by Phoebe Lane
Aislynn attempted to organize her thoughts and tried to figure out what might've happened to make Jace pull away from her in this way. She had a few ideas based on what she'd overheard him say to his dad, but nothing solid.
She then questioned what her next step would be. Things not working out with Jace provided her a second chance at moving on and moving away from San Diego.
But would that really be taking a step forward, or rather a step back?
As a boy, Jace had always loved the story of The Three Little Pigs. He liked to think of himself as the mature, intelligent, well-prepared piggy that defeated the big bad wolf by building a house of bricks. He now realized that brick houses could come down too, and bury people deep within the rubble if they weren't careful.
Jace sat on the last step of his deck, digging his toes in the cold sand, slightly dazed by the repetitive sound of the waves and the effect the alcohol was starting to have on his system. He took in the darkness all around him and felt smothered by it.
"How poetic," he said sarcastically, taking another swing of his scotch.
He thought about Aislynn, her cold demeanor as she'd quickly left the party without calling any attention to herself.
Without saying goodbye. Without giving me an explanation. I knew she'd run away, he had thought at the time.
Fear had been slowly creeping into his mind for a few weeks. Every day that passed, he added a new brick to the wall that protected him from her. But tonight, the wolf had messed with his house.
"Oh, honey. What happened? Aislynn looked so sad when she left," Nina had said at one point.
The house of straw was blown down.
"Dude, that girl was great. Why did you give her the cold shoulder the whole night?" Alex had pointed out later in the night.
The house of sticks was blown down.
"Aislynn seems like a well put together and mature woman. Maybe you should tell her what's going on with you. I'm sure she can handle it," John had added.
The house of bricks shook, but held together, somehow.
"You're a prick. You ruined this one up all by yourself," Evan had said before leaving.
The house of bricks came crashing down.
Ellie didn't even have to say anything. Her stare as she left the party was lethal.
"Fuck!" he yelled at the sky. I need to fix this. Now.
He was able to see clearly now what he didn't see before. The image of Aislynn's face as she left the party came back to him with a newfound perspective. What he had originally thought was coldness was, in fact, raw pain and disappointment. He had hurt her, and the realization wounded him more than the rejection he so desperately wanted to prevent.
She wasn't running away.
He needed to know one way or another how Aislynn was going to handle this situation; how she was going to handle him and his baggage. Jace needed to confront his fears, and unfortunately, he needed to face her in order to do it.
I'm at the door. Please open up. I need to talk to you.
"Jace, it's two in the morning. What the hell?" Aislynn said as she opened the front door.
"Can I come in, please?" he said softly. She sighed, and opened the door fully to let him in. She was still wearing her dress, which was now wrinkled as if she had slept in it.
"If you really expect me to have a coherent conversation right now, I'm gonna need coffee. Want some?" she asked flatly.
"I'll make it." He walked to the kitchen and Aislynn followed. She sat up on the countertop next to him and watched as he gawked at the coffee maker. "Are you kidding? What is this?" he asked, motioning to the drip coffee machine.
"Yeah, I know. Pick that fight with Ellie, not me."
"I'd rather not. That girl scares the crap out of me sometimes."
Jace made the coffee in silence. Aislynn tried to read his body language, and speculated as to why he had come to her apartment after the way he had treated her at the party. She could tell he was anxious and stalling, but she had no more energy for this dance.
"Jace, I don't mean to be rude, but talk."
He stalled for a few more seconds before he started to speak. "My brick house came crashing down tonight. So I'm here because, instead of trying to find a stronger building material for my house, I've decided to camp outside and weather the elements."
Aislynn stared at him for a few seconds, clearly dumbfounded. "I'm sorry. I don't talk code this early in the morning."
Jace took a deep breath, moved to stand in front of her, and just hugged her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, buried his face in her chest, and closed his eyes tightly.
At first, Aislynn didn't understand what was happening. She held him for what seemed like forever, running her fingers through his hair in a sign of comfort, but she felt wary. The dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach intensified with each passing second, and the conversation she had overheard between him and his father at the party kept replaying in her mind. Going on instinct, she asked the question she felt needed to be addressed first.
"Are you sick?" Aislynn whispered, finally breaking the silence. He immediately gasped, and stepped away from her. The areas of her body he had embraced suddenly turned cold, and she watched him lean against the counter top in front of her, his face pained.
"I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma," he finally said. "I went through radiation and chemo, and I've been in remission for two years."
Aislynn's chest ached as things started coming together in her mind. Her suspicions had been right on target.
This is getting more complicated than I expected.
"You have your six month checkup on Tuesday," she said, matter of fact, as Jace looked up at her in surprise. "I overheard your conversation with John at the party."
"Oh…oh! No wonder you ran. How much did you hear?"
"Just up to the part where you questioned the future of our relationship. 'Unnecessary,' I think you called it," Aislynn said somberly.
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't really mean what I said," he explained.
"People usually mean what they say, Jace, even if it's to some small degree. What I want to know is why you feel that way?" She hated pushing him like this after the sensitive nature of what he had just revealed, but she needed to understand what was going on inside him.
Jace took a deep breath, like he was preparing himself to tell a story. "I was dating Chloe when I was diagnosed. We had been together for a couple of years at that point, and she was the woman I thought I was going to marry." Aislynn's chest tightened when he said that.
Keep it together. Hold it in. You can't go there right now.
"She was obviously taken aback when the biopsy came back positive for cancer. She tried, she really did, but she couldn't handle it. She left after my first round of chemo. She had a hard time seeing me struggle with the effects of the treatment, especially without having a guarantee that I was going to make it. I don’t think she was trying to be mean about it, but she was very clear about her feelings there at the end."
Damn her. I will kill the woman. "How long did it take you to really embrace how much she hurt you?"
Jace was clearly struggling with his emotions at that point. His jaw was clenched, both his hands were balled up into fists, and his breathing was labored. "She broke me, and it hurt more than any chemo treatment ever did. She left me when I needed her most."
Aislynn's heart cracked. She wanted to hold him, care for him, and put him back together.
My Jace.
Aislynn wanted to give him a moment to process things, but she couldn't resist pulling him into her arms. She didn't pity him for the cancer; she didn't pity him for the breakup. She just understood perfectly well the level of pain he must've felt at that time. It was the kind of pain that changed your life forever.
"Do you still love her?" she asked, holding his face in her hands and staring deep into his eyes.
"No," he said with sincerity. "But she abandoned me, and I hate her for it. I hate the fact that, becau
se of her, I freaked out about us. I…Aislynn, I…" He was obviously having a hard time saying what he needed to say.
"It's okay," she whispered and tried to soothe him by running her fingers through his hair again. "Just tell me."
"I want you with me," he said, his eyes closed. "But I don't want to watch you leave if things get difficult. I can't go through that twice. I care about you, Aislynn. I care enough that I know it will fucking hurt if I see you walk away from me."
Her eyes stung, but she somehow managed to will the tears away. He needed her to be strong and capable of containing this for him. She lowered her face to his, their foreheads coming together.
"I won't leave," she said with confidence.
"How do you know that?"
It was the one question Aislynn should've been able to answer openly, but it would've meant telling him her story…her whole story. Jace had taken the first step toward setting his baggage down, but Aislynn wasn't ready to let go of hers yet.
"You're just gonna have to trust that I won't. You ended up fulfilling your own prophecy about me, Nostradamus. You were so afraid I was going to push you away that you ended up doing it yourself instead. You didn't need any help from me."
"I know. I screwed up. It's not easy for me to ask for help. It's not easy for me to admit that I…I need you. I want you with me."
Aislynn brushed the tip of her fingers softly over his lips, and then kissed him. She lost herself in the kiss, wishing, praying, and bargaining with God to keep him healthy.
I need him. Please, God, don't take him away from me, too.
"I'm not going anywhere," she said with telling intensity. "I need you, too. You really have no idea how much or why, but I do."
"What does that mean?" Jace asked with concern in his voice. "What happened to you? What have you been running from?"
Aislynn shook her head gently, letting him know she wasn't ready to go there. This time, it was Jace who gave her a moment to process things. He held her, and Aislynn focused on matching her breathing to his.
"Didn't you date another woman after Chloe? Please tell me the same thing didn't happen with her, or I might have to go and commit double murder."
"Not tonight," Jace said. "Let's take one story at a time."
One story at a time. Deal.
"That's fair," she said, jumping down from the countertop, and leading him by the hand to her bedroom. "Come on, we both need sleep."
Once inside her bedroom, Aislynn stood in front of him and slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pants. She motioned for him to sit down on the bed while she took his shoes and clothes off, laying everything down over the armrest of her chair. She stood in front of the bed, her back to him, while he lowered her zipper. Her dress fell to the floor, revealing the white lace half-corset and matching panties she had on underneath.
Neither one of them made an attempt to take things further. They just held each other, Jace resting his head on her abdomen and letting his arms wrap around her waist. Aislynn fell asleep running her fingers through his hair, while still working on her deals with God.
Jace woke up to find Aislynn's side of the bed cold and empty. He tried to listen for sounds coming from the bathroom or the kitchen, but heard nothing. He stretched in bed, and thought about her and how good it had felt to hold her last night. It felt even better to realize that she had let him do it while knowing his secret.
He was still very concerned about her, though. There was something major in her past that haunted her. She hadn't been receptive to his questions last night, but he knew it had to be addressed soon.
He walked out of the room, still half asleep, looking for Aislynn and some much needed coffee. He poured himself a cup of the God-awful drip coffee that was in the pot, and then turned around to find Aislynn and Ellie sitting in the living room, staring at him in awe.
"Morning, sunshine. Karma's a bitch, you know," Aislynn said with a big, almost smug smile, which confused him.
"Nice boxer briefs," Ellie added, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Oh, crap!" Jace said, realizing he had walked out half naked, and finally understanding Aislynn's reference to the first time they'd met.
Before he could turn around, he heard a deep voice in his right ear. "Nice legs," Evan said.
"What the—" Jace jumped up, startled.
"It would've been funnier if you'd said ass," Ellie quipped.
"You! Stay away from my ass!" he said, pointing his finger at Evan, and rushing to Aislynn's room to get dressed.
"Hey, Jace, want to go out for breakfast?" Evan yelled at him from the living room a few minutes later.
"As long as we go somewhere with decent coffee, not this piece of crap, I'm down," he said, walking back into the room and pouring his coffee down the sink.
"Ugh! You're a coffee snob too? It figures," Ellie said with a roll of her eyes.
"I heard that!" Aislynn yelled from the hallway bathroom, where she had just gone to fix her hair.
Jace wasn't sure how much Aislynn had shared with Ellie about what had happened the night before, or his story. Ellie had looked pretty pissed before she'd left the party with Evan, but she seemed fine now.
"Hey, Cindy Lauper," Jace quipped as he sat down next to Ellie on the couch.
"That one’s actually new. Clever," she said, running a hand through her ever changing hair.
"So, about last night…are we good?" Even though he didn't necessarily feel like he owed Ellie an explanation, he wanted to clear up the air between them. He could understand she was just watching out for her best friend.
"You fixed it, so yeah, we're good," she said with a soft smile. "She told me about what happened to you. I don't know if this is the right sentiment, but I'm sorry you had to go through something like that."
"Thanks." By the expression on her face, he could sense she had something else to say. "But there's more?"
"Be careful with her, Jace," she said, lowering her voice. "She's been through a lot. She will put up a strong front, make it seem like she's okay, but this is really going to affect her." Aislynn walked into the room at that precise moment, officially ending their private conversation.
"I'm starving. Let's go somewhere that serves grits," Evan said enthusiastically.
"What's grits?" Jace and Ellie asked in unison.
"It's a southern thing," Aislynn explained. "Oh, oh, oh! Can I drive?" she asked with a huge smile, extending her hand to Jace.
"All right. Let's go, Danica Patrick," he said, letting the car key fall into her hand.
"That looks really disgusting," Jace said, pointing to Evan's plate of grits.
"I told you guys, it's a southern thing," Aislynn explained as Evan swirled the butter into the grits, a huge smile on his face.
"How come you're not eating it, then?" Ellie asked as Evan hummed away next to her.
"'Cause I have good taste in food. Pass the syrup?"
Aislynn was definitely having a good day, a day like she hadn't had in a while. She felt content and enthusiastic about how things had worked out with Jace. She was obviously not happy about the news of his cancer, but she had awakened with confidence that he was going to be okay.
Even though she had gotten spooked in the beginning, their relationship had now progressed to a level she felt at peace with and was actually excited about. Being with him felt like getting wrapped up in a fluffy blanket right out of the dryer on a freezing winter day. When the heat first embraced her, it made the tip of her fingers sting and burn. Then the warmth radiated all over her body and became comforting, making her wish she could've stayed wrapped up in it—in him—forever.
Ellie had been pretty upset about the way he had treated Aislynn at the party, and had come home earlier that morning professing her vow to thoroughly kick his ass the next time she saw him. This drove Aislynn to openly share with her the details she had learned about Jace’s story. The last thing she needed was her best friend and the man she was…involved with…not getting along. Ellie h
as been receptive to the explanation, but she had also felt the need to confront Aislynn.
"Aislynn, this is big. How do you feel about it? I mean, he had cancer, and it could come back," Ellie had said.
"I realize that, but I think he'll be fine. And worst case scenario, if he's not, then I can handle that, too. I'm a doctor. I'm trained to deal with stuff like this."
"It's different when it's someone you're emotionally involved with, and you know it," Ellie had said with guarded eyes. "You've been through so much. I just don't want to see you hurting again."
"I won't leave him." Aislynn looked up at Jace, coming back to the present time, and admired how handsome he was and how healthy he looked.
"What are you smiling about? It is the pancakes or is it me?" Jace asked playfully, putting his arm around her shoulders and kissing her sweetly on the lips.
"Sorry for the delay, guys. Here are your coffees," the waitress interrupted, handing them each a cup. The restaurant was known for their gourmet coffee and carrying a large collection of coffee mugs from all over the world. They had all sorts of designs, quotes, and logos printed on them.
They all cracked up at Ellie's mug, which read, "Rise? If I must. Shine? Not happening." Evan's cup said, "Make coffee, not war." Jace's mug was thought provoking, as it read, "Worrying is like praying for what you don't want."
"'Love is hard, so learn to love harder,'" Aislynn said, reading the quote on her mug out loud. "Love isn't hard. 'Life makes love look hard,'" she added under her breath, thinking no one would hear her.
"Did you just quote a country song?" Ellie said, mocking her.
"Shut up. Taylor Swift is a lyrical genius. Do not hate!" Aislynn said, pointing her fork at Ellie, and making Evan choke on his grits. "'You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter'? Admit it, it's brilliant!" Aislynn added, quoting one of her favorite lines.