by Ruff, K. S.
“Why don’t we go sit in the flower garden so I can deadhead the petunias while we talk?” mom suggested after we finished drying the dishes.
“Only if you let me help,” I replied with a tremulous smile. I knew she wanted to talk about Ukraine. I had offered the briefest possible explanation when I called from Saint-Tropez, and while this conversation was long overdue, I was still dreading telling her the full story.
Mom snagged a plastic bag and a pair of gardening gloves from the garage, before leading me to the flower bed in the front yard. I thought about how much I enjoyed working alongside Theron in the garden terrace in Paris and wondered whether this dark, fragrant soil would prove equally therapeutic.
“If you aren’t feeling up to talking about it…” my mom began. We knelt alongside one another in the grass.
I plucked a dried petal off one of the petunias. “No,” I protested. “I promised I’d explain what happened in Ukraine when I came back home. But, Mom, I can’t tell dad. You’re going to have to tell him, because I… I just can’t.”
Mom sat back on her knees. “It must be pretty bad if you can’t tell your father.”
I continued grooming the flowers. “I told you how my friend, Shae, and I were arrested for taking pictures of the Russian naval fleet, how Michael had to pay all that money, and how Rafael negotiated our release…”
Mom nodded. She tugged her gloves on, sifted her fingers through the soil, and began pulling weeds.
I pushed on with my explanation. “The people who arrested us were from the SVR, which is essentially the KGB. We weren’t officially arrested by the Ukrainian or the Russian government, and these people didn’t detain us in a government sanctioned jail. They took us to an abandoned warehouse.”
My mom’s hand stalled briefly above the flowers. She glanced at me, but she didn’t breathe a word.
I frowned. I couldn’t just jump in at the arrest, I had to back up a few steps. “Rafael was worried about me going to Ukraine,” I finally confessed. “He felt it was too dangerous. He wanted to come with me, but I was afraid my colleagues would look down on me, especially with this being my first trip. I didn’t want to appear scared or weak, so I asked Rafael to stay behind. He agreed, in an effort to respect my wishes, but he sent two men from his security firm to secretly watch over me.”
My mom’s lips curved ever so slightly. Rafael had just earned some props for assigning the security detail.
“My colleagues and I attended a government function our first night in Simferopol. A man at that dinner became interested in me. He works for the Russian mafia. He had people following us too,” I continued cautiously.
My mom shot me an incredulous look. “The Russian mafia?”
“There are a lot of different organizations within the Russian mafia,” I explained. “Maxim works at the national level, alongside the government of Ukraine. I know this might be difficult to understand, but he is very well respected. He’s trying to reduce government corruption, improve civil rights, and strengthen the economy of Ukraine. His objectives aren’t aligned with the Russian government or other organizations within the Russian mafia. They’re aligned with the government of Ukraine.”
Her eyes narrowed. “And you believe this… why?”
I smiled. I could understand her skepticism. “Maxim attends most of their foreign policy meetings. He’s involved in high level negotiations involving the Russian and Ukrainian governments, and he introduced me to Prime Minister Azarov, who subsequently offered me a job.”
My mom looked thoughtful. “So Rafael and this man, Maxim, had people following you?” she briefly summarized, encouraging me to continue.
I nodded. “Maxim tracked us down the second night we were there. He warned me that the SVR was following us. He removed the listening devices they had planted in our hotel rooms. He was concerned about the SVR’s interest in me. The SVR has been known to target Americans. They’re notorious for false accusations and tortured confessions. Maxim’s entire family was killed by the KGB, and I think those experiences fueled some of his concerns.”
My mother studied me intently. Her jaw clenched, but she didn’t voice any more concerns. She tugged another weed out of the soil, roots and all, as she shifted her attention to the garden.
I sighed dejectedly. This was the one area where I was still questioning my instincts. “Maxim devised a plan. He wanted to start dating. He was certain the media attention would help keep me safe. He didn’t think the SVR would mess with me if I was dating him.”
My mom started cracking up. I knew she was thinking I’d been played. “Why would the media care who he was dating?” she finally asked.
I shrugged. “The guy is gorgeous and extremely popular. He’s treated like a celebrity in Ukraine… something along the lines of Prince Harry or like John F. Kennedy Jr., back when he was alive.”
“I don’t understand how someone in the mafia could be so well received by the media or by government officials,” my mother stated with a disapproving scowl.
“Ukraine’s just… different, and Maxim isn’t your stereotypical mob boss. He really is a pretty honorable guy,” I replied.
“So you agreed to date him?” she interjected.
My eyebrows furrowed. “Well, sort of. I told him we could pretend to date, but I don’t think he was pretending. He wanted me to stay in Ukraine, especially after the Prime Minister offered me a job.” My eyes strayed to the ring that Maxim had given me.
“But you were dating Rafael,” she argued, completely abandoning the flowers.
I stared dejectedly at the ring. “I know. I told Maxim I already had a boyfriend. He spoke with Rafael on the phone. They reached some sort of agreement. Rafael said he was willing to tolerate the arrangement until he could get to Ukraine, but he insisted that his security team remain close to me. He didn’t want the two of us spending any time alone. That’s when I learned Rafael had two men, Ethan and Brady, following me. Rafael was protecting Prince Harry, who was visiting the United States. After that assignment, Rafael was planning to fly to Paris to talk to Michael about our relationship. We agreed he would meet me in Sevastopol afterwards.”
My mother looked thoroughly confused. “So you were pretending to date Maxim for what… a week?”
I nodded. “Yes. Maxim took me to a very high profile event… a fundraiser for the children’s hospital, and we attended the symphony with the prime minister and his wife. He spent some time at the university where I was teaching, took me out to dinner and sightseeing. My friend Shae began dating one of his friends, Konstantin. The four of us spent a lot of time together. Rafael’s security detail and Maxim’s security detail accompanied us everywhere we went. We were very well protected, and we garnered a lot of media attention. So Maxim’s plan seemed to be working.”
“So what went wrong?” mom asked. She plucked a few more weeds.
Tears welled in my eyes as I reflected on that day. “Maxim had to attend some high level negotiations in Simferopol the same day my colleagues and I were driving to Sevastopol, so he put Konstantin in charge of our security until he could join us in Sevastopol. The local mafia was supposed to meet us at our hotel to provide some additional security, but they were delayed. Shae and I felt perfectly safe with Konstantin, Ethan, and Brady, so we decided to visit some ruins just outside of town. The security guards from the local mafia agreed to meet us there.”
My mom stilled, then slowly turned to face me.
“Shae and I wandered a short distance away from Ethan and Brady while we were talking. Konstantin was getting some bottled water out of the car. All three men were attacked when we weren’t looking. We didn’t know it at the time, but each of them had been shot with tranquilizer guns. All of their legs were broken, and Konstantin suffered a serious head injury. We thought they were dead,” I explained hoarsely. My throat was clogged with unshed tears.
My mom reached for my hand.
“Some men approached us. We thought they were part of o
ur new security detail because they were dressed like the mafia. Then they started yelling at us. We couldn’t see Ethan, Brady, or Konstantin anywhere. The men took our cell phones, and one of them hit Shae. She had been taking pictures of the Russian naval fleet with her cell phone. They claimed that was against the law. They grew even angrier when they found a picture of me with Kadyn and all my military friends in uniform. That’s when they arrested us. That’s when they accused us of being spies.”
My mom swallowed nervously, but she kept her eyes locked on mine. “Is that when they took you to the warehouse?”
Tears slipped silently down my cheeks. “I tried to escape but they beat me until I lost consciousness. By the time I regained consciousness, Shae and I were locked inside a cell. They beat me again, gave me an injection that made me feel drunk, and asked a bunch of questions… none of which made sense. They thought I was a spy because I visited the children’s hospital and the orphanage, because I was teaching their university students to question authority, because I was talking to the prime minister and spending time with Maxim.”
My mom’s eyes flashed angrily. “That’s ridiculous.”
“They didn’t feed us or give us any water. They sobered us up by throwing buckets of cold water on us. Then they made us take our clothes off.” I shivered violently. “They started asking questions again. They shoved a stun gun between our legs, shocking us every time we didn’t answer the way they wanted us to. They didn’t care that we were telling the truth. They wanted us to confess to being spies even though it was a lie.”
My mom looked completely horrified. Tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, Krissy. I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “That’s not the worst part, Mom. Maxim convinced the prime minister and the president of Ukraine to sign the treaty the SVR wanted, extending the lease so the Russian naval fleet could remain in Sevastopol; and Michael paid them ten million dollars. These were the conditions the SVR set for our release. All of the conditions were met when the SVR took us to the airport, and still they shot Michael in the back. Michael is dead. That’s why I went to Saint-Tropez, so Rafael and I could bury Michael.”
My mom’s tears mingled with mine as she clutched me to her chest. I sank into her arms and relinquished all the sorrow that had been bottled up inside of me since Michael’s death. She waited for my tears to subside before asking any more questions. “I thought Michael transferred the money from Paris. How did he end up in Ukraine?”
I swiped at my tear stained cheeks and sank back onto my knees. “Ethan called Rafael when he regained consciousness. Rafael was in Paris, talking to Michael at the time. Michael insisted on coming when he heard I was missing. Kadyn came too.”
My mom’s eyes grew wide. “Kadyn was there?”
I nodded. “Rafael, Kadyn, Michael, and Maxim worked together to secure our release. Michael was the last one to board the jet. Maxim told him not to transfer the ransom money until after Shae and I had safely boarded the plane. The airport looked like a war zone, Mom. There were over a hundred men standing around the plane with machine guns. Some of the men worked for the SVR, and some were hired by Maxim to protect the plane. The transfer went through, but the SVR shot Michael in the back when he tried to board the jet. Rafael was shot in the arm when he pulled Michael into the plane. The pilot took off while the SVR was still shooting at us. Kadyn tried to save Michael, but he couldn’t stop the bleeding.” I closed my eyes, trying to block out the image of Michael’s bloodstained shirt. “Michael told me he loved me and then died in my arms,” I choked back another round of tears.
My mom tucked my head under her chin and wrapped me in her arms. We sat in silence for the longest time. “What happened to the two men from Ukraine who were trying to help you?” she finally asked.
“Maxim and Konstantin survived. I haven’t spoken with Maxim since I left Ukraine. Rafael has spoken with him a couple of times, and Shae still keeps in touch with Konstantin,” I replied.
My mom gave me a curious look. “Why aren’t you speaking with Maxim?”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Mom. I just… I don’t want to mislead Maxim into thinking there can be anything more between us, and I don’t want to do anything that would hurt Rafael. I’ve already hurt him enough.”
“How has Rafael been coping with Michael’s death?” she asked.
I swiped at my cheeks again. “He’s been burying himself in his work, and he’s become even more protective of me. He assigned another bodyguard, Jase, to watch over me. I don’t know if he’s worried the SVR will try to kidnap me again or if he’s expecting me to be murdered like everyone else he’s loved.”
“Everyone else?” my mom inquired cautiously.
I gathered the dried petals and stuffed them inside the small plastic bag. “His parents were murdered when he was in high school. He’s the one who discovered them.”
All of the color drained from my mother’s face. “Oh my God! That poor man.”
I gazed into my mother’s eyes. “He has no family to speak of now. Michael was his last remaining relative.”
“He has you,” my mother kindly reminded me.
I nodded. Pain radiated from every pore as I succumbed to my tears once more. “I love him, Mom, but I still miss Michael. I miss Michael so much it hurts.”
* * * * *
Rafael eased onto the hammock, tucked me against his chest, and locked me in his arms. “You’ve been crying,” he noted softly.
“I finally told my mom what happened in Ukraine,” I explained without opening my eyes. I was exhausted from all of the crying. A warm breeze had been tugging at the hammock and lulling me to sleep. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”
“They ran to the grocery store. Your mom said she needed to pick up a chuck roast so she could cook one of your favorite dishes tonight,” Rafael replied before stifling a yawn.
“Roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy,” I surmised. Blue eyes met brown as my eyes fluttered open. “How’d you like shooting the bow?”
Rafael smiled a bit sheepishly. “I enjoyed learning how to use the bow, but I still prefer guns.”
My fingers danced along his cheek, where a patch of sunlight had broken through the green maple leaves hanging above us. “That’s understandable, given your line of work.”
He caught my wrist and pressed his lips to the back of my hand. “I asked your father for permission to marry you.”
My heart landed with a “thump” just beneath the hammock. “You asked my father for permission to marry me when he had a bow and arrow in his hand?”
Rafael chuckled softly as he pulled me on top of him. “Yes.”
Desire pooled in my abdomen and chest as he fit his body to mine. “You are a very brave man,” I whispered breathlessly. “What did he say?”
He gently caressed my back. “He said the only person who could grant that permission was you.”
“Me?” I squeaked.
Rafael laughed. “In most cultures, it is customary for the groom to secure the bride’s consent.” He cupped the side of my face until our lips and eyes were perfectly aligned. “I’m not asking you here,” he warned, “but that day is coming, Kristine. If you have any doubts or you want out, you have to tell me now. I’m already questioning my ability to walk away from you.”
“You said you’d never leave me,” I blurted, inexplicably panicked.
“I won’t leave you… not willingly; but you still maintain the ability to drive me away,” he clarified pointedly.
“Is that what I’m doing?” I asked, truly alarmed.
He tightened his hold on me. “I know you’re scared, Kristine; but you’ve got to meet me halfway. You’re still holding onto Michael. Ever since he died, you’ve been building walls around your heart. Please, baby. I want you to want this as much as I do. Stop building walls around your heart. Allow yourself to be happy. Trust me with your heart.”
“I do trust you,” I argued softly. “It’s life I don’t trust.”
&
nbsp; “Life?” he repeated questioningly. “You’re referring to all those broken dreams,” he said, suddenly understanding. “Pinch me.”
My eyes widened. “What? Why?”
“I’m not a dream, Kristine. I’m solid and true, a living, breathing thing. I am a reality… your reality; just as you are my reality. Forget the dreams, Kristine. You, me, us, this relationship… isn’t a dream. This is real.”
I could feel the tension ease from my shoulders, arms, and face. “You’re not a dream,” I repeated. “This is real.”
He cradled my face in his hands. “That’s right. All those broken dreams were broken for a reason. They were broken so this dream could become a reality.”
I gazed into Rafael’s eyes while weighing his conclusions. If my marriage, my relationship with Kadyn, or my relationship with Michael had worked out, or if Genevieve had survived, I wouldn’t be with Rafael now. The only dream that had no bearing either way was peacebuilding, and technically that dream wasn’t broken. Despite all the terrible things I’d experienced in Ukraine, I was still working in peacebuilding. Could he be right?
Rafael captured my lips, coaxing me tenderly to believe in him. Time stood still as I wrapped my arms around his neck and committed myself to removing all those walls I’d been building around my battered heart.
Chapter 5 - Dare to believe
A thin layer of dust swirled around my scantily clad toes as my purse hit the garage floor. I stared at my jeep… eyes wide… mouth even wider. “Rafael!” I yelled.
He chuckled softly. He was standing right behind me, having snuck down the stairs after me. The stealth at which he moved was thoroughly unnerving. “What do you think?”
I walked a slow circle around the jeep. “Is this my jeep?”
Rafael shoved his hands in his pockets. He was eyeing me cautiously as he leaned against the door frame. “Yes.”
“You had it painted?” The jet black paint reflected every object in the garage including me.
He laughed. “Yes.”