by Andrea Rose
For better or for worse Jude stuck around.
At sixteen years old he was already damaged. His fists were covered in scars and it was no secret that he’d spent time in juvenile hall for a laundry list of petty and not so petty crime. Towering over six foot two and sporting several vicious tattoos he was a fearsome sight even then. Jude was everything my daddy hated. A dropout, a criminal, a badass. Being with him made me feel… Alive.
He took my virginity in the backseat of a stolen Chevy Impala. Maybe I should have left it at that, just a crazy story to tell my friends someday. Of course, that’s not how my story goes. I was just a stupid girl too boy crazy to stop.
When he took my freedom in front of a Justice of the Peace the day after I turned eighteen, I was as happy as I had ever been… It wasn’t long before I’d lost some of that joy… Maybe I should have seen the abuse coming. Jude wasn’t the kind of man who would treat a girl right. He was only out for what made him feel good. A pusher… A user…
It was a fairytale romance, but not the happy bubblegum versions they put on TV. It was the Brothers Grimm kind of fairytale, where death is real and bad things happen to good people… When the beatings started, I blamed myself. A dark and twisted part of me almost wanted it. Every single brain cell I had left tried to fight it. The right thing to do was run away. Run to daddy and beg forgiveness. Fear made me stay, and my body betrayed me. I knew what Jude would do if I ever left him. He would come back, he would hurt me and take away everything I’d ever loved… My mind shut down because it was easier. Just give in, let it happen, accept that this is the life you’ve chosen. In the heat of the moment it was what I needed. Funny how with practice you can barely notice the pain of the bruises.
I wasn’t ready to admit it, but I needed salvation.
I didn’t want to be a bad girl anymore…
That’s when I met Shawn Break.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
The warehouse was colder than I would have liked, especially dressed like this. I stared down at my tattered jeans and the t-shirt torn down the middle to show off a little too much of my body. Jude’s arm wrapped around my waist in his usual possessive way. I was on display, but he was making it clear whom I belonged to.
And my ribs hurt.
The plume of black and purple wouldn’t show for another day or so, but I refused to show him my tears. I winced as he gripped me tighter, leading me through the sea of leather and thunder.
Jude had graduated from street thug to something more. He’d caught the eye of the Broken. For months now he’d been slipping away in the night on his new chrome and leather steed, off with the Broken doing God-knows-what. I tried to keep my eyes forward as we walked, feeling the men on either side dressing me down. Music blared and bottles lifted in recognition.
“Jude,” a deep voice called.
“Break,” Jude replied, turning me to face my destiny.
Break?
I tried not to look, turning my face to stare across the open space. Modified and chopped motorcycles lined the entrance beneath a huge roll-up door. The men were spread about drinking and laughing. A topless woman moved through the wreckage gracefully, cleaning up after the insanity. Others in varying amount of clothing were dancing and carrying on with the men. Cocaine was lined out on a glass table but nobody in a leather vest seemed to be touching it.
Oh God…
Toward the corner, a naked woman hung from the ceiling by her feet, hands wrapped around the hips of a big leather clad man as she took his hard shaft into her mouth. Three others cheered him on, clearly waiting their turn.
What the hell am I getting myself into…
“This your old lady?”
My attention snapped back to the man Jude was talking to. His eyes sank into me.
“She’s mine,” Jude said quietly, menace in his voice.
“Beautiful girl…”
Beautiful…
I shivered as rough fingertips pressed against my cheek, stroking lightly down my face. The words echoed in my mind. Jude was always so aggressive, so hard lined, it had been a long time since anyone called me beautiful. Jude’s words served only to tear me down. He told me every night that he’d be the only one who could ever love such a broken little girl. A little breath caught in my throat, my eyes tracing the lines of this new man’s face. He looked older than his years, a long scar drawn down from his forehead and deeply into his stubble covered cheek.
“Thank you,” I whispered under my breath.
“Boys, watch over the little one here while I have a little talk with the new prospect,” the man said.
Jude’s arm unwrapped from my side and I suddenly felt very alone. Two new men filled the empty space, one of them pressing a blue bottle into my hand.
“Drink up, he’s gonna be awhile.”
I smiled weakly at my new companions.
“I’m Acre, and this is Marlo.”
If a rowdy MC clubhouse could have a silent moment, I was living it. It felt like the eyes of the world were on me as I choked on my own voice. Even the girl being tag teamed across the room seemed to be watching, impossible as that was…
“This is where you tell us your name.”
I laughed, and the sound of the room seemed to come crashing back in. “It’s Callie.”
“Cat… I like that,” Acre said, smiling to Marlo.
“I said Callie.”
“I like Cat too. C’mon Cat, purr for us,” Marlo said, lifting me off my feet and spinning me round, tossing me up on a wooden bar that ran the far length of the warehouse. Over my new companions shoulders I glanced around in a panic. If Jude saw me like this, there would be hell to pay.
“Lookin for your boy toy? He’s over in the corner. Take a good look while he’s still got a face.”
“What’s he doing?” I asked fearfully. A circle had formed around Jude and the man called Break. Men and women cheered and hollered as Break lifted a sleeveless leather vest up over his head.
“That’s his cut. Ticket into the club,” Marlo said, standing tall enough to watch the action. “Break doesn’t give a cut to anyone. You want in, you have to take it.”
I held my breath as Jude stepped forward, reaching up confidently. The vest swung out of reach, Break’s left arm coming round the side and smashing into Jude’s face with a resounding crack of flesh and bone.
“JUDE,” I screamed over the cheers! Despite all the evils he subjected me to daily, he was my husband. I needed to help him! My legs tried to leap off the bar, but Marlo grabbed my thighs and pressed me back down into the wood. Break turned his head for a moment, his eyes boring holes into me even at this distance.
I stopped struggling. Between the circle of legs and leather, I could see Jude laying flat on the floor.
“Only one way into the club Cat. Jude’s gotta prove himself,” Acre said, grinning ear to ear. “He knew what he was signing up for.”
Break moved in on Jude’s collapsed form, laying into him with a hard kick from his vicious looking boots. Jude’s body shook but he didn’t move. The cheers from the room were dropping off quickly as excitement gave way to the disturbing sound of several swift kicks smashing against Jude’s unmoving side. Break looked down, laying a foot on Jude and shoving him hard. Tears welled up in my eyes. As fucked up as he was, as fucked up as everything had been, a part of me needed him. I couldn’t admit that he was bad for me, because that would only make the life I’d led so much worse… Break jammed his foot under Jude’s body, lifting hard to roll him. People had spread out a bit, giving me a better view… That’s when I saw it.
Murder eyes.
I’d seen them before. It was the look Jude gave me just before he’d ball up his fists. The same look he gave people just before he destroyed them. I’d seen Jude pummel enough street thugs into submission to know what was about to happen. Jude’s eyes glinted as he rolled, his hands rocketing up and twisting Break’s leg with practiced speed. I gasped as he sprung upward, Break’s arm com
ing down against the concrete with the joint popping right out of the shoulder. Everything felt like slow motion as my heart raged. The leather vest was still falling but Jude made no move to grab it. He was atop Break instantly, pummeling him into the ground with the scarred and broken fists I was so familiar with. I could feel every blow, every crushing smash.
“He’ll kill him,” I said, my voice shaking as Jude continued his grappling attack. There was no mercy in Jude, he would stop when he felt like stopping. The last man who stepped up against Jude was in the hospital for six weeks. And he was lucky…
“No, he won’t,” Acre said, still smiling as Break managed to swing an elbow into Jude’s chin, knocking him off balance. His functioning arm wrapped Jude’s head and a leg kicked out, bringing him down hard on his skull as they spun. Releasing him, Break and Jude stumbled to their feet, each spilling blood. The vest lay between them, but clearly this wasn’t about the cut anymore.
Jude lunged but Break’s years of experience came to the surface as he dodged smoothly and planted a vicious body shot with his still working arm. Wind knocked clean out of him, Jude fell, gasping as Break’s foot came down on his face. I shook with fear as the boot rose, ready to come crashing down again, but a cheer erupted in the crowd and Break froze in place just inches from Jude’s temple. My eyes quivered, tears clouding my vision, but I saw it too.
Jude’s arm was outstretched, his hand holding the leather vest, lifting it ever so slightly from the floor.
Break reached down, grabbing Jude’s arm and pulling him to his feet. He might not have seen it, but I did. The murder eyes were still flashing over Break’s shoulder. Jude wouldn’t let this go. Sure, he wanted into this club, but Jude wasn’t looking for friends. He was looking for power.
Break pushed Jude off. With his nose bleeding and cheek swollen, Jude lifted the vest over his head and the room erupted. I watched him slip it over his shoulders. The top rocker said BROKEN above a large shattered skull, each small piece of the emblem sewn on individually like some kind of macabre collage. Below, the rocker said everything that needed to be known.
PROSPECT
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
“Where are they taking him?”
Acre and Marlo turned, teeth flashing. “Don’t worry bout it, we’ve got a little asian girl in back who’s a miracle worker with a needle and thread.”
“Fucking amazing tongue too,” Marlo retorted, chuckling. “She can lick my wounds any day.”
I watched him grip his crotch, as if I needed the visual. My hands trembled as I lifted the beer, slamming it down in one long chug. If I was lucky, maybe I could be drunk enough that Jude wouldn’t hurt me tonight… Acre had another bottle pressed into my hand before I could even lay the empty one on the bar. I tilted it up again, caught by surprise as a finger hooked over the bottom edge and pulled it down, taking my eyes with it.
Break…
He smiled up at me on the hightop bar. “Slow it down sweetheart, that kind of drinking isn’t becoming of a lady.”
His voice was somehow dangerous and comforting with its light southern accent. I stared down at his vest, eyes scanning the ‘President’ badge before settling on his arm, the shoulder clearly dislocated.
“Don’t worry bout that,” Break chuckled, noticing my concern, “happens all the time.”
Without hesitation, he turned toward a steel pillar against a nearby wall, slamming his body into it. His arm popped sickly back into the socket, my flesh tingling at the sight of it. Not a hint of pain on his face, Break turned back to me, reaching up and pulling the bottle from my hands. “Acre, Marlo, give me a minute with Jude’s old lady.”
Marlo chuckled as they looked at each other, stepping away. The party was clearly getting even wilder, and it wasn’t long before Break and I had the bar to ourselves. He stepped between my legs, the only man in this room so far that didn’t spend all his time staring at my cleavage. I looked into his eyes, their depths so dark and cold… And dangerous.
“What’s your name,” he asked?
“Callie.”
“Course it is… Sweet innocent little Callie,” he said, the deep voice rolling through my body. I felt his hand press against my thigh ever so lightly.
“Only not so sweet, or innocent,” I replied, putting on a tough face. Break’s hand slid softly up my thigh toward my hips. I felt warmth rising in my body despite all attempts to avoid it. My cheeks flushed red. Maybe it was his wide jaw, maybe it was his dark eyes, maybe it was because he’d just beaten down the one person I both loved and hated above all others…
I wanted him.
I wanted him in a way I hadn’t wanted someone since I first met Jude. I always had a thing for the bad boys, and Break was everything I should avoid. My traitorous body didn’t care about the warnings my brain was firing. Jude would kill me if he even thought I felt this way. He’d kill us both without a second thought. I pushed the hint of lust down, hiding it inside. The spark in Break’s eyes told me I didn’t hide it fast enough.
“You don’t belong here, Callie.”
“I’m here with Jude,” I said strongly, screwing my face into annoyance.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. I was born into this shit. My father started this club and I rode with him since before I could walk. It’s where I belong, it’s where fucking Jude belongs. I know it when I see it. Look at your big beautiful icy blues. Storm clouds never were so goddamned beautiful sweetheart. You’re a citizen. A tourist. You should run away while you still can. Jude’s gonna get you into some deep shit some day. You’re a white picket fence and two kids away from suburbia.”
“You don’t know me at all,” I said, staring into his eyes as they blazed with anger. My arms instinctively moved to protect myself as Break reached up. His fingers slid over my sides and lifted me effortlessly from the bar. I winced hard as he pressed on my battered ribs, setting me down on my feet. I stared up at him, my petite 5’6” body shrinking as he stood nearly a foot over me. He was bigger like this, more dangerous, but the anger that seemed to fill him a moment ago now mixed with some kind of twisted concern.
“You can let go now…”
His hands didn’t move. He squeezed inwardly, drawing a yelp of pain from my lips. There was a puzzled look in Break’s eyes and his mouth thinned. I gasped as his hand balled into a fist, bunching my shirt and lifting it. My flat tummy came into view, then my side, the red and purple marks still present. Some dark part of me wanted him to keep going, to pull the shirt from me, to take me for his own… His fingertips brushed against my ribs, taking note of my pain. Memories. Bruises past and present. They would heal like they always did, but I never forgot them. Jude never hit me anywhere someone would see the evidence. With Break’s eyes on me, I felt suddenly naked to the whole world.
“He did this to you, didn’t he?”
The anger was back in Break’s eyes, but it wasn’t directed at me.
“No… I…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
His voice shook me. I looked up, his eyes watering as he stared. Here I was, stoic and strong and not afraid of anything, and now I wanted nothing more than to break down in this strange man’s arms. I wanted to tell him everything.
“Don’t ever lie to me. I run this club, and inside these walls you tell the fucking truth. Do you understand sweetheart?”
I nodded. Tears of my own ruining my mascara. “He doesn’t mean it… Jude loves me…”
“I’ll talk to him Callie. This won’t happen again.”
I shuddered head to toe, falling into his chest, pressing my ear against him and listening to his racing heartbeat.
“You have my word, and around here, that is law.”
Part of me knew people must be watching. A room full of bikers and badasses, whores and old ladies, all judging me.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Anytime sweetheart… Hang onto what’s still good in you, don’t let this place take it away. You’r
e too beautiful to end up broken…”
The powerful hands let me go as he turned to the party. The eyes I expected to see weren’t on us, the club was enjoying their drunken revelry oblivious to our little moment. I stared at the back of his vest. ‘BROKEN’ arched across the top, the shattered skull beneath. I could see names embroidered on each piece of bone. It made me realize something.
“I don’t know your name,” I said softly. “Your real name, I mean…”
“Shawn Break, club President,” he replied without turning around, walking off into the crowd.
“Shawn Break…” I whispered after him, my heart pounding. Something was stirring inside me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. The deepest and darkest part of me. I knew the feeling even without understanding it. Shaking my head, I turned away, pulling the beer off the bar and downing it in another long drink.
He didn’t understand. How could he? How could anyone possibly know how fucked up I really was? I wanted to deny it and hide my own nature, but at the end of the day, I knew I’d be right back in Jude’s bed…
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
I stayed up later than I should have, long after most of the club was moved off into more private quarters. Some were fucking, some were passed out, and I was goddamned smashed. Meanwhile, Jude was still nowhere to be found. A big part of me didn’t care, because all I could think about was what Break had said to me.
“Hey fuckwits, go find yourself a girl that isn’t taken.”
“Oh they’d like that,” I giggled drunkenly, turning to the new voice. Shawn Break had returned, and he seemed a little angry. Trying to move, I managed to fall into him, his arms holding me up like a marionette.