I am just nodding off to sleep when I hear a key card in the lock of the door. As I compose myself, three young Australian lads enter the room. They look at me and apologise. I reply it’s OK because it’s a mixed room. We introduce ourselves, and they ask where I’m from. I tell them, and they ask if it’s OK if they have a shower. It’s Saturday night, and they have come from Wooga Wooga to go out in the city. It has taken them two and a half hours to get here! Within an hour, they have asked permission to put on their music, and they are chatting away and drinking vodka. I have given them fashion advice, and they have told me about where they live. It has seventy thousand occupants and is a farming town. They tell me I should move there. They leave at midnight and return about 5.30 a.m. I hear them enter the room, and they are trying to whisper so as not to wake me. So far these have been my favourite roommates; they are really nice lads.
The next morning, the receptionist explains that the lads are leaving today, and I could be the only one in the room. I decide not to risk it. I move to a women-only room before going out to explore Canberra. I walk towards the lake and see signs for a Floriade Spring Festival. I enter and look around. They have a teenage dance competition, so I sit and watch for a while before going to explore. The smell of the flowers is lovely as I walk through the park. I see a big wheel and stalls, and then I walk around and browse at the stalls. After an hour, I decide to go to the refreshment stall, get a glass of wine, and read my book.
Later, I decide to walk around the lake. It is huge and too far to walk. I walk as far as I can, because the path is blocked; there is no access due to building work. I walk around some condos on the lake and discover a sign advertising an indoor market and a glass factory. I go to have a look. The market sells all types of food, and it smells delicious, so I wander inside and buy a jacket potato and some water. I am not daring enough to try the Chinese dishes. The marketplace is busy with people wandering around. If I lived here, I would buy paintings and vases for my home. They are handcrafted, and there are also beautiful oil paintings for sale.
After the market, I decide to look at the Parliament Building. It takes me around two hours to reach the entrance, and I discover that I can go inside. I look around and take some selfies. I am tired and so head to the cafe inside to order a coffee. It is too strong and bitter, and I struggle to drink it. I leave the building an hour later. I still haven’t seen a kangaroo for Polly, and there is no sign of one here. I wonder whether I will spot one on the way back to the hostel. I get a little lost on the way back and end up near a nature reserve and housing estate. After asking several local people, I find my way back to the city centre. I stop at a cafe and order a cake and a cup of tea – I have earned it after all that walking. I spend the evening soaking my poor feet in the pool; they are blistered and sore after getting lost, because it took me over seven hours to get back. After settling back into my room, I go down to the kitchen and prepare my dinner before having an early night.
I spend the next day looking at the shopping mall. My feet are still sore from yesterday, so I do not want to wander too far. I am heading back to Melbourne tomorrow and have decided to stay at the hotel on Spencer Street because it is near the station, and I deserve a treat. I have saved a lot of money by staying in hostels, enjoyed the experience, and met some nice people.
I wake early and head to the bus station. The wheel on my case is breaking, so I get a taxi. I arrive in Melbourne eight hours later. My hotel is like heaven, I have my own shower and toilet, and it is immaculate. I sit and watch television; there is only one English channel, and Doc Martin is on. I pour a glass of wine and eat my supper in bed. Tomorrow I will be heading home.
I get up in the morning, enjoy a nice shower, wash and dry my hair, and pack. I leave the room and go for breakfast. I head to the same place at which Drew and I ate. They make the best poached eggs here, and I enjoy every mouthful. Finally I get on the airbus and head for the airport. It is time to head home. In two days, I will be back in work.
I gain about twelve hours on the flight home and arrive at Heathrow at 7.30 a.m. My cases take around an hour to come through the conveyor, and eventually I leave the airport after purchasing a decent cup of tea to wait for my bus home. The Jamaican lady I met on the flight comes over to sit with me while we wait. Within thirty minutes, her son arrives to pick her up. We say goodbye, and she leaves. Ten minutes later, the bus arrives. The driver is miserable, unlike the Australian ones I dealt with over the last two weeks. I load my cases onto the bus and take my seat. I arrive home around 1.30 p.m. after catching a train for the last part of the journey.
Frankie and Eligh have kept the house as clean as two young men can. The dishes are done, so I am happy with that. They are glad to see me, especially because the food supplies are running low. I clean the bathroom, empty my case, and start washing my laundry. I ring my staff, who have covered me while I have been away, to tell them I will be in tomorrow. They tell me there have been no problems while I was away, and this is a relief. Work the next day is a struggle because I am really tired, but I manage to work through the jetlag.
A week after my return, I get an email from Drew. He asks if I had a safe journey home and apologises for not being able to met me a second time. I know he’s being polite, and I wonder whether he was scared that he may start to have feelings for me if we met again. Or maybe he simply didn’t want to. I text back that it is OK, and that I got home all right. I ask him how work is going and keep the conversation light and casual.
I have learnt over the years that I cannot make someone want me, and I understand why we can never be together. His life is complicated, and I am determined not to spoil the friendship we have. He is my confidant, the only person whom I can really talk to. He gives me good advice, and I trust his judgement. His actions towards me are selfless – one of the reasons why I care for him.
I think about my future. I am going to have to start a new life on my own. When I emigrate, I will be free. I am sure there will be someone out there who will be interested in being with me and will have no emotional ties to anyone else.
It is two weeks since I came home from Australia. I have reapplied to do my IELTS test. I have three weeks to prepare for it, and I am determined to pass with the appropriate grades. I revise every night after work, until my exam day arrives. I am mentally drained and exhausted, and I have had trouble eating and sleeping. Eventually, the day of the exam arrives. I need this test because it is the only thing standing in my way. Three hours later, it is all over. As I leave the building, I am close to tears. I hope I have passed it. I rush back to work; it is a Saturday, and I have booked clients. I finish work at 6.30 p.m. and then head to the shop and buy a bottle of red wine.
The following two weeks are spent filling my time by decorating the house. If I could take a week off work, it would be OK, but I cannot afford to do so. After work each night, I paint. I start with my bedroom and then complete the landing and stairs, the living room, the dining room, and finally the kitchen and the bathroom ceiling. I paint every door throughout the whole house and complete all the glossing.
It is the day that my IELT results are due. I decide to ring the office. A member of staff informs me that the results will be online at one minute before midnight tonight. I keep working until 11.55 p.m., and then I reluctantly set up my laptop to view my results. I am so nervous that I open a bottle of wine and pour myself a glass before pressing the button to reveal my results. I am afraid to look but do it anyway. I passed! I am so pleased to receive a 9.0 speaking, 8.5 writing, 7.5 reading, and 8.0 listening, for a total score of C2. I am so chuffed that I email Drew to tell him, as well as Sophie, Polly, and Jonah. They text back well done, and they knew I could do it. Yes!
I email my results to the emigration service, and the next day I get a reply of, “Well done!” The following weekend, I order gravel for the garden – five tonnes of it! My next job is to weed, line, and cover the garden w
ith gravel. The house is booked to go up for sale in five days. It is back-breaking work, but I am determined to complete it. I continue even when my back is in half and screaming at me to stop. I have taken all the garden rubbish to the skip, and the garden is finished. Exhausted is not even close to how tired I feel, but I am proud of myself. I have also had carpets fitted in the living room and my bedroom to finish the inside of the house.
The estate agent arrives the next day. I have spent the morning planting all my pots in order to finish the desired look of the garden. He values the house at £140,000. If it sells at that price, I will have made £40,000 on the property. This will be enough to settle all my bills and pay off both mortgages on the house and the shop. This means I can use the rental income from the shop to cover my rental expenses in Australia.
It is a month before Christmas, and the shop is already booking up. I am aware that this is going to be my last one in the shop, and I am feeling nostalgic. I am also aware that I have to make as much money as possible before I hand over the business to the new business owner, to ensure that I can afford the flights and visas.
The month of December goes quickly. I have decided to make the most of the house now that it is finished, and I am enjoying living there for as long as I can before it sells. I love the completed living room; it is warm, cosy, and everything I wanted to achieve. I put up the tree, and it finishes the look of the room. I have given my tenant two months’ notice on the flat. I need the property to store my belongings, and for me and the boys to live in just in case the house sells quickly. Most of my income for the shop is spent on bills and Christmas presents for the children. Lorna and her husband are coming for Christmas lunch, as well as Jonah, Eligh, Frankie, Polly, and Eric. I am happy that they are all coming for our last Christmas in this house. I have planned to tell Lorna and Andy after Christmas day is over with; I do not want to upset them before it.
Work has been extremely busy. This is good, although I am shattered. I have also managed to achieve my ILM degree in business leadership and management level five, on my target date. Although I am pleased because everything is going to plan, I am also exhausted and feel burnt out. However, me being me, I have still managed to book a few nights out with friends and family. I have arranged a night out with Lorna and Sophie and two friends.
It is a week before Christmas. I pick up Lorna as planned, and we meet Sophie and the girls in the local pub. On the way, Lorna tells me that she had a weird conversation with the shop owner next to mine. She tells me that she asked her if Polly and Eric were coming home, because the lady who rents the flat told her she had been given notice for personal reasons. I am furious that she is a nosy old bat! I am not ready to tell Lorna yet, but have promised myself that I will not lie to her.
I tell her that of course they aren’t moving home. This is true. She asks if I have told the tenant to leave. I change the subject and rant on about the nosy old bat and how I wish she would mind our own business. We arrive at the pub, I park the car, and we go to meet the others.
A few hours later Lorna asks me if I have given the tenant notice again. She won’t leave the subject go! I tell her “yes I have, I say that it’s because I am struggling to pay two mortgages and I am thinking of selling the house and moving into the flat”.
Lorna replies, “I was thinking that now that you have achieved your degree, why don’t you teach full-time? This will mean that you can get proper holidays.” I decide now is the time, so I take a deep breath and tell her. I remind her that I have brought up four kids on my own, and I want to do something for myself and the two boys who are living at home. I have decided to go to Australia for a year to give them a good start in life and a better chance of career prospects. She looks at me and tells me she doesn’t want me to go. She is not happy about it.
We have both had a few drinks now and are feeling tipsy. I reply I am doing something for me for a change, and I want her to understand and be happy for me. Before we can say anything else, the girls and Sophie arrive back from the bar. I am secretly relieved, but I hope that it won’t ruin Christmas lunch, and that she and Derick don’t question the children too much.
It has been nearly a week since I told Lorna. She has pretended I haven’t said anything, and it is weird. It is Christmas Eve, the best day of the year for me. After work, I head home. Jonah has arrived and is drinking a can of lager already. Laura has gone to stay with her mother so that she is not alone for Christmas Day. I prepare the vegetables and cook the meat for the next day. Later on, Polly and Eric arrive. They have decided to stay at Eric’s parents’ for tonight, which means that Jonah can sleep in the spare room. It is great to have everyone home, and we have a nice evening watching films, eating, and drinking. The house is busting at the seams, and I love it!
Christmas Day is here! I wake Jonah and Frankie. Eligh is in the attic bedroom, so Jonah pops his head up to wake him. We exchange presents before visiting Sophie and her brood. I then visit Andy and his family before heading back to the house to prepare a feast. Polly and Eric, along with Lorna and Derick (my brother-in-law), arrive at 1.30 as planned. Jonah acts as barman and offers refreshments whilst I see to the dinner and lay the table.
Lorna goes into the living room to talk to the boys. I can hear her laughing at a tale Jonah is telling her. Lorna’s husband, Derick, comes into the kitchen and asks me if it’s true that I am going away. I tell him what I told Lorna. He replies, “Oh, well, don’t talk about it today, then. Lorna is very upset.” I tell him that I won’t. Three hours later, dinner is done and consumed, and all the crackers have been pulled before Sophie and her brood arrive. I serve desserts to everyone, and the drink is flowing. We all have a good laugh as one big, happy family. I make plans to go out with Sophie and Lorna on Boxing Day before they leave for home. We are going to our local and meeting there at 4.00 p.m. The boys and Polly have made their own plans for the day.
We arrive in the pub the next day and get some drinks. The first hour is quiet, but it eventually fills up, and soon we are chatting to loads of old friends. By 7.00 p.m. Sophie has been picked up and gone home. Lorna and I are now on double vodka and Cokes and are drunk. I am introduced to a man called Simon, and he tells me all about himself and says that he has been down lately, so his friends encouraged him to come out for a drink. Within the next hour, he has told all about his life and is flattering my ego. I end up letting him walk me home, and we arrange a date for the following night.
Simon takes me to the pictures, and then we go back to his for a coffee. The coffee turns into a glass of wine, and we chat into the late hours, so I end up staying the night. Simon is a nice bloke, and we get on. I am worried because he tells me he likes me. I do not want to get too attached to anyone. I will be leaving for Australia in a few months, so this is not the time to meet Mr Right.
Within the next week, I have seen Simon five times! This is a record for me. He has already asked me if I plan to remarry, and he has also been talking about when we tell his friends and family about us. He’s even calling me his girlfriend! I tell him to slow down because I don’t want to end up hurting him. He replies, “How will you do that?” I tell him that I am going away – I am emigrating. He looks hurt but tells me that this has been the best Christmas he has had in years. He has seen how his life could be, and he says that after living through the last year with depression and the stress of selling his house and moving, he is happy to take this for what it is and enjoy what time we have together. He says he enjoys my company and asks if we can continue to date until I leave. I agree as long as it is at my own pace, and he stops rushing me.
Secretly, I am worried and tell Jonah that I have visions of him hanging off my leg as I’m getting on the plane. What should I do? There is a part of me that likes him and the attention I get, but another part of him scares me. Lorna is pleased – I know she thinks if I meet a man, I won’t go. She is wrong. Going away is not about meeting a man; it is abou
t changing my way of life. I am going even if I end up falling for Simon.
Drew messages me and wishes me a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I wish him the same. I could never give up his friendship. On 4th January I am starting the first week back in work. In five weeks, I will be handing over my business to the new owner. Time is going so fast, and I still need to hear about my visa before I can book flights and start to arrange the trip. I also have to get the house sold and move into the flat. It is going to be a hard four months!
I am seeing Simon tomorrow and will get my accounts up to date on Wednesday. The accounts take a week to complete, and I am tired and cannot face paperwork. This is a job I will not miss!
Every day counts now, and I cannot waste time dating, but the need to confide in someone and feel loved is making me stick with Simon. Polly’s advice is to give him a chance; she has told me that he probably just likes me. Jonah and Laura have told me to be on my guard because Simon’s coming on a bit heavy. They all have my best interests at heart. I am confused and so have decided to keep the dates to two a week.
Luckily, work has been busy, and this means I can save and pay the monthly bills. I have been dating Simon for two weeks now. This is a record for me. He has taken my advice and cooled off, making him more attractive to me. Simon is everything I would have wanted in a man two years ago. He is kind, caring, and considerate in every way. He compliments me on my figure, although I know it is not perfect, and he tells me how much he fancies me on a daily basis. Although he has said he wants to date me until I leave and live for today, I am worried that I am going to hurt him badly. I have been introduced to his friends and some of his family. They are nice people and do not know I am leaving for a new life. Simon doesn’t want them to know this information because he knows the advice they will give him is to leave me before he gets hurt. I worry that I am being selfish.
My True Colours Page 20