“You have the patience of a saint mom.” He kissed her goodnight.
“With your brother I have to.”
Shane ran back up the stairs to the closet his mom was taking about. Ten minutes later he had it set up, with Nick’s help, in the corner of his room. “You didn’t have to do all of this, the floor is fine.” Nick sat on his temporary bed.
“No, it’s not.” He sat on is own bed and pulled his sneakers off.
Nick watched as Shane stood again and moved to the dresser. He was thankful for the help and invitation; he wasn’t in the mood to go home at all. Last night he had gotten into a pretty heated argument with his uncle and knew the man hadn’t forgotten it yet.
“Here.”
At the sound of Shane’s voice, he looked up and caught the clothes he tossed at him. He was going to thank him for the sleepwear but his throat closed as he watched Shane carelessly take off the shirt he wore to school. It was a grey button down; he undid the first three buttons and pulled it over his head. He didn’t wear anything under it and Nick saw everything.
Shane was extremely tall but he wasn’t skin and bones. He was….amazing with a chest of steel, every little muscle defined. Nick’s eyes were glued to the indents of his hips that disappeared into his jeans. Why did Shane have to be so perfect, so beautiful, such a damn turn on?
In the past, Nick could forget he found men attractive on TV, there was no one in front of him what turned his stomach into mush and made his mouth water…until Shane. Perfect, beautiful, nice guy Shane. There had to be something, anything, wrong with him.
He couldn’t stop his traitor brain from imagining what it’d be like to pin Shane against the nearest wall and kiss him senseless, to know what that perfect chest felt like under his hands.
Shane pulled on a loose fitting t-shirt for bed and took off his jeans, opting for only his boxers to sleep in. Nick mentally groaned, this was pure torture really was.
Saving him from his impure thoughts was Michael of all people. He came strolling in the room with his trademark sarcastic smile. “So what’s the plan? Every good sleepover needs a good plan.”
“We’re not ten.” Shane said.
“No, you’re over the hill and have no sense of partying skills.” Michael had a way with words, he liked to offend even his own family and especially people he didn’t like. For so long he had been a bully to everyone he came in contact with, but then he found love and stuck to using words to tease/offend but at least now he had a limit.
“It’s eleven on a school night, go away.” Shane was very patient and an all around nice guy, it took a lot for him to get annoyed.
Michael walked over to Nick and sat. “I don’t know how you can stand being around his boring ass.”
Nick smiled when he realized why Michael was especially in a mood. “What did Julienne do now?” he asked about his best friend.
“Something about how all I want to do is stay in and only use her for sex.”
“So the boring one here is really you.” he felt good to get that dig in. The sound of Shane chuckling drew Nick’s attention back to him, they smiled at each other. It shouldn’t have meant anything but it had Nick’s stomach clenching again.
“It’s the same stuff all the time. Geez it’s like we’re an old married couple but I still want to bang her.” Michael complained.
“Hey, watch it I will kick your ass for talking about her without respect.”
“Dude, you’re such a girl. No wonder you’re getting along with Shane.” He was joking, teasing, being typical Michael but that sentence had Nick scared, did Michael pick up on something? He feared someone would figure out his secret and blurt it without his consent. “I’ll forgive you for being such a killjoy if you talk to her.”
Nick started to relax. “I care because….?” He grinned. “I’ll talk to her but know this, I’m on her side and you need to stop being such a lazy ass. Take some vitamins or something.”
“I have stamina, thank you very much.”
It was a nice change to be the one to annoy Michael and not the other way around. He was adorable with his ready-to-fly-off-the-handle look. Nick had always thought Michael was a good looking guy but it ended there because he wasn’t the biggest fan of his sour personality. Unlike with his brother who seemed to have it all.
Nick stood from his cot and headed to the bathroom to get changed. He hoped Shane didn’t think anything of it and suspect again he had a problem him. It wasn’t Shane’s homosexuality that bothered him, it was his own.
Chapter 4
Shane woke up first that morning. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as the regret of not being able to sleep longer started to lift from his weary bones. It wasn’t until he saw Nick asleep across the room he remembered inviting him to stay. Nick lay on his back with his arm tucked under the pillow, his face was turned this way enough for Shane to make out his profile.
He carefully got out of bed and walked toward the door to leave only to stop halfway. Nick’s shirt was risen just enough to show his lower back and the large bruise he had going across the area. Shane’s chest tightened as he stared at the painful broken skin. “Nick?” he nudged his shoulder. There was no way he could go about his day pretending he didn’t see that bruise on his back.
“Hmm?”
“It’s eight, when’s your first class?” Their structural design class was at eleven.
Nick shot up. “Eight-thirty.” He hopped out of the cot and grabbed his clothes. “Mrs. Martinson is a royal bitch about being on time.” He pulled of his shirt without hesitation of being seen like last night. He kept forward and probably didn’t think Shane would never know about the marks on his back.
Except he did, and he didn’t know how to address it with Nick rushing to leave. Shane stood there dumbfounded and watching as Nick put on his shirt and jeans from yesterday. He caught glimpses of his body during the haste movements and what he saw was rather very nice. Shane shook his head and remembered he wasn’t supposed to be looking at him like that. A crush, no matter how small, was dangerous for the heart.
Nick was dressed with his shoes on and half out the door when he stopped. “Thanks for your help.” he said quickly while trying to adjust his hair before rushing out of the house.
Shane walked over to the window and continued to watch Nick as he hopped in his car and drove away. He should make it to class on time since it only impressively took him five minute to get up and go.
Shane sat back on his bed and sighed. In less than a day’s time Nick was getting under his skin. He wanted to help him but didn’t know how, he wanted so much more too and that wasn’t possible. Was it possible to develop a crush this fast? He frowned and laid back down for a moment. Over the last year his sole focus was school, maybe the lack of intimacy was frying his brain.
He got up sometime later to leave for school. He was halfway out the door when his mother stopped him.
“What, no goodbye? Come here, I know my boys and I know you like the back of my hand, what’s wrong?”
That was the problem with living at home, Shane thought, nothing could go unnoticed. “I’m just tired.” He couldn’t put a label on what he felt. “Bye mom, I’ll see you later.” He left before she could stop him again and play twenty questions. What he felt was a depressing lack of control. Nick’s problems weren’t his own but he still cared, he still wanted to somehow fix whatever was wrong for his newfound friend.
Shane was walking through the campus when he heard a voice call his name, it was one of his friends named Joanna. “Running late?” she asked.
“No, my first class was cancelled.”
“Oh, well Scott’s looking for you.” Scott was her brother and his ex. Shane remained friends with Joanna during the relationship and they remained so even after the breakup last year. He couldn’t same the same for him and Scott.
“Why?” he didn’t want to think of Scott, their relationship was great at first and when it ended, all the good
could never make up for the bad.
“Don’t know.” Joanna answered, and he didn’t believe her for one second.
“I’m busy, if he wants to talk to me I just don’t have the time.” He got out of there before she tried to change his mind. His bad mood worsened as he thought of Scott; who Shane affectionately named the-biggest-mistake-of-his-life.
On his way to architecture 101 he spotted Nick making his way inside. Shane’s steps quickened to catch up. The first thing he took notice of was Nick’s pissed off expression and taking one look at his hair, it was easy to see why. Instead of his hair all gathered and spiked at the center of his hair, it was flat and combed back away from his eyes.
His bitter mood because of Scott and all the warnings of getting too close to Nick melted away. “Hair tragedy?” Shane tried to keep his laughter inside.
Nick groaned and sank into his seat. “The price you pay for over sleeping. I haven’t overslept since I was about nine.” He said with a tone that expressed the situation confused him.
Shane smiled. Nick probably slept well because he was comfortable in his house. “It could’ve been my mom’s food, it could knock you out for a week.” He tried to offer as some excuse Nick could use and forget about his error. It was an error Shane wanted him to make again. “Did you make it to class on time?”
“Just barely, still late enough to gain extra homework. That woman is the devil in disguise.”
Shane watched Nick’s expression as he complained about his horrible morning class, the flare of anger across his eyes and then his excitement about his next class. It was interesting to see all his different expressions and feelings so visible. He was quickly learning Nick was a very expressive person, from his appearance to his thoughts and everything in-between.
Mr. Tyler walked in and that meant class was going to start within the next minute. They didn’t have much more time to talk and this was something he needed to get off his chest. “Hey,” Shane said softly. “I need to talk to you. Why don’t you come with me to lunch after this?”
Nick noticeably looked away to give that some thought, he probably was trying to figure out if he had somewhere else to be. “Ok, sure.” He whispered a moment later as class began.
Chapter 5
Nick knew he should stay away from Shane unless they were working on their project but here he was, at the campus grill sharing lunch with the guy. When Shane asked if they have lunch together with those light blue eyes pleading, he simply couldn’t say no. Even though his heart begged him to.
“What did you want to talk about?” Nick asked after the food arrived.
Instead of answering, Shane was staring at his guest’s plate. “Big fan of sweets?”
On Nick’s plate were pie and cookies, next to it sat a tall vanilla milkshake. “Sugar helps me think and there’s a lot I have to get done before the day is out. I work better under pressure anyway.” All the words flew out of his mouth before needing another breath of air. He winced and closed his eyes. “Sometimes I talk a lot.”
“I don’t mind.”
Nick opened his eyes and saw Shane smiling at him, the upturn of his lips had his heart racing. “The only person that wouldn’t get annoyed, I can talk more than what you saw, is Julienne. She told me she liked that I talked so much because she never talked enough.”
“You helped her a lot back then, when my brother was too stupid to realize his mistakes.”
Nick smiled weakly and grabbed a cookie. “She’s returned the favor. So what did you want too talk to me about?” that question nagged him all through class.
Shane opened his mouth and quickly closed it as something else grabbed his attention. Nick turned to see why the sudden change and saw it wasn’t something but someone Shane was staring at.
The man was about six feet even with wide shoulders and a slim waist. He was searching the crowd and landed on Shane. Nick turned back to his guest just in time to see him pale. “Someone you’re avoiding?”
“You can say that. If I went my whole life without seeing that bastard again it’d be too soon.”
The guy walked over and glared at Shane. “I’ve been looking for you. Why haven’t you called me?”
“Joanna told me and I told her I was busy.” Shane bit out tightly.
The guy looked at Nick and scoffed. “You’re avoiding me for this freak?”
It didn’t bother Nick, he had heard worse, it did however piss Shane off. “Hey! He’s a better person than you can ever be, even on his worse day.” Shane’s blue eyes flared with anger, staring at the man he wanted to avoid.
“You left me to be with a freak like this?” the man didn’t sound like he could believe what he was seeing.
Nick didn’t want to get involved but Shane just stood up for him, something many people didn’t do. “Yes,” He reached over and took Shane’s hand protectively in his own. “and you’re interrupting a private moment.” He put as much annoyance humanly possible in his expression.
The man glared. “This isn’t over.” He left before drawing the attention of the grille customers.
“Yes it is.” Shane said softly, his face twisting with emotions.
Nick put his hand back at his side. “Are you ok?” the answer was obvious he wasn’t but Nick hoped maybe he’d talk to him about it if he asked. It was none of his business and he should avoid getting personal with Shane but again his mouth wasn’t listening to how his heart wanted to guard it’s self.
“I’m sorry he talked to you like that.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ve heard worse.” He said with a shrug, he refused to let words bother him any more. That period of his life ended in high school.
“And I’m sorry he assumed….”
“That’s ok too, it doesn’t matter what he thinks anyway and maybe if you fake date someone else he’ll move on.” It was obvious as the sun was to daylight that the man was Shane’s ex-boyfriend. Nick grabbed his milkshake and started drinking.
“Maybe.” Shane picked at his food, a club sandwich he no longer looked interested in.
“Here, I’ll take you out your misery.” He reached over and grabbed the sandwich and took a huge bite of it.
Shane laughed and for that wonderful sound the stomachache would be worth it later. “Cookies and pie not enough?”
“They are but every cookie needs chicken.” the sandwich was pretty good and he decided to finish it.
“Do you eat like this all the time? How do you stay in shape?”
“Who says I’m in shape? I’m scrawny for reasons I don’t know and that’s about it. You’re the one in shape with abs of steel.” The words left his mouth before he could catch them. He took another mouthful of food to hide his embarrassment.
“You look good to me but anyway, thanks.”
This was quickly crossing some line and getting very awkward. Nick hoped he wasn’t blushing too hard. “Why did you invite me here?”
“Um…I don’t want to pretend I didn’t see anything when I did. When you were asleep I saw the bruise on your back.”
“Ok, and?” Nick started to panic. “I fell in the kitchen and smacked right into the counter.” That was partly the truth. “No big deal.”
Shane didn’t look convinced. “If you need anything or want to talk—”
“About what? I fell; people do it all the time. I gotta get going.” He stood and grabbed his things. He walked out of there as fast as his legs allowed, his heart raced and he didn’t dare turn back.
Nick was trying to be careful but Shane was still getting too close for comfort. He had to distance himself before Shane found out too much.
Back on campus he went in search for Julienne and found her seated on a bench. “I need to talk to you.” he said with desperation. He was ready to crack, there was no way he could go to class and keep pretending life was ok. It wasn’t only Shane loosening his fragile grasp of sanity. Sometimes it felt like his life was one train wreck after another.
“What’s wrong?”
“Let’s go somewhere private before I freak out in front of everyone.” He grabbed her hand and started running to the parking lot where his car had no time to cool.
“Nick, whatever it is you can tell me.” Julienne’s voice was soft as he drove away from the college.
“I don’t know.” Tears started to prick his eyes, when they were far enough he pulled over. Julienne had already been in one deadly devastating car crash, he didn’t want to put her in another.
“Nick.” She rubbed her hand over his shoulder. “Tell me.”
He wanted to, he wanted to scream the words and feel some relief from their daily assault. He sank into his seat and let the tears fall. “I’m having feelings for someone I shouldn’t.” out of all the problems in his life, this was the one he didn’t know how to ignore.
“That’s great, what’s the problem? She doesn’t like you?”
He turned to look her with a tear stained face. There were no more roads to keep running down, no lies he could convince himself were the truth. “He.”
Her eyes went wide, of course she’d be shocked, he never let on before and she knew he had dated girls in the past. “Shane.” She said with a gasp as if it all just clicked in perfect harmony.
Some relief filled his chest, it was out there and his friend wasn’t calling him a disgusting freak. “How’d you guess?”
“I saw you staring at him during dinner. Don’t worry, no one else noticed it but since we’re like family I spot things about you, just apparently not good enough. Why didn’t you tell me before? You know everything about me.” Julienne wasn’t happy he didn’t trust her enough with his biggest secret. She let the disappointment shine across her beautiful face.
“I didn’t tell you because telling you would be like telling myself and I wasn’t, I’m still not, ready to admit this. I was good at faking it, at pretending I wasn’t different but then I met Shane and he’s so fucking beautiful I almost hate him for it.” There was relief to finally say the words but now came the fear, fear of rejection, fear of failure.
Secrets Are My Sanity Page 2