I wish that things had been different, but I was a silly enough girl to believe that what we were experiencing was real. A bit of advice. Be truthful with people, think about their feelings, and you won’t have a problem getting the work you need done.
Good luck in your future.
Mia Crosswell Cuthbert
I must’ve read the letter at least 15 times before crumpling it up and throwing it as hard as I could across the room. I was pissed. I was pissed at so many things that I couldn’t even focus my attention on one. I was angry at my father for making me feel as if I had to lie about why Mia was there. I was angry at Mia for leaving. But most of all I was angry at myself for allowing myself to be put in a position to be heartbroken. She didn’t even let me explain.
Everything that I thought was real, had just tumbled down at full speed over my head. I knew I should’ve just stayed cold, focused on work, and alone. Anything was better than the crushing feeling in my chest at that moment.
20
Mia
It had been two days since I arrived back in Chicago. I had sent Lily a text message when I boarded the plane, not feeling like verbally expressing what had happened. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that if I was coming home, alone, and early, something had happened. Lily had known me for so long that she knew exactly how to handle the situation. She picked me up from the airport but didn’t ask me any questions, she just wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly before leading me out of the terminal and into the cab.
When we got home, I walked straight to my room, threw down my luggage, and climbed into the bed. I just felt so tired. I was worn out from the emotional roller coaster I had just been on. I could have faced Evan, but I didn’t see the point in it. It would’ve just been a broken record, a repeat from the night before. He had lied to me, used me, and I could only imagine what my life would’ve been like when we got back. It would only have been a matter of time until I lost my job and it probably wouldn’t have taken him very long to end things between the two of us. After all, he was just trying to keep me there to keep the client happy.
“Hey there,” Lily smiled as I walked out to the living room wrapped in a blanket.
“Hi,” I said with little emotion in my voice.
She scooted over and let me sit next to her on the couch. Looking me up and down, Lily flipped a piece of my greasy hair back out of my face. “I know you’re having a grandiose moping session trying to heal your broken heart, but I want you to know that eventually I’m going to force you to stop. Right now, it’s okay, it’s within the timeframe you’re allowed. But hearts break, I know this firsthand, and the only way to get that pain out of your chest is to pick yourself up and keep moving.”
I laid my head on her shoulder, staring off into the distance. “This is a pretty magnificent mope though, you have to admit. I just don’t understand how I could’ve been so stupid. I seriously thought that we were creating something together. I thought that he actually had feelings for me. When I came walking down the hall and I heard him talking to his father, it was like somebody punched me in the stomach. It was such a conflicting emotion. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to hear him say that he didn’t mean it. At the same time, I wanted to run as far away from him as I could get. How can you want someone and hate them so much at the same time?”
Lily put her arm around my shoulders and chuckled. “That is the age-old question that we’ve been asking the universe for centuries. It’s those emotions that keep us in relationships we shouldn’t be in. It’s those emotions that leave you rendered almost helpless, greasy, and wrapped in a blanket in the middle of the day. But it’s also those emotions that allow us to pick ourselves up and become stronger and more knowing as we grow.”
I sighed deeply. “You’re so wise.”
I chuckled, lifting my head up as she rolled her eyes and flicked me in the arm. The smile faded from her lips and she glanced down at her hands. “I remember the first heartbreak I ever had. My first love. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the only relationship I’ve ever had that I actually imagined myself as a wife and a mother in. And I’m pretty sure it’s the exact breakup that turned me into the person I am today.”
I lifted one eyebrow. “You mean cynical and bitchy?”
Lily grinned. “That’s exactly what I mean. But that cynicism is what’s kept me from having another broken heart of that magnitude. It’s not that I don’t care about people or that I don’t fall in love, it’s that I’m very specific on who I give my emotions to.”
“But that cynicism can also be what keeps you from truly feeling those emotions,” I replied. “Don’t you ever wonder if you miss out on amazing things because you’re afraid to feel completely obliterated by a man again?”
Lily put her hand to her chin, shifting her eyes upward as if she were thinking. “No. I don’t really care. I don’t believe in soulmates or love at first sight. I believe there are many people on earth that we could be happy with. The key to it is, finding the one that doesn’t make you feel like you want to strangle them every day. I feel like Evan would’ve made you want to strangle him at least twice a week.”
I laughed, nodding my head. “I should’ve never given him another chance. I should’ve just let it be what it was, worked in silence, and then come home. I was suckered.”
Lily stuck out her bottom lip and gripped my shoulder tighter. “I feel like I need to apologize for some of that. I didn’t give you very good best friend advice. Most best friends would’ve been like run, do not pass go, do not collect the jerk on your way out. But instead, in my infinite wisdom, I gave you real-world advice because I know things are not black-and-white. What I should have done was give you the advice that I would’ve taken.”
“What advice would that be?”
Lily shrugged. “Screw his brains out, take his money, eat at some fancy restaurants, and then unload the baggage when you got back to Chicago.”
We both stared at each other for several moments before bursting into laughter. It felt so good to laugh. I seriously didn’t know if I would ever laugh again.
When Lily finally caught her breath, getting rid of the giggles, her face went serious once again. “But really, I’m sorry for pushing you back into it. I should’ve warned you about men like him but you sounded so happy, and I haven’t seen you happy about a guy in… Well, ever.”
Shaking my head, I padded Lily on the knee. “You can’t put this on you. It had nothing to do with you. I would’ve made that choice regardless. It’s just always easier when you have someone backing you up. The truth is, I was stupid to think that he was any different than his father. It seems I’ve let the Lagrange family screw me over once again.”
Lily sat shaking her head in disgust. “You want me to go to his office, knock on the door, and then just punch him in the balls and leave?”
I snorted with laughter. “No. While I like your idea of revenge, I think the best thing for me to do at this point is just stay as far away from him as I possibly can. Just continue this rivalry. It’s just so hard though, I made that typical girl mistake and imagined what my life would be like dating him back in Chicago. I made memories that weren’t even memories yet. Why we do that to ourselves I’ll never understand.”
My phone buzzed on the coffee table and I stared at it for a moment, nervous to see whose name would pop up on the screen. Lily glanced at me and then over at the phone. She picked it up and looked at the number. “I don’t know who this is.”
It was a gamble, but I answered. “This is Mia.”
An unfamiliar voice answered from the other end of the line. “Hi Mia, this is Chris Holton from Holton Technologies on the east side of Chicago. I apologize for getting back to you so late. We received your resume months ago, before you graduated from college, but at the time we were going through some slight changes and didn’t want to call you until we had a full open position for you. I’d like you to come in and talk to me about our company. Jus
t know we are fully ready to offer you a job. We aren’t the biggest company, but there are opportunities to grow, both within the company, and as part of a growing corporation.”
Holton Technologies, a small town tech company that had grown quite a bit over the last five years, but still wasn’t in the major players of corporate technologies. The owner still ran the business, there was no board of directors, and you’d never find stock for their company online. Despite their size, I had heard amazing things about the owners and figured it would be a great backup plan should anything happen to my goals.
It seemed I was at the moment that I needed a backup plan. “You actually called at the perfect time. I just recently left the tech company that I was working for and was preparing to apply for new positions. I remember your company, I only sent resumes to companies I knew I would be happy working with. And if you have a job for me within your company, I don’t really have to think about it. My answer would be of course, I would love to come work for you.”
I took the job without a thought. What was there really do think about? I no longer had a job, they had a job for me, and I was lucky enough to be able to work in my chosen field. I was in a position where the salary really didn’t make much difference. I didn’t pay anything for where I lived, I didn’t have a car payment, and my cell phone was still under my father’s plan. It was actually kind of funny. I had tried so hard to break away from my father, but it was true, I didn’t turn down the material things that would help me get further in life. In that moment, I was really grateful to be in that position.
“That’s just great to hear,” Chris replied. “I’m sorry that you left the other technology company. Hopefully you’ll be up to finding a home here with us. I would love for you to come in tomorrow, meet the team, and we can go over employment contracts.”
“That sounds perfect,” I replied immediately. “I’ll be there bright and early to see you guys. I very much appreciate you getting back to me. Like I said, I think the universe put us together.”
Chris laughed. “I couldn’t agree more. We’ll see you in the morning.”
I hung up the phone and glanced over at Lily whose lip was sneered and her forehead was wrinkled. “The universe brought you together? What? You get a broken heart and go on some spiritual enrichment path?”
Laughing, I shrugged. “The owner of Holton Technologies, Chris Holton, is a well-known spiritual person with no specific religion. I researched it when I sent in an application to them months ago. I figured it might come in handy at some point. I really had no idea what company was going to offer me a job, so I made sure that I had enough information to play my cards right.”
Lily shook her head yawning. “You, ma’am, are much more cut-throat than I think you realize.”
“That would’ve been the perfect thing to say to me when I called you.”
Lily hung her head. “I’m still learning. I’m like a toddler in a grown woman’s body, you know this. From now on, I’m just going to start calling you cut-throat. That way you never have to ask me for advice, you know you are hardcore.”
I stood up and stretched my arms out, heading over to the freezer and pulling out two pints of ice cream. I tossed one to Lily and grabbed two spoons. “Well, this hardcore tech geek is going to enjoy her last day of pity parties and eat this entire pint of ice cream. Hopefully, it’ll cure my broken heart.”
21
Evan
Coming back to Chicago seemed like a chore. I didn’t have to stay that long in California considering everyone was pretty well trained and the company was capable of doing virtual meetings at any time. The client was still very satisfied and excited to implement his new system. The check had been deposited in the company bank account that morning. I should’ve been extraordinarily happy about this, it was a huge break for my company, but I felt almost empty inside. The truth was, I had felt empty inside since Mia left.
It didn’t help that as soon as I got back to Chicago my father wanted to have a meeting with me. I felt like a child being scorned. He was still livid about Mia even though she had been out of the company for a couple weeks at that point. I knew he wouldn’t let it go for a really long time. I had every intention of going into the meeting and just sitting through it, letting him get it out of his system. But when I got there, I couldn’t seem to keep my cool.
“What kind of irresponsible crap was that?” My father asked, banging his fist on the conference room table.
I cleared my throat and glanced over out the glass windows. Some of the employees were walking by, picking up their pace as my father started yelling. I had spent the last couple of weeks sitting in a house, doing nothing but thinking about Mia. I had stewed in it and stewed in it and still didn’t feel any better than I did the moment I read that letter. The letter that was still folded in my pocket. Not still screwed up in a ball?
My father continued. “That family doesn’t deserve the kind of position you were going to offer Mia. I don’t care how smart she is, how determined she is, or how she explained to you that she was just trying to make a life for herself. They can’t be trusted. I thought I taught you this when you were a kid. For all we know, she was there to spy on us.”
I let him go on for a little bit longer but finally I lost my temper. I balled my fists and slammed them down on the desk, standing up and knocking my chair to the floor. My father went silent, never having seen me react like that. I pointed my finger at him, so angry I could barely find the words.
“How dare you,” I growled at him. “How dare you sit here and lecture me on my choices, in my business, when you were the very person that started the feud between that family and ours. I don’t care how much you want to feel better about yourself. You know, deep down inside, beyond the lies you’ve told all these years, you were the one that betrayed his trust to begin with. He was your friend, and he told you things in confidence for his business. What did you do? You jumped in on a sale that would’ve made his company, and stole it right out from beneath them. And you did it in an unethical way. In fact, the entire thing was unethical.”
My father’s mouth opened but then closed again, his own anger bubbling up inside. I wasn’t about to take it from him either. Before he could say anything, I cut back in. “The whole reason that we have that client, that my company was just taken to the next level, is because of Mia. She’s the reason why you got what you wanted. Not once did she complain. Not once did she try to do anything nefarious towards our company. She went above and beyond in every aspect of the project. She worked her ass off in college, did internships for us where she was a superstar, and then was here for less than a week before she was chosen for one of the biggest projects we’ve ever done. Stop blaming everyone else for you and her father’s feud.”
My father’s hands were shaking. “You can’t talk to me like this. He fought me for years. He wouldn’t let it go. He was the reason his company almost went out of business. He just kept throwing money at lawyers knowing full well I had far deeper pockets than he did.”
I put my hand up and shook my head. “I’m not rehashing this with you. You and her father have issues, and you both have dragged every person you know into them. You have made moments of excitement and happiness negative because you just had to tell your story to whoever would listen. You ruined birthdays and anniversaries, stressed mom out, and you tried to instill in your own son unethical business practices. That girl went through the same thing that I’ve been going through, but she is smart enough and strong enough to get out of the cycle. I’m tired of being treated like I’m still a little boy.”
I grabbed my cell phone and shoved it in my pocket, walking toward the door. Yanking the door open, I stopped and looked over my shoulder at my father. “I think you forgot whose business this is. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really do but at some point, I have to stand up for myself. This is not your company. And this is not your life. If I choose to employ Mia that is my business. If I choose to be
friends with Mia that is my business. You have made me so uncomfortable that even as an adult I felt like I had to lie to you on the phone. And that lie was overheard by Mia. I hurt her because I was too weak to tell you to worry about yourself. I love you, I really do, but I think it’s time maybe you thought about retiring. If you don’t, you won’t have anybody left in your life when you really need them the most.”
I walked out of the conference room and didn’t look back. I could tell that people were standing there staring, never having heard me stand up for myself or raise my voice to anyone. I didn’t really care. It was time that I took steps towards a better life. To take control and stop letting those stupid things change the way that I lived.
I left the building and headed four blocks to one of the local parks. It was the same park that my mom would bring me to when I was a little boy, waiting for my father to get out of meetings. It was the middle of the day so no one was really there. I stepped up on the bench of the picnic table and sat down, looking out at the perfectly mowed green grass and the freshly painted kids play area. It was so nice and quiet there. Not quiet like the house was in California after Mia left, but peaceful and serene.
Hating Him Wanting Him : A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 12