“But I turned him down.” Rosa’s softly spoken yet firm response sucked the wind out of his sails.
In fact, it silenced all of them.
Well, except for Maria.
While Yaz and Lilí gaped in stunned confusion at their sister, Maria’s excited voice carried to them from the dining room. “Papá, if Tía Rosa gets married, do I get to be her flower girl, too?”
Yes! The word shot through Jeremy’s head, barely stopping on the tip of his tongue. At least one other person in the house seemed excited about the possibility of a wedding.
Now he simply needed to figure out how to get Rosa to agree.
Based on the pissed-off glower she shot his way, that wasn’t going to be easy.
Chapter Five
Sitting propped up in her bed, Rosa leaned her head against the pillow sandwiched between her back and the headboard. Her limbs heavy, her stomach aching after the dry heaves, she closed her eyes on a tired sigh, longing to give in to the sleep tugging her under.
“Are you comfortable?” Yaz asked, her voice heavy with concern.
Rosa nodded, too weary to do much else. She hadn’t expected the “big reveal” to go down quite like it had moments ago. Interrupting everyone’s Thanksgiving dinner. An impromptu family meeting in the hallway with an impressionable Maria in the next room overhearing Rosa’s confession.
Then again, lately little was happening according to any plan she’d concocted.
Yaz tucked the covers around Rosa’s legs, creating a comfy cocoon, and an elusive sense of peace wove through her, easing the tension tightening Rosa’s muscles.
The mattress shifted on either side of her, a sign that Yaz and Lilí were joining her on the queen-sized bed. The last time that had happened, it’d been a couple days after Papi’s funeral.
That night, Rosa had lain awake in the dark, silently crying tears of grief and pain.
The emptiness that came from not having Papi as her anchor anymore had consumed her. When he’d been alive, her life choices had been so clear-cut. Finish her degree, come home to work at Queen of Peace and take care of him, continue in Mami’s footsteps as Rosa tried to atone for a mistake she would never forgive herself for.
With Papi gone, nothing had felt certain anymore.
Lost in the dark emotions, she hadn’t heard her door open, hadn’t been aware anyone else was in the room, until Yaz whispered her name in a raspy voice. Rosa had taken one look at her sister’s pain-filled face, then scooted over to make room for Yaz. They’d clung to each other and cried, eventually falling asleep side by side.
At some point in the night, Lilí had come in and crawled into the bed, too.
They’d awoken in a cramped jumble of arms and legs, with tired and tear-swollen eyes, quietly thankful to have each other.
Now, the comfort her sisters offered was a welcome balm to Rosa’s burdened soul. Ever since the pregnancy test, fear had been driving her, its foot pressing hard on the gas pedal while life as she’d known it was left behind in the dust.
She knew what she wanted to do. What her heart felt was best.
Like she’d told Jeremy several times already, her decision had been made, and as scared as she might be about it, she couldn’t back down.
At the same time, she was cognizant of the turmoil her choices would bring to her and Jeremy. And probably her sisters too, knowing how their community would react once the news of her pregnancy hit the gossip wires.
The pressure tightened her chest, and Rosa took a deep breath, slowly releasing it while repeating Mami’s mantra in her head. Dios no te da lo que no puedes manejar.
Oh, how she needed those words to be true. She simply had to trust that God hadn’t given her something she couldn’t manage. Another life was in the balance because of her. She couldn’t make a mistake again. That guilt would devastate her.
Yaz reached for one of Rosa’s hands, squeezing it between both of hers. “Do you need anything? Maybe some water?”
Rosa’s eyes fluttered open. She met Yazmine’s troubled gaze and gave a little shake of her head.
“No lo puedo creer,” Lilí whispered, her expression still shell-shocked.
“Tell me about it,” Rosa murmured. She couldn’t believe it either.
“Never in my wildest dreams,” Lilí went on, hugging one of the orange throw pillows from Rosa’s bed against her chest. Lilí crossed her legs tailor-style, her left knee poking out of the hole in her faded jeans. “I mean, Rosa, the good girl, is the one of us who got knocked up!”
Rosa cringed at her sister’s crass statement.
Yaz reached across Rosa’s legs to smack Lilí on the back of the head.
“Ow!” Lilí yelped.
“Callate la boca,” Yaz admonished.
Lilí glared at their older sister, but followed her reprimand and grudgingly closed her mouth.
Tears burned Rosa’s eyes. She blinked them away, craning her neck to stare up at her ceiling fan.
Guilt and shame pecked at her conscience. This was why she hadn’t said anything to her sisters earlier. The fear of facing their disappointment in her. The worry that she might let herself get talked into “doing the right thing” like she always had before.
“What Lilí meant to say is,” Yaz grumbled, “qué está pasando?”
Yaz tightened her grip on Rosa’s hand, drawing her gaze away from the dark brown patterns in the wooden ceiling fan blades.
“Pues,” Rosa said slowly, stalling for time. “What’s going on is . . . I’m pregnant.”
“Yeah, we got that much already,” Lilí said, then she huffed in frustration when Yaz glared at her.
“And Jeremy is the father,” Yaz added for her.
Rosa nodded, her insides quivering, whether from nausea or nerves, or both.
The thing was, as long as this had been her secret—well, hers and Jeremy’s—she’d been able to remain in a strange sort of limbo. Vacillating between excited and frightened about the idea of having a baby and being a single mom, the changes that meant for her life.
Change usually brought strife or pain. After Mami’s death, it had even brought guilt.
Dios mío, the guilt was the worst.
Rosa had lived with it every day since then, an oppressive weight she hadn’t been able to shed or share with anyone, not even her sisters. Especially not them.
Guilt had shaped her life. Though no one else knew.
If she hadn’t begged Mami to come pick her up from school that afternoon, too embarrassed to face her classmates after her foolish behavior in the lunchroom, the car accident wouldn’t have happened. Mami might still be alive.
After that, Rosa had stepped in, determined to fill the void, do everything in her power to follow Mami’s lead and become the caretaker in their home, ensuring everyone else’s needs were met.
With Papi gone and her sisters making their own paths, she’d been praying for a way to find a role of her own. Maybe this new challenge was a sign. Like Mami telling her to follow Papi’s advice and start writing her own story, instead of always helping others write theirs.
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye to trail a warm path down her cheek.
“Hey, qué pasa?” Yaz asked. She tucked Rosa’s hair behind her ear, something Papi had often done before pressing a good-night kiss to her forehead when he tucked her in as a child.
“We’re here for you, Rosa, really. I was kidding before.” Lilí scooted closer on the bed, laying a comforting hand on Rosa’s shoulder. “We all know if there’s anyone who’s going to be a wonderful mamá, it’s you. No offense, Yaz.” Lilí tossed the last part over to Yaz with a jerk of her chin.
Yazmine’s lips twisted in a smirk. She pushed her long black hair over her shoulder, a dark brow arched in a haughty angle as she muttered, “Whatever.”
Rosa chuckled, comforted by their typical sister banter. Appropriate or not, Lilí always knew how to break the tension in a room.
“Personally, I’ve enjoyed se
eing this new motherly side of you with Maria.” Rosa gave her older sister’s hand a love squeeze.
“Gracias,” Yaz said, then her expression grew serious again. “But you still haven’t explained much. How did this happen? No sex-ed wise cracks out of you, Lilí.”
Their younger sister flashed her mischievous Cheshire cat grin, but wisely remained quiet.
“When did you and Jeremy, uh, start dating?”
Rosa winced at Yaz’s question. Of course they’d assume she and Jeremy were an item. It would never occur to them that she might be a one-night stand.
She bit her lip, vacillating between how much to share and how much was too embarrassing to admit.
“I hadn’t realized you two were even together,” Yaz continued. “I mean, over the summer you moved back home and he bought his place downtown, but you never mentioned meeting up with him in the city. After your graduation, I thought you hadn’t seen each other until my wedding. Even then, Jeremy brought that snooty girl as his plus-one.”
True, but that snooty girl had left early, and he’d stuck around.
Lilí’s dark eyes widened like a cartoon character who’d figured out an important clue. Her grip on Rosa’s shoulder tightened, her fingers digging through Rosa’s sweater.
Rosa gulped. Meeting her little sister’s gaze, she noticed the same shock and awe she’d been grappling with since seeing that pink little plus sign.
“No me digas,” Lilí whispered.
“Sí,” Rosa answered.
“Don’t tell me, what?” Yaz demanded.
“Increíble.” Lilí’s shock gave way to her awe and she leaned in to envelope Rosa in a tight hug. “As strange as this sounds, I am so freaking proud of you.”
Rosa smiled, touched by Lilí’s words.
“Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?” Yaz complained, her voice rising with frustration. “What secret are you two keeping from me? And how did that even happen? You’re never on the same page together!”
Yaz was right; Rosa and her little sister tended to butt heads more often than not. Hearing Lilí’s praise, feeling the love in her embrace, offered a comfort Rosa hadn’t expected to find from her. Overwhelmed, Rosa tightened their hug.
“Gracias,” she murmured, holding her sister close a few more seconds.
Fingers strumming on her crossed legs, Yaz wiggled impatiently on the bed. “Well? I’m waiting.”
Rosa actually laughed. For the first time in weeks, fear no longer clawed at her chest.
Reaching out to both her sisters, she grasped their hands. Her earlier trepidation over revealing the “how” she and Jeremy had gotten into this predicament faded in the strength of her sisters’ love.
“The night of your wedding,” Rosa began, “Jeremy and I kinda . . . bueno, we were sharing some champagne, and, ay I guess you could say that we . . . hooked up.”
Yaz blinked, her face going slack in surprise.
Heat crawled up Rosa’s throat and onto her cheeks. “I invited him up to my room for drinks after the reception. And—”
“Wait a minute.” Yaz held up a hand to stop her. “Please tell me you weren’t tipsy and things got out of hand. He knows better. Lo mato! I mean it, I will kill him!”
Yaz swung her legs off the bed like she was ready to go tearing after Jeremy right now.
“No! Wait, por favor!” Rosa cried. She grabbed Yaz’s wrist, tugging her sister to a stop. “It wasn’t like that at all. Can you just let me get this out? It’s embarrassing enough as it is without you freaking out on him.”
Her lips pursed, Yaz jabbed a fist onto her hip. She held her tall dancer’s body stiff, her expression fuming.
Ave Maria purísima, getting married and becoming a stepmom had really pushed her older sister into protective mode in a way Rosa had rarely seen.
“Come on, you know Jer. He’d never hurt Rosa. Any of us,” Lilí said, a surprising voice of reason in the room.
Gracias, Rosa mouthed to Lilí with a grateful look.
“Hey, I’ve done some pretty stupid shit in my life,” her younger sister admitted. She rubbed Rosa’s thigh through the comforter. “Despite your nagging, I’ve always known you had my back.”
Tears blurred Rosa’s vision again. She swiped a knuckle under her right eye, smearing a drop of moisture.
“Fine.” Yaz plopped back down on the bed and pushed up the sleeves of her maroon sweater. “And when did you get so smart, huh? You’re making me feel old.”
Lilí smirked back at Yaz. “College life, fun but eyeopening. The stuff I deal with as the RA on my dorm floor? Unbelievable.”
With Yaz settled back on the bed, Rosa took a deep breath, then continued with her confession. “What happened with Jeremy and me was consensual. Actually—” She broke off, self-conscious about admitting the truth. “I’d have to say that I was the instigator.”
“No me digas!”
Heat flaming in her cheeks at Lilí’s “you don’t say” exclamation, Rosa smothered her laugh with a hand. “Uh-huh. Honestly, I can’t believe I did it.”
“You and me both, girl.” Lilí nudged Rosa’s shoulder with a conspiratorial chuckle. “When I encouraged you to go for it with Jeremy, I never thought you’d—”
“You encouraged her?” Yaz sputtered. “Are you crazy? Qué estabas pensando?”
“I was thinking it was time for her to have some fun,” Lilí fired back. “What’s wrong with that?”
The two of them glared at each other in a staring contest battle of wills. The tension between them ratcheted up, bringing Rosa’s stress level with it.
She was about to step in and try to broker peace when Lilí flung one of the round orange throw pillows at Yaz, hitting her in the chest.
“Get off my case,” Lilí complained. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Basta, por favor. Enough,” Rosa repeated, putting her hand on top of the pillow where it had landed on Yaz’s lap, intent on keeping Yaz from throwing it back. It had been years since she’d broken up a pillow fight between her sisters. She had no desire to do so now. “What happened is on me. No one else.”
“And Jeremy!” Yaz’s ire darkened her tanned cheeks. Her brown eyes flashed with anger and betrayal. “I can’t believe he would do this to you!”
“Jeremy didn’t do anything to me, Yazmine!” Anger boiled up inside Rosa. She wasn’t a helpless innocent to be protected, needing others to take the blame for her actions. “If anything, I seduced him. Is that so hard for you to believe?”
“Frankly, yes.”
Rosa jerked back as if Yaz had slapped her. The idea that her sister believed her incapable of drawing Jeremy’s attention jabbed at one of Rosa’s deepest fears. She’d never been good enough to get the guy she wanted before. What made her think now was any different?
Tears of shame and aggravation filled her eyes. Damn these hormones. All she seemed to do lately was cry or throw up.
Hurt consuming her, she sagged back against the pillow.
“That’s a hateful thing to say,” Lilí ground out, practically spitting the words at Yaz. “What is wrong with you?”
“What?” Yaz looked back and forth between the two of them. Confusion creased her normally smooth forehead. It took her a minute, but Rosa watched Yaz replay their conversation in her head, dismay quickly replacing her confused frown. “Oh, Rosa, I didn’t mean anything against you.”
“It’s okay,” Rosa mumbled.
“No, it’s not,” Lilí argued. “Don’t give her a pass for saying something so bitchy to you.”
The fact that Yaz didn’t argue with Lilí’s assessment told Rosa how ashamed her older sister must feel.
Adding credence to Rosa’s thoughts, Yaz reached out to gently wipe a tear from Rosa’s cheeks. “I’m sorry for how that sounded. Anyone would be lucky to be with you. I know that. I guess, with Papi gone, somehow I feel more protective of you two. Even when you’re being a little brat.” She exchanged a playful scowl with Lilí,
then turned back to Rosa with a remorseful expression. “You and Jeremy getting together, I just didn’t see it coming. That’s all. I’m, I guess I’m shocked.”
“You’ve been in wedding-prep fog for months,” Lilí said. “But I noticed how Rosa kept tabs on Jeremy at her graduation dinner. Goo-goo eyes and all.”
“You did?” Rosa and Yaz spoke in unison.
Lilí’s face beamed with a cat-who-ate-the-canary grin. “You two don’t give me enough credit. Why do you think I told you to take a shot at the reception?” She nudged Rosa. “Though, I gotta admit, girl, I totally didn’t expect this at all.”
“You and me both,” Rosa admitted.
She and Lilí shared a soft chuckle, then the three of them grew silent as the gravity of the situation descended on them.
Rosa picked nervously at the orange and red design stitched into her comforter. The emotional highs and lows had her feeling like an unmoored boat tossing back and forth upon the waves.
“So, Jeremy proposed, but you said no?” Yaz finally asked.
Chin ducked, Rosa nodded.
“¿Por qué?” Yaz pressed.
This answer was easy. “Because I will not force him into a marriage of convenience. He deserves better than that. I deserve better than that.”
Rosa pressed a hand to her churning stomach. The thought of single parenting scared her, but the thought of always being the one Jeremy settled for was much worse. She could do this. Lots of women and men were single parents. Look at Tomás. He’d been a single dad until Yaz came into the picture last year.
“It’s not that simple.” Yaz shook her head, worry painting her features once again. “Your baby will be a Taylor. That’s big around here. Jeremy’s family has influence in the city—they come with lots of strings attached. That’s one of the reasons why he moved to New York after college. To get away from the craziness.”
Jeremy had shared a little bit about how he didn’t always enjoy the limelight that shone on his family because of his dad’s high-profile cases and the fact that he’d co-founded one of the most highly sought-after boutique law firms in Chicago.
Her Perfect Affair Page 7