“But he did.” Max spoke in such a quiet voice that I was sure I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“What do you mean?” I looked toward the window. “Did you see him out there?”
“Sammy.” Max shifted in his chair. He leaned forward and reached for my hand.
I drew back away from him. I didn’t want him to know that I was trembling in an attempt to hold back the grief that was brewing in me.
“He saw me and changed his mind—is that it?” I bit into my bottom lip.
“No, that’s not it. Sammy, please.” He reached for my hand again.
This time when I tried to dodge it, he grabbed my hand anyway. He tightened his grip when I tugged back.
I stared into his eyes with confusion. “I’m okay, Max. It’s okay. It’s what I expected. We should just go.”
“No.” He refused to let go of my hand.
I felt the electricity bolt through me in response to his touch. It was rather sadistic. Between the pain I was feeling over Blue’s rejection and the desire that Max was forcing me to feel, I was sure that I would lose my mind right there in the middle of the restaurant.
“Sammy, I need to tell you something, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough.”
I froze. I remembered that exact statement from an e-mail that Blue had written. As my mind began to react to that, Max looked into my eyes.
“Max, you know you can tell me anything. What’s wrong?”
He licked his lips and looked down at the table. He seemed very troubled by what he wanted to confess.
“Max, I love you.” I squeezed his hand. “Remember?”
“Do you?” He looked up at me.
When our eyes met, the spark that jolted through me stole my breath.
He continued, “I’ve done something—something I don’t know that you’re going to be able to forgive me for.”
The waitress seemed to sense that we needed a moment. My mind raced with what Max could have done. I couldn’t begin to imagine something that I’d not be able to forgive Max for.
“Just tell me.” I searched his eyes. My heart lurched. “Does it have to do with our friendship?” My eyes burned with a mist of tears, because I’d always feared that one day something would happen that would take that from me.
“Yes.”
Max’s answer was so clear that it felt like a sword to my gut. He didn’t even hesitate. It made me think that he’d been waiting to tell me this for some time. Why would he pick this moment of all moments, when I’d already been stood up by Blue, to talk about this with me? I tried to pull my hand away again, but he held it just as tight. A swirl of fury, hurt, and grief threatened to make me scream.
“I can’t be friends with you any more, Sammy. I’ve tried. God, have I tried. I know that’s what you want, but I just can’t sit back and watch you dating these men. It makes me crazy and I—” His voice caught in his throat.
Chapter 31
In the cloud of all of my emotions, I could barely comprehend what he was saying. I could only stare at the tension in his expression. Maybe I understood perfectly. Maybe I was just too afraid to believe that it could be true.
“I thought that if you had the chance to get to know me—to see me as someone other than your buddy Max—I thought it might change how you feel. It seemed like every time I tried to get you to look at me in a different way, you would pull even further back. Blue could tell you the truth and you drew closer instead. But I let it get out of hand. I never meant to hurt you, Sammy. I’m so sorry that I did that. It broke my heart to see you with tears in your eyes. I was just so scared it would ruin everything if I told you the truth and I’d let things go on too long and I just didn’t know how to fix it.” He spoke so fast that I could barely keep up.
“Max, what are you saying?” I wondered for a moment if my mind had broken and I was hearing words that he wasn’t actually speaking. It was the only explanation that made sense to me. “I don’t understand.”
I was starting to, but I still held my breath. I wanted to believe that it was true, but how could everything that I’d hoped for, for so long, suddenly be happening?
He clenched his jaw. He closed his eyes. Then I watched those beautiful lips part.
“Blue didn’t stand you up tonight. He was just a little late. I’m right here.” He opened his eyes and looked into mine. “I’m Blue.”
My sight grew sharp. It was as if a veil had been lifted and I could see clearly for the first time. That swirl of Blue that I’d experienced in my meditation settled right into Max. I realized that how I felt about Blue was nearly identical to how I’d always felt about Max. Max, the true love that I never thought could be mine.
“Max.” I breathed his name as if I was saying it for the first time. My world felt as if it had been flipped upside down in the most magical way. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” I stared with disbelief across the table at him. “Didn’t you know that I would do anything to hear you say that you wanted more than friendship? You had to have known.”
I thought about all of the times that I’d come so close to kissing him, to telling him the truth about how I felt. All of those moments I’d let pass me by, because I was sure he could never feel that way about me.
“I did know.” Max settled his hands in his lap. “For a while I knew. I knew, but I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I wanted fun, not commitment. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just wanted things to stay the same—until I was ready to change them. I was so selfish.”
I nodded a little, but I didn’t speak. I didn’t want him to stop talking.
“Then suddenly it seemed like you changed. Like you were done with me in that way. I thought I’d missed my chance. I dropped hints, but you kept ignoring them or pushing me away. It was like I couldn’t get you to see me as anything other than your friend any more. When I saw that you started a blog, I thought it might be my chance to communicate with you, to let you see who I really am. Not just this shallow womanizer, like you seemed to think, but that there was more to me.” He shook his head. “It was only supposed to be for a little while, then I was going to tell you the truth. But the more I got to hear your thoughts, the more I shared mine with you and the more afraid I became that I would lose that connection with you if I told you the truth.”
“How did I not know?” I stared at him with no expectation of an answer. I knew there wasn’t one.
Max held my gaze. “I was careful.”
“But why? Once you knew how I felt, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because I was in too deep by then. I was afraid if I told you the truth you would never trust me again. I know how important that is to you.”
“You know that, but you still did all of this.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. I couldn’t get anything to make sense. Amid all of my confusion, was pure bliss. Could it really be true?
“I just wanted you to know me—to know who I really am.
“Sammy, say something.” I opened my eyes and looked at him intently. “Anything.”
I parted my lips, but I couldn’t form any words. My brain was still trying to catch up with my emotions.
“Sammy, I love you. I’m in love with you.” He held my gaze as he spoke. “Tell me I’m not too late.”
A ripple of pure euphoria carried through me. I still felt like I was in a dream—or worse, a psychotic break of some kind. I didn’t really think any of it could be real.
Then all at once it struck me that it was real.
“Maybe I should go. Give you time to think.”
He stood up from the table.
“No. Max, wait.” I stood up and took his hand in mine. “Max, is this a dream?”
I almost didn’t want him to answer. I didn’t want there to even be a chance that this was all some cruel trick of my subconscious.
“It’s real. I can prove it.” He curled his fingers around my hand and pulled me close.
I could see him leaning close. I cou
ld feel the warmth of his lips as they neared mine. But I didn’t believe it until I felt the tentative kiss. My heart leaped. My body quivered with the power of the electricity between us. He drew back some and looked into my eyes, as if waiting for my approval. I stared back at him, still too stunned to notice that we had the attention of everyone in the restaurant.
“Sammy?” Max squeezed my hand. “Is it too late? I’ll understand if it is. I won’t like it, but I’ll understand.”
I almost laughed at the absurdity of his words. How could it ever be too late for Max? I was about to tell him just that, when I felt a deep urge to do something that I hadn’t thought I’d ever do.
Chapter 32
I couldn’t resist it. I didn’t want to put it off any longer.
“Wait. Wait, there’s something I have to do!” I tugged my hand free of Max’s and reached into my purse. He looked at me with tightened lips and narrowed eyes. It seemed as if he was bracing himself for my rejection.
“Just one moment,” I mumbled and continued to dig until I felt the well-worn paper against my fingertips. It was so familiar to me that I didn’t even have to see it to know that it was the right piece of paper.
Max watched as I pulled out my bucket list. He smiled as he recognized the paper with all of the different-colored ink, the doodles, and the marked-off items. One very important one, surrounded by kissy lips and tiny hearts, was waiting to be marked off. I fumbled in my purse for a pen. In order to get to it I managed to toss everything from lip gloss to receipts all over the floor. At any second I expected the hostess to walk over with a grim frown. Finally, I found the pen at the very bottom and I drew a careful line through the most important item on my list—Kiss Max.
“I can cross this off!” I grinned.
Max laughed as he watched me attack the paper with the pen. “It was an honor to be on the list.”
I didn’t mention that he’d always been on the list. I thought I’d fill him in on that later. I remembered adding the item again, and thinking that it was just a fool’s dream.
Now it was my reality. It was done. It was my greatest accomplishment. Even as I marked it off, I still had a hard time believing it. I tucked the list back into my now empty purse and looked back at Max.
“It’s not too late.” I took his hand again. “It’s exactly the right time.”
I looked into his eyes. I saw our future unfolding. I didn’t see a certain place or a certain timeline. Instead, I saw his hand remaining in mine.
A smattering of applause alerted me to the fact that several diners had been listening in. Normally I would have been mortified to have so much attention focused on me. But with Max’s eyes locked to mine, I didn’t even notice.
“I love you, Sammy.”
“I love you too, Max.”
We’d said those words to one another so many times, but this was the first time that we were honest about what they really meant.
Every single thought I’d ever had about kissing Max flooded my mind. I didn’t wait for him to kiss me again. Instead, my body filled with sparks as my lips approached his.
I expected him to pull away, I expected the restaurant to explode, I expected the ceiling to cave in on top of us. What I didn’t expect was the tantalizing silk of his lips welcoming mine. Even in my wildest dreams, kissing Max had seemed impossible. But there in the restaurant where I’d been close to shedding tears over Blue’s absence, I found my true love—my one and only love that had been by my side through thick and thin. My true love who was also my best friend.
My world spun, my body felt as if it was alive for the very first time. It was so much more than I’d imagined it would be. I was weak-kneed and out of breath, but I didn’t want the kiss to ever stop.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he slid his arms around my waist and drew my body close against his.
For the first time ever in my life, I felt as if I was exactly where I was meant to be.
Single Wide Female in Love
(Book 2)
The Girlfriend
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
The waitress cleared the dishes away from the table. I felt my heart begin to race. I gazed across the table at Max. He fumbled with his suit jacket in an attempt to smooth it down. I tried not to grin at how fussy he was about his appearance. Max always dressed well, but he never seemed to care too much about how he looked. This was the first time in a long time that I’d seen him looking even the slightest bit insecure. With a gentle touch, I reached out and straightened his lapel for him.
“Thanks.” Max smiled at me. “It’s nice to have you looking out for me.”
A laugh bubbled up within me.
We’d been dating for exactly one year. It was hard not to think about that first kiss that we’d shared, since we were at the very same restaurant where it had happened. Max had suggested the place and the night. He had also been acting as if he had a secret.
As soon as I’d heard the plans for the evening, my mind had gone wild with anticipation. I’d gone to a lot of trouble to be sure that my hair was perfect, my dress fit me just right, and my make-up was flawless.
Now that we’d finished our meal, I expected it to happen at any moment.
The proposal.
There was no question in my mind that Max and I belonged together. We’d talked about marriage and our future together. It was just a matter of when we would take that next step.
When Max made the arrangements for the date, I was sure that he would be taking that next step—so sure, in fact, that I’d hired a photographer to take a picture of the moment. I always thought it was a shame that most people didn’t get a picture of their proposal, and I knew that it was a photograph that I would treasure.
As I waited for him to get down on one knee, my mind filled with visions of the wedding and the plans to be made.
Even though I expected it, when Max stood up my breath caught in my throat. It was hard for me to believe that it was really happening. It was everything I’d dreamed about since the very first day I met Max.
“Sammy.” Max smiled.
I smiled back. Then I glanced over to where I knew the photographer was seated. The woman was poised to pounce on the opportunity.
Max continued to run his hands along his suit jacket. “I guess you know what tonight is.”
“I do.” I looked up at him with adoration in my eyes. “The anniversary of our first kiss.”
“That’s right. It’s been an absolutely amazing year—the best year of my life.”
“One of many to come, I hope.” My heart filled with warmth. I was dizzy with excitement. I grinned so wide that the muscles in my cheeks ached from the effort.
“Absolutely.” The lights in the ceiling above him reflected in his eyes, which gave them the illusion that they twinkled. “That’s why I didn’t want this night to end without something special.”
I gripped the edge of the table and reminded myself that no matter what, I would not trip or fall when he proposed. I wanted the moment to be perfect.
“Sammy, this is for you.” He reached into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and drew out a small black box. As he held it out to me I felt my excitement deflate just a little. He wasn’t on one knee. I’d expected a little bit of a speech. But I reminded myself that it didn’t matter how he proposed.
“Oh, Max!” I reached out for the box. When I flipped the lid open, I felt the muscles of my cheeks finally relax. I stared with shock at the perfect heart-shaped gold charm nestled in a pillow of white. It was a stunning necklace, but it was not an engagement ring.
“Do you like it? I got it to match your tattoo.” His voice was full of pride.
I jumped at the flash of the camera and Max turned toward it.
“Ho
w odd. I think that woman just took a picture of us.” He shook his head. “Here, let me put it on for you.” He lifted it out of the box while I still struggled to recover from my shock.
I was glad that he was occupied with the necklace. His warm fingertip swept across the sensitive skin of my neck. I didn’t think that I could breathe again, but my body made me. I tried to snap myself out of my disappointment. I knew that I was being rude by not responding to him.
“It’s beautiful.” I willed my voice to sound genuine. I wasn’t sure if I succeeded. I waved my hand at the photographer when Max wasn’t looking. I didn’t want her to take any more pictures. “Thank you, Max.”
Max stepped back around in front of me. He leaned over to kiss me. The moment his lips touched mine it didn’t matter that he hadn’t proposed. I knew that he would when he was ready. My cheeks burned with embarrassment for getting myself worked up about it.
“Thank you, Sammy—for making my life so beautiful.” He kissed me once more.
Really, I couldn’t complain. I was amazed by Max and just how much he loved me.
Chapter 2
As we left the restaurant I turned back to see the photographer getting up as well. She tried to catch my attention, but I pretended not to notice. I wrapped my arm around Max’s and hung on tight.
“Did you enjoy the meal?” He paused to open the car door for me.
“I did.”
He reached out and repositioned the necklace. “It looks good on you.”
“Thanks.” I started to sit down in the car.
“Wait.” He leaned close and met my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean? We had a great night.”
“Sammy, don’t act like I don’t know you. I can tell that you’re upset.”
“I’m not upset. Maybe I just ate too much.” His eyes bored into mine as if he was searching for something.
“Sammy, you know you can tell me anything.”
“I know.”
“So tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell, Max. It was an amazing meal, I love my necklace and now I’m just a little tired.”
He stared at me a moment longer and then nodded.
I sat down in the car and frowned as he closed the door. It weighed heavy on my heart that he thought I was upset after he’d planned such a special night for us.
Single Wide Female in Love Complete Bundle: Books 1-4 Page 10