by Cathryn Fox
I crinkle my nose, as my stomach tightens at the thought of flying down the street at supersonic speed. As a nurse, I see the results of such speed, see far too much loss. Perhaps that’s why I’m so cautious and controlled. “Sort of the complete opposite.”
His gaze moves over my face again, then lowers for a low sweep of my damp top. “No worries, Jules,” he says in a low voice that makes me wonder if it’s normally reserved for the pillow. “I can go slow. Real slow.”
Honest to God, if I didn’t know better—and I do—the soft way he just said slow makes me think he’s talking about sex, and not getting behind the wheel of a fast car. Okay, clearly, I’m exhausted and hallucinating, right?
3
Rider
I’m in a good mood. A damn good mood, and I’m not sure why. I mean, there’s no reason for me to be upset or angry. We just kicked the shit out of the Anaheim team, which means we’re one step closer to securing the cup, but I’m not entirely sure that’s where my high is coming from. I lift my stick as I glide across the ice, and the crowd goes crazy, cheers erupting from the stands. Some very familiar puck bunnies jump up and down and wave homemade banners to fight for our attention.
I get checked from behind and turn to see Kane. “You going to hit that?” he says to me, gesturing with a nod to some blonde as she screams my name at the top of her lungs.
“Nah, not tonight.”
“I’m starting to worry about you, dude,” he says as we make our way off the ice and into the locker room where the energy is high and everyone is talking about Zander’s winning goal. My gaze goes to Zander, and while he’s all smiles, he’s on the phone, a big grin on his face. Since he got married to Sam, and now they’re bringing another child into the world, a sibling for his daughter Daisy, I’ve never seen the man happier.
“You know my rules. No sex during game week.”
“Game’s over for the week,” Kane informs me. “We don’t play again until next week in Philly.”
“Yeah, okay so maybe I’ll hit that,” I say just to get my bro off my back. But the truth is, Jules has been on my mind since I first met her. I’d driven her home, but we didn’t exchange numbers. Kane probably didn’t get her friend’s number either, as he rarely—or never—goes out with the same woman twice. I need to forget her. I want to forget her. So why the fuck can’t I get her smile out of my goddamn head?
I grin, and Kane must mistake it, because he says, “Now look at you. Sex is putting a smile back on your face.”
Before I can stop myself, I say, “Let’s get a drink at Nelly’s first.” Shit what am I doing? Hoping to run into Jules again? I mean the odds of that… Actually, I don’t know what the odds are. I have no idea how often she goes there. It’s close to her work, but still.
Kane shakes off his gloves and gives me the side eye. “Why do you want to go back there?”
“No reason.”
I try to shift away from his watchful eyes. Dammit, I wish my brother couldn’t read me so well. Then again, I suppose I can read him too. Fifteen years ago, at the age of fourteen, I moved in with his family of five, and Kane and I shared a room. I was only supposed to be there temporarily, but we totally hit it off like brothers—which meant we bickered about everything and anything. Maybe I was resentful that he had a loving family and stability, and I think he hated that he had to share everything with the asshole who’d just invaded his home, and it’s possible I was a real asshole. But then one day, a group of guys thought it would be fun to kick the shit out of the poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks, a kid who did not belong in their middle-class neighborhood—or so they thought.
Like any good brother, Kane came running to my defense, and back to back, he stood with me, fought with me. I’ll never forget that day. My heart still wobbles a little when I think about it. We’d been on our way to the rink and I was lagging behind. Kane was a kick-ass hockey player by the time I met him. I was a nobody. But his parents bought me a pair of skates—maybe they thought it would help us bond. No one really won the fight that day, and those fucking douche bags ran away with my skates, but it did change things between Kane and me. A truce had been formed when he lent me his skates for tryouts, and while I never really threw myself in to anything back then, I wanted to make Kane proud of me. I ended up impressing everyone, and earned myself a spot on the junior team. In the end, I showed a tremendous amount of skill and I guess that’s why Kane’s parents never shipped me off to the next home. With hockey, I was worthy of being loved. I was someone.
“You sure about that?” Kane asks, bringing my thoughts back. “Absolutely no reason you want to go back to Nelly’s?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. I’m the one usually dragging you to the bars. Did you hook up with someone after I left? Wait, I thought I saw Candy in the parking lot with all her friends when I grabbed an Uber.”
“I saw her, too.” I tug off my helmet and run my hands through my wet hair. “But we didn’t hook up. I ended up talking to Lindsay’s friend.” When Kane stands there, his look stunned as he stares at me, confusion all over his face, I say, “Lindsay. You know, the girl you left with?”
“I know who she is.” He drops down onto the bench and tugs off his skates. “How do you know her name?”
I shrug like it’s nothing. “Jules, her friend told me. They met for drinks, but I ruined her night.”
“It’s not like you to ruin a girl’s night.” Kane grins. “Maybe you really are out of practice.”
“Ha. Ha. Jules had just gotten off work at the hospital. She’s a nurse, and was having a drink with her friend when I intervened.”
“And you didn’t sleep with her?”
“No.”
“How did you learn so much about her, then?”
“It’s called talking,” I say, deflecting so I don’t have to think too hard on why I was interested in learning so much about her. “You can do that with girls. You should try it.”
“Yeah, Lindsay and I talked, too. She makes pottery.” He gives me a wink. “She’s very good with her hands.” I roll my eyes at him, and he feigns offence. “What? I mean it. She owns a store and showed me her pieces online. She’s really talented.”
I eye my bro. Is he messing with me? It’s not like him to connect with a woman outside the bedroom? “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope.” I stare at his face, but there is nothing in his expression to suggest he’s lying.
“Well anyway, Jules was a bit pissed that I sent her friend away with you, so we grabbed a hotdog and I drove her home.”
Kane strips and reaches for his towel. “Are you sure that’s all you did?” he presses. Okay, so maybe I’m not known for my verbal skills, and yeah, she had a killer body, with perfect breasts I could really sink my teeth into. Fuck knows, I’ve thought about it. A lot. I thought about it while tugging my dick in the shower, crawling into bed at night, and climbing from it in the morning. Jesus, when her shirt stuck to her like a second skin, saliva dripped from the corners of my mouth. Good thing I was wet from the rain, otherwise I might have scared her off. Christ, maybe I should have slept with her. Then again, she’s not the type to just jump into bed with a man. Not that there is anything wrong with that. A woman should own her sexuality, and be able to do what she wants, with who she wants—as long as she’s safe. But Jules straight up told me she wasn’t into hook-ups.
I ignore Kane’s inquisitive glare and make my way to the showers. The hot water scalds my skin and I bask in it, hoping it does double duty. One, I need it to wash away the sweat of the game, and two, I need it to douse the memories of Jules that keep plaguing me.
“Actually, I was planning on hitting up Nelly’s tonight, anyway,” Kane says, grabbing the shower next to me. “I’m just surprised you brought it up first.”
I shampoo my hair and angle my head. “Yeah, what’s going on?”
“Lindsay is going to be there. Apparently, it’s karaoke night. She likes to sing
.”
Now it’s my turn to stare at him like I’m stunned. “You’re going to meet the same girl twice, and listen to her sing?”
He rolls one shoulder. “Sure, why not.”
My head dips and I slowly shake it. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
He laughs. “Jules will probably be with her,” he says, his gaze boring into me. “Wait, that’s what you said her name was right?”
Don’t react, Rider.
Don’t fucking react.
“Yeah, whatever,” I say, but from the half laugh, half snort that just escaped Kane’s mouth, I’m not sure he bought it and I’m seriously wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, too. Candy was right. I don’t do relationships. Ever. I’m not good at them and I’m definitely not good enough for a girl like Jules, who likely comes from a close-knit family that sits around and has Sunday dinners. I’m a guy from the streets, tossed and kicked around for years. Unwanted. Unlovable. No, I’m not throwing a fucking pity party, here. It’s just the facts. But I have my hockey, and I’m loved for that, and that’s enough for me.
I rinse my hair and body and keep my movements casual as I head back to the change room. Although, I can’t deny that I’m looking forward to seeing Jules again. She was fun to be around. Maybe tonight she’ll play my wingwoman and show the rookie how it’s done. I laugh at that, and Kane steps up beside me.
“Something funny?”
“I was just thinking about something…Never mind,” I say, not wanting to give him any more fuel.
I check the time, and tug on my clothes.
“I have to stop at Jaclyn’s before we go,” Kane says.
“The kids okay?” I ask.
“Cameron made me something at school, and he wants to show it to me.”
My heart misses a stupid beat. Kane is close to both of his younger sisters and their kids—hell so am I, even though I’m not really the kids’ uncle—and it’s nice that Cameron made something for Rider. I’m not fucking jealous at all.
“You okay bro?” Kane asks and slaps me on the back.
“Yeah, good.”
“You’re coming with me. The kids want to see you too.”
“Yeah?”
He whacks me on the back of the head. “Of course. Don’t be stupid.”
After we put our gear away, we hike our hockey bags over our shoulders and walk through a pack of women on the way to Kane’s car. He usually drives us everywhere—he’s loving his new car—so when we’re in Seattle, my Jeep rarely leaves my garage. We make our way across town, and enter suburbia where all the houses are similar and all the lawns neatly mowed. There are kids bikes in the driveway and numerous toys on manicured lawns. It’s a nice place to raise a family.
We hurry up the walkway and Kane rings the bell about ten times. “Maybe I should let us in.” He reaches into his pocket for his key, but the door flings open, and my head rears back as I take in Jaclyn’s frazzled state. Her long hair is a tousled mess, her clothes have food stains and her cheeks are red like she’s been running a marathon. With three rambunctious kids under five, I supposed that’s comparable.
I reach a hand out and stop midair. “Ah, I think you have a noodle in your hair,” I say and she rolls her eyes and tugs it free.
“Yup, there it is.” She glances over her shoulder. “Kids, Uncle Kane and Rider are here.” Footsteps pound on the floor behind her, and she gives us both a fast hug. “Sorry I didn’t catch the game live. Caleb is away on business, as you know, and the sitter bailed earlier.” She glances over her shoulder as three kids come running. Cameron, the oldest of the three, is in kindergarten, and the twins, Carly and Carter, are toddlers. “I don’t blame her,” she says under her breath. “These guys are a handful.”
“If you ever need a break,” Kane says.
“You’ll watch them?” she asks, her big blue eyes hopeful.
“Well, I was thinking Rider here could since he has lots of spare time.” He gives me a knowing wink. “He doesn’t seem to be doing much on his days off.”
She narrows her eyes and glares at her brother. “And you’re too busy on your days off.” She holds her hands up. “I don’t want details, but if I see one more picture of you and some bunny in the paper.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “It’s time you find yourself a nice girl and settle down.” She pokes her finger in to Kane’s chest, then into mine. “You too.”
I laugh at that. “Not going to be happen, but I’d be happy to help you out. Although I don’t know anything about kids.” I do, however, know someone who does. Whoa! Why the hell did that thought pop into my brain? Jules grew up the oldest of four, but I’m not about to ask her to babysit with me. Maybe I’m not quite over that concussion from last fall. It’s the only logical explanation for my ridiculous thoughts.
Carly sits on my foot and wraps her little legs around mine. Carter jumps on the other one, while Cameron grab’s Rider’s hand.
“We want a ride. We want a ride,” Carly says, and my damn legs are so tired from the game, it takes effort, but I’m not about to disappoint them. I walk down the hallway and they squeal as we enter the kitchen. I go still when I see Cameron showing Kane the picture stuck to the fridge.
“He had to draw his family and wanted to show you guys,” Jaclyn says.
My heart misses a beat and I suck in a breath to restart it when I see that I’m standing next to Kane, a hockey stick in my hand.
“I’m in it,” I say under my breath.
Jaclyn whacks my stomach. “Of course you’re in it, stupid.”
“Why is everyone calling me stupid tonight, and hitting me?” I say, even though I’m not upset.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Carly and Carter begin chanting as they rock against my feet, wanting to be carried around and letting me know in no uncertain terms I’m not living up to my end of being the uncle.
“That’s not a nice word,” Jaclyn scolds with a wave of her finger, and my jaw drops open.
“Exactly,” I say, and she whacks me again.
I let out a loud oomph and get her in a head-lock to run my knuckles over her hair. She squeals and the kids all laugh.
“Say uncle,” I say.
“Uncle!” the kids all yell, and I let Jaclyn go. She works to smooth her hair down and I stop her. “Don’t. I think I improved it.”
She gives me the death glare, one she perfected at eleven, and reaches for the kids. “Okay guys, leave Uncle Rider alone. He’s tired after his game.”
She picks them off my feet and they dash into the other room. I pull out a chair as Kane tells Cameron how much he likes the picture. “Why did you draw Rider bigger than me, though?” he asks and flexes his biceps. “I’m much bigger.”
Cameron laughs, and flexes his arms, mimicking his uncle. “Daddy says I’m strong.”
I squeeze his bicep. “These are bigger than Uncle Kane’s,” I tease and Kane throws me a challenging glare.
“Don’t hate me cause the ladies like me better, bro,” he says.
“Okay, on that note time to get ready for bed, Cameron,” Jaclyn says. “Give your uncles a hug and go brush up.”
After Cameron dashes off, Jaclyn says, “Thanks for stopping by. I know you guys are busy, but the kids have been missing you.” A bang sounds from the other room and she winces. “I think I need to check that out.”
Kane checks his phone. “No worries we need to get going anyway.”
“The next time I see you guys, I want to hear that you’ve both found nice girls and are finally settling down. You’re both getting too old for the lifestyles you’re living.”
“Rider is the oldest, so he should be thinking—” Kane begins and turns to me.
I laugh and punch him on the shoulder, but the laugh is to cover what I’m really feeling. I am tired of this fucking lifestyle. Maybe I do want what the others have. I just…well, it’s just not something that’s going to happen for me.
4
J
ules
I glance around the busy bar as Lindsay walks up to the stage to put her name in for karaoke. She has a great voice, and is talented in so many ways. If I sang, I’d clear the place out quicker than a smoke bomb. The only time my friend ever got me up to sing was when I had too many shots of tequila after a very rough night at the hospital. Tequila and I don’t mix, apparently. Which is why I now avoid it at all costs. I don’t like it when I’m not in control of myself.
Lindsay comes back to the table, and a couple of guys at the bar look like they’re about to approach, but she turns her back to them, giving me her undivided attention—probably to make up for abandoning me the other night. She sits across from me and flashes a smile that has ‘truce’ written all over it. But I’m not mad that she bailed. Heck, why not go have a good time with Kane? If she hadn’t left, then I never would have met Rider.
Rider.
Good God, why the hell can’t I stop thinking about him? He’s a distraction I don’t need, and even a few of the nurses asked me if I was okay, when they found me daydreaming. I’d only spent a few hours with the guy. Did he really leave that much of an impression?
Yeah, he kind of did.
“So tell me more about Kane,” I press, wanting to get my mind on something else. I’d only arrived a few minutes ago and snagged the corner table in the busy bar. My shift ended later than I would have like—there was a horrible motorcycle accident and I stayed to help out. Afterward, for some unknown reason, I ran home to change and freshen up before meeting Lindsay for drinks. Okay, okay, maybe I do know the real reason for acting out of character. Maybe somewhere in the back of my brain I thought I might run in to Rider again, and wanted to look a little more put together. I usually turn the TV on for background noise when I’m home alone, but I found myself flicking through the stations looking for tonight’s game. I don’t normally watch sports of any kind, and I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t a hockey fan, so why I found myself switching stations to find the game, and then planting my ass on the sofa to watch is beyond me.