I was awed at her patience in teaching me what seemed to come so easily to her.
The love and adoration I had for her grew tenfold. What before was beautiful, became glorious when it came to her.
The proudest moment of my life was carrying, first, my children, and then my wife into our home and feeling the sense of utter contentment and fulfillment at the sight of all three of them settled safely together on the sofa.
My eyes glazed as I stood watching my family.
Rabbit’s eyes lifted and she met my gaze with a soft, tender expression.
“Hey, Daddy,” she whispered softly.
My heart was full.
The afternoon sun was warm as it shone through the nursery windows. I found myself once again standing at the side of the crib gazing down on my children with complete adoration. My hand tenderly stroked the tiny forehead of my son, smiling as his nose wrinkled in his sleep. His sister was tucked against his side, an ever-present appendage. The second crib sat empty. Every time we tried separating them into their own cribs, the end result was the same. Heart-wrenching sobs from Elly and searching hands and angry little growls from Jack.
“I thought I’d find you in here.” Rabbit whispered from beside me. My arm instantly wrapped around her and drew her close.
Leaning over, I kissed her forehead. “You’re supposed to be resting,” I admonished her gently. “They’ll be awake soon and looking for dinner.”
Rabbit laughed softly, her hand rubbing Elly’s tummy tenderly. “I can’t stay away either,” she admitted. “Our little miracles.”
I watched in wonder as Elly squirmed and shifted. Immediately, Jack’s hand adjusted and found purchase on her again. “Did you see that?”
Rabbit hummed. “He does it all the time. Protective; just like his daddy. He hates being away from her.”
“I suppose after being that close for all those months, separation would be hard,” I mused. I looked at her, grinning. “This is gonna look strange on the playground, though.”
I was rewarded with her smile and sweet laugh. “You know very well Dr. Sue said this was perfectly normal, Joshua. They’ll grow out of it.”
I sighed. “Not completely, I hope.”
Rabbit nestled deeper into my side. “Like I said, he’s your son, Joshua. Something tells me he’ll always be protective of Elly.”
I smiled.
My son.
“Jack and I will always look after the women in our lives,” I whispered quietly, my lips nuzzling Rabbit’s soft cheek. “Now back to bed.”
“Will you lay down with me? I need some snuggles.”
“Well then, you’re lucky, aren’t you? Rabbit snuggles are my specialty.” I grinned as I guided her down the hall and helped her back into bed. I knew her incision from the C-section was still tender, and I carefully lay down beside her, letting her find a comfortable spot against me. I wrapped my arm around her gently and softly stroked her hair as she fell into a restful sleep. The days of nightmares and headaches were behind us and I loved seeing her relaxed and resting serenely.
The quiet of the afternoon was peaceful. There had been so many smiling faces here since Rabbit and the babies had come home that I swore the echoes of their joy were still permeating the rooms of our home, circling in the air.
So many good wishes and congratulations.
So many tiny outfits to look at, piles of stuffed toys to be hugged.
So much love.
All because of my Rabbit.
It all started with a snowstorm and a lost, frightened woman.
It ended here.
With my family —safe and peaceful.
Because she found me and calmed the storm.
Epilogue
Joshua
Eight months later …
I stood, looking down at my suitcase, a shirt hanging from my hands. All I had to do was put it in the suitcase and I was done. Packed. Ready to go.
Except I wasn’t.
I sat down on the bed, and lowered my head into my hands as I felt the undeniable stirrings of panic blooming in my chest.
I couldn’t do this.
I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t want to do this.
I stood up to go and find Rabbit and let her know this trip wasn’t happening, only to see her standing in the doorway regarding me silently.
“Hi.” Her smile was gentle, and her voice low. “You okay, sweetheart?”
At a loss for words, I shook my head and sat back down.
She pushed off the door frame and came over, tugging the shirt out of my hands and folding it. I watched without a word as she placed it in the suitcase.
“Did you pack your shaving stuff?”
I nodded. “And your trunks? I brought my swimsuit. I hear the hotel has an amazing hot spring spa attached to it. That should feel great on your leg,” she chatted at me.
“Rabbit …” my voice trailed off.
She stopped fussing with the zipper on the case and moved over, standing between my legs. “We have to go, Joshua.”
“I’m not ready.”
Tenderly, she cupped my face, her fingers stroking my cheeks. “Yes, sweetheart, you are. You’re just feeling tense at the thought. I’ll be right by your side the whole time.”
I looked at her, noticing her unusual pallor. “Are you ready to do this?”
She drew in a deep breath. “No. But I have to. For you. For us. For Jack and Elly. We promised Trina we’d do this.”
I shook my head. “We promised we’d try.”
She smiled sadly. “Deciding the night before not to go is not trying, Joshua.” She looked at me knowingly and sighed. “We have to try. We have to. This interview is the perfect time to do this. For both of us.”
I shook my head. “I hate it when you make sense, Rabbit.”
She laughed “No, you don’t.” Leaning down, she grazed her lips over mine. “You love me.”
Sighing in defeat, I pulled her against me and kissed her deeply. “Damn right I do.”
She chuckled quietly and held out her hand. “Let’s go and have supper with the munchkins and Cecilia. Trevor will be here any minute. You can spend the evening grilling him on the emergency protocols you have set up and familiarizing him with all the key points on your lists of how to care for your children properly.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you making fun of my lists, Mrs. Bennett?” I growled in mock indignation.
Rabbit laughed as she leaned down and kissed me warmly. “Not in the slightest, Mr. Bennett. Your organizational skills are to be congratulated. I’m sure everything Trevor and Cecilia could want or need to know is on one of your lists.” She turned and walked toward the door. “And, about a hundred things they have no desire or need to know, for that matter.”
“Hey! I’m just covering all the bases!” I insisted as I followed her down the hall. “I just wanted to make sure Trevor had all the information he needed.”
I heard Cecilia laughing from the front room. “Your lists are big enough to be your next book, Joshua. That’s an awful lot of words for one night’s instructions.”
I sat down across from her, scooping Jack up off his blanket and tossing him in the air, smiling as he laughed in delight, Bear watching me with protective eyes. “Shut it, Cecilia. These are important care packages you are looking after. And besides, its two days plus a night. That’s a long time.”
She snorted. “Oh … so sorry, I stand corrected. Two days plus a night. Maybe you’d better check those lists again, Daddy. You may have missed something.”
I smiled down at Jack. He gazed up at me, his blue eyes so much like Lizzy’s, set in his little chubby face. My panic began to swell again. How could I really leave him or Elly for that long? I looked up at Cecilia, and she quickly became serious when she saw my expression.
“It’s going to be fine, Joshua. Trevor and I will take good care of them. You’ll be great in your interviews,” she assured me comfortingly. “You have
to do this. You need to be strong for Lizzy.”
I looked up and saw Rabbit watching us anxiously from the kitchen. She was right. Rabbit was equally stressed about not only leaving the babies overnight, but being back in Toronto for the first time since I had brought her back with me well over a year ago. I smiled at her reassuringly. Her answering smile was sweet, but nervous. Cecilia was right, I had to be strong.
We could do this. As long as we were together, we could do this.
I gave up around three o’clock. I sat up and carefully eased out of bed. Rabbit had probably only been sleeping for about half an hour. And, that was only after I had held her closely, stroking her head and humming quietly until she relaxed and finally drifted into sleep.
Silently, I made my way across the hall and into the nursery. The nightlight cast a soft glow over the cribs as I stood looking down at my children. Although they finally slept in separate cribs, they were placed beside each other. Often when I came to check on them, I found them on their sides, facing each other, their little arms flung in the same direction. Tonight was no exception and as I stood looking down on them, I felt the rush of love that always engulfed me as I watched them. They were two little tiny bringers of joy. Every day was filled with laughter and new experiences. Watching them discover the world around them was magical, and it had led to the writing of a new series of books. Children’s books that I had written with Rabbit’s encouragement, that I also illustrated. In the beginning, I had written them only to read them to Jack and Elly, but Cecilia insisted I allow my publishers to read them. Although they had been skeptical over the huge change in genre, they had loved them. Now I was working with a whole new team in the children’s division and the books would be published very soon. This led to the necessary meeting in Toronto and the interviews I had agreed to do, after much coaxing from both the publishers and Trina.
I stood over my children, watching their peaceful sleep, and I matched my breathing with Jack’s steady, even breaths. Slowly, I felt myself relax as I thought back to my talk with Trina about this final hurdle.
“You want me to what?” I asked incredulously.
“I want you to plan an overnight trip away, Joshua,” Trina replied calmly. “It’s time.”
“I’m not leaving Rabbit and the babies.”
“No, just the babies. Rabbit needs to face her fears and return to Toronto as well. You can face this together and support each other.”
I shook my head. Leave the children overnight and return to Toronto? “She’ll never agree to it.”
But she did.
“Trina is right, Joshua. You’ve done so well. You come and go all the time now and handle it almost effortlessly. But we’ve never tried to have you away longer than a few hours,” she said thoughtfully when I told her that night after the twins were asleep. “Cecilia and Trevor would love to watch the twins. They’ve offered so often. They’ll be thrilled.”
“What about you, Rabbit? Do you think you could handle going back to Toronto?”
She looked at me, already unconsciously biting her bottom lip in nervousness. Leaning forward, I pulled the soft flesh away from her teeth and tapped it to demonstrate my point. “Do you really think you’re ready?”
She looked at me quietly. “All that’s left there are bad memories, Joshua. Brian can’t hurt me anymore. The thought of going back isn’t pleasant, but if you’re with me, Trina is right—I need to face it and leave it in the past. Once and for all.”
I nodded. Brian James hadn’t lasted long in Russian prison. When Adam had let us know of his death, my tender-hearted wife had surprised me by expressing grief at his passing. She had stared at me with tears in her eyes. “No one should waste their life like that, Joshua. He had everything given to him and threw it all away. And he died alone. That wasn’t living. I pity him. I mourn the waste of his entire life, not his death.” I had held her in my arms and let her cry, amazed at her capacity for forgiveness.
Reaching over, I pulled her onto my lap. “My publishers want me to come there and meet with them. Do a couple interviews about the new books. I’ve been stalling them but I could make the arrangements …” my voice trailed off. I refused to pressure her. This had to be her decision. And, whatever she decided, I would support her. I didn’t care what anyone else thought or said. Rabbit’s comfort and opinion were the only things that mattered.
“Then talk to them, Joshua,” she sighed quietly. “We’ll do it together.”
I lifted her face and studied her expressive eyes, which always told me what she was thinking. They stared back, nervous, but resolved.
I nodded. “I’ll make the arrangements, Rabbit.”
She burrowed into my chest and my arms tightened around her. “Just promise me you’ll stay close, Joshua.”
“I won’t let you out of my sight,” I promised.
“Good to know,” she whispered as she leaned up and kissed me.
I startled as I felt Rabbit’s arms wrap around me. “Come to bed, sweetheart.”
Turning, I wrapped her in my arms tightly. “I was just watching them sleep.”
“And thinking about tomorrow?”
I nodded.
Her arms tightened. “They’ll be fine. Cecilia and Trevor will take good care of them. We’re only a couple hours away. John can have us home fast if we have to get here.”
“I’m more worried I won’t be able to handle this, Rabbit,” I confessed sadly, thinking of the goals Trina wanted me to achieve, or at least attempt to achieve. “I feel totally overwhelmed right now at the thought of all we are going to do in the next couple days.”
She tilted her head up toward me, frowning. “Then stop thinking about the whole picture, Joshua. We’ll take it one goal, one new experience at a time. Together. Just one thing at a time, okay?”
Leaning down, I captured her lips with mine. “You are so smart,” I whispered, as I dragged my lips up to her ear and nibbled on her soft lobe.
She chuckled quietly. “First step is coming back to bed.”
“Not much point to that, really. I’m not sure I can sleep.”
Her hands wound into my hair, pulling me back to her lips. “Pretty sure I can figure out a way of tiring you out, sweetheart. But you have to come back to bed first.”
I smiled at her playful tone and leaning down, lifted her up into my arms. “Lead the way, Mrs. Bennett.”
The sound of the helicopter approaching the next morning kicked my nerves from frayed into overdrive. Goal number one: leave the property. Although I could do it most of the time without a reaction, today was different. Travelling by helicopter meant I was farther away than I had been in a long time. Bear, who hated the sound, slunk down the hallway to the bedroom, where I knew he would hide until after we had left and the sound of the chopper had faded away. Part of me wanted to join him in his escape. My eyes flew to Rabbit, who was holding Elly as she chatted quietly with Trevor and Cecilia. My own arms tightened slightly on Jack, who slept peacefully in my arms, replete after his morning meal.
How would he and Elly react when they woke up and we weren’t here? What if Cecilia couldn’t get them to settle? My mind raced as I tried to remember if I had listed all the ways of distracting them when they fussed. I stood up, intent on making sure the pacifiers were on the counter, when Rabbit’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Joshua.”
I looked over at her. “They’ll be fine. Let’s go put them in their cribs and then we have to go.” She regarded me quietly for a moment and came over to where I was standing. Her hand came up and caressed my cheek. “One step at a time, Joshua. Now, breathe for me. Deep, calming breaths. You can do this.”
Nodding, I focused on her breathing and matched it. After a minute, I opened my eyes and smiled at her. Silently, I followed her down the hall, and together we kissed our children, tucked them safely into their beds and returned to the kitchen. I could feel her slight tremor as we walked away, and I drew her into my side tightly in silent support.
I looked at her surprised. “Why?”
She smiled. “We thought a friendly face would make you both feel better. You’re having dinner with him, Heather, Tracy and Frank tonight, once you finish your meetings with the publisher. Your interviews are tomorrow. We are going to be fine. Daniel and Ellen are coming out later today so, between all of us, your babies are in capable hands.”
Lizzy smiled. “We know that. Thanks, Cecilia.”
I looked down at my wife. “Ready to do this?”
She took in a deep breath. “Right beside you, Joshua.”
Leaning down, I kissed her forehead gently. “Good to know, Rabbit.”
Both Rabbit and I were solemn as the chopper took off and we watched our home fading from view. Our hands were clasped tightly together and I kept my gaze on her, trying to match my breathing with hers. John wasted no time lifting off once we were onboard, and I was sure he was under strict instructions not to listen to any sudden excuses as to not leaving. I squeezed her hand gently and raised it to my mouth, kissing it lovingly; grateful she was there with me. I knew she was anxious about returning to Toronto and even more anxious about being away from the children for a long period of time. We needed each other to be strong.
Arriving at the airport, it was a relief to see Adam’s large frame waiting for us, his wife, Heather, by his side. Hugs and pleasantries were exchanged and John shook my hand, promising to be ready to take off the next day by 6 p.m. “You have your phone?” I asked quietly. Smiling in understanding, he nodded. “We can take off anytime, if needed, Joshua. Just call and I’ll make all the necessary arrangements.”
“Thanks, John.”
He grinned and waved at us before leaving to file his paperwork and I turned to Adam. “What’s the plan?”
He chuckled and withdrew a sheet of paper from his pocket. “Well, according to Cecilia’s itinerary, once we check you into the hotel, we have time for lunch before you need to be at the office. Cecilia, in her great wisdom, has you staying in a hotel that is walking distance from your publishers, as well as one of our favorite restaurants. So, let’s start there, shall we?”
Into The Storm Page 35