Swirling her glass, Olivia watched the smoky liquid spin into a funnel. She took a sip of whiskey then set the glass down on the table. “Nate left me because he saw what I couldn’t admit. He saw what you mean to me. I didn’t even know,” she said, placing a hand against her chest, “but he did. It didn’t help that I wasn’t upfront with him over the phone calls. Or all the texts. With anything that involved you.”
Olivia looked at the bear, then to Luke. “You wanted a reason why I kept the bear, Luke? There it is. You’re the reason. I thought I had let go, but obviously I never did. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly let go. How pathetic am I? I’m thirty-one years old and still in love with my first love.”
Luke didn't utter a word as she finally broke the dam that was holding back everything she had bottled up inside.
Clutching her hands to her chest and swallowing her anguish, she kept talking. “I missed you so much, Luke. Each and every day I thought about you, what we had, and how stupid I was to walk away from it. I screwed up. I can’t take it back, and as crazy as it sounds I wouldn’t. But I’m here now pouring my heart out to you.”
Olivia didn’t know where this courage was coming from. Liquid courage? It didn’t matter. It was now or never that she be truthful to herself and to Luke.
“Had I known how things were going to happen between us, I never would've left. But I don’t feel bad about leaving, either. And how fucked up is that? I’m so fucked up... My mind is all over the place...”
Luke hadn't moved a muscle or spoken a single word the entire time. She couldn't even gauge his thoughts. He just stood there with his arms crossed in front of his chest with a pained expression. She couldn’t interpret what he was thinking. Luke just stood there, his silence was deafening.
Grabbing her drink, she sipped it. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m not even making sense. The past can’t be changed and everything is such a joke. It is what it is. No matter what, I’m always going to want more…” She mumbled the last sentence to herself. The whiskey infused her blood, and she let go, opening up to Luke and letting it all out so he knew where she stood. That he could take her or leave her.
Take me or leave me, Luke once said to her. Now she knew the full impact of those words.
Luke didn't know whether to throttle Olivia or throw her to the floor and take her right there, which he was positively sure she’d allow. He definitely didn’t see this coming, dumbfounded by her confession.
He took another swig of his beer as he thought back to the day he’d seen her after all these years. She looked as beautiful as the first time he laid eyes on her when they were teens. There had always been an undeniable connection with her. The lure in her eyes, her pouty little lips, it was all damning to him. In that moment, he hated himself for not following her.
Taking a swallow of his beer, he placed the empty bottle on the table and stalked his way over to her.
“Why, Olivia? Why, now?” He growled in the back of his throat. She gave a hesitant shrug.
Slowly, he leaned into Olivia, crowding her space. “What makes you think that I want you after all these years? Because of a few kisses? A few songs I made up?” he asked, cocking his head to the left. “You,” he said pointing at her chest, “left me.”
Olivia took a couple of steps back. She understood he was still angry about the past and how easily she threw it all away. Luke may have moved on, but she was the one that killed him on the inside. No one had ever compared to Olivia King.
Wired and ready for a fight, resentment filled his green eyes with fire even though his body was hard and ready for her.
“I... I…didn’t say…” Olivia felt a twinge of uneasiness settle in her stomach.
“No. No you didn’t say I still wanted you, but that’s what you’re hoping for, isn’t it? That I’d drop everything and run back to you now that Nate is gone? Or was it because we shared a kiss?” Luke asked, still wondering where this admission of guilt was heading.
“Luke, I…ahhh…” Olivia stammered. Luke was in her face, invading her personal space. Taking another step back, she placed her hand behind her, feeling blindly around the newly arranged room.
“You ‘ahhh’ what? Huh...” Luke mimicked with a cocked eyebrow. He was livid and wanted her to feel what he felt.
Boxing her against the wall with his arms, Luke leaned close to her face. He could smell the whiskey on her wet lips and the smell of flakey coconut drifting all around her. It took everything not to press into her soft body.
Close enough to touch his lips to hers, he rubbed his stubborn jaw line across her smooth face as he whispered, “You what…baby?”
Gasping, Olivia lost all train of thought as she replayed what Luke just said in her head. Baby. She was lost as she stared into his eyes. One minute he was in her face, the next she saw tenderness.
Moving one arm from the wall, Luke tugged on her hair, forcing her to look directly at him. With his other arm, he snaked around her waist and pulled her tight to him. She was face to face with him now, no place to go.
Without thinking, Olivia brought her arms up and slowly wrapped them around Luke’s shoulders. She had no idea what she wanted to say at that point. She couldn’t even think straight being in his steely arms, his body pressing into hers. There was no mistaking the hardness of his erection pressing against her stomach letting her know he still wanted her even if he stated otherwise.
Luke's voice was a broken whisper as he stared into her eyes and said, “Livy...Care Bear.”
He kissed her softly, slowly running his lips tenderly across hers. Olivia’s lips were warm and supple, and damn how he missed the feel of them against his. She responded to his kiss by leaning into him with a soft whimper, but before she could get any further with him, he abruptly broke away.
Confusion etched across her face. Olivia was breathless and waited for him to explain why he stopped.
“You had your chance but lost it. I gave you an option and you ran the other way.”
Olivia’s mouth dropped with her heart. She tried to pull away only to have Luke pull her tighter to him, squeezing her.
“Luke, let go of me,” she squirmed in his arms.
“You think you can just say all those things to me and then finish with ‘it is what it is’ and kiss me like that? I don’t think so. I gave you an option, you ran. That’s no one’s fault but your own.”
Olivia stopped twisting and snapped her crimson eyes to Luke's. “That’s what I told you! That I fucked up! I’m sorry! I made a mistake. I apologized ten thousand fucking times already. What more do you want me to say? You could have come with me and refused. So this is on you too.”
Placing the palm of his hand on her face, he gingerly caressed her reddened cheek. The regret in her pink-rimmed eyes hit him hard. She looked like a mess with her long hair wrapped up at the top of her head, strands falling wildly around her face. As much as he wanted to make her hurt, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. His resentment was an opened wound, and he was only clawing deeper, causing more pain. But she already felt his pain, and it was time to move on.
“Livy.”
“Just shut up and let me go!”
“We can’t go back, can we?” he drawled. “It’s been so long. You only want me now that Nate is out of the picture,” Luke said, pulling the tie out of her hair. “And the worst part is that I’m almost willing to cave,” he whispered with his forehead against hers.
Olivia felt like a fool for opening up, embarrassed that she did and wanting to get away from him now. Luke threading his fingers through her hair and massaging her scalp wasn’t helping her move her body from his. He was calming her with the touch of his hands and soothing her with his words.
“Don’t presume to tell me what I want,” Olivia spat out.
“I get it, Livy. I get how you feel because I still want you after all those years even when I shouldn’t,” he admitted.
“Olivia,” Luke muttered. “We’
re both in a tough situation. We never really had closure, so we’re hurting and taking things out on each other. You’re hurt over dickhead leaving you. You’re also angry at me because I forced you to deal with my mother, forcing you to deal with me. It was wrong of me, but I knew deep in my gut I could count on you to take care of her. Despite my worries and misgivings in the beginning, I knew I had to take a chance with you. Almost like it was meant to be. You and me. Again.”
Her eyes traveled along his prominent jaw to his lips as he breathed. “I can’t keep up with you, Luke,” she mumbled.
Olivia stopped resisting his hold. Arching his hips, he held her nailed to the wall with his body as he placed his hands on the curve of her shoulders. She rested her forehead against his chest and let out choppy breaths trying to calm herself. “Everything’s so messed up, Luke,” she sniffled. “I don’t know what to do, who to talk to anymore. I feel…so lost. I’ve never felt like this before. Why do I have to mess up everything good in my life? I’m such a fuck up,” she sobbed softly, clutching his shirt in her hands.
“Hey,” he said softly, “look at me.” Olivia shook her head no.
Grabbing the sides of her face, Luke gently turned up her face and forced her gaze to his. “Livy, look at me.” Olivia opened her eyes and his chest tightened at the pain and sorrow in them. He wanted more than anything to make her feel better.
“You’re not a fuck up. Stubborn? Damn straight. But not a fuck up. Nate will regret leaving you down the line. Trust me on that one, baby.” He bored into her eyes, trying to show the truth in his words.
“But you don’t trust me.”
“Who said I don’t?”
“I just…”
“Do I regret not going with you to New York? Damn straight I sure as hell do. Don’t think for one minute I don’t regret not going with you. But then maybe you wouldn’t have become a doctor. And then maybe I wouldn’t have sat in those bars and gotten drunk on your memory and written all those cheesy-ass ballads that ended up landing me a record deal. Truthfully, I love my life, and I think you love yours, regardless of everything. Life works in mysterious ways, Livy. Nothing is set in stone, the course is unwritten. We make our decisions, no one else. We can ‘what if’ it all we want, but things happen for a reason. If we sit and think about why things happen the way they do, that’s just more precious time being wasted. Enough is enough. In the end, we’re where we’re supposed to be.”
Olivia nodded her head, silently agreeing with him. The tears that finally fell from her eyes were caught by the pads of Luke’s thumbs as he wiped them away. She licked her lips and blinked her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted. She needed a break. A break from life. A break from reality. Just a break from everything.
Grinding his teeth together, Luke was fighting with his emotions as he watched her slowly run her tongue along her lips. This was Livy. His Livy. Could she be thinking the same as him? That he wanted to consume her mouth and every inch of her body? He sure hoped so, because he was about to take a chance.
Massaging his hands slowly down her face and neck, he watched Olivia’s head loll back while her eyelids grew heavy. Luke smirked when she released a purr-like moan and felt her body softening under his touch. She may not even know she was doing it, but by God was it hot.
“Let’s stop this cat and mouse game we’ve been playing. Let’s move forward and start new. Together. Don’t deny us,” Luke said huskily.
He took her mouth in his with a breathless kiss, and pressed his body into her. Thrusting his tongue in, Luke sucked the air from her as she gasped and he consumed her. Greedily he took from her as much as she was willing to give. Sucking. Pulling. Biting. Tongue fucking. He didn’t care. Luke was okay with it. She wasn’t pulling away and that said it all. It was clear, they needed each other. The arousal building inside Luke was becoming painful, but after everything said between them, he wasn’t sure if he could push for a little more even though his cock was telling him to try.
“Luke…” she mumbled against his lips.
“Alright. Up you go.” He lifted her with ease.
“Where are we going?”
“You are going to bed.”
“Well, where are you going then?”
“Home.”
“Luke, that’s a long drive. Stay here. You can stay on my couch.”
“Nah. I’m good. I can drive home.”
“But you’ve been drinking.”
“Babe. I’m good. Trust me.”
“Please, stay here. You’ll have me worried all night if you drive home.”
Luke debated with himself whether to stay or not. He wanted to. But there was no way he’d be able to keep his hands to himself if he did.
“I’ll stay with you for a little while, but then I’m leavin’. I’ll be back in the morning to help finish. Hey, why the hell did you do that anyway?”
She shrugged hopelessly. “I wanted to take my mind off things, I guess.”
“So you decided to do it with a bottle of whiskey and some heavy ass furniture moving? You could’ve hurt yourself.”
Olivia sighed. “Well, I didn’t say it was a smart idea.”
“Don’t do something like that again. You need something, you call.”
“Alright,” she replied softly.
Luke lowered her down and then kicked his boots off before he climbed in. He nestled into Livy’s backside, draped an arm over her belly and pulled her close to him. It took everything he had in him not to groan out loud from the softness of her body.
“Go to sleep, Care Bear.” Talk about pure agony. Livy’s lush body was snuggled against his and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Don’t leave…”
“I won’t.”
‘Luke’ was a whisper on her lips as Olivia fell into a deep slumber.
Running her palm along the cold empty sheet behind her, Olivia’s stomach dropped a little at the loss of Luke not snuggled up behind her.
It had been such a long time and she had forgotten what it was like to be wrapped in Luke’s arms. And what did it feel like to her? Comfort…security…and home. It was just like the times when she’d snuck out of her house once her father had fallen asleep and run down the street to his. After her father had consumed too many beers to count and took his anger out verbally on Olivia, Luke would hold her tight and take all her fears away.
Olivia’s eyes were scratchy and swollen as she opened them. She was physically and mentally exhausted. Her body had been running on empty lately. Yawning, she stretched her arms above her head and turned over to look at the clock. Eleven o’clock?
Standing from the bed, she made her way to the kitchen to brew her favorite addiction. Halfway through the living room something caught her eye and she paused.
To her astonishment, her living room, down to the books being placed neatly on her shelves, was completely finished. Her mouth dropped in shock as she scanned the room slowly, taking it all in.
Luke had finished it for her while she slept.
And sitting in the center of the room on her mahogany coffee table was the tiny little purple stuffed animal. He left it there purposely for her to see.
Olivia walked over to the table where she grasped the bear in her hands and stared down at it. A soft smile tugged at her lips knowing Luke must have done it after she’d fallen asleep in his arms last night where she was dead to the world. Her heart softened at Luke’s thoughtfulness and realized that the mean front he put on was just that—a front.
After her coffee, she was going to jump in her car and take a little ride down south to thank him properly.
“Hang on! Be right there!”
Olivia tapped her foot nervously while her stomach twisted in knots as she stared at the blue front door. She wasn’t sure why she was all wound up, it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen Luke recently, but her nerves were on edge and jittery as she waited for the door to open.
The door flew open and Diane’s eyes grew wide. She beamed h
appily and said, “Well, hey there, Olivia. What brings you here? Come into the kitchen and I’ll get you some tea.”
Olivia smiled nervously. “I’m actually here to see Luke. Is he around?”
Tilting her head to the side with inquisitive eyes, Diane asked, “Luke? Well, he’s around. But Olivia, he doesn’t live here. He’s at his own home.” She said it as if Olivia should have known that.
“Oh, that’s right... I’d forgotten he told me he built a house. I guess I just assumed he’d be here. Would it be too much if I asked where he lives now? I need to talk to him.”
Diane pondered Olivia’s question with a glimmer in her eyes. She felt like an idiot coming to South Fork to see Luke. She should’ve just called to thank him. Now she was standing in front of Diane asking for his address while Diane pursed her lips in thought.
“I’ll give it to you, Livy, but you have to make me a promise.”
Olivia’s eyes furrowed. “Okay…”
Taking hold of Olivia’s hand, she nicely requested, “You have to promise me not to hurt him again. He was a wreck after you left. He’d kill me if he knew I was telling you this, but as a mother I feel it’s my duty to. And one day when you’re a mother you’ll understand, too. I watched him for months and the agony he went through without you by his side. I know Luke and he’d never admit that, but a mother knows these things. That’s what hurt the most…being a mother and not able to fix the one thing only one other woman could. So please, promise me you won’t hurt him again.”
Olivia rolled her lip back and forth between her teeth as her jaw trembled. Her heart pumped hard as it cracked down the center, struggling to stay together after hearing Diane ask that she make this promise to her. She never ever meant to hurt Luke to begin with, and she sure didn’t want to ever again.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Olivia took a big breath before she spoke.
“I promise you, it wasn’t just Luke who was hurting, Diane. If you only knew…” She shook her head. “But I promise not to hurt him again. All I want to do is thank him for last night.”
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