by Ruff, K. S.
Siobhan dashed off to her bedroom for a wardrobe change while her mother tracked down the required music. Rafael and Greg moved all the furniture out of the way. Then we settled onto the couch to watch Siobhan dance.
I had no doubt she’d snag the role of sugar plum fairy in the auditions by the time she finished dancing. She had an unbelievable amount of poise and grace for a soon-to-be seven year old. We applauded her performance until our hands hurt.
My hands weren’t the only part of my body that hurt when Rafael and I walked away from Siobhan’s house. My heart hurt too. Siobhan had grown so much in my absence. The carefree child I’d moved away from a little over two years ago didn’t exist anymore. At the tender age of seven, she was worried about her upcoming dance auditions, and she was being bullied for her ambitions at school. I felt the passage of time in a way I’d never felt before, and I was keenly aware of the miles that rendered me powerless to help in any meaningful way.
* * * * *
I took a deep breath when we pulled up to Dan and Kimme’s house. Ever since Rafael had announced we were flying to Montana, I’d been worried about how Dan would react to Rafael. He and Kadyn had grown to be close friends over the past two years. Dan had been deeply opposed to my relationship with Michael, and I had no reason to believe he felt any different about Rafael. Dan had told me repeatedly that he wanted me to work things out with Kadyn.
The fact that Dan was now sitting on his front steps polishing his rifle in anticipation of our arrival did not bode well for Rafael. Still, this prompted Rafael to laugh. “I can see Dan still takes his role as your protector very seriously.”
I just shook my head. “I’m sorry. He is very protective of me.”
Seemingly unfazed, Rafael stepped out of the jeep, walked around the front of the vehicle, and reached for my hand as he opened the passenger door. “I certainly can’t fault him for that.”
We left the luggage in the vehicle just in case. “Hey, Dan,” I called as we walked hand-in-hand up the sidewalk.
“Hi, Darlin’,” he replied with a lazy smile. “I was beginning to think you two weren’t going to make it over here.”
I laughed. “Siobhan is a little difficult to walk away from.”
He set the gun aside, stood, and gave me a hug. “Thanks for coming, Krissy. We’ve been worried about you.”
I smiled through the tears that had pooled in my eyes. “I should have come sooner.” I stepped back and pulled Rafael a little closer. He had released my hand when Dan rose to give me a hug. “Dan, this is Rafael.”
Dan nodded politely, but he made no move to shake Rafael’s hand. “Michael’s brother,” he noted flatly.
Rafael nodded. “Kristine speaks very highly of you, Dan. It would appear I’m in your debt, with all you’ve done to keep her safe and to rescue her from Justin in Trout Lake. Thank you.” He held out his hand.
My breath caught as I awaited Dan’s response.
Dan sized Rafael up for a couple of heartbeats, then slowly reached for his hand. “Kadyn speaks highly of you, Rafael. He told me about the sacrifice you were planning to make if those negotiations with the SVR fell through.”
My breath rushed out all at once as the two men shook hands. “Sacrifice?” I asked.
“It was nothing,” Rafael responded dismissively.
“Nothing,” Dan snorted. “Wait. Krissy doesn’t know?”
“Know what?” I demanded. My voice rose more than just a little.
Dan eyed Rafael curiously. “Rafael was going to sacrifice himself in a hostage exchange… surrender himself to the SVR in exchange for your release.”
“What?” I gasped. I gaped at Rafael. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Rafael sighed. “I thought it was a moot point.”
“I’m very sorry about your loss,” Dan continued. “I didn’t care for your brother, stalking Kri and forcing her into that relationship, but what he did in Ukraine…” His voice trailed off. Dan shook his head. He was clearly battling some strong emotions. “Damn communists… always torturing people, swindling them out of their money, and shooting them in the back.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “Dan,” I whispered pleadingly. “Please. I can’t…”
Rafael was speechless. He looked stricken by the images Dan’s sentiments had conjured up.
Kimme chose that moment to crack open the screen door and join us on the porch. “Oh, I didn’t hear you guys pull up.” Her eyes flitted questioningly between the three of us. “Oh, God. What did you say?” she asked Dan.
Dan looked down at his combat boots repentantly. “I may have said something about the commie’s torturing Krissy and shooting Michael in the back.”
Kimme gasped, then groaned. “Oh, Dan. We talked about this.” Squeezing his hand gently, she turned toward Rafael. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure Dan was just trying to extend his sympathies. It’s just… with everything he went through in Vietnam, I think what happened to Krissy and Michael in Ukraine has reignited some old hostilities. The PTSD makes it difficult for him to cope with things like this.”
Rafael nodded in understanding. “I’ve worked alongside men with PTSD. I know how difficult it can be.”
Dan suddenly perked up. “I didn’t know you served in the military.”
“I served in the Portuguese Police Special Operations Group in the counter-terrorism unit and then in VIP protection,” Rafael explained. He wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me a little closer.
I offered Rafael a tremulous smile. I was still riding the edge of an emotional breakdown after Dan’s remarks. I leaned into Rafael’s chest, savoring his warmth and the comforting weight of his arm.
Kimme frowned at Dan. “Why is that gun sitting on the porch?”
Dan chuckled softly, seemingly privy to some inside joke. “I was just polishing it.”
Kimme planted her hands on her hips. “Dan! What am I going to do with you?”
Dan laughed, loudly this time. “I can think of a few things you could do with me,” he teased with a mischievous smile.
Kimme rolled her eyes before enveloping me in a hug. She offered Rafael a reassuring pat on the back. “I’m glad you guys are here. Let’s crack open a bottle of wine.” She turned toward the door, then stopped and pointed at Dan. “You. Put your toys away, grab some wood, and meet us out back.”
Kimme popped a cork out of a bottle of cabernet. She handed Rafael and me a glass, poured a glass for herself, grabbed a beer for Dan, and led us out into the backyard.
Dan was stacking wood inside the fire pit. Kimme set Dan’s beer on an outdoor table and sank into one of the patio chairs. Rafael and I settled onto the couch.
I took a sip of the deep crimson wine and sighed appreciatively when it left blackberry, cherry, and chocolate notes behind. “I don’t want to talk about Michael or Ukraine,” I warned my friends. I knew those events were weighing heavily on their minds, but I wasn’t about to waste what little time we had together reliving that nightmare. “I just want to hear what you two have been up to. Catch me up to speed with everything that I’ve been missing here.”
“Dan’s building a weapons arsenal. He’s worried about all those changes they’re contemplating in the gun laws,” Kimme grumbled.
Dan crammed some newspaper between the logs and tossed a match on top. “The gun you saw on the porch was my latest acquisition. I had to drive all the way to Anaconda to get her. I just brought her home today.”
“Was that a Remington Bolt Action Model 700?” Rafael inquired.
Dan nodded. “I bought it off a retired police sniper. With that scope, it’ll take a half dollar out of your hand at 400 yards.”
“Have you ever fired a Heckler and Koch MSG-90?” Rafael asked. “That’s the preferred sniper rifle for the Portuguese Army.”
Dan laughed. “Last time I checked, those guns were banned in the United States.”
Rafael shook his head. “The U.S. issued an import ban, but there’s still about four hundre
d of those guns floating around the United States.”
Dan stilled. “Do you know anyone who’s got one?”
Rafael nodded. A secretive smile played upon his face.
Dan swore under his breath. “You’ve got one, don’t you?”
Rafael grinned. “Next time you’re in Virginia, you can take her out for a test drive.”
Dan was practically drooling. “I don’t suppose you’ve got one of those ‘smart rifles’ everyone’s talking about?”
“The TrackingPoint rifle hasn’t been released yet,” Rafael replied. He seemed surprised that Dan even knew about it. “I shot a few rounds with the prototype, but I didn’t care for it.”
“Why not? I heard that thing will drill a hole through a penny from five hundred yards away!” Dan exclaimed.
“Oh, it does,” Rafael confirmed, “but that gun sucks all the fun out of shooting. You can pull the trigger, but the gun decides when to shoot. It only fires when the weapon is aimed in exactly the right place. Between the built-in laser and the ballistics computer, there’s no skill required. What’s the fun in that?”
Dan’s eyebrows furrowed. “I can see what you mean. You might as well just hire someone to shoot for you.”
“How much longer are you two going to talk guns? No offense, but Kri’s practically asleep,” Kimme complained.
I wasn’t really asleep. I was just enjoying the smell of the camp fire, the cool night air, and the carefree banter that had already developed between Rafael and Dan.
“What do you two have planned for tomorrow?” Dan asked, seemingly switching gears.
I snuggled closer to Rafael while Kimme refilled my wine. “I want to take Rafael hiking along the Mount Helena ridgeline, but we’re going to need someone to move the jeep for us.”
“Dan and I can do that over my lunch hour,” Kimme assured me. “Leave the spare key with me, and we’ll make sure your jeep is waiting for you at the end of the trail. I think Charlie’s going to be sorely disappointed if he doesn’t get to see you. Any chance you can squeeze that in before you head down to Hamilton?”
I nodded. “I’d like to visit the office first thing in the morning, before we go hiking.”
Dan perked up again. “You’re not dragging Rafael to the office, are you?”
I shot Dan a scathing look. “You’re not hauling him out to the mountains like you did Kadyn.”
“No…” Dan conceded grudgingly. “I’ll make sure he stays a little closer to town so you two can go on your little nature walk.”
My eyes narrowed. “This little activity you’re planning for Rafael wouldn’t happen to involve guns would it?”
Dan laughed, but he didn’t respond.
“Why?” I demanded. “Do you know how unnerving that is? Every time I bring someone home to meet you, you gotta drag the guns out. Why don’t you two just have a pissing match on the fire pit and get this all out of your system now?”
Rafael burst out laughing. “I think I’d prefer to hit the shooting range.”
Kimme giggled. “I’d rather see you two pee on the fire.”
I just shook my head. It felt really good to be home again.
* * * * *
“Hey, Charlie.” I shifted the large paper bag full of bagels into my left arm as I nudged his office door open.
Charlie’s entire face lit up. “Kri! I was hoping you’d stop by.” He walked around his desk and gave me a hug. “It’s good to see you, kiddo. I see you stopped by The Bagel Company.” There was no identifying information on the bag. The smell of warm jalapeno cheese bagels had given me away.
I chuckled softly. “You can’t find bagels like this on the east coast. Would you like one?”
“Sure.” Charlie grabbed his coffee cup and followed me down to the break room.
I grabbed one of the jalapeno cheese bagels before setting the bag in the center of the table. “Where is everybody?”
Charlie handed me a cup of coffee before filling his own. “Half of our staff is out on vacation this week. Seems the only time we can take personal leave these days is when the legislature’s not in session.” He rummaged through the paper bag, in search of a blueberry bagel.
“Do you need any cream cheese?” Kimme asked, breezing into the break room. She deposited three containers of cream cheese on the table along with a second bag of bagels.
Charlie and I shook our heads. We waited for Kimme to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel before walking back to Charlie’s office. “Is everything okay with your dad?” I asked. She had gotten waylaid in the parking lot when her mom called.
“Mom’s pretty worried about him,” Kimme confessed. She sank into a chair next to Charlie’s desk. “I need to request some time off, Charlie, so I can go see him.” Kimme’s father lived in Minnesota. He had been struggling with heart problems for years.
Charlie pulled the door closed before taking a seat behind his desk. “Take all the time you need.” He took a sip of coffee while silently studying me. “I heard what happened in Ukraine,” he finally admitted.
I looked at Kimme.
She slunk down in her seat. “You know I can’t keep anything from him. If Charlie sees even a hint of puffiness around my eyes, he’s in my office trying to help.”
I sighed. “You told him everything?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry, honey, but I thought you could use the prayer power.”
My eyes strayed to the life size portrait of Jesus that hung over Charlie’s desk. I’d always considered Charlie’s decision to hang that portrait a bold move, especially for a state employee. Still, I found it comforting. How could I not, when I’d grown up with the very same picture in my parents’ house? “The last few months have been difficult,” I admitted. I met Charlie’s steadfast gaze. “There’s this constant ache deep down in the marrow of my bones that I don’t think will ever go away. I feel abandoned, and I’m angry with God.”
Charlie took another sip of coffee. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
“Second Corinthians four, five through nine.” I recalled. Charlie regularly recited the verse when I was feeling overwhelmed.
He nodded. “I know you’re hurting and you’re feeling lost. You’re still grieving Michael. I can see it in your face. I want you to focus on all the good things God was able to achieve through Michael. Celebrate all that he was able to accomplish when he froze those investment accounts for that terrorist organization. Think of all the lives he saved in the process,” Charlie advised.
Tears welled in my eyes. “I just don’t understand why he had to die. Why couldn’t we all have just come home safely?”
Charlie’s eyes softened. “Michael was the only one who arrived home safely that day. His work was done. The rest of you were not called home because you still have work to do. How’s his brother, Rafael, holding up?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted guiltily. “He doesn’t really talk about it.”
Charlie tore a chunk off his bagel and chewed it thoughtfully. “Where is he? I thought he was coming to Montana with you.”
“Dan took him out to the shooting range so they could blow some stuff up. He thought a little recreational therapy might help,” Kimme explained. “He’s bringing him by to meet you in a half hour or so.”
Charlie smiled. “Good. I’d like to meet him. I have to join a conference call in a few minutes, but I should be finished up by the time they arrive.” Charlie turned to face me. “That should give you some time to catch up with everyone else in the office. I know Ann, Jerry, and Doug are anxious to see you.”
Kimme and I rose from our seats, our bagels largely uneaten. “I’ll bring Rafael back to meet you when he arrives,” I assured Charlie.
He walked around his desk and gave me a hug. “Hang in there, kiddo. I promise you, God will work this for a greater good.”
I spent the next forty minutes catching up with m
y friends. Everyone was aware that I had been abducted by the SVR and that Michael had died trying to save me in Ukraine. Their perceptions of Michael had changed significantly, old animosities disappearing with that one heroic act.
We were still talking about Ukraine when Dan strode into the office with a smug look on his face. He pinned me with his gaze. “Let the record show your package is being delivered with all twenty digits intact.”
I glanced worriedly at Rafael. “That’s reassuring…”
Dan commandeered a surveillance point against the far wall. He planted his boots firmly into the floor when he leaned against the wall. “That was no small feat. The idiot in the booth next to us managed to blow his big toe off. Thankfully, there’s a three-eighth inch steel plate lining the bottom of the booths. The guy cried like a baby. They called for an ambulance and two fire trucks… all for a big toe that guy’s never gonna get back.”
Rafael kissed me on the forehead before hooking his arm around my back. “We still managed to squeeze in quite a few rounds. Dan’s got quite the gun collection.”
Ann cleared her throat.
I winced. “Oh, sorry! Rafael, this is Ann. That’s Jerry, standing next to her, and Doug, leaning against the windowsill.”
Rafael stepped forward and shook everyone’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“We’re very sorry for your loss, Rafael… and grateful for everything you’ve done for Kri,” Ann remarked tearfully. “If there’s anything we can do…”
Rafael nodded politely. “Thank you.”
Jerry stepped forward. “Kri’s like family to us. That makes you family too. Please don’t hesitate to call. We’re here… for both of you.” He handed Rafael his business card.
Rafael stared at the card. He seemed surprised by the show of support. He tucked the card inside his wallet before offering Jerry his business card. “Thanks, Jerry. That’s very kind of you.”
“I’m going to take Rafael back to meet Charlie,” I told my friends. “We’ll come back and say goodbye before we leave.” I linked my fingers with Rafael’s and led him to Charlie’s office. His door was open.