The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7

by Jacqueline Druga

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  “Frank, hold still,” Dean spoke so annoyed as he finished bandaging Frank’s burns.

  “Dean, come on. I’ve been here long enough.” Frank’s head tilted to the side so Dean could finish up on his neck. “Why are you bandaging me up?”

  “I want these burns kept clean. I don’t want them to get infected, especially . . .” Dean finished up and stepped back, “the ones on the face. If they get infected, they’ll scar worse.”

  Frank’s eyes caught Dean’s. “You think I’m worried about that?”

  “No, but I am.” He walked over to the sink to wash his hands. “I want you on light duty for a week.”

  “What?” Frank laughed. “No way. I can’t right now, not right now. We’re in the middle of training the next batch of guys to go out. We have a run in a couple weeks. We have tactical maneuvers. I can’t spare a week.” Frank looked down at his watch. “How about a couple hours?”

  “How about not?” Dean dried his hands. “You dislocated your shoulder, Frank. It was a bitch to pop back in.”

  “I do have to say that impressed me when you did that.”

  “Gee thanks, but getting back to that shoulder. It needs time to heal. Do you mean to tell me you can’t train your men without lifting or being Superman?”

  “I guess I could.”

  “Good, then you will. Since you won’t let me brace that shoulder, you have to not use it. Got that?” Dean instructed. “And refrain from doing things will keep those burns from getting infected too. Walk your perimeters, train your guys, but physical participation has to be limited.”

  “All right, all right.” Frank shook his head. “Anything else?”

  “I mixed you up some medication for the pain. The topical I put on will wear off in a few hours and they’ll hurt.” He walked over to the tray and picked up the small bottle. He handed it to Frank. “No drinking when you take this.”

  “Yes, Ellen,” Frank said sarcastically.

  “I’m serious, Frank. No drinking if you take this. I’ll instruct Ellen about it.” Dean picked up Frank’s chart and a pencil. “I also wanted to tell you, you did a good job today with Henry.”

  “Thanks.” Frank slid off the table and looked around for his shirt. When he found it, he saw he couldn’t wear it because Dean had cut most of it off of him. He tossed the remnants over his shoulder as if it could be some use to him and began to leave.

  “Frank?” Dean called out to him. “What happened in that lab today?”

  Frank stopped just at the door. “Problem with the electric.”

  “Do you really think that?”

  “Nope, I think it was set up. I think . . . let’s just say I don’t think Henry’s accident was an accident.”

  “Can you prove that?”

  “Me personally? No. I don’t know enough about electronics and I don’t trust anyone else’s opinion. Henry can tell me. That’s why I have a guard on the door down there with strict instructions not to let a soul in there until either me or my Dad can go down there and reprogram a code no one knows. That way everything will be untouched and the same until Henry is well enough to look it over.”

  “Henry was working on the SUT program. Is that gone, do you know?” Dean asked.

  “No my dad has it. It was outside the lab when the fire started. At least Henry will be glad about that. Hey Dean, when do you think he’ll be up and about?”

  “Hard to say, Frank,” Dean said. “The thing in Henry’s favor is he’s not one to be down for too long. So a good guess would be few days or so in the clinic and another few days rest at home, but we wouldn’t be talking about him being up and about at all if it wasn’t for you.”

  Frank quietly nodded once and reached for the door handle of the examining room.

  Finishing writing in the chart, Dean walked across the examining room to begin to clean it up. “Frank, tell Ellen when she gets a chance I want to talk to her. I want to instruct her on the follow up care for those burns.”

  “I’ll tell her.”

  “I mean she might as well do it. She is still staying with you this week right?”

  “Right.” Frank started to leave. “And . . . hopefully, with the way things are with me and her, she won’t leave after this week at all. See ya’ Dean.”

  The few items that Dean held in his hand toppled with Frank’s words the moment he left. If Frank saw things going well between him and Ellen now, how much better would he insure them to be while Ellen lived there? If Dean didn’t feel threatened before in his new understanding with Ellen, he certainly was feeling a twinge of it right there.

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  Ellen ran her fingers across the glove styled bandage placed on Henry’s hand. The tips of his nails were the only portion poking through. Even the area surrounding them were red. “Look at his hand Joe. He’s burnt.” She stared down at a sleeping Henry, lifting his hand gently. “How badly is he burned? His hands are so nice. He gets manicures from Cindy.”

  “Oh my God. They’ll be nice again, Ellen. You heard Andrea. They’ll heal. Henry is going to be fine. He’ll get those manicures.”

  “I can’t believe he almost died.”

  “Ellen.” Joe rested his hand on her shoulder. “He did die.” He could feel the tension fill her body with his words . “It was scary. The look on my son’s face when he pulled Henry out . . . panic. When do you know Frank to panic?”

  “Never, and speaking of Frank . . .” Ellen turned from the bed. “I think we should find out what’s taking him so long.”

  “They had to clean his burns.”

  “Is it bad, Joe?” Ellen asked.

  “He could have been worse.”

  Looking back at Henry, Ellen bent down and kissed him on the cheek rand ran her hand across his face after she did. “I’ll be back, Henry.” Holding on to Joe’s arm, she let him escort her out of the room. When she stepped out she saw Frank walking down the hall. He didn’t wear a shirt and his bandages showed predominantly because of it. “Frank.”

  Frank smiled when he saw her release Joe and walk toward him in a quick pace. Before he could say any words, Ellen had thrown her arms around him and he returned the embrace.

  “Thank you for saving him.”

  “El . . .”

  “I’m sorry. I’m probably hurting you.” She pulled back. “Look at you. How bad are the burns?”

  “Bad enough for you to have to be my nurse. Dean says they’ll need cleaned out or something like that. You have to check with him.”

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Not much. Dean gave me some medication.”

  “No drinking with that, Frank.” Ellen pointed her finger.

  “No drinking.” He raised his right hand.

  “What took you so long?”

  “Oh fuckin Dean. He used every excuse in the book so he could keep looking at my chest.” Frank snickered. “So how’s Henry?”

  “Sleeping. Andrea says he’ll be fine. He’ll wake up soon enough.” Ellen saw him peeking in the room. “Are you going to go in there and see him?”

  “I will, but not now. I want to take care of something down in the lab. Dad? Can you come with me?”

  “Sure Frank,” Joe answered.

  “Good.” Frank leaned down to Ellen and kissed her on the cheek “I’ll be right back.”

  “Frank?” Ellen grabbed his arm as he began to walk away. “Why are you going down to the lab?”

  “To take a look. I was so consumed this morning I didn’t look at the lab.”

  “But why are you going to look at it? To assess damage?” Ellen asked.

  “No El, to try to find out what happened this morning. What really happened. I’ll be back.”

  Ellen watched Frank leave with Joe as she stood in the corridor right outside of Henry’s room. She knew exactly what Frank meant by his tone and what he insinuated with his words. She thought for sure they knew what happened, a faulty electrical system. She had sat for two hours with Jo
e and he said nothing about it being anything else but an accident. Obviously, with Frank’s demeanor and insistence at that moment, it was more than they let on. It was bad enough that Frank was injured and Henry lay in a bed unconscious and lucky to be alive. But now it was worse, scarier, because now something she didn’t think of had popped into her mind, the possibility that someone had done it on purpose.

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  For the first time since he was a kid, Robbie felt like a child. He stared up into the blue sky watching the Beginnings’ helicopter pull away and felt that lost aching pull in his chest. Where was Frank? Since the whole thing began, Frank had been the one who dropped off the supplies. Even just his presence, had given Robbie the push to go on.

  Robbie felt like the kid who longed to tag along with his big brother. But now, with Frank not showing up, Robbie felt much more left behind than he had. Perhaps it was the exhaustion he was feeling that exaggerated what was going through his heart, but Robbie felt down. What could Frank have to do that was more important than taking the twenty minutes out of his day it took to drop off supplies? Robbie spoke to his father and he hadn’t said there was trouble. Hoping that he was overreacting, Robbie moved with his supplies back to the church where all of the men were.

  Stepping into that church with his bags across his shoulders, Robbie’s mind flashed back years earlier. The church reminded him so much of the one that sat on the street corner in downtown Ashtonville. He remembered walking into that church, St. Michael’s, three days before they were to begin the runs to pick up supplies for Beginnings. Maybe it was the reality back then that made him seek out the feel of God and maybe it was the reality of what was happening to Robbie now that made him think of that. But whether it was God’s doing or not, it was his brother back then that made him feel better...

  Robbie sat in the last pew of that church in Ashtonville. The reason for the silence in that church was painful when it dawned on Robbie that he wasn’t just sitting in an empty God’s house, but an empty God’s world as well. It surprised Robbie when he heard the doors to the church open. It was darker in there. The only light was what shone through the stained glass windows and Robbie knew he wasn’t seen. Maybe Frank wasn’t looking when he walked in. Frank walked straight to the altar, genuflected and blessed himself before kneeling on the kneeler in the first pew. His hands were folded and his head down. Frank praying? In Robbie’s mind the only remembrance he had of Frank talking of God was when Frank swore.

  “Frank,” Robbie’s whispered--as if he’d disturb someone if he didn’t. He stood up and walked to the front with his brother.

  “Robbie?” Frank turned his head over his cupped hands.

  “What are you doing?” Robbie slid in the pew.

  “I’m fuckin praying. What do you think I’m doing? Man.”

  Robbie snickered and knelt down next to Frank. “Since when did you start praying?”

  “I guess I always did.” Frank shrugged. “Maybe now I’m just a little worried about these trips we’re making. You?”

  “Yeah.”

  “This was my church you know.”

  “I do. I remember coming to Johnny’s christening here. I used to think, I bet these are the only times Frank walks through the doors of this church.”

  “They were,” Frank smiled. “I never was the big religious guy.”

  “That’s because Dad used to shove it down our throats growing up. Making us get up early, get dressed, look neat, and sit in church.”

  “So what happened to Jimmy and Hal? They still go to church . . . or did.” Frank’s head dropped.

  “Frank? Let me ask you something. Do you blame God for all of this?”

  “Not at all. I blame man for all of this. God gave us all the choice to do what we want in our lives and somewhere we fucked up.”

  “That’s pretty deep coming from you.”

  “Nah.” Frank shook his head. “I just reworded it. I heard Dad say something like that to Andrea last night.”

  “So you think He . . .” Robbie motioned his head up to the crucifix. “You think He has the answers?”

  “I think He’s giving them to us in His own way. He kept us alive. Right now, to me, that doesn’t seem like such a good thing, but I’m sure there’s a reason for it. He’s got his reasons. I have to believe that somewhere down the road, they’ll be some good again in our lives. A second chance. And I’m gonna fight real hard not to fuck it up again.”

  “Dad’s words?”

  “My words.” Frank gave a closed mouth smile to Robbie. “You asked me. Let me ask you. Why are you in church? You’re not the religious guy either.”

  “A little peace maybe.”

  “Peace? Robbie there’s not a soul around. You can get peace by walking in the supermarket down the street.”

  “Inner peace, Frank.”

  “Whoa.” Frank’s eye widened. “Now who’s being deep?”

  “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as angry as I feel right now. I’m pissed. You know I worked really hard in my life to get where I was and now it means nothing. I started dating this girl and she was pretty nice. Gone. Do you realize that since I was a teenager I had wanted to be with Ellen? Talk about having to go through some drastic measures to do so . . .” He saw the corner of the eye look he got from Frank. “Sorry.”

  Frank let out a slow huffing breath. “Let’s not touch that subject again. Please. We’re in the house of God. I don’t want to get pissed at you again.”

  Robbie tried not to laugh. “Subject changed.”

  “Good. So are you finding your inner peace?”

  “No, and my back is starting to hurt. Can we sit now?”

  “Yeah, mine’s hurting too.” With a grunt and a slight moan they both brought themselves into the pew to sit. “Better.” Frank twisted himself to the left. “Remember Dad used to hit us on the back of the head with the hymnals if our asses hit the pew when we knelt.”

  “I remember him telling us that was the reason they made them hard backed.” Robbie brought his one leg up and close to his chest. “I watched a lot of people die, Frank. A lot. You on the other hand slept through the plague . . .”

  “Hey.”

  “I never want to go through that again.”

  “Hopefully, Robbie, you won’t.”

  A loud bang of the church door echoed in and so did Ellen’s voice. “Hey. What are you two doing in here?” She walked up.

  Frank held his finger to his mouth. “Quiet El.”

  “Why?” She asked.

  Frank looked at Robbie then at Ellen. “Um . . . respect. What are you doing here? Are you here to pray too?”

  “Who me?” Ellen held her hand to her chest. “Hell no. I’m here to get some candles.” She walked straight up to the altar. “Best place. Isn’t that why you two are here?” She looked at them and didn’t get an answer. “Wait a second.” She started to snicker. “Frank and Robbie Slagel praying? Oh wait until I tell Joe.”

  Frank sprang up. “No-no. We were taking a break. We came to get candles.”

  “Yeah.” Robbie stood also.

  “Right,” Ellen scoffed. “You probably were having some deep, sappy conversation too, weren’t you?” She began to grab candles. “Big tough Slagels. Joe is gonna die.” She shook her head while shoving more candles in a bag.

  Frank nodded his head up to Ellen. “Robbie, I think we should chase her skinny ass down and tie her hair in knots like we used to when she threatened to tell Dad.”

  Ellen dropped her candle bag and looked at them, she fake snickered. “Sure.” She saw them staring at her. “Guys, that was fourteen years ago.”

  Robbie motioned his head at her. “How much of a head start?”

  Frank thought about it. “Ten second? Sound fair?”

  “Sounds fair.” Robbie smiled. “One . ..”

  “Guys.” Ellen backed off the altar and passed them. “You’re joking, right?”

  Robbie continued counting. “Five, six
. . .” He stopped counting when he heard a panicked ‘Shit!’ come from Ellen and she ran from the church, letting the door slam loudly as it did when she entered.

  Frank walked up to the altar. “Look Robbie, she left the candles. Let’s go bitch at her for not finishing her work.”

  Robbie’s mind snapped from that memory when he heard the slam of the church door where he stood. He turned around, startled to see Marty slumping in his walk in. “Where were you?” Robbie asked the ill man.

  “I had to get some fresh air.” He spoke weakly. “Do you need any help?”

  “No. You just rest. I need you to get strong.”

  “You looked deep in thought.” Marty held on to the pew and he helped himself to sit.

  “I was,” Robbie smiled.

  “I take it that was a good thought?”

  “It was.”

  “Had to be hard to do with all that’s happening.”

  Robbie wanted to tell him it wasn’t. How odd it was that such a bad situation caused and bred a good memory. How it was horrible back then, and somehow he found himself smiling on a bad day. Robbie hoped at that moment, as he returned to his work, that this horrible situation so similar to the last, would somehow, in the future, end with a smile too. For that--how ironically--Robbie actually prayed.

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  It was Frank’s turn that evening and he returned to the clinic to do it. He had fed the kids, all of them, settled them down, and got them situated for Denny and Josh who would watch them until Ellen got home. That’s what they had done all day, every two hours switching duty on who would sit with Henry. Though they both wanted to, they knew they both couldn’t. Since both Frank and Ellen felt one of them should be there when he woke up, they switched turns, promising to call the other the moment Henry regained consciousness. Denny and Josh were prepared for that too.