by Phoebe Lane
"You’re right," she said after a pause.
"She…she met me at the airport on her way back from Chicago," Jace said, and moved to the side. Aislynn heard the passenger door open and watched as Ellie stepped out with tears in her eyes.
Aislynn let go of Jace and rushed over to her, wanting to say so much, but not knowing where to begin.
"You look good in black," Aislynn said between tears.
"You say that about all the colors," Ellie responded, her own tears running down her face.
"I'm sorry for not telling you."
"I'm sorry you had to carry this on your own."
"That's my own damn fault," Aislynn said, her eyes closed tightly.
"Yes. Yes, it is," Ellie said, and they hugged each other. Leave it to Ellie to be brutally honest. "Are you okay?"
"I will be," Aislynn answered and hugged her again. "I'm so glad you're here."
After an early dinner of overpriced room service food, Ellie went to her room and left Jace and Aislynn to talk. She filled him in on what had happened with Christopher's parents, everything she had found out about his past, and how much it had changed her feelings about his suicide and her role in it.
"He was sick, and he didn't let anyone help him. This had happened before, and he was able to shut everyone else around him out, too. It may be horrible for me to say this, but I'm glad it wasn't just me. It makes it easier to bear."
"That's understandable," Jace said. "But I think you should also see how you have a tendency to do the same thing Christopher did to you. It's time for you to learn to let people in and get over the fear that you will be rejected or put down. You have to remember that your mom is the only one who does that."
Aislynn sat with that for a few seconds and shook her head in disbelief. "I'm supposed to be the insightful one here."
"Yeah, well, you know what they say—the shoemaker's son always goes barefoot," he said, and Aislynn chuckled.
"So, we’re here now. What about Pam? Are you going to go see her?" Jace asked softly.
"I thought about it, but I've realized that my relationship with her will never be a healthy one. She's set in her ways and she's not going to change. I'll make my peace with how things ended with her eventually. I don't think it's a good idea to stir that pot at this point."
A thought crept up into her mind at that moment, something that had been bothering her for a week or so, but she hadn't had the energy to address.
You don't have to do this alone anymore. Prove to him that you’re ready to do things differently.
"I need to go out for a few minutes. Can you wait for me here?" she asked.
"What is it, Aislynn?" he asked, a worry line showing up on his forehead.
"Everything's okay. I just need to get something, and I'll be right back to explain it to you," she said, caressing his face with her hand.
On her way out, Aislynn realized the hotel had a small convenience store on the lobby where they sold toiletries and other necessities. She was surprised to find the item she was looking for there, and was able to get back to her room within five minutes.
Jace was on the phone making arrangements for their flight home, so Aislynn went to take a shower. Jace was sitting at the foot of the bed waiting for her when she finally came out of the bathroom carrying a small plastic bag.
"I didn't exactly plan to tell you about this before, but I want to show you that I'm ready to do things differently from now on. I want to let you in," she said, sitting down next to him, their legs touching.
"Okay," Jace answered, his eyes moving from her face to the plastic bag.
"I haven't been feeling very well lately. I've been very nauseated, and tired, and…I'm late," Aislynn said, her voice soft and low. She heard Jace's breath hitch when it all settled in. "I don't really think I'm pregnant. This has happened to me before where I've skipped my period during times of stress, but I can't exactly explain the nausea, except to think it's also because of the stress."
Jace took the bag from her hands, and took out the pregnancy test.
"Are we doing this right now?" Jace asked, and Aislynn nodded. "What are the odds?"
"Very little, I think. Between your sterility and my one ovary, I think it's really a long shot. But the reality is we haven't used protection, so we have to make sure."
Jace put his arm around her and kissed her head. "I love all this we talk. Thanks for including me in this. Let's do it."
Aislynn took the test out while Jace read her the instructions, and then went to the bathroom. She set the test down on the nightstand once she came back out, and lay down in bed with him.
Now we wait.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"I'm…kind of scared," Aislynn answered and snuggled her face in his neck, taking in his comforting scent. "How about you?"
"Umm...You may want to ask me again in two minutes," he said with a nervous chuckle that made Aislynn go into a fit of giggles. It was probably an inappropriate time to be laughing, but she couldn't help it. "I'm sort of nauseated. Is it too early to have sympathy morning sickness?" he added as they lay in bed laughing, well beyond the two minutes they needed to wait for the test result to be ready.
Aislynn finally settled down and crawled on top of him. "Thanks for loving me. Thanks for being here and for not giving up on me."
"I love you, babydoc," he said and kissed her, holding her face in his hands. "You know, the fact that I'm here only proves I'm even more hardheaded than you."
"What a pair we make," Aislynn said, echoing one of his favorite phrases.
"Results?" he asked, and Aislynn reached over to the nightstand.
"It's negative," Aislynn said while showing him the stick. Jace nodded and closed his eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, but…I'm actually kind of disappointed," he admitted. Aislynn put the stick back on the table and hugged him.
"We have time, Jace. We have time."
"All right, everything is set up and we’re almost ready to start. How do you feel?" Ellie asked her.
"I’m freaking out, as usual. What if no one comes?" Aislynn said, hands clammy and stomach flip flopping.
She was standing by the long table set in the front of the bookstore, copies of her novel stacked all around her waiting to be signed. Lana had scheduled her for a second book tour after the success of the first one, this one spanning California, Florida, and a few cities in the northeast. Tonight’s signing event was her last stop, which was conveniently located in San Diego.
"People always show up. And you know the book is doing really well, so stop worrying. Has Lana sent you any new numbers lately?"
"No, she just said things are going better than expected. I, of course, have no idea what that means."
Aislynn thought back to everything that had happened since her return from Texas. She had dedicated all of her energy to her two main projects—writing her book and going to therapy. She had been able to concentrate on her writing and finished her book a few months after starting it. It was quickly picked up by a small publisher with an excellent reputation, and things took off from there.
Her therapist, Dr. Meyer, had extensive experience with treating other mental health professionals, and Aislynn had been able to make significant progress since she started seeing him. He was tough and pushed her in ways she didn’t anticipate. Most importantly, after getting over her visit to the Sparks and her weekly therapy sessions, she never saw Christopher again.
"Hey, here’s your tea," Jace said, handing her the hot cup. "Are these nerves ever going to go away?"
"Unlikely. I’ve done more than a dozen of these book signing events, and they all feel like the very first one. I’m just glad you guys are with me tonight. Are your parents here yet?" she asked, taking a small sip of her peppermint tea.
"Yes, they’re in the café getting some drinks, and Alex and Tessa are on their way."
"Evan had to make a stop by our place first, but he should be here soon, too," Ellie a
dded.
Evan and Ellie had moved in together and, even though they never married, Ellie wore his great-grandmother’s ring with pride. They acted like any other happily married couple, sans the kids, and her hair was never the same color for longer than a few weeks.
"You’re going to do great. I love you, babydoc," Jace reminded her and kissed her softly on the lips.
"I love you, too," she said and felt some of her nerves vanish.
"All right, you two," Lana said, joining them at the table. "Leave all cutesy stuff for later. We have a book signing to—" She stopped mid-sentence and reached down to grab Aislynn’s hand to inspect the diamond sitting on her left ring finger. "What is this? Damn it, Ellie, you’re supposed to keep me updated about these things!"
Aislynn laughed and relived in her mind all the details of the day Jace had asked her to marry him.
"Good morning, babydoc," Jace had whispered. Aislynn had rolled over in bed and smiled when she met his eyes. "I know your brain doesn’t work well this early in the morning, but I need to talk to you about something. Meet me in the kitchen after your shower? I’ll have coffee ready."
"What’s wrong?" she had said, rising up on her elbows.
"Nothing’s wrong. I’ll be outside."
"Okay," Aislynn had said, getting up from bed, and realizing she was still naked from the night before.
"Are you and your brain awake yet?" he had asked when she joined him at dining room table.
"Yes, we are," Aislynn had answered, sitting on his lap instead of a chair.
"No, you’re not," he had said, turning his attention back to the news he was reading on his tablet, a huge amused smile playing on his lips.
"Yes, I am."
"Okay, whatever you say."
"What did you need to talk to me about?"
"Umm. Maybe later, when you’re fully awake," he had said as he snaked his arms around her waist and playfully snuggled his face in her cleavage.
"I told you; I’m awake," she had said with a roll of her eyes.
"No, you’re not."
"Argh, you’re so infuriating! Good thing you’re hot and amazing in bed, or I might want to kick your ass all the time."
"I will never get tired of hearing you say that, by the way. But for the record, I hope you won’t want to kick my ass today," he had said, clearly emphasizing the last word.
"You’re being more cryptic than the series finale of Lost. What’s going on?"
"Nothing," he had said, shaking his head. "Can you please pass the sugar?"
It had been then, when Aislynn reached over the table with her hand, that she had finally noticed it. The diamond sitting on her left ring finger sparkled in the light coming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows behind them, reflecting a prism of colors on her white robe.
A gasp had escaped Aislynn’s mouth and her eyes had filled with tears, making them sparkle almost as much as the ring did.
"You’ve been wearing it since last night," he had said, nervous laughter in his voice. Aislynn’s eyes moved several times from her hand to him as the first tear ran down her face. "I took the liberty of putting that ring on your finger while you slept, but I don’t mean to presume you’ll agree to marry me, although I really, really, really hope you will," he had said softly.
"People spend a lifetime trying to find things that make them happy, surround themselves with people who bring out the best in them. I had no idea the moment I walked into that apartment with Ellie that I would find the person I didn’t know I was looking for…and that, of all things, that person would be a Rangers fan. I mean, what are the odds?"
Aislynn had laughed between tears, and Jace had continued, "When I close my eyes and think about my future, all I see is you. You’re in every chapter. I want to travel the world with you, I want to make you watch the last three Star Wars movies before you turn twenty-nine plus twenty, I want to watch you eat maple syrup-covered bacon for breakfast, and I want to proudly wear that reproductively-challenged T-shirt with you. You’re it for me, Aislynn. Will you please marry me?"
Aislynn had put her arms around his neck and cried, all the while whispering "yes" over and over in his ear.
"Can we get married soon? Like, really soon? No big fanfare, just us and your family?"
"Only if you say yes again," he had whispered.
"Yes. I’ll forever say yes."
"A few more weeks till the wedding and then a month in Australia," Jace said, bringing her back to the present.
"Oh, congratulations you guys," Lana said, hugging them both. "Well, then, since we’re breaking news here, I think this might be a great time for me to show you something. I guess I should tell you before I announce it to the world," she added, handing Aislynn her phone.
"Oh my God!" Aislynn said after looking at the screen, letting the phone fall from her hands like it had just electrocuted her. She turned to Jace and Ellie, her mouth forming a perfect O, her hand moving up to cover it.
"New York Times list. She made it," Lana said, holding up the phone for the whole group to see, which now included all the members of the Quinn family, Ellie, and Evan.
"Babydoc! You did it!" Jace said holding her in a tight embrace, while the others howled with excitement and took turns congratulating her.
"I’m so proud of you, honey," Nina said, tears in her eyes. Aislynn chest filled with love for this woman who, in a short period of time, had been able to prove to her that good enough mothers truly do exist.
Aislynn had cut all contact with her mom and made peace with the fact that their relationship was never going to be a healthy one. She caved in on one occasion and sent Pam an email for her birthday, but she never received a response back.
Aislynn looked around at the group of people that surrounded her, her new family, and her heart swelled with love and appreciation for the important roles they all played in her life.
"All right, screw the tea. This book signing needs some champagne!" Aislynn yelled and everyone cheered.
With a very successful last night of book signing behind her, Aislynn gathered the last of her things in preparation to leave the bookstore.
"I would like to have my book signed, please," Jace said, standing in front of the table, holding out a copy of her novel. Aislynn wondered how it was possible that the sound of his voice and the vision of him still made her heart race and her insides tingle.
"Certainly, sir. What would you like it to say?" she played along, flashing him her sexiest smile.
"Surprise me," Jace said, softly running his hand down the side of her face.
Aislynn opened up the book to the title page, where she was used to signing, but kept turning the pages until she reached the dedication page. Even though she had seen it a million times already, she read over it again. It felt as raw and real as the very first time she had seen it in print.
To my new family.
You are my real life characters.
Thank you for joining together to form the most perfect cursive handwriting with which I’ve been able to rewrite my life story.
"All right, I think I got it," Aislynn finally said, putting her pen to paper and reading aloud as she wrote. "To Jace…" she began, smiling up at him with loving eyes.
"Okay, you need to stay lying down for at least fifteen minutes. I’ll be back to check on you before you go."
"Thanks, Dr. Jones," Jace said, squeezing Aislynn’s hand.
"So, now we wait," Aislynn said and let out a sigh. She tried to readjust her position in bed, feeling uncomfortable with the rush of blood to her head caused by the way the exam table tilted to the back.
"Don’t move, babydoc. She just said you needed to stay like that," Jace complained, running his fingers gently across her forehead. "You’re so stubborn."
"I know. I’m sorry. I guess we need gravity to help them swim to the right place, huh?"
"We’ll take all the help we can," he said, and kissed the top of her hand. "How do you feel?"
"I
don’t know. Exposed?" she said with a laugh, making sure the sheets covered the whole length of her legs and feet, which were still up on the stir ups.
"Do you feel pregnant yet?"
"No, not yet. Then again, I’ve never been pregnant, so I don’t have a frame of reference," Aislynn said, loving the adoration and excitement with which Jace stared at her.
They had started talking about babies after they returned from their Australian honeymoon, but decided to wait until after their first wedding anniversary and the end of her third book tour. It had taken eight months of evaluations, blood work, sonograms, and hormone shots, but the day had finally arrived. Aislynn had gotten a positive result on her ovulation test that morning, and they quickly rushed to the doctor’s office for the artificial insemination procedure using Jace’s frozen sperm.
They had tried to keep it from his family, but they were so lovingly nosy that everyone was now tracking their treatments. Nina and John were the ones most excited about the prospect of becoming grandparents and, even though they tried to hide it from Aislynn, she knew they had a closet full of clothes and toys already waiting for baby Quinn in their house. Ellie, of course, already had the nursery designed.
"What are you doing?" Aislynn asked as Jace lowered her sheets to expose her abdomen.
"Shh. I need to have a conversation with your belly," Jace said, placing his lips over her belly button. "All right, you guys. I realize you’ve been frozen for a while, but the doctor guaranteed me that you were still working, so you had better do your thing. Now, there’s only one tube and one finish line, so please get it together, and make it there. Eye on the ball, so to speak. You can do it."
"Stop making me laugh! It makes it harder for them to swim upstream," Aislynn pleaded.
"Oh, damn it! Sorry," he said and gently kissed her belly. He then moved over Fourteen and whispered a gentle "Hi, you," before kissing it again.
"You realize Fourteen may end up looking like a fourteen hundred when my belly gets huge and pregnant, right?" Aislynn said, the happiness in her heart so immense that it made it hard for her chest to expand to its full potential.