“I just want this school year to be over too,” Tad agreed, tossing my bandages in the trash.
“Why is that?”
“So I can kiss you and hold your hand in public and at times like this I could hold you in my strong arms,” he whispered, an eyebrow raised as he made his muscles bulge under his already tight shirt.
“Mhmm…those strong arms,” I replied. “I can’t wait to get home.”
“Are you talking about my apartment?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Tad looked at the ceiling.
“I really wish we were home…I like the sound of that—our home,” Tad replied.
“Me too,” I said, putting my hand over his, “because it is.”
Chapter 55
The weeks until the trial had passed in a blur of avoiding the media and intense stares from anyone who now knew who I was. The media had finally gotten the clue that I wasn’t going to talk and had left me alone for the majority of two weeks, but now as I sat in the car with Kirsten in front of the court house I knew their sentiment that I would talk would return. It felt shameful that these people so desperately wanted me to break for them. Tad and Bill were already inside the court room, but despite Kirsten’s urging I had opted to stay in the car until I knew Jennings was inside the court room. I thought that maybe once she had entered the media would dissipate, so I could enter the building undisturbed. I watched as the bodies milled and turned towards a police car that was pulling up to the curb. My stomach lurched, and I knew exactly who was inside of it. I knew the anger was useless, but each time I thought of Jennings I was hit with a pang of longing for my parents. I took a deep breath, and Kirsten squeezed my shoulders, as we both watched the policemen walk to the opposite side of the car and open the door. This was it. I would have to relive my near death, and face my parents’ killer. I would have to hold it together enough that Tad was protected, and so I didn’t appear as nuts as I felt. I clenched my jaw as Jennings stepped out of the car, and the crowd parted to allow her into the building. One man still remained where the crowd had parted to let the demon inside, and even as the policemen signaled for him to move, he stood without moving, without emotion on his pale face. The policemen stopped, and the man raised his arms.
“My daughter!” the man screamed, and a single shot echoed through the air.
The policemen had dodged to the side as Jennings body crumbled to the ground. I knew that chaos would soon begin, but I couldn’t fight my feet as they propelled me out of the car and towards the parted crowd. I stopped in front of the lifeless body and stared down at blank eyes, the pool of blood spreading in silent indifference as it filled the air with its metallic sickness. Despite what had just happened the crowd was quiet as it observed me. I couldn’t tear myself away from that evil, empty face, but Kirsten managed to grab my arms and drag me away. In that moment the world turned back on and one camera flash led to another and then another. The man who had shot Jennings was already handcuffed and sobbing.
“My Ashley, my Ashley,” he kept repeating, and his cries tore into my soul.
“Are you okay?” Kirsten asked as she turned me to face her.
“It doesn’t change what she did,” I whispered as I looked up to see Tad and Bill rushing out of the court room with panic on their faces.
“What just happened?” Bill asked as the ambulance rounded the corner.
“You couldn’t see the body?” I asked, watching Ashley’s dad being led to another police car. Her dad turned his head and in his tear stained face I saw the reflection of what I was feeling—complete emptiness.
“We heard the shot—is Jennings dead?” Tad asked, pulling at his tie.
“Ashley’s dad,” I explained, my eyes still locked on the police car that he was driving away in.
Tad pulled me into his arms in a tight hug.
“He did what all of us wanted to do but couldn’t,” he whispered into my ear.
“But her life wasn’t worth even one of theirs,” I explained as I breathed in Tad’s cologne. “It doesn’t feel any better.”
He kissed my head.
“I knew it wouldn’t,” was his reply.
“Does this mean no trial?” I wondered, turning to face Bill.
“You can’t try a dead person now can you?” he remarked. “But don’t be too relieved, you still have to testify against Lily.”
“That’s unless she accepts a plea bargain,” Tad interjected with his arms still tight around me.
“This is true,” Bill agreed looking down at Tad’s arm. Tad took a deep breath and dropped his arm, so he was no longer touching me.
“Abigail! Abigail!” the crowd of newscasters turned and rushed towards me.
Bill put up his arms.
“No comment,” he demanded and over his shoulder, said, “Get her to the car. We’re done here for now.”
Chapter 56
I took a deep breath as I looked out the window of Jaz’s red Civic at the large, overly fancy dress shop Kirsten had recommended. We weren’t supposed to go dress shopping for another week, but after the events at the trial Kirsten thought it would be a good way for me to get my mind off of things—like the fact that we were still waiting to hear if Lily’s council had convinced her that the plea bargain was her best choice.
“I’m so excited for this!”Jaz exclaimed once we had gotten out of the car and to the door of the dress shop.
“Me too,” I replied, trying to be excited about going to prom alone and at having my boyfriend as a chaperone.
“I’m sure we can convince the DJ to do a teacher-student dance,” Jaz suggested, knowing instantly what my sullen face was about.
“Ha-ha,” I huffed.
“Seriously, I’ve already got it in the works—that way you two get your dance and nobody knows any better…well, except me.”
“Okay, you really are the best,” I smiled, knocking my hips against hers. “Good thing you’re on the prom committee, otherwise we would just have to stare at each other all night, him at the punch bowl and me standing next to you trying to look as sexy as possible.”
“You’re a tease! O-M-G, love it! But the real dilemma is how we’re going to find something sexier than what you wore to the winter formal?” Jaz commented as she looked around the room filled with tons of unique dresses.
“This place is pricey,” I observed, looking at a three hundred dollar price tag.
“You only have prom once Abbi, so we might as well go all out!” Jaz explained as she picked up a dress and spun with it. “So, do we find a dress for me first or you?”
“You first,” I said, holding my arms out for her to drape the fabric over.
“What’s wrong?” Jaz asked, and it was obvious I wasn’t showing enough enthusiasm as I should be.
“I’m waiting for Bill to call. They offered Lily a plea bargain,” I explained, and when Jaz looked nothing more than confused, added, “If Lily pleads guilty she will get 15 years to life, and I won’t have to testify.”
“She should after what Ashley’s dad did. I mean she’ll be lucky if she gets to the trial in one piece,” Jaz remarked, beginning to pile dresses onto her arm because mine were already filled.
“Her dad pleaded temporary insanity, did you know that?” I asked as I found a few dresses for me to try on.
“You have to try this one!” Jaz threw a sea foam colored dress onto my pile. “Yeah, I heard he isn’t going to jail or anything.”
“Yeah, crazy, huh?”
“Smart is more like it,” Jaz retorted as she bounced to the dressing room.
Soon there were dresses flying over the door accompanied by eewws and nopes. She came out in a feathered mess.
“What are you trying to be? An ostrich?” I teased with widened eyes.
She frowned. “I thought it was pretty—different!”
“We can find you something that looks different, but doesn’t look like you killed a flock of geese to get it,” I retorted, standing and going to t
he racks. I came back with a white ball gown with a silver sequined encrusted top.
“A bit fluffy, don’t you think? And it looks like a corset of steel up top,” Jaz observed with a look of dismay.
“Try it on!” I commanded as I threw it at her.
When she came out she was blushing.
“You were right! I look hot with two t's!” she gushed, and the blush trailed down her face to her neck and the skin of her chest.
“It makes your hair look amazing,” I observed with an approving nod.
“And these too,” she teased, pushing up her chest.
I rolled my eyes. “So, is it my turn?”
“Yes, and save that one I picked out for last—I think it’s the one!”
I tried on each of the dresses, and by the time I reached the dress Jaz had picked I was exasperated.
“I don’t think this place is going to have anything that will fit me right,” I whined as I pulled at the hem of the very short number I was currently adorning.
Jaz smirked and pointed at me. “I think the one I picked will. The strapless sweetheart neckline and the empire waist are the perfect shape for you.”
I held it up to myself. “You don’t think this pleating is too much?”
“You’re going to look like you’re floating on a cloud,” Jaz reassured me, pointing to the top part of the dress. “And this silver jewelling here is going to make your eyes sparkle.”
“You sound like a fashion consultant,” I said over the door of the changing room as I threw the previous dress over the top. “Zip me up?”
Jaz threw the dress that had landed on her head to the side. “Hold your hair up…alright, now turn.”
I faced her, letting my long wavy brown hair fall around my shoulders. “What?”
“Knightley is going to need to have something to hold onto when he sees you in that,” Jaz confirmed as she took my shoulders and turned me to face the mirror. “I think only your wedding day will top that. Promise I get to be the maid of honor?”
“You might have to fight Kirsten for that one,” I replied as I took myself in.
“You can have two,” she suggested, her hands still sitting on my bare shoulders.
“Two it is then,” I answered, turning and pulling her into a hug.
“So, he’s the one, huh?” Jaz asked as I made my way back to the dressing room.
Just then my phone vibrated.
TEXT FROM KIRSTEN
She took the plea bargain. Can’t wait to see your dress.
“Abigail Knightley has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” I responded, winking at her as I shut the door to the room.
“Sure does, was that Bill?”
“Nope, Kirsten—Lily took the plea bargain,” I said it and tried to let it sink in, but it seemed an impossible task. In fact, the whole process of understanding what had happened felt like an impossible task. I felt sad, guilty and angry all at the same time.
“Now nothing can ruin our prom! What about shoes?” Jaz asked, her voice high with excitement as she yelled over the door. I took a deep breath and smiled. Jaz was trying her hardest to make me forget.
“Zebra print for you,” I instantly replied.
“You know me too well!” she cooed as I came out the door with my dress in tow.
Chapter 57
Tad put everything he had into teaching, and I knew he was usually proud of what he did. Today seemed to be another story though. When class ended Jaz gave me a ‘what’s up with him?’ look, but all I could do was shrug. I didn’t know why he had been so quiet during class. He had asked questions to start a discussion and mumbled some more to keep the conversation going, but it was all half-hearted as if it didn’t matter, as if he didn’t care anymore; he was just going through the motions. Jaz glanced at me one more time, squeezed my hand and left me alone with the sulky, hot teacher.
"You seem a bit off today?" I asked, getting up from my desk and walking towards the front of the classroom.
Tap, tap, I had to fight the urge to grab the pencil from his hand.
"Huh? Yeah, I just keep thinking," Tad replied as he looked up at me and the tapping stopped.
"About...?"
"To see that girl... Like that was awful but—god, to have it be your own—I just can't imagine," Tad began, his voice drifting with the thought.
"Is that it—that was months ago? It feels like something else is bothering you?"
Tap, tap, tap, he ran his hands threw his hair.
"Yeah...look I love teaching...you know that, but—there's something I’ve been meaning to tell you...I’m turning in my resignation. Teaching just isn't that important to me," he explained, and he cringed as he waited for my reaction.
"Tad please don't..." I begged as I turned to face the back of the room. "You know she was right."
"Who?"
I turned back to face him exasperated. "Lily— she said you would end up hating me."
He stood with his hands in fists.
“How could that psycho understand? How could she judge how much you mean to me? She couldn't know because I don't even think you know. My decisions are my own, and I could never hate you for my own actions," Tad said as he touched my shoulder.
"But my actions led to this," I began, but before I could think about the growing pit in my stomach Tad spoke.
“Yes, you’re right, your being a beautiful person inside and out lead to this, but I don't think you have any control over that," he teased as he put pressure on my shoulder, so I would turn to face him.
“I could have pretended to be stupid,” I suggested as I fiddled with the strap of my messenger bag.
“Wow, you’re being truly ridiculous,” Tad observed, tapping the pencil he was still holding against his trouser leg.
“It’s ridiculous that you’re going to give everything up for me—isn't there some other way around this?” I asked, and I hoped, prayed and begged in my head for some solution that I knew didn’t exist.
“Can you think of one?” He cocked his head with a quizzical look.
“No,” I replied with a sigh.
“Then this is the way it’s going to be,” he responded as he threw his pencil onto the paper he had been grading.
“Are you positive this is what you want?” I asked, staring up into his eyes.
“Absolutely,” he replied as he loosened his tie and sat back down.
“I'll see you at prom then? Or are you resigning right this second?” I asked. He looked away, and I knew the answer. “Jaz is coming to the doctor with me today, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
Chapter 58
“Thanks for asking me to go to the doctor with you. I feel honored but…umm…why didn’t you ask Knightley? Doesn’t he usually go with you?” Jaz asked, parking her car.
“We had a little disagreement,” I explained, knowing that with the way Jaz was, she wouldn’t just let this be. I knew my anger was irrational, and that she would point it out.
“Will tomorrow be fine with prom and everything? I don’t have to sleep over. I mean, you can go see him tonight if you want,” Jaz suggested as she held the door for me.
“No, it’s fine, I’ll talk to him tonight anyways. I just overreacted,” I explained, writing my name down on the patient list.
Jaz cocked her head as she looked down at my hand writing, and I pushed the clipboard away so that she would stop staring.
“Abbi, what’s wrong with your hands?” She probed with her face showing that she was uncomfortable.
I looked down at them as we sat down.
“Nothing, why?”
“I saw your handwriting; it’s always been really neat and that, that was horrid,” she remarked with a shake of her head.
“Please, don’t tell anyone. I’m having some numbness in my hands, and it’s been kind of painful, but I’m sure it’s normal.”
“Normal? Are you sure?” Jaz asked as I looked in the opposite direction to her. “Abbi, it’s not normal to not
be able to feel someone touch you.”
“Huh?” I started as I turned my head to face her. She nodded down at my hands, which she was squeezing.
“You can’t feel that can you?”
“I can feel some of your hand, but not all of it,” I replied, squeezing my eyes shut and wishing she was as stupid as I first thought she was—another completely irrational thought.
Jaz wrapped her arms around me. “Why didn’t you say anything to anyone?”
“I don’t want to go through another hospital stay, and it’s not that bad and it’s not all the time,” I explained quickly, but the truth was that I was afraid that Jennings had taken one more thing away from me that I would never get back. She was dead, and she was still screwing me over.
“Sounds like you’re scared,” Jaz remarked, her brown puppy dog eyes judging me. I hated it when she was right.
“Abbi, you can come on in,” the nurse said, opening the door and leading us to a room. “The doctor will be in shortly.”
Jaz sat across from me, staring at her hands without speaking. It was rare that Jaz had nothing to say, but I relished the silence for a moment.
“Hi, Abbi, how are you today?” Doctor Frederick asked as he came in to the room.
“Good, I brought my friend Jaz with me today,” I replied, nodding to Jaz who had begun to pick at her fake nails. I decided it was a nervous habit of hers.
“Tad called earlier and let me know he wouldn’t be in with you today,” Doctor Frederick explained, looking at my chart.
“What?” I remarked, trying to make my voice steady. Tad had moved up on my bad list.
“He had some concerns he wanted to talk to me about,” he continued as if it was nothing much.
“The numbness in her hands?” Jaz interjected, and I instantly regretted having told her.
“Yes and the nurse noticed your handwriting was a bit messy,” Doctor Frederickson added as he looked over his glasses at me.
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