by Andrea Rose
“I’m sorry if that came across—”
“No!” she snapped “No.”
“You can’t be tied to that sicko anymore.” I slid my hand down her waist until I could hear her breathing slow. “I can help.”
She sipped the air then hung from my neck to mouthe ‘Shh’.
“I don’t like people telling me no, Maldova.” My finger pressed past her lips. “Gets me worked up.”
She yanked my wrist down between her legs and raised it upwards, tilting her pelvis forward to grind against me.
“Are you gonna punish me for it?”
“If you want me to.”
She chewed it over. “…Then remind me to tell you ‘No’ more often.”
“Like you don’t tell me enough,” I said, wrapping my hands around her wrists.
“Hey.”
“Don’t believe me?”
“No.”
“Will you date me in secret?” I asked gently.
Her head shook slowly.
I squeezed tighter on her wrists.
“Will you visit me on tour?”
She inhaled sharply. “No.”
“Will you ever forget me?”
Our exhales collided.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re trying to work yourself up on purpose.”
I bent forward, sliding rough hands over delicate skin.
“What’s my punishment, Mr. King?” she asked.
“That 10-Year Plan of yours, babe…” I brushed her hair from her shoulder.
Thunder boomed and clapped around the valley.
Our heads lifted to the approaching blanket of mist, air growing damper and gustier. Ari, hair whipping in the wind, sat curled up in my sweater and blankets and I bent down to stoke the dying fire.
“What about my 10-Year Plan?”
“A sacrificial burning’s happening tonight in this pit.”
A glowing Ariana stared into the embers and flashed white in a crash of lightning.
“It’s on a secure hard-drive back in the city. There it shall stay. I haven’t given up on my plans just yet.”
She bounced her folded leg. I didn’t wanna push her too far but what other chance would I get?
“That thing doesn’t mean shit.” I waved my arm at her.
“You can’t say that.”
“I can. You’re smart, you’ve got more dedication and focus than anyone I know, personally and professionally. You’d’ve made it this far, plan or otherwise.”
“I’m not deleting it,” she said and slipped into my shirt that hung adorably like a dress. “That’s thousands of hours of work at this point. Meticulous planning. It helped me learn a language, get a mortgage, graduate early…”
“But it’s also come to bite you in the ass, so I’ve heard. Time spent planning is less time spent living.”
“That plan is a part of me. Please don’t belittle it. Call me stupid all you want. I trust in it. I’m keeping it.”
“Do I fit into your plan?”
“Not…really. You fit in…a potential future…two years from now when we’re out of contract…maybe…I don’t know!”
“I’m struggling to accept the reality that this is over forever.”
The thunder boomed so lowly it rattled teeth.
Ari ducked in fright and reached for my hand.
“I can’t live a life where I’m not waking up next to you every morning,” I told her and took her in my grip. “I’m gonna fucking burn that thing the minute I get my hands on it. A plan where I don’t fit is not a plan you need’a consider.”
“I thought we were living in the moment. Don’t make me feel guilty for this.”
“I can’t stay quiet over it anymore.”
“We can’t keep this secret. I can barely stand beside you without breaking into cold sweats. The minute Yuri grills me on it, I’ll fess up.”
“This will work. If we’re patient, we can do this.”
Rain pelted loudly on the concrete. The fire snuffed into a faint mushroom of ash.
Ari stayed sat amongst the pillows and blankets allowing the downpour to saturate her half-naked body.
Another flash of lightning.
“We can’t!” she shouted over the rain. “Every possible outcome ends in someone’s heartbreak, career or both. I want it to be my heartbreak alone. That means this ends back in New York. No more flirting. No touching. No…seeing each other in person as much as we can. I’ll have everything covered from the office.”
“I have some power here, Ari. We can bargain our way out from this with your boss, get her to write a new contract while you come up with a new strategy for us.”
“Stop. You don’t know her like I do. Her reputation is everything. She’d never write-off that clause.”
“Have you fallen for me yet?”
“Obviously.”
“Honest?”
“My heart’s in this, Tyler and that’s…”
“…Fucked.”
“Yes. Fucked.”
“So it’s fucked. Lots of things in this world are fucked and if falling for you is one of them then…?”
She kept me at an arm’s length.“What if you move on after this, now the sex is over? I’ll get boring, busy, something bright and shiny will catch your eye and every day thereafter I’ll have to watch you move on from us and tonight. Where’s my choice in that likely scenario?”
“What other way do I have to prove to you this is beyond me wanting to fuck you? I’ve never wanted to better myself more in my life and you know why?”
She searched the dense cloud, flinching as the rain hit her eyes.
“…So when I ask you on our first real date and you say yes, I’ll feel like a man deserving of that answer from you.”
Ariana stood up and hooded her head in a wet blanket. “You know exactly what to say to a girl, don’t you.”
“No. I know exactly what to say to you.”
She ran her knees in place, teeth chattering from the wet, eyes anywhere but mine.
“Are you having fun with me?” I asked. “The sneaking around, the fucking high school crush bullshit, the back and forth? Because I’m having a blast here, babe.”
Heavy rain rattled down upon the metal roof.
“You’re having fun with me and I fucking know it.”
“I am,” she said and wandered the direction of the storm beyond the field. “So?”
“You’re having fun with me and I’m having fun with you.”
“This has been anything but fun!” She thought she fooled me. Her shifty glance gave her up.
“Every fun memory you’ve had lately you made with me. All the times your heart’s raced a little faster, that first night we spent together, dates on rooftops, meetings in closets, escaping downs fire escapes, I was always there.”
She widened the blanket into wings and opened her tongue to the sky, soaking in the wet.
“You found someone exists who makes you happy! So what if it’s unexpected and scary! Don’t run from it!”
Gusts of wind and rain swallowed her reply.
I jogged down the hill towards her to hear her yelling things at the storm.
The nearer I got, I realized the yelling was nothing more than frustrated cries.
“Gaaaaarghhhh!!” she yelled full pelt at the clouds, arms outstretched behind her. The storm stifled any volume.
I tried. Abs clenched, I let out a ferocious grunt to the Heavens.
She walked up to me and pounded her fists at my chest.
“Argh!” Her hands clawed. “I hate…You make…You make me feel…”
“…Powerless?”
“Yes.”
“Me too.”
“Do something for me.”
“Anything.”
“Tell the storm to stop coming. Yell at it. Tell it to stop for me, Tyler. I’m scared of the storm.”
Her eyes showed her seriousness as she waved her arm into the blanket of rain. I humored her and strode up to th
e highest point some ten yards from her.
Playing make believe at my age should’ve felt weirder. Instead, the primal screams offered a catharsis.
“Leave us alooone! Go the other waaaay!”I boomed full belt into the night.
My arms waved through the air., chest tightened in frustration for not having it in me to make Ari’s wish come true.
“FUCK YOU! GO THE OTHER WAY! YOU’RE NOT WELCOME!!”
The Heavens burst alight.
“We need to take shelter!” I told her.
Thunder cracked like God’s whip across the sky.
I ran to meet Ari shivering in the cold.
“I’ve failed you, my queen! Looks like this night’s moving indoors.”
She wiped streams of rain from my cheeks with her thumbs.
“You tried.” Ari tripped me back onto the drenched field.
“We’re gonna get hit by lightning.”
“You got a more poetic way you wanna go?”
I linked my hands behind my head and admired my beauty tossing her #12 jersey aside. Her breasts glistened in the stormy, blue twilight. I held her by the waist, caressing her wetly in the storm.
“You get how I feel now!” she said to me. “You’re the storm!”
I glided my hand up her sternum.
“I’m standing in the eye,” she said, abs tightening under my hand when she projected louder, “…I’m forgetting my world is being torn apart around me, Tyler. And I’ve never felt happier.”
“What are you gonna do about it?”
“What I’m doing right now,” she said, slipping my cock out in the rain. “Enjoy it….Before it moves on.”
25
Dear Dad,
I’m writing this letter to the father who was there for me once, the one whom I trusted with my secrets. The dad who I’d come to for advice about girls, turned me to football as a way to deal with losing Mom, the dad who I knew cared about me because breakfast was always on the table everyday, even the days I didn’t come home.
To him, I’m writing these confessions:
I’m always scared, Dad.
I’m scared about not telling you good bye.
I’m scared about you dying with regrets.
I’m scared about us never saying out loud that we love each other.
I’m scared because, these days, I’m thinking ahead to when I might be a father.
I’m scared of losing this girl, Ariana Maldova.
Yes, I met a girl who I look at the way you looked at mom. You’d be proud of me, that’s for damn sure. She makes me proud of me. I’ve never felt this, a necessity to be with someone. But don’t tell her I said that— it’d go to her head.
Deal-breaker is we can’t be together. Contractual bounds. The olde King’s curse. What an industry that condemns true love.
I’m so scared of losing her tomorrow.
I’m dead without her. I needed to tell someone else that and you were the only person I wanted that to be.
A last thing:
I forgive you, Dad.
There’s the very thing I’ve been holding back for five years. I know you’ve been needing to hear that from me. I know you burden yourself with guilt—You don’t need to anymore.
You may not hear from me for a while, not unless you contact me first. Call me, Pop, I’ll answer. Until that time stay safe and smile everyday.
Signed,
Tyler
p.s. Contractual bounds or not, obviously I’m chasing after the girl.
p.p.s. Kings don’t love much but goddammit they love hard.
p.p.p.s. I love you, Pop.
26
I’d declared in permanent ink my reckless decision:
Chase Ariana no matter the cost for either of us.
She warned me time and time again the repercussions if we kept going after this. Ariana’s job was on the line here with my heart and hers.
I rubbed at my lip then explored her sleeping face, wrapped peacefully in the layers of sheets.
Damp hair fell over her pinked face, mouth hung open, snoring softly.
I snuffed and scratched my neck, turning from staring at the tides of her breathing.
My pencil rapped at the desk.
Unable to resist, I lay beside her in the bed and brushed the baby hairs of her temple.
Bright eyes opened.
“Everything OK?” she said and cupped my ear.
I held her to me. “I’m gonna help you.”
“Tyler…”
“If you’re giving up on us, I need to know you’re safe back in the city. I want to know you have a home to go where that scumbag can’t get in.”
She danced her leg through the air.
“That’s sweet but—”
“Stop taking this lightly,” I said, charting the healing burn on her wrist.
“Trust me, I’m not.”
“You can’t do this on your own.”
“I can do anything on my—”
“No, Ariana. I’m sorry. You can’t be a good rep for me when you can’t sleep thinking this guy might break into your apartment.”
“I’m fine.”
“Everybody needs support sometimes. Don’t be ashamed of it.”
“I’m not ashamed. I have it under control. I do.”
I held her gaze close and brushed my nose on hers “I’m buying your apartment, Ari,” I said, “and selling it back to you at whatever you bought it for.”
She spun around to lie on her front. “Don’t you dare.”
“You need more legal walls between you and that creep,” I said and her eyes heated. “I appreciate you worked hard for it, but you’re not safe having your name signed near his on any document.”
“Stop trying to help.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I climbed from the bed and flipped the letter upside-down at the desk. “Worry about you constantly from here on out.”
“If you want. I can’t stop you.”
“Get some sleep. We leave early.”
“You comin’ to bed?”
“Not yet,” I said, reading the letter one more time.
The desk chair made a loud creak beneath me.
“Tyler…”
“I made a mistake.”
“A mistake?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you. But can’t you see how ridiculous that is? Nobody buys a house for someone they’ve known less than two months.”
“I do because I can. I have money to get me through two lifetimes. Why not put it to a worthwhile cause.”
“I’m not a cause.”
“I never said you were.” I hit the speedball hanging in the corner with some jabs. “Keeping you safe is.”
“No.”
One last left hook sent the bag rattling on it’s chain. “Sleep, tight, sweetheart.”
I’d upset her.
I stormed into my closet, Ari yelling after me to not walk away from a fight.
When I came back to the bed, I kneeled on the mattress, opened her palm and squeezed my last chance upon it.
“You’re too stubborn to accept my help so a safe place will be waiting for you here instead. Any time you need.”
She opened her hand to a set of spare keys.
“The ranch is your safe-house. I’ll keep them in a lock box at the back door.”
She stroked my collarbone but didn’t answer.
“Ari…”
“Come to bed,” she said and lifted the comforter to accept me against her naked body. “Let’s enjoy what time we have left.”
Ariana waded in the shallows.
I was drowning in the deep.
I read that letter over and over once she’d fallen asleep behind me. The keys sat on the side table taunting me. Why even bother keeping them in the lockbox she’d never use? Every time I’d see them hanging at the back door, it’d only remind me of what could’ve been.
I couldn’t let her into my head like this.
&nbs
p; Poisonous thoughts…
…Resentment, coldness, reactive anger towards her— The one person who didn’t deserve aggression; This peaceful thing with her body laying against my back, arms down the front of me.
Ari held dominion over my heart and my head…
Did she mean it that she liked me back?
Was this a ploy to sleep with a sports star?
Does she care as much about this as I do?
What if she’s as much a leech as the rest?
Do I even like her?
I climbed from under, carefully resting her head to the pillow so I could find a drink strong enough to silence the one question I feared most:
What if she moves on from this first?
This girl had me like putty in her fist.
No one got power over a king.
27
Tyler had driven into town before I woke up. Along with buying us breakfast, he’d also purchased something else.
“You bought a car? It’s not even eight yet.”
“Helicopter couldn’t come until tomorrow, the boys need the Chevy. Apologies I can’t do everything in style.”
“Did I…fart in my sleep…drool on you maybe? Because if I did, I—”
“No. You slept like an angel.”
I turned out the brand new Audi’s window as it sped back toward New York. My heart hadn’t had time to let go of that ranch.
“Did I say something then?”
How could I explain Tyler’s sudden repulsion of me?
“No. You said everything right. You got through why this wasn’t the best idea.”
She coughed. “Are you kidding me?”
“What?”
“I am just like the others.”
“What are you talkin’ about?”
“You did only want me for sex.”
“Ari, don’t.”
“I suppose that smooth talking comes from years of practice.”
“Stop it.”
“Y’know, I always wondered— You can get any girl you want, why is paying for sex so much better?”
“This. Exactly this conversation is what,” he said, vein throbbing from his temple.
“You used me.”
“Cut the shit, Ari. You know that’s not true.”
“You wanted to fuck me so you used me. You wove your little web of bullshit and you used me for sex. Admit it.”