by Rose, Aubrey
Brynn Tomlin.
Eliot gathered the papers up quickly and raced down the steps of the library, almost tripping on the carpet in the darkness. He ran across the lawn and pulled open the door of the math department. The hallways here, too, glowed eerily with the emergency lighting system. Breathing heavily, he got to Patterson’s door and tried the handle before he saw the note taped to the department chair’s placard.
“Eliot,” the note read, “Electricity went off. Going home, will notify the Joseph boy about the Prize.”
Eliot slammed his hand against the door, the homework papers falling out of his grip and tumbling to the floor. Anger poured through him, a blind frustration that all of his efforts had been in vain. Shocked at the intensity of his emotion, he leaned his head against the door and willed himself to breathe slowly until the ferocity pumping through his blood ebbed.
Peace, Eliot. He folded Brynn’s paper and tucked it into his pocket along with her note. He needed sleep. The best solutions always came to him after a night of rest. This would be no exception. He knew there was a solution. He simply had to find it.
I ran all the way home and slammed the apartment door behind me, breathing hard. I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve anything. I was a liar, nothing more.
“Brynn? You okay?”
Shannon peeked her head around the hallway from the couch where she had sprawled out. Tendrils of her red hair curled limply down her neck, escaping from the pins that tried valiantly to hold the mass of hair up. She had two more pins between her lips, and she took them out to speak more clearly.
“Hon, you look like you just saw a ghost! What’s wrong?”
I burst into tears, and Shannon immediately got up from the couch and came down the hall to put her arms around me.
“Brynn, hon, oh honey. What is it?” She led me to the couch where I collapsed, my head in my hands. “Was it that test?”
I shook my head, unable to speak.
“It must be bad,” she said, her warm hand rubbing my back as tears ran down my cheeks. “You never cry. Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
After going through almost an entire box of tissues I managed to tell her the story in between sobs.
“Oh, Brynn.” Shannon sighed. “You’re sure he helped you out on the test?”
“I don’t know what else it could have been,” I said, sniffling behind the tissue. “I didn’t know like half of the problems.”
“Then he’s an asshole.”
“Yeah.” I blew my nose and added the tissue to the growing mountain in the waste basket. “I just didn’t think he would do something like that, you know?”
“All guys are assholes. You remember that guitar player I told you about? Never called.”
“No!” I frowned in sympathy. Shannon had been so excited when she came home from that concert. “What a jerk!”
“That’s what I’m saying. The whole lot of them are just jerks and assholes. You want to watch a movie and forget about boys for a while?”
“What movie?”
“I don’t know, something with John Cusack in it?”
“You’re brilliant, Shannon, has anyone ever told you that?”
Shannon beamed at me, and it almost made me feel better. We spent the rest of the night ogling John Cusack’s sexy lips and even broke into the ice cream we had been saving for next week’s finals, completing the stereotype and loving every minute of indulgence. By the time the credits rolled across the screen the internship test seemed like a nightmare I could forget. I went to bed and found the small brass key in my pocket while taking off my jeans. I thought about throwing it in the trash, but put it on the side table instead, the heavy little key clinking on the wood. Maybe I would go back to the midnight piano room later. Much later.
The next morning the sun shone brightly through my window. No more snow. It was back to being California again. I was oddly disappointed.
A loud knocking at the door got me out of bed. It wasn’t even eight in the morning yet. Who could it be?
“Brynn? You got that?” Shannon yelled from her room.
“Got it!” I said, wiping the sleep out of my eyes and stumbling down the hall. In my heart, a secret piece of me hoped that I would find Eliot on the other side of the door. I brushed my hair down with my fingers and buttoned the top of my pajama shirt. If it was him, I didn’t want to look indecent. But when I threw open the door, Mark stood on the other side.
“What happened?” he said.
“Good morning to you, too, Mark,” I said. God, my morning breath was terrible.
“Where were you? Why did you leave before your interview?”
“Hold up,” I said, raising my hands. “How did you know?”
“The department chair guy, Patterson. He called my dad to tell him I had won the internship. They asked if I knew the girl who disappeared at the test. I assume he wasn’t talking about Quentin.”
Mark won. He had won. A stab of jealousy thrust itself into me, and at first I couldn’t breathe.
“Did… did you tell them?”
“No, I said I wasn’t sure,” Mark said. “I thought maybe you had a reason for leaving. I wanted to talk to you first.”
I sighed.
“Can we talk?” Mark leaned forward in the doorway, a concerned expression on his face. I couldn’t tell him no.
“Sure,” I said. “Give me a minute to get dressed.”
“One minute,” Mark said, stepping back. “And you’re not allowed to disappear.”
“Ha, very funny.”
The snow had disappeared as quickly as it had come, and with the sunshine above us it felt like spring had come back to California. I convinced Mark to go with me to a coffeeshop in the village near the university, where he bought me the biggest latte they had. I wasn’t about to chance running into Eliot again at the library cafe.
“So what happened?” he said once we had sat down with our coffee. “You always said you wanted to go to Hungary. This was your thing.”
A fierce pinch of desire wrung its way through my heart. It aimed its line not toward Hungary, however, but directly at the figure of the eminent, the honorable Dr. Herceg. Eliot. I shook my head.
“Not anymore,” I said. “I don’t deserve it.”
“The hell you don’t. I’m going to tell the department chair it was you.”
“No!” My voice carried across the coffeeshop, and several people looked over toward us. I hunched over my latte, trying to look forgettable.
“Brynn, I heard them talking. Patterson wants to give me the Prize but that guy Herceg insisted that you’re the winner. And there’s no way I’m taking it from you. You won, fair and square.”
“No. Mark, it wasn’t fair. I met him before. Herceg. I think he rigged the test to help me win.” Now that I had to explain it, it all seemed so implausible. I expected Mark to ask why Eliot would help me, but he didn’t even blink.
“The test was anonymous, Brynn.”
“Then how did I get to the end without being dismissed? “
“By kicking ass, just like the rest of us. You’re smart, Brynn. Jesus.” He leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. “You did well.”
“I didn’t know half of the answers!” Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. The second time I had cried in… god, in years.
“So? Neither did I.”
I raised my head. Mark’s face was completely serious.“What?”
“Are you kidding? That was the hardest test ever. I probably didn’t know two-thirds of the answers.”
“Quentin said he answered everything.” My lips trembled.
“Quentin is an overconfident asshole, of course he said that.” Mark leaned back in his chair. “There’s no way he got half of those right. Are you serious? That’s why you left?”
“That’s not the only reason,” I said.
“What else?” Mark waited patiently, but there was no way I was going to tell him about the piano, or
about the way Eliot’s hand brushed against mine, igniting a fire inside of me.
“Trust me,” I said. “You deserve it more than me.”
“Nuh-uh.” Mark crossed his arms. “Not going to happen. I’m abdicating.”
“Mark—”
“And then Quentin will get it. You want Quentin to get it?” Mark looked serious.
I sighed, bending my head over the coffee.
“No,” I admitted.
“Then you’re going to the math department right now to tell them that you’re the mysterious disappearing girl.”
“I—” I looked into Mark’s face, but he looked like he was ready to handcuff me and haul me down to campus himself.
“Okay,” I said. My skin flushed red at the thought of admitting to Eliot that I wasn’t the girl he thought I was. But another part of me thrilled to know that Eliot wanted me for his internship, and hoped even more that I might be able to go to Hungary, as I had been hoping for the past thirteen years.
Mark and I walked to campus from the coffeeshop, the sun warming the day quickly. We made our way through the math department to Patterson’s office, and as we turned the corner, my steps faltered. Eliot stood in front of the door next to Patterson, gesturing angrily towards a sheet of paper. Mark coughed and he turned to see us, his frown melting into a blank expression that I could not read. Eliot straightened himself up to his full height as Mark and I approached, his clear eyes giving away no hint as to the thoughts hidden in his mind.
“Hello,” he said to me as we walked up, and extended his hand. “You must be Brynn.”
CHAPTER SIX
“If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.” - Von Neumann
“Congratulations, Mark,” the department chair said.
“Yes, congratulations,” Eliot echoed. My heart sank. So Mark had won the Prize. I had thrown it all away for nothing, and Eliot knew who I was. A lump rose in my throat. Eliot turned to me.
“And congratulations as well to you, Ms. Tomlin.” Eliot’s voice sounded formal, distant. “Dr. Patterson assures me that despite your disappearance for the interview portion, you are generally a reliable person, and I can speak to your mathematical ability myself.”
I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know if he was saying what I thought he was saying.
“I’m sure the department will be happy to have two students named to the internship this year,” he continued. “Isn’t that right, Dr. Patterson?”
The department chair raised his eyebrows but shook his head in agreement.
“An excellent selection of students,” Patterson said. “Both very qualified.”
“So we’re both going?” Mark asked. “No way! Awesome!” He turned and swept me up into a tight hug. My heart soared as I hugged him back. I turned to Eliot in amazement.
“Thank you,” I said. His jaw tightened in a tense smile.
“I’m late for physics,” Mark said, his arm still holding me close. “We can talk later. Thank you, Dr. Herceg, thank you so much. You’re such an inspiration.” He shook Eliot’s hand. “And congrats, Brynn!”
“You too,” I said, waving goodbye. For some reason, I was scared to look Eliot in the eye. “I should get to class.”
“One moment, Ms. Tomlin,” Eliot said. “I’d like to talk with you first about the internship. We didn’t quite get a chance to finish the interview portion of the test, after all, did we?”
“In my office?” Patterson offered.
Eliot waved him away. “It’s such a beautiful day,” he said. “And I only have a few questions. Let’s walk outside, shall we?”
I nodded. He led the way through the hall and opened the door for me. The sunlight made my eyes squint as I exited the building. Although Eliot had said he wanted to talk with me, he didn’t speak at all as we walked slowly on the sidewalk. We crossed the lawn and came to the library. He sat down on the bench outside. I stayed standing, uncertain.
“Please.” He motioned for me to sit, and scooted to one side so that a large gap separated us. I settled down onto the bench beside him, my skin growing hot.
“Brynn,” he began.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry for lying in the first place. I’m sorry for running away. I just—I thought I did really bad on the test. And I didn’t want you to know I lied. I thought maybe you just wanted me to win, because…”
“Because?”
I flushed even more, shifting uncomfortably.
“You know,” I said. Eliot paused, and I could not tell what emotion it was that flitted across his brow before disappearing. When he spoke, his voice was low.
“I’m sorry we started off the way we did, Brynn,” Eliot said. “You did very well on the test. You deserve the prize as much as anyone.”
“Thank you,” I said. My heart pounded with a mix of desire and embarrassment.
Eliot licked his lips before speaking, and I felt my body respond to the sight of his full mouth, so warm against my fingers that night. My entire face burned with the memory.
“I wanted also to apologize for my behavior toward you,” Eliot continued. “I behaved unprofessionally.”
“You didn’t know…” My words trailed off as I looked into Eliot’s stormy eyes. He was holding something back, and I could hear the unspoken words echoing between us.
“Let me assure you that nothing of the sort will happen again.”
Eliot stood up, his eyes looking away, toward the math department.
My mouth dropped open but, as always, I lacked the words to express myself properly. How could I be anything but ecstatic to win the internship prize? But Eliot’s assurance only pierced my heart. Nothing of the sort will happen again. The words struck me to the core despite my joy at winning. I had never wanted much, never had much, but it had been such an excitement, such a thrill to find that I wanted him! And now, with my victory, I had assured myself that he would be securely out of reach.
I had said goodbye to Shannon and left the apartment we had shared for the past two years with a mixture of excitement and nervousness in my heart. Now, back at my grandmother’s before leaving for Hungary, I felt like a child again, about to leave home for the first time. With torn emotions, I packed my bag in the tiny bedroom I had shared with my Nagy growing up. Her house dwindled amid the others on the rural street where she lived, tucked away into the California brush. Not able to afford much space, she had strung a curtain across the room just as she had when I was young so that I could have my privacy in the bed that was only a few feet from hers.
“Brynn!” Her voice called out to me from the yard. I looked out of the window. She had hauled a load of vegetables out of the small garden and placed them on the steps. Her long white braid made a sharp contrast to her dark, ankle-length dress. Although she smiled and laughed, ever since my mother died, my Nagy wore clothes of mourning, and sometimes her smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“I’m going to the market to pick up some meat, would you like anything?”
“No thanks,” I said, waving at her. “Should I prep anything?”
“Prep?”
“Prepare. Like, peeling.”
“Oh yes, peeling! Yes, you can peel the carrots. I leave them here.”
She put the vegetable basket next to the back door and disappeared around the corner of the house. I heard the rattling engine start up, a grinding of the gears as she turned out of the driveway and onto the road, and then only silence.
I breathed deeply, putting the last of my clothes in the duffel bag. I placed my favorite book on top—Creatures of Mythology and Legend—and tucked the picture of my mother into the side pocket of the suitcase. She loved reading stories to me when I was young, and I would beg her to tell them again and again, until she grew tired of the old myths and began to make up her own. My fingers traced the letters of the title on the old book, and then I zipped up the bag, cinching it tight.
Bzzzzzzzz.
My phone vibrated on the coffee table. At first I thought it might be Mark calling about the internship. My Nagy was planning to visit a sick friend tomorrow, and so I had begged the internship coordinator to let me arrive a few days early so that I wouldn’t be a hassle to her. Mark was jealous that I got to arrive in Budapest before him, but I’m sure he would be dying for me to tell him all about it.
I picked up the phone and my breath caught when I saw whose name was on the screen. From my father I only ever got one phone call on my birthday, and one at Christmas, even though at the end of our short, awkward conversations he always said he would call me soon. This was… unexpected, to say the least. I set my jaw and answered the phone.
“Hi, dad.”
“Brynn, hey, how are you?” His voice sounded fake, like it always did when he called. Like he had been rehearsing sounding happy and supportive, like a real dad would sound. Sometimes I wondered if his wife gave him acting lessons before he picked up the phone.
“I’m fine.”
“I hear you’re going to Hungary. Your grandmother told me.”
“Yeah.” I tried to sound happy, I really did. It was just so hard to put on the same show that had been going on for the past thirteen years between us. Sometimes I just wanted to scream at him. You abandoned me, I’d say. Why are you still pretending like you care? I did want to tell him, tell anyone about the awesome prize I had won. But he didn’t care, not really, and he wouldn’t understand how important it was for me to go there. To see where she was buried. You never went, I felt like saying. He had no excuses, either. A famous, globetrotting wife and all the money in the world to spend, but he had never been to Hungary to see her grave.
“That’s great! Liza is going to Italy this spring for a modeling show.”
My eyebrows knitted across my forehead. Always about them. Liza and Susie, each more perfect than the other. Both modeled: one swimsuit, one catwalk. Both inherited their mother’s high cheekbones and delicate facial structure. In contrast, I looked dumpy and squat—anyone would, I guess. But of course, that wasn’t the worst of it.