“Yes.”
“She had a restraining order against him, and he’d definitely been abusive when they were together, before I came on the scene. But she lied to me. She told me he’d done things he didn’t, and I believed her. I guess she saw that thing you see… my need to protect people. And she fed stuff to me to fuel that. Then he showed up at her place one day, and… the situation turned violent. He wasn’t supposed to be there, but I overreacted. I beat him up pretty badly.”
I considered that. I rolled onto my side, facing him, studying his face.
“You had feelings for her?”
“I didn’t. She was just a client. But it turned out she had a thing for me. I didn’t see it. She manipulated me, and I couldn’t even see it because I was so bent on protecting her. And proving myself, maybe. This was many years ago, one of my first close protection details. I was lucky that my uncle had so many friends in high places. We were able to talk ourselves out of that one, but in reality, the guy should’ve pressed charges against me. I hurt him pretty bad.”
“He was abusing his wife, Ronan,” I said softly. “Maybe he deserved it.”
“Maybe. I felt pretty fucking bad about it, though. She’d used me to get what she wanted. She’d actually told me she wanted me to kill him. I didn’t take it seriously, but I think she probably was serious. It was an ugly situation, and it could’ve ended my career. We dropped her as a client after the dust settled, but I’ll always feel shitty about how I handled that one. It was a mess. But the thing that bothered me the most about all of it was the way I’d let her use me.”
“Why?” I asked, so curious to understand what made him tick. “Why did you feel that way? And why did you let her use you?”
“I’ve asked myself those questions so many times over the years. And I don’t have a clear answer. But there are patterns. My parents used me against each other in their never-ending fights. My mom cheated on my dad before I was born, and she’d use the affair as a weapon, a threat against him, whenever they fought.”
“Oh, shit.”
“You could say that. I was definitely my dad’s kid. I mean, anyone could see it. But he always lorded it over her, that maybe I wasn’t really his. And she was always threatening to leave, but never did. They chose this life of misery together, and they’d shove me back and forth between them, using me as an excuse to be cruel. If I fucked up, it was always the other one’s fault. So, as a teenager… I guess I just chose to keep fucking up. It was the only thing that got their attention.”
“Oh, Ronan. Jesus.”
“Yeah. It was good times. And after that… I had some pretty bad relationships. Maybe I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was. I mean, my uncle and my aunt were great, but somehow that never made up for the shit show of my parents. It seemed like every relationship I got into, I’d discover that the woman was using me for something, or betraying me somehow. Or both. They wanted protection, money, whatever. Whatever it was they saw in me that they thought they could use.”
“Well… that sounds fucking exhausting,” I said. “Feeling used all the time… it must be draining.”
“It is. My last client, before you, was this really spoiled trust fund kid who used me like a pawn to try to make her boyfriend jealous. There was nothing going on between us, but she told him there was. It made my job a living hell, trying to juggle her needs as a client while trying to stay one step ahead of the psychological warfare. Every week she had some new scheme that she somehow wanted to draw me into.”
“Well, Christ. And I wondered why you didn’t want to be a bodyguard anymore…”
“Yeah, well… there’ve been a few clients from hell. But in general, I do love what I do. It’s satisfying providing security for people who need it. Knowing I’ve helped people. But sometimes… I let people get away with too much in the name of trying to help them. I’ve been, uh, really trying to work on that.”
Yeah. I could see that.
And I could relate. Not to feeling used by the people in my life… but I could relate to being a strong person, like he was—the kind of person other people didn’t always want to believe had pain and softness in them. Vulnerabilities.
I had a hard time accepting that I had those things in myself.
I flopped back on the bed next to him.
“Okay, while we’re doing this… I’m gonna confess something to you,” I told him. “And it’s really hard for me to do.”
“You can tell me anything, Summer,” he said gently.
“I’m afraid of being a loser like my mom.”
“What?”
“I know. It sounds harsh. And maybe a little ridiculous. But it’s the truth. My mom is a loser. My biological mom, I mean.” I sighed. “There, I said it. She’s a loser now and she always has been. And no, I will never say that to her face. It’s my opinion, and it’s a judgment, but it’s what I see when I look at her.” I took a breath. “You asked me where my desire to make people feel good comes from. Well, my dad left her, and I adore my dad. I always have. I’ve always wanted to please him and make him happy. Make everyone around me happy. And the way I did that, from an early age, was music. When I played the piano, I had people’s full attention. I had his full attention. But inside, I feared being like my mom. And I never wanted to be left like she was. To be alone.”
“That’s very human, sweetheart,” Ronan assured me. “No one wants to be left by someone they love.”
“I know. I know we haven’t talked about our past relationships… I haven’t talked to you a lot about Ash, maybe because I don’t want you to worry that there’s any reason for you to be jealous. There’s not. But I did love him. And when I was with him… I always believed that he’d betray me. That he’d leave me for something else. Something better? Ash is bisexual, he’s been polygamous in a lot of his relationships, and… I don’t know. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t believe I’d be enough for him, no matter how he tried to reassure me.”
Ronan rolled toward me and put his hand on the side of my face as he looked in my eyes. And that warm, sure touch was so… reassuring, I felt the courage to go on.
“It ended us. I mean, obviously we weren’t meant to go the distance together for various reasons, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. And I was a mess when I lost him, even though I instigated the breakup. I felt like I had to, before the relationship destroyed me. But… I really wanted the happy ending, Ronan. So, I’ll just say it: I’m a hardcore romantic. Not everyone knows that about me, but I can’t help it. I’m a dreamer. It comes with the music, the creativity, and being able to see big things for myself. I want the fairytale, and I’ve always wanted an alpha Prince Charming… A man just like my dad. I want what he and Joanne have.” I shrugged a little. “Maybe that’s been my Achilles heel in my relationships. Wanting too damn much.”
Ronan just listened. His thumb drifted gently over my cheek as I spoke. He didn’t say anything, but there was that quiet compassion on his face that I’d come to know and adore.
So I went on.
“Then… my ex, James, cheated on me. You know, the mortgage broker? I caught him literally hoovering lines of coke off another woman’s body, like I told you. It was terrible. I didn’t know or even suspect that he was cheating until that moment. I’d just bought this house, and he was supposed to move in with me once the renovations were done. I was pretty devastated.”
“Summer… You know a man who would do that to you was never going to be faithful. It was probably better you found out before he moved in.”
“Oh, absolutely. I know that. But it was still hard. And it was so strange… how a lot of my friends seemed to assume it didn’t hurt me. That’s one drawback of being strong, I think. People think you don’t hurt. But it fucking hurt.”
He squeezed my hand a little, the one he was still holding. “I would never hurt you like that, Summer. I’d tell you. I’d tell you first. If I was unhappy, or if there was something I nee
ded that I wasn’t getting… I’d talk to you. I know it might feel scary that I’m not much of a talker. But it’s not because I’m sitting on a well of secrets. I just think before I speak. I don’t want to say shit that would hurt you.” He looked me deep in the eyes as his thumb stroked my cheek. “But I promise you, I would talk to you before I did something that hurt you.” He kissed me softly, and I softened all over. “And besides that,” he murmured, “I don’t want anyone else.”
“Neither do I.”
He smirked a little, studying my face. “Are you telling me that the great, sexy party queen, DJ Summer, is going off the market?”
“Come on, Ronan. I’ve been off the market for a while now.”
That made him smile. I loved the way his eyes crinkled and the lines of his face softened.
“Fuck, you’re gonna be a hot old man.”
He chuckled. “I hope so. So you don’t get bored of me…”
“Ronan,” I said seriously, “I want you to know… The fact that you’re so strong and protective are two of the things I love most about you. But I’d never use those things for my own gain. I’d never manipulate you and use that giant soft spot of yours—”
“Soft spot?”
“You know you’ve got a massive soft spot.”
“I do,” he admitted, with a small sigh. “It’s Summer-sized.”
I grinned, then said solemnly, “I swear to you. I would never use it against you, or use it to try to control you. Like I told you… you’re a free spirit, Ronan Sterling. And I love that about you, too.”
“I love your free spirit, too. Feel like I kinda want to spend the rest of my life trying to keep up with it.”
I grinned, and damn, the angels were back. This man was gonna kill me. I was gonna die of a heart attack in bed one day.
But what a way to go…
“Then I guess we’re both agreed that we’re doing this thing. Together. You know, despite the fact that we’re both kinda terrified of getting hurt, again…”
“Yeah,” he said. “I want that.”
“I want you.”
“Then I guess there’s no problem.”
I brought his hand to my mouth. I brushed my lips lightly over his battered knuckles. “And maybe tomorrow you tell me what happened to your hands.”
“Yeah.” He groaned. “Maybe I do. And maybe it’s time I bring on another bodyguard to watch your back, because I’m too emotionally involved to see straight where you’re concerned.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that. I hadn’t expected him to say it. But I could feel the naked honestly in his words. It felt like… regret?
Clearly he was worried about me, but he was even more worried, maybe, about his ability to protect me.
“Do you think that’s necessary?”
“I’m not willing to lose you just because I had my priorities confused, Summer.”
I tightened my grip on him, gently. “I don’t want to lose you, Ronan.”
“Baby, you’re not gonna lose me.” He rolled over me, and while his weight pinned me to the bed, he looked deep in my eyes and said, “I’m gonna make damn sure you never have to.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ronan
I was up early in the morning, well before Summer. I couldn’t sleep anyway.
Just kept going over last night in my head.
I’d already called Naveen and Brody, after leaving the motel with Maddox, and gave them the short version of what happened. But as the sun was coming up, I slipped out of bed and went downstairs, sat down in the sunroom, and called Jude on the road.
“Ronan,” he said when he picked up. “I’ve been waitin’ for your call.”
“Do I want to ask about our friend from the motel?” No doubt Piper would’ve updated him by now. Getting into the details over the phone probably wasn’t the best idea. I knew that. But I had to ask.
I had to know.
“He’s been taken care of,” Jude said.
“Taken care of…” I repeated. “Is that biker speak for something I do not wanna know about?”
“Sounds like you were ready to take care of things yourself last night.”
“And yet I didn’t.”
“I hear you have my brother to thank for that.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Maybe. Would be nice if I knew exactly what I was thanking him for…”
“An arrest has been made,” Jude said. “You need any more details than that, you’ll need to talk to my brother. In person.”
An arrest?
What the fuck. Sanchuk had been arrested?
I got right up out of my chair, trying to process this.
“So what happened last night?” Jude asked. “Things got pretty heated? Somethin’ about a power drill and a remote control…?”
I sighed. “I went a little too far.”
“Did you,” he said.
“What would you have done?”
“I’m just wonderin’ what ‘too far’ looks like to you.”
I fucking hated to admit it, to anyone. But I forced myself to. “I’m not sure I can continue on as Summer’s bodyguard.”
“It’s not a weakness,” Jude said. “Caring about someone you’re paid to protect. I love Jesse. Though I wouldn’t fuck him.”
Yeah. Being bodyguard to his best friend, Jesse Mayes—Dirty’s lead guitarist—was probably a hell of a lot less complicated than this situation.
“I’m serious,” I said. But even to myself, I sounded defeated.
I’d had a lot of time to think about it last night. And whether I was or I wasn’t just like all these bikers, deep down, was still up for debate in my mind.
But one thing I knew: I didn’t want to be like them.
And I sure as hell didn’t want to put Summer in any danger.
“So don’t be her bodyguard anymore. Put someone else on her.”
“Yeah. I could probably do that. Should, probably.” I knew I had to, really. I was just still trying to swallow the fact.
I felt like I’d failed her somehow.
“And by the way, this is exactly why I want you runnin’ the crew,” Jude told me. “Because you fuckin’ care. And when you care, you do it large, brother.”
That caught me off-guard.
“Running the crew?”
“Players head of security.”
I’d expected more of an argument here, or maybe for Jude to come down on me about the whole thing. Take Piper’s side.
Definitely didn’t expect a promotion.
“I know you’ve got your other clients,” he said. “Your company. But we can make an arrangement. The Players would need to be your primary client. We’d need you on the road with the band, ideally. But if you want the gig, I’m sure we can work it all out.”
“Well… I’m honored,” I said, which was true. I knew Jude and Brody didn’t take these things lightly, and the offer wouldn’t be made unless they were sure. But. “I’ve gotta tell you, though. If I’m even gonna consider this… I’ve got some real issues with your club brothers.”
“And what issues would those be?”
“Their loyalty, for one. Honestly? I’m fucking pissed that Maddox went behind my back to Piper. No matter that Piper very possibly saved my ass last night—”
“Possibly?”
“If you want me managing security for this band,” I told him, “there are no Kings on my crew.”
“Lot of guys in the club have been doing security for Dirty for years.”
“Yeah, well. You and Dirty can do whatever you want. But your brothers’ loyalty is split. How can I protect my client if the guy I put on her isn’t one-hundred-percent loyal? If my orders mean less than your brother’s do?”
“Your client?” Jude kinda laughed. “You mean Summer? I figured you were in love with her by now, but Christ. Can you hear yourself?”
Yeah. I heard it.
“I’ll put someone else on her, as her bodyguard,” I muttered. Obviously, I had to. She
was way more my partner at this point than my client. We did everything together.
She was practically my wife.
“Good,” Jude said. “But other than that, everything stays the way it is. Haz is on Ash. My guys will back you up whenever you need them. And my brother and his club will keep saving your ass whenever I ask them to.”
That got my attention. “You asked them to?”
“Maddox didn’t call Piper,” he said. “He called me. He was watching your back, like he was supposed to. So, there’s your loyalty for you.”
I didn’t know what to say. That threw me for a major loop.
I’d just assumed Maddox had been on the phone to Piper the second he was out of my sight.
“And if I were you,” he added, “I’d seriously consider making Maddox Summer’s bodyguard. He’s licensed, he’s cleared to travel, and he wants it bad. And if that doesn’t work for you, I may have someone else I can pull from the club.”
And that’s when I got it. I saw it all clicking into place.
“You want them out,” I said. “That’s why you hire them out to the bands. You want to give them a chance to get out of the club.”
Jude didn’t respond to that, but he didn’t have to. It was obvious.
“Let me know who you decide to put on Summer,” he said instead. “You can get back to me about the head of security position. I’ll give you a few days to think it over, but the door’s not gonna be open forever.”
Naveen called, just as I was getting off the call with Jude—to tell me he’d received word that Blair Sanchuk had been arrested last night.
“I was just gonna call you,” I told him. “Just talked to Jude. But he either wouldn’t or couldn’t say much.”
“Well, I got the rundown,” Naveen informed me. “Sanchuk’s being charged with a long-ass list of serious offenses. Including possession of at least three controlled substances, and trafficking at least two. VPD is sifting through the evidence right now. It sounds like they’ve got him on methamphetamine, and get this, Flunitrazepam, better known as Rohypnol.”
Sweet Temptation: A Players Rockstar Romance (Players, Book 3) Page 45