‘Yup.’
Our faces were completely level for once. Dylan was standing so close to me that nothing could have come between us, but he didn’t kiss me. Our lips were almost touching and I could feel his breath on my mouth. We stayed like that for a second and then with a groan I reached for him.
I could have died from his kisses. I wrapped my legs around his and pressed myself tight against him as his tongue danced inside my mouth. One of his hands was stroking my leg and my fingers were clutching at his hair.
At one point, as we came up for air, he said softly, ‘I don’t ever want this to stop,’ before he captured my mouth again.
It all started to get really heavy. I was pushed right back against the wall and I could feel Dylan’s heart racing against my chest and his hand inching further and further up my thigh. With a great effort, I pulled away slightly. Dylan started to nibble lightly at my bottom lip.
‘What’s the matter,’ he whispered.
‘You’re going too fast,’ I whispered back. ‘I think we should stop.’
‘Just one more kiss,’ Dylan muttered, stroking a hand down my hot face.
‘This is all wrong,’ I told him breathily. Why couldn’t I have just kept my big mouth shut? OK, it might be wrong for about a million reasons but right now I was in Dylan’s arms and that was all that really mattered.
‘I don’t care,’ Dylan said and started kissing me again, but he kept his hands on my shoulders and stopped pushing against me. I lost all track of the time, I wasn’t aware of anything but Dylan’s mouth wreaking havoc on my nervous system when I suddenly realised that something was tugging at my hand. I tried to shake it off but then I was yanked off the crates and only Dylan’s hands catching me round my waist stopped me falling.
‘Edie! We’re going now,’ snapped Shona, grabbing my hand. ‘Time to say bye to the nice art boy.’
‘She’s fine where she is,’ Dylan insisted, shooting Shona a meaningful look.
‘That’s what I’m worried about,’ said Shona pointedly. ‘I’ve got your coat and bag, let’s go.’
‘But I don’t want to go,’ I whined as Shona started dragging me down the corridor. ‘I want to stay here.’
‘Tough! You’re going.’
‘I’ll come back with you,’ decided Dylan, following us back into the club.
‘That won’t be necessary, thanks,’ Shona told him, pulling me towards the door with her horrible freaky strength from swimming three times a week. I dug my heels in but it was no good. She’d have dislocated my shoulder if I hadn’t kept up with her. ‘Maybe you should have some water, Dylan, you look like you need to cool down.’
Dylan looked puzzled. ‘I don’t want a drink.’
Shona tugged open the street door and pushed me through it. ‘I wasn’t talking about drinking it, dumbass,’ she threw back at Dylan.
Saturday, but even later
‘What did you do that for?’ I demanded of Shona. She was still holding my hand and pulling me along the street. Her lips were all tight, which was never a good sign.
‘You should be thanking me,’ she said, sounding really angry. ‘God knows what would have happened if I hadn’t been there.’
‘Nothing would have happened. It was fine. I was in control.’
‘It didn’t look like either of you were in control.’
‘Well I was. I told him to slow down.’
Shona came to a halt. ‘Look, I don’t want you to get hurt,’ she said gently. ‘Don’t get too involved in this weird thing with Dylan.’
She really knew how to kill the mood, did Shona. It was all right when I was with Dylan and he was kissing me but when I wasn’t with him, it was easy to see what a mess I’d got myself into. Especially with her around to draw a diagram.
‘It’s too late for that,’ I muttered.
‘Oh, c’mon, let’s go and have a cup of coffee.’ Shona put her arm round me. ‘I think there’s a café in the next street.’
I went to the counter and ordered two coffees and glanced over at Shona. She was idly tracing patterns with her finger on the table-top and giving a good impression of a girl with terminal PMS.
‘What’s up?’ I asked, as I put the cups down. ‘This isn’t just about me and Dylan is it?’
Shona gave a deep sigh. ‘You know how you can want something for ages, but when you get it, you’re not sure if you really do want it? Like, you’ve spent so much time thinking about how to get it that you forget about what it would really be like to have it?’
‘You’re talking about Paul, yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ Shona gave another sigh. ‘D’you think I’m stupid to take him back?’
I thought about it. Sure, Shona had been really unhappy when Paul started seeing Mia but she wasn’t particularly chuffed now that they were back together either. And how could she trust a boy who starts seeing another girl the minute that they’ve agreed to have some time out?
‘You’re right,’ agreed Shona obviously reading my mind. ‘I don’t trust him, not one bit.’
‘So how are you going to deal with it?’
Shona threw me her slyest smile. ‘I’ve given him a one-strike deal. No second chances, no explanations. The minute that Paul steps out of line, he’s history. I’m not putting up with any more of his crap.’
‘I wish I could be as strong as you. I’m such a pushover where boys are concerned.’
‘You mean Dylan?’ commented Shona, who seemed to rapidly be regaining her normal composure. ‘It’s weird. You lose all powers of reason when he’s about.’
‘Oh, don’t start…’ I groaned. I could tell by the steely glint in her eye that Shona was going to have the Dylan thing out with me. Without an anaesthetic.
‘No, Edie, I’m serious, I really want to know why he has this, this… hold on you. I mean, I just don’t get it. Like, it’s Dylan.’
‘Of course you don’t understand,’ I told her crossly. ‘You’ve known him forever, you played in sandpits together at nursery school blah blah blah, repeat to fade.’
‘Yeah and I know exactly what he’s like,’ laughed Shona. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I love him to bits, but that doesn’t mean that I’m blind to his many, many faults. He’s moody, he’s insecure, he’s secretive…’
‘… he’s ruthless, he’s manipulative,’ I continued for her. ‘Like, he engineers these confrontations so I’m all upset and vulnerable and then he kisses me. And when I’m with him, I have this sick feeling of excitement in my tummy like I’m about to jump off a diving board or something. I never feel relaxed when Dylan’s around. But, at the same time, being with him feels so right. You don’t know how confused I am.’
‘I’m starting to,’ said Shona with a serious look on her face. ‘You’ve got it bad.’
‘I know,’ I said sadly. ‘And I don’t think he’ll ever go out with me. Not ever and I don’t understand why.’
Shona reached across the table and touched my hand. ‘I know that he thinks the world of you, Edie. And, don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes I wonder whether you’re his type.’
It felt like the whole of my world had just collapsed. ‘I don’t want to hear this, I don’t want to know.’
‘Look, I’m your friend,’ Shona insisted. ‘I have to say this to you because I don’t want you to get hurt and I think that Dylan needs the kind of girl who can look after herself and who can keep him in line.’
‘Like Lilah?’
‘Well, at least she didn’t let Dylan get away with murder,’ Shona said brutally. ‘She wasn’t the type of girl who’d sit around and get depressed because Dylan was in one of his moods or because he hadn’t called when he said he would and she wouldn’t let him play his weird little mind games with her.’
‘I, um… I don’t… I wouldn’t either,’ I said in a tiny voice, because I knew that it wasn’t true.
Shona rolled her eyes. ‘Edie, could you be any more delusional?’ she snorted. ‘What was going on in the club? Dylan knows that you’re g
oing out with Josh and he knows that the two of you are meant to be just friends, so why do you think he keeps putting the moves on you? Because you let him! You’ve got to stop it. And you’ve got to do something about Josh. Either make a go of it or put the poor lad out of his misery but stop stringing him along. It’s just not fair, hon.’
Shona might as well have poured a bucket of cold water over me. Again. Everything that she’d said was right. It was just super hard to admit it to myself.
‘OK, I’m going to finish with Josh when we get home,’ I announced decisively. ‘I’m not being fair on him.’
Shona gave my hand a little squeeze. ‘And what are you going to do about Dylan?’
‘Stop kissing him?’
‘Are you asking me or are you telling me?’ Shona wanted to know but I wasn’t sure so I made my second sad bunny face of the evening and there ain’t no weapon forged that can defeat its power. Even Shona got the message and started talking about this mad French girl she’d met in the club who’d told her she had nice breasts. Thank God, she always knows when to change the subject.
We made it back to the hotel with a minute to spare before my midnight curfew expired. I was really tired. All I could think about was getting to bed and going to sleep so I wouldn’t have to think any more.
I went to get the key from the night receptionist but it seemed that Mia had come back early and was already in our room.
‘I hope she’s not asleep,’ I whinged to Shona as we climbed up the stairs. ‘If she starts screaming at me I’m going to cry.’
Our banging on the door could have woken up a coma victim but strangely enough it didn’t rouse Mia from her slumbers. It wasn’t hard to suss out her evil plan to make us sleep in the corridor because Shona had snatched Paul out of her nasty clutches. I slid down the wall so I was sitting on the floor.
‘It’s not fair,’ I muttered. ‘She could at least let me in. I mean, I’m not going out with Paul.’
‘Oh cheers, Edie,’ snapped Shona. ‘Nice to know I can rely on you for a bit of female solidarity. Can you go and get the spare key from the receptionist?’
‘Nope because there isn’t one. She said, or I think she said, that Mia had gone and got the spare key because she’d locked the first one in the room by accident.’
‘How convenient,’ hissed Shona.
‘Don’t take it out on me,’ I moaned. Being practically catatonic with tiredness never improves my temper. ‘I’m as hacked-off as you are.’
‘We’ll have to find Martyn,’ decided Shona. ‘What room is he in?’
I gave a little shrug. ‘How should I know?’
Shona actually screamed in frustration. God, she was such a drama queen sometimes. ‘You could at least try and help.’
Paul suddenly stuck his head round the door opposite. ‘I thought I could hear your voices.’
‘Paul!’ cried Shona, her face lighting up like she’d just had her batteries recharged. ‘I didn’t think you’d be back for ages.’
‘We left straight after you.’ He lowered his voice and nodded in my direction. ‘Dylan was in a funny mood.’
Shona leaned back against the wall and gave Paul a hopeful look.
‘So are you going to invite us in or are we going to spend the night sleeping on the fire escape?’
Paul held the door open. ‘After you, ladies.’
I didn’t want to go through the door. I didn’t want to see Dylan, not just because of all the kissing and the dragging away that had happened when I last saw him but also because I was worried that he might be wearing his pyjamas and I’d go off him or something.
I looked mournfully at Paul who was still holding the door open.
‘What’s the matter with you?’ he asked in an amused voice.
I couldn’t tell him that the last time I’d seen Dylan he’d had his tongue down my throat and his hand up my skirt so I whimpered and slunk into the room.
Dylan, thank God, wasn’t in his pyjamas. He was still wearing his jeans and green T-shirt but he didn’t look at all pleased to see us. He just nodded curtly at me and it was hard to believe that an hour before he’d been curled around me. I sat down on the edge of one of the beds and hoped that we could get the room situation sorted out. It should have been easy. Their room was just as big as ours but they had two double beds and a single.
‘OK,’ said Shona bossily. ‘Edie can ring Housekeeping for some extra bedding and we can have one of the double beds.’
‘What, you and me?’ laughed Paul.
‘Yeah, you wish, sad boy,’ snorted Shona. ‘I mean me and Edie!’
‘Hang on,’ interrupted Simon. ‘That means that two of us will have to share a double bed.’
‘So?’ said Shona and I in unison.
‘Can’t be done, I’m afraid,’ said Paul. ‘It just wouldn’t be right.’
‘Aw, are none of you very secure about your sexuality then?’ Shona cooed. ‘Look if it makes you feel better, neither Edie nor I think you’re gay.’
Dylan was staring morosely out of the window, but at the mention of my name he turned around with an evil smile. It wasn’t one of his evil I’m-going-to-ravish-you-in-a-second type of smiles. It was way more malicious than that.
‘Or Shona and Paul could have one of the double beds, Simon can have the single and Edie and I could bunk up in the other double,’ he announced with a not inconsiderable degree of satisfaction. ‘What d’you reckon, Edie?’
There was an uncomfortable silence from the others. I could feel tears pricking against my eyelids. How could he embarrass me like that? And why did I suddenly go to my happy place at the thought of smooshing together with him all night?
‘I’m going to sleep in Nat and Trent’s room. They’ve got two beds in there,’ I mumbled. I peeled myself off the bed and had one hand on the doorknob when I heard Dylan say, ‘Well, at least neither of them will lay a finger on you.’
‘Precisely,’ I snapped.
Dylan looked me up and down slowly and sneered. ‘Don’t flatter yourself, honey. Go and stay with your little gay friends, you’re not ready to start playing with the big boys.’
‘Dylan that was way out of order,’ Shona hissed, just before I slapped him really hard around the face. His head jerked back as my hand made contact with his cheek. Dylan stood still and slowly rubbed his jaw where you could already see the imprint of my fingers.
‘Touched a nerve, did I?’ he enquired snidely.
‘It doesn’t matter if Nat and Trent are gay or straight, they’re my friends and they treat me with way more respect than you ever have,’ I yelled. ‘You’ve been the one that’s coming onto me. It hasn’t been the other way round. You started every kiss that we’ve had.’
‘And what’s your point exactly?’ asked Dylan, examining his fingernails like the whole conversation was too boring for words.
‘Piss off. Piss off is my point,’ I shouted because articulation was not my friend at that precise moment. ‘Just leave me the hell alone.’
‘Whatever,’ said Dylan in a really bored-sounding voice. ‘I thought you were different but I guess I was wrong.’
I wasn’t even going to begin to work out what he meant by that. I was dimly aware of Shona calling to me but I was already out of the room and speeding down the corridor.
After knocking on the wrong door and waking up an irate French man and his wife, I finally found Nat and Trent’s room and banged frantically on the chipboard.
‘Let me in!’ I called urgently, falling into the room as Nat opened the door. ‘Can I sleep in here tonight?’
Then I burst into tears.
Nat and Trent were really good about it. They lent me a pair of pyjamas and while Nat gave me some of his chocolate stash, Trent wiped the smudged make-up off my face and sat with his arm round my shoulder, making soothing noises until I calmed down.
I sort of blurted out what Dylan had said about them but they didn’t seem to mind.
‘I’ve been called a lo
t worse than a “little gay”,’ joked Trent. ‘Dylan’s all right, Edie, he just gets a bit moody sometimes.’
Nat and Trent were probably the nicest, sweetest people I knew. And it had nothing to do with them being gay and/or sensitive, that was just the way they were.
‘Don’t tell me,’ I said, holding up a limp hand in protest. ‘You’ve known him since kindergarten.’
‘Well, since the first year of the juniors,’ laughed Trent. ‘Look, Edie, me and Nat have had loads of grief from some of the lads at college because we’re gay, but Dylan’s always been cool with us. It’s never made any difference to him.’
Diary of a Crush: French Kiss Page 11