In January, it is my friend’s fortieth birthday, and although I am broke, I agree that Polly and I will go out for the birthday celebrations. She has booked rooms, and we are staying overnight in the Ibis. Polly tells me it will do me good to get out and to stop worrying about money. Polly and I arrive later than the rest of the group because we have to work Saturdays. We meet them in Wetherspoons before heading to the hotel to pre-drink and get ready. We have a colour scheme of pink and black; it is quite hard to find anything pink in winter.
I wear my old, faithful black dress. Polly looks great; she wears a plum dress and tells me that it will have to do, and bugger the colour scheme. We are kitted out in butterfly wings and pink boas, and we head into the city centre. The birthday girl has several “I am 40 today” balloons and banners attached. I tell the girls that the balloons are so we can track her down – she has a tendency to wander. We burst into laughter. We head to a pub on the other side of town that has great bands playing every night. My friend Josie is out with us. She lives alone with her daughter, and she tells me on the way to the pub that she is glad that we are heading there, because it is a great atmosphere and the drinks are cheap. I laugh and agree with her. We enter the pub, trying not to bash anyone with our matching butterfly wings.
I spot a nice-looking bloke smiling at us. I assume that it is because of the costumes, and that he is with the lady next to him. An hour later, I notice that he is on his own. I have had a drink, and so when he smiles at me, after a nudge from Polly I walk over to say hello. The music is loud, and I have a job to hear him. I tell him that I am out with my daughter, and he introduces himself to Polly. He tells me that he thinks that it is great that we have such a good relationship. I instantly like him, and I tell him over the loud music that I detect an accent and ask him where he is from. He tells me he is Australian, and his name is Drew.
When it is time to move onto the next pub, I tell Drew to come with us. He is on his own, is over here on a business trip, and is divorced. He tells me that he will be here for two weeks and will be travelling around the country. Polly asks him about the sharks, spiders, and kangaroos in Australia, and he laughs at her.
We go to the next pub, and the DJ is playing seventies and eighties music. We dance all night. Polly is chatting to the DJ and wearing a pink feather boa around her neck. We watch her and laugh because he is letting her choose all the songs. Drew tells me I am beautiful, I love his accent. He hugs me close and then runs his hands down my body. Then he picks me up off the floor and pulls me close to him, as if I am as light as a feather. I am impressed – Drew is strong as an ox.
The girls have all gone for food. It is late, so Polly, Drew, and I head back to the hotel. Polly is drunk and asks the taxi driver if he can stop at Burger King. He starts protesting. Polly is disgusted and tells him, “That is no way to speak to a customer. It is not good customer service.” I remind Polly that he has been working all night and is tired, and she should not cheek her elders. She is not happy.
We get back to the hotel, and I apologise to Drew for her behaviour. He replies, “No worries. She’s drunk – and hungry.” We laugh. Polly is annoyed with me, and she tells me that she is bunking up with Josie tonight; I can sleep on my own. Josie tells me not to worry because she will be OK in the morning, and Josie will watch her. Drew looks at me and says, “Come on. Let’s go back to mine.” He is staying at the Hilton.
The next morning, we chat and snuggle up – something we both admit we miss more than sex. I tell him that we call snuggling up a cwtch here. He tries to say it with his accent, but it sounds funny, and we laugh. We shower together, and he takes me back to my hotel. Polly is packing up her stuff and says hi to us both. Drew asks if she is feeling better, and she replies, “A bit.” He chats to the girls as I pack up and change. I go outside to say goodbye to him and tell him that I can’t believe I won’t see him ever again.
He asks for my number and rings my phone. I log his number into mine, and he explains that he has had to buy a new phone here because his network doesn’t work. We kiss, and he tells me he will try his best to get back and see me before he goes home. We say goodbye, and the girls and I head to the train station. They all tell me that he is a lovely bloke, commenting that it’s a shame he lives in Australia.
Two days later, I am at work, and my phone rings; it is Drew. I go into the office for privacy and answer the phone. He asks how I am and struggles to understand my strong accent. I tell him that I am OK and ask how he is, and what part of the country is he in. He tells me that he is on his way back to my village. I offer to cook him dinner at mine; I have already made some pies this morning before work. I explain to Drew that he will not be able to stay at my home, out of respect for my children. He agrees and books a nearby hotel.
Around six thirty, Lorna arrives just before Drew. She stays and chats to him as I complete the finishing touches to the food. Then she leaves before I dish up. Frankie is in the living room, and Drew tells him he is lucky to have a mam who is hard working like me; Frankie smiles and agrees. Polly says hi, makes her excuses, and heads to Jack’s.
After the meal, we chat over a glass of wine. Drew tells me all about Australia, where he is from, his children, and how they live out there. He tells me about the beautiful beaches and his horses; he has a small holding and three horses, and he rides every day. Later, we say goodnight to Frankie. I tell him I will be back in the morning, and we head to Drew’s hotel. It is not as plush as the Hilton, but it has a bed and a shower, and that is all we need.
Drew has a hypnotic accent, and I listen to him talk for hours before nodding off into a deep sleep. Morning comes too fast. I have to go to work, and he is due in Manchester in four hours for a meeting with work. We shower and kiss goodbye. He tells me that he will try to make it back to me before he leaves, and we kiss again. As I turn to leave, he slaps me on the arse and says, “Bye, beautiful.”
I go to the house. Polly is there, tapping her fingers on her arm and jokingly asking me, “Where have you been? You’re a dirty stop out!” we laugh and head for work. It is a Tuesday. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are our OAP days. We have regular customers who have been coming for their shampoo and sets for years. This is very often their only time out of the house, and they enjoy the company and chat to each other every week. Lilly is due in today; Polly has nicknamed her the Penguin because she waddles when she walks. Polly is also a little scared of her, saying that she stares at her all the time. I explain that she is harmless and simply likes her. Polly tries her best to avoid shampooing her. Today, Lilly has rang to tell me she will be a little late because she is at the dentist. I tell her to come in when she can.
Another regular customer is Ethel. She comes in every fortnight for her shampoo and set. Ethel has very fine hair and sprays it with hairspray to hold it in place. After two weeks of excessive spraying, it is like a crash helmet. She arrives on time, and as routine, Polly passes her the brush so that she can crack the shell of hairspray. She then proceeds to brush it out, causing a snow storm. Polly offers Ethel a cup of tea; this is her excuse to avoid being covered in crustations. Polly shampoos Ethel, and I set her and put her under the dryer with her cup of tea.
Then before Polly can hide in the office, Lilly enters. I turn to say hello and notice that she has had her new teeth fitted. My first thought is that it looks like someone has thrown a radiator into her mouth. She is trying to close her lips and staring at me. I stifle a laugh and pretend that is a cough. As I turn around, I see Polly slipping into the office, and her shoulders are shaking. I bite my cheek to avoid giggling and ask Lilly to come to the basin. I shampoo Lilly, I have to do this with her standing over the basin because she cannot lean back far enough when sat down and ends up getting soaked. I do not want to offend her, and so I do not mention her new teeth.
I move her into the stylist’s chair and offer her a cup of tea. She declines, so I carry on setting her hair. Lilly says, “Hav
e you noticed something? I have new teeth.”
I reply without looking up, “Oh, yes, I can see now.” I tell her they are nice.
She says, “They are a bit big.”
I say, “Yes, now you come to mention it, they do look big.” As I glance up, she is still trying to close her mouth. It is never going to happen, and I wonder how many calories she is burning by trying to hold them in her mouth! What has that dentist done to her?
Lilly as always asks after Polly, and she says, “She’s a pretty girl.”
I feel sorry for her and tell her she should go back to the dentist if she is not happy with her new dentures. Before Lilly leaves, Ethel is ready to come from under the dryer. Ethel and Lilly chat while I back comb and strategically place every strand of Ethel’s hair into place (there are not many). I back comb the crown of her hair forwards to create a fringe, as instructed by Ethel. Lilly books in for next week, says bye to everyone, and leaves the shop.
I finish Ethel’s hair and watch as she reapplies her pale pink lipstick. Her mouth is shaped in an oval shape as she says, “Ain’t that Lilly ugly?”
I am gobsmacked and wonder, Just what does she see in that mirror? Ethel looks like Skeletor with a bird’s nest on his head! When Ethel leaves, I ask Polly if she noticed Lilly’s new teeth. She turns away and then spins back around, her lips curled around her teeth. While staring into my face, she says, “Are you all right, Lauren?” We are in hysterics! Thirty minutes later, we are still laughing and my ribs are aching.
I finish work and head to the gym. I usually go there every morning, but didn’t have time because I was with Drew. When I leave, I check my phone, and there is a text from him. Yes! I have been watching my phone all day. I am playing it cool and am determined that I am not going to scare him off. Usually if I want something, I fight for it. I like getting my own way, and I am stubborn and determined. I have learned the hard way that men like to make the first move. I open the text, and it reads, “I am sat in a restaurant and enjoying a glass of red wine and an amazing meal. The only thing that is missing is you!” I text him back and tell him I am just leaving the gym and am thinking of him too; he has been on my mind all day.
I am covering maternity leave in my teaching job and now work three days a week. I offered to cover, thinking that I would be teaching NVQ level one hairdressing. I was soon to discover that I would be teaching Comms, ICT, and AON level one qualifications. Training for this amounted to a day shadowing a heavily pregnant, stressed-out tutor. I did not have a clue what I had to teach, so I decided the best way would be to set the learner’s work from an example copy of a passed qualification in each subject. I was instructed by my lead IV assessor (she assesses my work) that this would be OK, and because she was also new to her new role, we would have to learn on the job – literally! I have a full-time stylist and Polly working in the shop. I work six days a week, and along with the marking I do in the evenings, it is exhausting.
It has been three days, and Drew has texted me every day. I have replied to his texts, but I am still playing it cool. As I get in from a stressful day of teaching, Drew rings and tells me he is on his way back. I arrange to meet him in the hotel bar. We go for a meal and head back to his room. I tell him everything about my job and how my IV keeps changing the work after I have managed to get the learners to achieve it.
Drew tells me to hang in there and not worry. He gives me good advice on how to deal with the situation. I can talk to him about anything and love listening to his stories about where he has been and his adventures. He tells me about all the different countries he has visited.
Drew visits me one more time before he has to leave. It is sad, and in the morning he hugs (cwtches) me tight and tells me to look after myself. We exchange addresses and emails, and he promises to keep in touch with me, telling me he will email me when he gets home. As I drive to work that morning, I cannot stop crying. I pull over to try and compose myself. I cannot believe I will never see him again. I text him, saying, “Trust me! I finally find my soul mate, and he lives over the other side of the world.” I press send, wipe my tears, and sort myself out. I have to go to work.
As I enter the classroom, my phone rings, and it is Drew. I excuse myself and answer the phone. He tells me he is at the airport and that he will miss me. He asks me to remember the good times we had and to not be sad. He tells me to look back on the memories and laugh about it. I reply that I will and tell him to have a safe journey. He tells me I am beautiful and that as soon as he gets home, he will email me.
A week later, as promised, I receive an email from Drew. He tells me that he has arrived home safely and has been riding his beloved horses. He sends me a picture of the view from his property; it is at sunset, and it’s beautiful. I ask him if he will send a picture of a kangaroo for Polly. He replies that next time he sees one, he will. A week later, he has a picture of one on a football field; he calls it an oval. I tell him I love the fact that it is so bright and sunny over there, and he replies that the one thing he could not handle about living in my country is the rain. He states that he can understand how there are such high suicide rates over there, because it is so depressing. I agree and tell him that there are also no jobs for the youngsters. Drew replies that for those who want it, there are plenty of jobs in Australia, as well as apprenticeship opportunities. I think about how different life would be for me and my children if we lived there, and I mention it to Polly. She says, “Mam, come on. Let’s move to Australia!”
The next day, I ask Eligh and Frankie if they would like to live in Australia for a year and work there. They both reply, “OK, why not?” Later that day, I ring Jonah and ask him if he and his new girlfriend, Laura, would like to come. Jonah says he would and adds that Laura’s friends have gone, and they said it was fantastic. I think about my age. If the children decided to settle there, I would be too old by then to emigrate. I look into the age limits online and email an agency called Migrate Me. I get a call back within an hour. The lady explains that the company helps people to emigrate. For a fee near two thousand pounds, which can be paid in monthly instalments, they arrange everything, including working visas and flights for family (which have to be paid for separately). The lady also informs me that it would take around eighteen months to complete the necessary paperwork. I tell her to sign me up and pay my first instalment. This is my new goal!
I admit this is very impulsive, and you are probably thinking that I am doing this so I can be with Drew, but this is not entirely the case. If in eighteen months, I go there and Drew wants to be part of my life, then that is great. But I have grown up over the years. I know there is no Mr Darcy or knight in shining armour. Drew is not going to sweep me off my feet and ride away with me. I am doing this for me, but most of all for my children. I want them to have the best opportunities life has to offer, and I know that it is not here in this country anymore.
I think of Polly. She only has a job because I employ her. This is how it works here. There is a recession, and the only young adults who are working have had to, like Jonah move to the city to find work. You can only afford to live there if you are flat sharing with someone because the rent is so expensive. It depends on whom you know, not what you know.
Eligh and Frankie have not been so lucky. They are both fed up with attending college rather than having to sign onto the dole. Eligh is so talented at art and design. He has eight GSCEs and has done several voluntary jobs to gain experience in shop and office work. He cannot get a job anywhere. Frankie has completed three years in college on a car mechanic course and has achieved a level three NVQ in this subject. He cannot get an apprenticeship anywhere and has had to resort to signing onto the dole. I think of Eligh and how depressed he has become. More job opportunities are available for both Eligh and Frankie in Australia. Polly has always wanted to travel.
Finally, I think of what I want. I have worked hard for the last fifteen years and want an easier lif
e, a different life-work ratio. I have earned it, and this is my reason for emigrating. Drew has simply drawn my attention to a whole new adventure. I think back to when I was a young child, and I always wanted to go on one. This is it – better late than never!
Migrate Me informs me what is needed. First I need to get my qualifications photocopied and authenticated by a solicitor. Then I have to forward the documents to them. I do this, and once my appointed advisor receives them, she tells me that the best option for me is to opt for a skills test. She tells me that it is $350 for the technical part and $750 for the skills assessment. I sign up for a 0 per cent interest credit card and add the fee to it. This is getting expensive. She tells me that I need to pass this to qualify for a visa. The test is booked for six weeks time.
This is a big secret for me; I have decided to not tell anyone except the children for now. Polly and the boys are sworn to secrecy about the move. I tell them that I do not want to upset Lorna, Andy, and Sophie, and that I will tell them nearer the time. I also tell them that I do not want to tell my friends or customers, because I worry that they will go to another salon, and I cannot afford for this to happen.
Life goes on as normal. Polly and Jack’s relationship comes to an end. She is relieved and has plans to start going out with her old school friends. This is the first time she has been single, and I tell her to be careful, but to enjoy herself.
My True Colours Page 16