by Lisa Jackson
“Hello, Mother.”
“Are you sleeping?”
With a yawn, she stretched and sat up, crossing her legs beneath her in one movement. “I just got up. How are you?”
“I’m fine. So how was the wedding?”
“It was beautiful,” she said, and began to give details surrounding the event, leaving Darius and his marriage proposal out of the story. “Maya told me to send you her love.”
“That’s nice. I always did like Maya. She’s such a good girl,” Beverly replied fondly. Then like turning off a light, she switched to another topic of conversation.
“I’m thinking about making a trip to Denver. What’s your schedule looking like this month?”
Alexa rolled her eyes and sank back beneath the covers. She couldn’t take her mother on the telephone sometimes, let alone in person. Since her parents’ divorce, her mother had changed into a person she hardly recognized. The first change was the tinting of her hair and then she dropped twenty pounds and began to dress like she was twenty years younger. Although Alexa admitted that she did look good and seemed happier than ever, she couldn’t help but worry about her new lifestyle. All of the new men calling her and traveling to far-off places at a moment’s notice made Alexa worry. It was as though the tables were turned and she was the mother now.
“I thought you were going to go out to California to visit Justin. Didn’t you want to meet his new girlfriend?”
“You sound like you don’t want me to come,” Beverly said with a hint of hurt in her voice. Alexa immediately felt bad for trying to pass her off on her brother.
“No, Mother, it isn’t that. It’s just that the beginning of the year is always my busiest time. I’d hate for you to come out and I wouldn’t have time to show you around. You know how you like to shop and tour the city.”
The older woman snorted in response as if she didn’t believe her daughter’s story.
Alexa sighed in defeat. “Let me check my schedule to see what it looks like for February. Is that okay?”
“I guess it will have to be.”
The two talked for a few minutes longer with Beverly revealing what was going on in her single life. The stories made Alexa ill. There were some positions Alexa did not even want to imagine her mother being in.
“I hope you are using condoms, Mom. Old folks get diseases, too,” she preached after her mother gave the details about her latest sexual adventure.
“Do I have idiot written on my forehead?” Beverly snapped. “I know these old men carry diseases, too. For your information, I do use protection.”
Alexa sighed with relief. The first time she learned of her mother’s sexual prowess, she got all bent out of shape. Although her parents had been divorced for some time, she didn’t think her mother should be sleeping with other men. To top it all off, her mother proudly boasted of her exploits.
The first time she had sex with another man outside of Alexa’s father, Beverly could not conceal it. The only man that her mother had ever known was her father James Kirkwood. But when a new man had introduced Beverly to the joy of sex, she was blown away. Now most of her time was spent among the mature single set dating, partying and traveling. She was gone so often that Alexa couldn’t keep up with her schedule.
Sex wasn’t a topic discussed in the Kirkwood household. For a long time she thought all her parents did when they closed their bedroom door was write out checks for bills and talk about what they had to do the next day. By the time they ended their call, Alexa prayed that Justin had the time to fit their mother into his schedule.
“Have you tried to shut down?” Darius asked the caller. It was Saturday morning and he was already working. He realized early on after getting the word out about his computer consultation business, it was going to be successful. Through his company he had made lots of good contacts and consequently had received a lot of good referrals. Within a week of dispersing his business card at a networking social, he had begun to receive calls. However, Saturdays were typically reserved for the nearby college whose campus computing office requested his contracting services for their students.
“I tried everything,” the young woman on the line wailed in exasperation. “I just need to have it fixed. I have a term paper due on Monday and I don’t want to start over if I don’t have to.” Her voice gave way to soft sobs.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” he tried to comfort her. “If you give me a half hour, I’ll be up on campus. How does that sound?”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she shouted with relief. She proceeded to give Darius directions before releasing the call.
Darius placed the receiver down and opened his planner to place the address inside when he spotted the piece of paper containing Alexa’s address and phone number. The memories of their weekend flashed before his eyes, bringing a smile to his face. It was as if what they had had never ended, which was why his proposal came so easily.
Darius didn’t know what came over him when he asked Alexa to marry him, but he found that when he was in her presence, he did some pretty unusual things. There seemed to be a sense of urgency in him, for a response to the smallest of things, in order to prevent her from changing her mind.
This time, he had opened the door and was determined to go all the way, but if she wasn’t ready he was prepared to put everything they had shared behind him once and for all. He could not deny that her desire to keep her scheduled flight had struck a raw nerve with him and did not want to be placed on the priority of her To Do list. At the same time, he was grateful to have spent time with her. Knowing this scared him because it put her in more of a position of control and he didn’t want to have that happen again. He hoped that he didn’t reveal too much of himself too soon, but rationalized that without doing so he would not have been able to get as far as they had. Either way the situation looked very grim.
Picking up the piece of paper again, he brought it to his nose and sniffed it as if recalling her scent. Yes, Alexa Kirkwood had lassoed his heart again. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had felt so alive and energized. The emptiness he once felt had disappeared the minute he held her in his arms. And making love to her as he did—all night long—had satisfied his aching hunger. He couldn’t remember possessing that level of stamina since his college days. The irony of it all was that this was the same woman who captured his passions in his past, the one who held the key. Those days were so special, he thought. He closed his eyes again and allowed his recollections to guide him back to their days of innocence.
The sun was setting across the horizon. Darius and Alexa were at the park on the hood of the car cuddled beneath a thick old army blanket watching the twilight set in with an orange kiss.
Darius sighed as he held Alexa tightly to him blocking out the cool winds. He inhaled deeply, taking in the aroma of her floral perfume. Alexa, sitting before Darius, turned around and planted a soft kiss on his mouth.
“Mmm, what was that for?” he murmured against her ear, while at the same time thinking that she should stop before he took her right there on the hood of the car. The thought made him squirm with excitement. Since they’d crossed the line of intimacy in their relationship he found her even more irresistible.
“For making me happy,” she said, smiling sweetly into his eyes.
“Is that all I do?” he asked, probing for more strokes of her gratitude.
The fluttering feeling in his stomach made him feel like jumping twenty feet into the air. He realized what he was experiencing was deeper than infatuation or lust. Alexa possessed all of the qualities he wanted in a woman. She made him happy. He knew these feelings stemmed from the fact that he loved her. Even so, he didn’t want to be the first to say so without knowing her feelings for him.
“There’s more,” she replied, securing his hands in hers. She looked him directly in his eyes, causing him to melt. “You make me feel so special. So, so, loved.”
“Shoot, that’s because I do love you, girl,”
he heard himself confess.
Alexa’s brown eyes widened with surprise. Darius’s heart began to thud rapidly.
“Oh,” she sighed. “I love you, too, baby.” Placing her arms around his neck, she kissed him passionately to show him how much.
Alexa had always had that effect on him. He carefully replaced the paper inside the pocket of his planner, wanting to hang on to it for reasons he could not begin to comprehend.
Chapter 9
With lunch in hand, Alexa searched for a quiet table while Teressa entertained the salad bar once again. She was surprised by how busy it was in the cafeteria, considering that it was a pretty nice day out. Spotting a group rising from a table near the window, Alexa hurried over before the coveted spot was nabbed up.
Once seated, she opened her lunch bag and began to remove its contents. She didn’t have much of an appetite and had settled for a small salad and some crackers. She was too anxious to eat. Every moment when she was not concentrating on her work, she was thinking about Darius. She thought for sure that she would have heard from him by Sunday, so she stayed home on purpose all day but whenever the telephone rang it ended up being someone she really didn’t care to talk to.
Regret tugged at her conscience thought she fought to ignore it. The last thing she wanted to do was beat herself up because of her decision to be intimate with him so soon after seeing one another again. Before she began chastising herself, Teressa approached, relieving the thoughts flooding her mind.
“Tell me all about the wedding!” Teressa exclaimed, taking her seat.
“It was nice.”
Teressa beckoned enthusiastically with her hand. “Come on, I want details!”
Alexa laughed and proceeded to fill her in on everything: Maya’s dress, the church, reception, food and the celebrity guest list. As was the case with her mother, she elected to omit the part about her illicit rendezvous with Darius.
Like a wide-eyed child, Teressa listened attentively.
“Wow! What I would have gave to have been in your shoes!”
Alexa wanted to laugh at her dramatic friend who sat there with a grin like a starstruck groupie.
“It was nice, I must admit. But, every good thing must come to an end, which leaves me back here.”
Teressa rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.
“I know what you mean. This wedding planning thing is starting to get on my nerves.”
“Why? I thought that would be the fun part.”
“Yeah, you and me both,” Teressa replied. “Lewis and I are having a hard time deciding on where to hold the ceremony and who to invite. He wants to have a big wedding so that he can have his boys stand with him but, I think I would prefer something small and intimate with family and close friends.”
“Can you two compromise?”
Teressa shrugged her narrow shoulders. “I know that I can bend a little. I just don’t want him inviting people from way back in his childhood who I don’t even know. You know how our people are. We’ll invite one person and they will invite their cousin who will invite their friend who’ll bring their little sister and her play brother.”
Alexa threw her head back with a hearty laugh. There was truth in Teressa’s statement. Some black folks had no problem with showing up at affairs where they didn’t even know the honorees, all for the sake of free food.
“Then when I want to go back for seconds, there won’t be anything left except some mints and nuts,” Teressa added, basking in her comedic stance.
Alexa wiped away a stray tear from the corner of her eyes as her laughter subsided. “Girl, you are a trip.”
“This stuff is making me crazy.”
“Well, whatever you decide on, I want you to know that I’ll be there for you if you need me.”
“Really, Alex?” Teressa asked.
Alexa nodded. “Just let me know what I can do to help.”
Teressa almost cried, which made Alexa feel glad that she had agreed to make things right with her. Although she hadn’t known Teressa for very long, she thought she was a decent person and was glad to be able to consider her a good friend.
Later that afternoon, Alexa felt like pulling her hair out. The stack of papers that needed to be completed by the end of the week was tedious and required concentration. But she couldn’t focus as each time the telephone rang she grew anxious thinking it was Darius. More than anything she wanted it to be him, but she knew that wasn’t possible as she didn’t give him her work number. As far as she knew, she wasn’t sure he wanted it at all.
After rereading the same document twice, she decided to take a break. She removed her reading glasses, closed her eyes, and massaged her temples. Darius Riverside’s nude image surfaced the moment relaxation set in. Rather than blink him away as she had been doing all day, she decided to submit to her fantasy. Reclining in her executive leather chair with her eyes closed seemed a little strange at first, but when her reflections began to represent their intimate encounters she threw all inhibitions out the window.
She blushed when she recalled some of the things they had done in the heat of passion. One instance in particular involved a little creativity on the countertop in the kitchenette and some champagne and chocolate from the gift basket. Her mouth parted as she felt a familiar warmth blossom between her thighs. The image of Darius’s face wincing with pleasure as beads of sweat laced his brow, almost made her feel as if she was lying beneath him, catching the sweat in her mouth. Her lips parted as if she was receiving his juices when the sound of someone clearing his voice interrupted her reverie.
“I’ll have two of whatever you are thinking about.”
Alexa’s eyes sprang open to see Jesse Mackey, a colleague, standing in the doorway.
“Jesse. Come in,” she stuttered. She was embarrassed at him catching her in a compromising position.
“Must have been good,” Jesse said, stepping inside. He claimed the first available seat and dropped into it.
“What are you talking about?” Alexa asked. She picked up her water glass and took a sip before slipping her glasses back on her nose.
“I’m talking about that look on your face.”
“Please, Jesse, What’s up?” she said with irritation. She was not about to hint around about her personal life with anyone, especially him.
At one time, the two of them had casually dated. Now she only considered him to be a good friend. Before she ever thought that she and Darius’s paths would cross again, she had contemplated involving herself with him again for the male companionship. Jesse was a good listener and conversationalist. Alexa learned early on that the two of them could not be more than just friends. However, he was the perfect person to take in a movie or dinner when she didn’t want to eat alone.
“I think I have something you want,” Jesse announced, leaning back in the chair with his arms folded boldly across his chest.
Alexa’s brow rose. “What are you talking about, Jesse?”
Realizing how he must have sounded, Jesse rephrased his question. “What is the one event you have wanted to attend but haven’t been able to?”
She could recall a lot of things in the city that she was meaning to partake in but did not have the time to do so.
“I don’t know. What?”
He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out two slips of paper. “Bring in ’Da Noise, Bring in ’Da Funk with Savion Glover?”
“No way!” Alexa exclaimed. “I’ve wanted to see that for awhile now, but the show was sold out. How did you get tickets?”
“Remember my boy Simuel?” he asked, leaning back with a confident smile on his face. “His record shop is now one of the Ticketmaster outlets. Whenever something good comes to town, he sets aside good seats for me.”
Alexa stared at the tickets that Jesse was now fanning his face with. She didn’t want him to get any ideas, yet she wanted to attend the show. Advertisements were everywhere about the popular show and according to the media, it got winning reviews.
Alexa had wanted to see the show when she was in New York, but it was sold out.
If she didn’t have the understanding that she had with Jesse, she was sure that she would turn him down.
“When should I expect you?”
Jesse smiled broadly and gave her the particulars. They would be double-dating with friends of his. He would pick her up about six and they’d go out for dinner, then on to the show. As he exited her office a twinge of guilt came over her. Was it okay for her to make a date with another man especially since she had just returned from being with Darius? After thinking on it for a few minutes, she resolved that Darius was over 1300 miles away and she and Jesse were going only as friends.
She turned her attention to the telephone and stared at it hard as if trying to send a telepathic message for Darius to call her. When she left Michigan, Alexa had slipped her address and telephone number in his jacket. She didn’t know why she didn’t think to take his in return, but was glad that she hadn’t. If Darius was sincere about them sharing their lives together as he claimed, then he was going to have to show her.
With each passing day, she grew more agitated by the fact that it wasn’t his soothing voice on the other line when the telephone rang. The glimmer of hope of ever being Darius’s wife slowly began to fade. Tears of disappointment clouded her eyes and threatened to fall, but she fought them back. Knowingly, she had given herself to him and tried to be prepared to accept whatever consequences came along with that decision.
She turned back to her articles to get her mind off the situation, but couldn’t see the words for the tears. Why did she have to give in to her desires? Had she resisted his charm and advances, life would have resumed the next day and she would have made it back to Denver with her heart unscathed.
Reaching for a tissue, Alexa allowed what seemed like the umpteenth series of tears to come and go. After the last tear had fallen, and her eyes were swollen and red, she wiped her face and reached into her purse for her compact to freshen up. As she peered into the tiny mirror, she couldn’t help but grimace. Hadn’t this exact scene occurred once before? It was like déjà vu. It was getting to be quite embarrassing not keeping the emotions in check.