak?”
“It’s rather important that I have some confidence in the data I collect from you.”
“All you have to know is how to ask the right questions and your lie detectors will verify the answers.”
“A harsh way to put it, but true. I apologize for it, but how else can a simple Essiin protect himself from Earthian subterfuge? Especially when Earthians don’t always realize on a conscious level when they stray from the truth. You must know how devious is the Earthian mind.”
“Yes, it’s a terrible struggle against a pernicious affliction. Which Essiin do you mean? You’re not simple and you’re not Essiin.”
Not Essiin? Ramadhal wondered, trying to see the evidence that Mnro saw. He was afraid to scrutinize the Navy Commander too obviously.
“You have another son?” Etrhnk queried, ignoring Mnro’s assertion.
“Yes. He used to be a Navy officer. I’ve lost touch with him.”
“There’s no record of your being a mother. Would he be your biological son?”
“Yes. I’m his real mother.”
“Why did you disconnect yourself from him?”
“How could he live his own life, tied to me?”
“What is his name?”
“Direk.”
“A traditional Essiin name.”
“He’s only one-fourth Essiin, but very much the Essiin ice cube.”
“I see we have a Captain Direk.” Etrhnk had obviously consulted his shiplink. “A senior scientist in the Propulsion Research Laboratory.” A picture of a light-skinned Earthian Navy officer appeared next to the moon’s image on the wall of the room.
“That’s him,” Mnro said, frowning.
“I’ve heard of this man. Fascinating, to learn that he’s your son and is also part Essiin. Would that mean his father is half Essiin?”
“And half Earthian.”
“Who was your husband?”
“I don’t remember.”
Etrhnk sat back and remained quiet for several moments, as though waiting for Mnro to change her answer, but also apparently contemplating data that flowed into his brain by shiplink. “Doctor Ramadhal, you seem perplexed. Why is that?”