by Ana Huang
“You’re exaggerating, and I didn’t go through them. I made my intentions clear from the start. I wasn’t interested in a committed relationship, and they all knew it before we did anything.” He slid a glance in my direction. “You understand.”
I did. Our approach to sex and relationships was one of the few things we had in common. Like Josh, I’d never been interested in long-term dating. There were too many goals to reach, too much of the world to see, and too much of life to live without being tied down to one person.
Besides, after my only experience with a serious relationship, I wasn’t in any hurry to jump into another one.
“You want to attend law school?” Max grimaced. “Why?”
“I think I’d make a good lawyer.” I twisted the hem of my shirt around my finger. It was a new piece I’d bought with my allowance from Alastair, my stepfather. After years of threadbare clothing, I couldn’t stop touching it to make sure it was real, that I was really wearing a designer shirt that cost more than my old monthly budget for food. “It pays well if I go into corporate law, and I can help—”
A loud laugh cut me off. “Oh, come on, Jules.”
“What?” My brow creased with confusion and a touch of hurt.
“You’re so cute.” He gave me an indulgent smile, like I was a child who announced I would be running for president. But let’s be real, babe, you don’t want to be a lawyer.”
I twisted my shirt harder around my finger. “I’m serious.”
“Then be serious.” Max ran his hand over my shoulder and rubbed my arm soothingly before he squeezed my breast, his eyes taking on a familiar lusty gleam. “You’re way too hot to be stuck in some musty courtroom all day. You should be a model. Capitalize on that face and body. Not everyone is lucky enough to be born with your looks.”
I forced a smile. Yes, I’d been blessed with above average looks, but I didn’t feel lucky. Not when that was the only thing people saw when they looked at me, and not when my own mother viewed me as competition instead of family.
But maybe Max was right. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. What made me think I could be a lawyer? I did well in my classes, but there was a difference between getting a 4.0 at a small high school in Ohio and succeeding at a top-tier law school.
“Come on. Enough boring talk.” Max’s breath roughened as he popped open the buttons of my shirt. “I can think of something better we can do with our mouths…”
A sour taste filled my mouth. I’d been so young and naive. I wasn’t the same person I’d been at seventeen, but sometimes, the whispers from my past reasserted themselves, making me question everything I’d achieved and strived for.
Max’s recent texts didn’t help, either. He was like the ex that wouldn’t die. Figuratively, not literally.
The alcohol-induced buzz in my head grew louder. Maybe I should call him to see what he wanted. Then I could put him behind me once and—
“Jules!”
Josh’s panicked shout pierced my ear at the same time squealing tires screeched through the night. I lifted my head, my eyes widening at the sight of headlights barreling toward me.
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts I’d wandered into the middle of the street without looking.
Move! my brain screamed, but my body wouldn’t obey. I just stood there, frozen, until an iron grip closed around my arm and yanked me back onto the sidewalk a millisecond before a truck sped past, horn blaring.
Momentum took over and my face collided with Josh’s chest. It was like slamming into a brick wall. The force of the action, combined with the spike of adrenaline from my brush with death, robbed me of words and breath. All I could do was stand there, face pressed against Josh’s torso, while he engulfed me in a tight embrace.
“Are you okay?” His heart thundered beneath my cheek.
“I’m fine,” I said hoarsely, too stunned to form a better response.
I raised my head and gulped when I saw his expression. Concern lined his brow, but his eyes blazed and a vein visibly pulsed in his temple.
“Good.” His arms tightened around me until I lost my breath all over again. “Now what the hell were you thinking, walking out into the middle of the street like that?” His low voice vibrated with anger. “You almost got killed!”
“I…” I didn’t have a good answer.
What was I supposed to say? I was too caught up in memories of my shitty ex to pay attention to where I was going?
I had a feeling that wouldn’t fly.
God, if Max was the last person I thought of before I died, I would be pissed.
“I called your name twice and you didn’t even react.” The pale glow from the streetlights slashed across Josh’s face, throwing his razor-sharp cheekbones and the hard, chiseled line of his jaw into sharp relief. “What the fuck happened?”
“Nothing. I just got distracted.” Technically true. Still, my stomach twisted at what would’ve happened had Josh not been there.
“Thank you for saving me, though I’m surprised you did.” I attempted to lighten the tension blanketing the air. “I thought you’d be more liable to push me into traffic than save me from it.”
“That’s not funny.”
“It’s kind of funny.”
“Not. Funny,” Josh repeated. He bit out each word like it was a bitter pill. “Do you think death is funny? Do you think it’s fun for me to watch someone almost die?”
My smile waned. “No,” I said softly.
I had a feeling we weren’t talking about me anymore.
As an ER doctor, he worked closer with life and death than anyone else I knew. I couldn’t imagine the things he saw at the hospital, the calls he had to make and the people he couldn’t save. But he was so sarcastic and light-hearted all the time I’d never thought about how it affected him.
Josh released me and stepped back, his expression like granite.
“I’m walking you home,” he said flatly. “Who knows what trouble you’ll stumble into if I left you alone?”
We were only two blocks away, so I didn’t bother protesting. I knew when to pick my battles.
We walked in silence to my house, which was dark when we arrived. Stella was probably still at the office or at an event. Between the magazine and her blog, she basically worked two jobs.
I stepped onto the porch and fished my keys out of my bag with a shaking hand. “You’ve delivered me home safe and sound. Five stars for service, two stars for conversation,” I quipped, inserting the key into the lock. “I’d give you one star on the latter, but since you saved my life, I’m being generous.”
Perhaps I should’ve been more serious, considering Josh’s mood, but when in doubt, I defaulted to sarcasm. I couldn’t help it.
A muscle pulsed in his jaw. “Is everything a joke to you, or are you really that oblivious?” he demanded. “You got into Thayer Law, so I assume you have some awareness of the world around you. So stop with the fucking act, Red. It’s a play no one wants to see.”
My spine hardened into iron. I recognized that tone of voice. It was the same tone he’d used when he told Ava to stop being friends with me. The same one he always used when he saw me doing something he considered a bad influence, like I wasn’t good enough for him or his friends.
Sharp. Judgmental. Self-righteous.
An angry flush scalded my face.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The front door clicked open while a hard, defensive note crept into my voice.
“It means you act all tough and unbothered when it’s just that. An act.” Josh took a step toward me. A tiny one, just enough for the tips of his shoes to kiss mine. The point of contact acted as a channel for his anger, which funneled into me and stoked the embers of indignation burning in my stomach.
“I wouldn’t care, except your recklessness doesn’t affect just you. It also affects the people around you. But you never thought about that, did you?” Dull red burned on his cheekbones. “You only think about yourself. I don’t know what the fuck
happened in your past, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure you out. You’re a scared little girl who chases highs to run from your demons, never caring about the destruction you leave in your wake. Classic fucking Jules Ambrose.”
Deep, bone-rattling hurt stole the breath from my lungs and stung my eyes.
Any camaraderie Josh and I developed over the past few weeks evaporated, incinerated into ash by the firestorm of emotions whipping around us.
It wasn’t just about tonight, and it wasn’t just about us. It was about the past seven years—every insult, every sneer, every argument and frustration in our lives, even if it had nothing to do with the other. It all boiled over until a crimson haze passed before my eyes and the only thing I could focus on was how angry I was.
Instead of trying to calm down, I reveled in it.
Anger was good. Anger prevented me from dwelling on the truth behind his statement, and anger coated my words with venom when I spoke again.
“You’re one to talk.” I tilted my chin up, my eyes searing into his endless midnight ones. “Josh Chen, the golden boy. The adrenaline junkie. You want to talk about chasing highs? How about you putting your life on the line every time you pursue some stupidly reckless new activity even though you’re Ava’s only family left? How about the fucking moral high horse you ride around on because you’re a doctor and everything you do is for the supposed greater good?”
My nails dug tiny crescents in my palms. “You’re the one who can’t let go of shit that happened years ago. He lied to me, he betrayed me.” I mimicked his voice. “Tough shit. That’s the way the world works. You survive and get over it, or you get stuck in your own martyrdom. You say I hide behind my act? I say you hold onto your grudge because that’s all you have left to hold onto. It’s the only thing keeping you alive, and you don’t give a damn if it hurts the people you supposedly love.”
It was a low blow to match a low blow until we were both in hell, caught in the culmination of years of animosity and words we would’ve never uttered to anyone except each other. Lies stripped away, truths uncovered only to be disguised as insults.
Part of me was disgusted. Another part sang with exhilaration.
In a world that expected politeness and praised restraint, there was nothing more freeing than finally letting it all out. No holds barred.
Fury carved savage lines into Josh’s face. “Fuck. You.”
“You. Wish.”
The white plumes of our breaths mingled in the cold. The air around us fell unnaturally still, like it was waiting with bated breath for our next move.
“I don’t need to wish, Red.” His voice turned dark. Smoky. It slithered past my defenses and kindled a heat in my lower belly that had both nothing and everything to do with my anger. “I could fuck your brains out right now. Make you take back every word you said and have you begging for more by the end of it.”
It was a warning, not seduction. And it made the fire burn even hotter in my veins.
“You know what they say about men who talk a big game.” Anticipation climbed up my spine at the danger swirling in the air. We were one step away from crossing a line we couldn’t come back from, and I was riding high enough I didn’t care. “They’re overcompensating for the smallest packages.”
A smile slashed across Josh’s face, vicious enough it introduced a seed of trepidation.
“Oh, Red. You’re about to find out just how untrue that is,” he said softly.
He moved so fast I didn’t get the chance to draw another breath before he yanked me against him and crushed his mouth against mine.
And my world as I knew it shattered into a million pieces.
18
JULES
Shock glued my feet to the floor. I’d suspected this would happen, that I would push Josh past his breaking point. I’d goaded him into it, after all.
But now that it was happening, I couldn’t formulate a response. No words, no movement, just utter disbelief and dark, disturbing heat that raced through my veins like wildfire.
The warmth from earlier had erupted into a full-blown volcano, dripping lava until every nerve ending blazed with sensation. My heart thundered with the force of a thousand galloping horses, and the pounding spread until it throbbed in every part of me—my head, my throat, the suddenly, agonizingly sensitive spot between my legs.
Josh curled his hand around the back of my neck, holding me captive while he plundered my mouth.
He kissed the way we fought. Hard. Rough. Explosive.
I hated how much I loved it.
I regained control of my limbs and raised my hands to push him away, but to my surprise, I fisted his shirt instead. I gathered handfuls of the white cotton and yanking him closer until we were pressed so tight against each other I wasn’t sure where I ended and he began.
A small moan escaped when Josh shifted his hips just enough so his hardness rubbed against my core.
“Can’t get enough of me, can you?” His mocking whisper ghosted over my lips, its softness a sharp contrast to the force with which he tugged on my hair.
Tears sprang to my eyes at the flash of pain. The throbbing in my lower belly intensified. “Fuck you,” I hissed.
“I already know that’s what you want, Red.” He closed his teeth around my bottom lip and tugged hard enough to send another twin frisson of pain and pleasure spiraling through my body. “No need to beg for it.”
A low growl rose in my throat. I finally shoved him off me, my heart racing and my lips and pussy throbbing in equal measure. “I will never beg you for anything.”
Josh wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the movement so slow and deliberate it became more sexual than it should’ve been. A flush of arousal colored his high cheekbones, and the intensity of his gaze as he dragged it over my face to where my coat gaped open seared into my flesh.
“Don’t be too sure about that.” The embers in his eyes burned brighter. “Let’s make another bet, Red. I bet if I bent you over and yanked up that little skirt of yours, I’d find you soaking for me. And I bet I could have you begging for my cock, for me to make you come so hard you’ll see fucking stars before the night is over.”
My teeth clenched in aggravation. I hated his ego, his arrogant smirk, his everything. And yet, I was so wet I could feel myself dripping at the images his filthy words conjured.
“Nice try, Joshy, But I’m not taking the bait.”
It was the coward’s way out, but I was one touch away from detonating, and I refused to give Josh the satisfaction of being the one to press the button.
“Didn’t think you would,” he taunted. “Scared, Jules?”
“Can’t take a hint, Josh?”
We glared at each other, our anger tangible in the cold night air, before the gap between us disappeared and our mouths crashed against each other again. Harder, more desperate than the first time, our tongues fighting for dominance while our hands roamed over every inch of skin.
Josh pushed me through the half-open door and kicked it shut behind us without breaking the kiss.
Our fingers flew over our clothes in a frantic rush to remove them.
My coat. His shirt. My skirt. His pants. They all fell to the living room floor until we were naked, our skin heated with the hum of electricity surging through my blood and in the air.
“Get on your hands and knees.”
My skin pebbled with goosebumps at Josh’s rough command, but instead of obeying, I lifted my chin in defiance. “Make me.”
The words barely left my mouth before he closed the distance between us in two strides and twisted me around. He drove his knee into the back of mine, forcing me to the ground. I struggled half-heartedly, but I was no match for Josh’s strength.
One hand locked my wrists together behind my back in a steel grip while the other slipped between my legs and rubbed my swollen clit.
The jolt of pleasure wrenched a half gasp, half moan from my throat.
“What was that you were saying
?” Josh mocked. He pushed a finger inside me while keeping his thumb on my clit. I was so wet I didn’t feel any friction even when he was knuckles deep in me. “Just like I’d guessed. You’re fucking soaking.”
My hands curled into fists. I was already panting, so turned on I could barely think straight, and we’d barely started.
“Beg for it, Red.” He curled his finger and hit my most sensitive spot, eliciting another moan, before he slowly dragged it out and shoved it back in. His breathing harshened. “Beg me to fuck you. To make you come all over my cock like you so desperately crave.”
“You wish.” My nails dug into my palms. “My vibrator does a better job than you. On its lowest speed.”
Josh let out a soft laugh. “You have to make things difficult.” He released my wrists and fisted my hair, jerking my head back until his mouth hovered near my ear. “But I love a good fight.”
My response died on my tongue when he thrust another finger inside me. In, out, in, out, faster and faster until the telltale tingles of an impending orgasm gathered at the base of my spine. He reached around and pinched my nipple, and a full-body shudder rolled through me right as the—
He yanked his hands away.
No!
My body slumped forward on all fours without his support, and I let out a small scream of frustration at the ruined orgasm. I twisted my head around to glare at him. “You fucking bastard.”
My only solace was that I wasn’t the only one suffering. Josh’s chest heaved with deep, ragged breaths, and his cock jutted straight up, so hard it looked painful. A blade of moonlight sliced through the windows and cast sharp shadows across his face, highlighting the stony set of his jaw and the blaze of lust in his eyes.
“You know what to do if you want to come.” His mouth curved as he pushed my legs further apart. “Look at you. You’re a mess.”
I didn’t have to see myself to know he was right. Wetness slicked my thighs, and every brush of air against my bare pussy triggered another needy shudder.
Still, I clung on to enough of my rational brain to twist the situation back on him.