by Ana Huang
My breaths puffed out in rapid indignation. “You were cuddling me,” I accused. “And you don’t have a shirt on.”
I forced my eyes to stay on his face instead of the way his muscles flexed with each movement. Lean and powerful, they were the muscles of someone who honed them through sports and the outdoors, not the gym.
Broad shoulders, defined pecs, a sliver of his six-pack abs peeking out from the rumpled sheet around his waist…
Stop it.
“You were warm and there. It was instinct.” Josh yawned and stretched his arms over his head. “It’s nice to see you alive, I guess. You were barely functioning yesterday.”
Despite his blasé tone, he scanned me with sharp eyes, like he was searching for traces of my discomfort from last night.
Thankfully, my periods were excruciating only for twenty-four hours or so. After that, the pain subsided to normal cramps. I’d dealt with them since I was eleven, and I’d learned how to fit my schedule around my estimated period start dates. This month’s had started four days early, though, which was why I’d been so caught off guard.
“Yes, well, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” Some of the aggravation left my voice when I remembered what he did for me last night. I didn’t know whether it was his technique or the mere fact of having someone comfort me, since I usually hated being around people the first day of my period, but his massage had eased my pain more than anything else I’d tried over the years. He must’ve also made the hot towel compress after I passed out.
He didn’t have to do any of those things, but for some reason, he had.
“Thank you.” My gratitude came out equal parts grudging and sincere. “For…you know.” I gestured at my stomach.
I waited for Josh to gloat over my thanks—the first I’d ever given him—but he responded with a simple, “You’re welcome.”
Silence hummed between us. I pushed a lock of hair behind my ear, suddenly self-conscious. I was bloated as hell from my period, and I must look like a mess with my face all groggy and my hair mussed from sleep.
Instead of looking away, Josh stared at me with an intensity that burrowed beneath my skin and kindled a fire low in my stomach, similar to the one that’d burned through me before I fell asleep last night.
I’d been floating on the verge of unconsciousness, but the combination of his strong hands, warm eyes, and the relief over my eased pain had sent my fantasies traveling down untrodden paths. Fantasies of what his touch would feel like on other parts of my body and whether his tongue was as talented as his hands…
A knock startled me out of my inappropriate musings.
Josh and I tore our eyes away from each other. The visible tension in his shoulders matched the rigidity of my muscles. We weren’t doing anything inappropriate, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like a kid whose hand was caught in the cookie jar when Ava’s voice floated through the thick oak door.
“You guys up? Breakfast ends in half an hour.”
My gaze shot to the clock on the wall. Shit. We’d slept in later than I thought.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’ll be right out.”
Josh and I didn’t speak again while we got ready. There was no way I was skiing today, so I pulled on a pair of soft yoga pants and an oversized sweater. When I was on my period, my desire to dress up plummeted to zero.
“How are you feeling?” Ava asked as we walked to breakfast.
“Much better.” Thanks to your brother. “Thanks, babe.”
She looped her arm through mine. “How do you feel about hitting the spa after breakfast instead of skiing? We have that gift card we still need to use.”
Oh, thank fucking God. “Ava,” I said. “Don’t tell Alex, but you’re the real genius in the relationship.”
She laughed.
The rest of the morning passed in a blur, with Alex and Josh skiing and me and Ava enjoying the spa’s massage and facial services. But even though my massage therapist was professionally trained, she didn’t hit the spot the way Josh had.
“A little to the left, please…to the right…just a bit harder…” I tried my best to pinpoint what was off about my session.
“Like this?” The therapist followed my instructions to a tee, but it still didn’t compare to Josh’s touch. “How does this feel?”
“Great,” I mumbled, giving up. “Thank you.”
Maybe it was the oil Josh used. It smelled better than the floral ones at the spa.
By the time Ava and I met up with the guys for lunch, I was more irritated than relaxed by my constant thoughts of a certain doctor.
I wouldn’t put it past him to mix some sort of sex potion with the massage oil before he used it on me. That was the only plausible explanation for why I kept thinking about him.
There had to be a catch for why he’d been so nice.
“How was the spa?” Alex rested his hand on the back of Ava’s chair and brushed his lips over her cheek.
“It was great.” She smiled, her face glowing with so much love it made my chest ache. “How was skiing? Did you guys do the triple black again?”
“Yes,” Josh said at the same time Alex replied, “No. I went snowboarding.”
“Oh.” Ava’s eyes darted between them. “Okay.”
Awkward as fuck.
We settled into silence as we flipped through our menus. Josh sat next to me, and every time either of us moved, our legs brushed against each other.
Signature burger, pan-roasted salmon…
His pants wisped over my calves. I set my jaw and tried to focus. Pan-roasted salmon with fennel salad…
He reached for his glass, his shirt sleeve grazing my hand as he did so.
I yanked my arm back and stared determinedly at the list of entrees. Pan-roasted salmon with fennel salad…
When our server appeared, bright-eyed and perky, I’d read the same dish description a dozen times.
“I’ll have the salmon,” I muttered after everyone placed their orders. “Thanks.”
I hated salmon.
I glared at Josh. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t distracted me, I would’ve been able to get through the rest of the menu and order something I wanted.
His eyebrows rose. “Back in fighting form, I see,” he said while Alex and Ava talked quietly across from us. “I missed that look of irritation on your face. It’s like a balm to my soul.”
“That’s because you’re used to seeing it on everyone who comes into contact with you.”
Slipping into an argument with Josh was like slipping into old pair of jeans, comforting and familiar.
Josh’s cheek dimpled. “Nah. Just you, Red. Everyone else loves me.”
“I guarantee that’s not true.”
My phone lit up with a new text. I picked it up, eager for a distraction, but my brows pulled together when I read the message.
Unknown: Hey Jules
The area code indicated an Ohio phone number.
Everything around me disappeared while a loud buzzing filled my ears. I typed out my answer with shaking fingers.
Me: Who is this?
Hope, fear, and anticipation curdled in my stomach. Maybe it’s my mom…
An eternity passed in the ten seconds it took for the reply to pop up, but when it did, I almost dropped my phone in shock.
Unknown: It’s Max
Max. My ex-boyfriend. How did he get my number? Why was he contacting me now after seven years of radio silence?
There was only one reason, and the prospect made bile rise in my throat.
Max: We need to talk.
I shoved my phone in my bag. Cold sweat slicked my palms, and I wiped them against my thighs in an attempt to gather myself.
“Hey.”
My head jerked up at the sound of Josh’s voice.
He leaned forward, his brow puckered with what would’ve passed for concern had it been anyone else.
“Who was that? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” His eyes flitt
ed to my bag, where my phone burned a hole through the leather.
I wasn’t answering Max. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to know what he had to say. Maybe if I ignored him, he’d disappear for another seven years.
Forget diamonds; denial was a girl’s best friend.
“No one. Just spam,” I lied.
Josh didn’t bring up the issue again, but the weight of his stare pressed down on me for the rest of the meal.
I lifted a forkful of salmon to my mouth and chewed. It tasted like cardboard.
I bet Max still had the tape. He’d been sitting on it for years. What if he decided it was finally time for him to cash in on the blackmail material? What if I couldn’t meet his demands?
If he released the tape, it would ruin my career before it began. Everything I’d worked so hard for, down the drain in an instant.
My stomach ached, and it wasn’t just from my cramps.
I’m going to be sick.
I shoved my chair back and ran to the bathroom, ignoring my friends’ startled glances. I made it into a stall just in time for my lunch to reappear. Even after I threw up everything I ate, I dry heaved until my throat was raw.
I thought I’d escaped my past, but at the end of the day, our demons always caught up with us.
15
JULES
Max didn’t contact me again after his initial texts. I was the one who’d ignored him first, but his silence festered until I was a mess of anxiety by the time I boarded my flight back to D.C.
I’d used my period as an excuse for why I ran out of lunch so suddenly, and no one questioned it, though Josh’s skepticism had been so thick it was tangible. I’d ignored it; I had bigger issues to worry about than whatever he thought of me.
I tapped my pen against my desk and stared at the screen before me. I was finally working on LHAC’s main floor after my desk arrived yesterday, and I could hear the shuffling of papers from Ellie’s desk behind me, the faint flush of the toilet from the bathroom down the hall, and the jangle of the bells above the front door every time it opened. It was more chaotic than working alone in the kitchen, but I thrived with background noise.
Unless, of course, I was distracted by other things.
My eyes strayed to my phone. It sat dark and silent next to my mug of pens, but that didn’t stop me from holding my breath like it was going to light up with a new message from Max any minute.
I should just call him and get it over with, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my cycle of half miserable, half blissful ignorance.
Focus.
I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders. I’d just started typing again when Ellie squealed behind me.
“Josh! I didn’t know you were coming in today.”
“Hey, El.” Josh’s deep, flirtatious drawl raised my hackles. “New haircut?”
Surprised flattery filled her giggle. “Yep. I can’t believe you noticed.”
My grimace reflected back at me from my computer screen. Ellie was sweet, but her crush on Josh was so obvious it was painful.
“It looks good,” Josh said. “Short hair suits you.”
“Thank you.” Another giggle.
I typed faster, the click-clack of my keyboard adopting a furious tempo as the sound of footsteps neared. They stopped next to me.
Clack. Clack. Clack—
“Jules.”
I waited several beats before I lifted my head to meet Josh’s eyes. The first thing I noticed were his scrubs. It was my first time seeing him in his doctor’s clothes, since he usually changed out of them before arriving at the clinic. The blue uniform was too shapeless to be objectively flattering, and yet…
Something in my chest stumbled.
Oh no. Oh no, no, no.
My stomach knotted with horror. I couldn’t possibly feel…attraction toward Josh Chen. Not here, in D.C. I could chalk up my momentary loss of good judgment in Vermont to the mountain air, but here I had no excuse.
Any butterflies, flutters, and skipped heartbeats were unacceptable. Unthinkable. Downright disgusting.
“I see your desk has arrived.” Josh’s gaze flitted from my face to my favorite fluffy pink pen. A hint of a smile filled the corners of his mouth. “Looks like we’re neighbors. Lucky you.”
He angled his head toward the desk across the aisle from mine. I’d wondered who it belonged to, since its sparse decorations provided no clue as to its owner’s identity.
“I’m thrilled,” I said flatly. I leaned back in my chair and narrowed my eyes. “I didn’t realize volunteers had their own desks.”
“They don’t. Only I do.” His voice took on a familiar cocky lilt. “I’m beloved around here, Red.”
Sadly, it was true. The rest of the clinic staff fawned over him like he was the second coming of the messiah. It was enough to make a girl want to hurl.
“I can’t imagine why.” Keep to the truce. “Well, as lovely as this conversation is, I have to get back to work. Lots to do,” I chirped with false pep.
Josh’s eyes glinted with amusement. “Of course.”
He settled in at his desk, and we didn’t speak again for the rest of the afternoon.
By the time the clock ticked toward five, I was bleary-eyed from staring at the screen so long, and my wrists ached from typing. I might’ve been a little aggressive with my keyboard, but it was a good release for my pent-up tension.
“What a day.” Ellie yawned. “I could use a drink. Anyone else down? The Black Fox has a great happy hour special.”
The Black Fox was the bar across the street and a popular watering hole for hospital staff.
“I am.” Marshall was the picture of eagerness. Like Ellie, he was a full-time research associate, and if Ellie’s interest in Josh was a flashing neon sign, Marshall’s interest in Ellie was a full-blown billboard complete with floodlights and ten-foot-high letters spelling out I LOVE ELLIE. “I mean, I’ll go with you.”
“Great,” Ellie said. “Josh?”
“Sure. I’ll never turn down a cheap drink.” His dimple made a quick appearance. “You in, Red?”
I hesitated. I had to study for finals and pack for my upcoming move, but I could use a de-stresser. “Sure, why not?”
No one else at the clinic could join us, so half an hour later, it was just the four of us who crowded around a table at The Black Fox, nursing watered down but insanely cheap drinks.
“I propose we play a game.” Ellie was technically speaking to the whole table, but her eyes were fixed on Josh.
His lips quirked. “What kind of game?”
He sat beside me, one arm draped over the back of the chair next to him while his other hand held a half-empty glass of Coke and whiskey. He’d changed out of his scrubs, and his pose, combined with his tousled dark hair and new outfit—navy blue cashmere sweater with the sleeves pushed up, watch glinting on his wrist—made him look like he was posing for a men’s fashion magazine.
I drained the rest of my drink in an attempt to douse the heat blooming in my stomach.
“Truth or Dare,” Ellie decided.
“El, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Marshall shifted in his seat. “We work together. It’s inappropriate.”
I suppressed a wince. Marshall was only a few years older than Ellie, but lecturing someone on propriety in the middle of happy hour wasn’t the best way to spark a girl’s interest.
“It’s just us. It’s not like Lisa’s here.” Ellie waved a dismissive hand in the air. “So? What do you think?”
Josh lifted his glass to his lips, his eyes dancing with amusement. “Let’s do it.”
“Great.” She beamed and turned to me. “Jules?”
“Sure.” In normal times, I would’ve been the one who suggested a game first, but all my worrying over the past week had drained me of energy and the best I could do was go with the flow.
“Marshall?” Ellie nudged him, causing his cheeks to flush red.
“Okay.” He sound
ed resigned.
To no one’s surprise, Ellie chose Josh for the first round. “Truth or Dare?” she asked.
“Truth.”
Huh. I tamped down my surprise. I’d expected him to choose Dare.
Ellie leaned forward so he had an unimpeded view of her cleavage. She’d tossed her blazer long ago, and her breasts practically spilled out of her tank top.
I glanced at Josh, whose gaze remained fixed on Ellie’s face. His expression didn’t so much as flicker.
The same couldn’t be said for Marshall, who looked like he was about to burst into flames.
“Are you interested in anyone at the clinic?” Ellie asked.
Subtle.
Josh’s eyebrows winged upward. “A volunteer or staff member?”
I shifted in my seat, and the vinyl released an embarrassing squeak when my thighs unstuck from the material. Josh flicked his eyes in my direction, his amusement visibly deepening. I lifted my chin defiantly in reply.
“Either or,” Ellie said, bringing his attention back to her. “But let’s say it’s a staff member.”
“I’m interested in everyone at the clinic,” Josh said. “You’re all great.”
She deflated, obviously realizing she should’ve been more specific.
“Jules.” Josh shifted his gaze to me, and I straightened in anticipation. “Truth or Dare?”
“Dare.” I answered without hesitation.
A slow smile spread across his face. “I dare you to kiss someone at this table for thirty seconds.”
I recognized the satisfied gleam in his eyes; he expected me to back down.
Too bad for him, I’d never backed down from a dare in my life.
I kept my gaze fixed on his as I leaned forward, closing the distance between us inch by agonizing inch until his smile slipped and heat flared in his eyes.
I waited until our faces were only inches apart before I swerved abruptly and kissed a startled Marshall instead.
“Mmmphng,” he squeaked.
“You okay with this?” I whispered against his lips.
“Mmmphng,” he repeated, higher pitched this time. He didn’t move away, so I took that as a yes.