by Piper Frost
This is the first dress that’s made me feel like this. Like I want Fenton to notice me and only me, and then maybe think dirty thoughts about me all night. Just because I want him to think them, doesn’t mean I have to act on them. This is the dress to do that.
“We don’t have to get this one, mom,” I say, carrying it over to her. I could have put it back on the rack...but I can’t put it down yet. “Maybe a black one? With sleeves?”
My mom laughs and wipes away the tear I knew I saw. “You are not going to a dance looking like you’re Amish! You’re growing up on me, Paige. Last year you got gum stuck in your hair.” She shrugs and I roll my eyes. “You’re not my little animal doctor anymore. You’re...” She gestures to me. “Growing up.”
I laugh at her. “I’m still going to be that animal doctor, you know.” The accessories catch my eye and I start thinking about shoes. “You think my boots will look good with this?” A wide grin lifts my lips.
“Yeehaw, baby.” She laughs. My mom’s a city transplant from when she was my age. While she’s adapted well to living on a ranch, she’s definitely not cowgirl material.
I text Fenton a few times over the weekend and his responses are always nice but short. He’s busy, he says, which is okay. I know he misses his family...but I miss him.
It’s Sunday night again when I finally hear his voice and I can’t help the butterflies fluttering to life when I answer the phone.
“Hey!” I probably sound way too excited.
“Hey, what’re you up to?” He sounds like he’s walking and whispering.
“About to head to bed. Hang on." I pull on my pajama shorts and turn out my bedroom light. “I got my dress yesterday! I forgot to send you a picture of the color, but it’s silvery grey and I love it!”
“Where’s your room?” He doesn’t seem like he heard a word I said. “I’m outside your house.”
“You are?” Pulling my curtains to the side, I look outside. “It’s so dark, where are you?”
“Back of the house. I figured one of these rooms are yours.”
I giggle stupidly, but I'm so...happy. He came to see me! “Hang on, I’ll be right down.” I end the call and shove my slippers on.
I have to sneak past Gray’s room because if he finds out Fenton’s here he’ll end up coming out with me and I want him all to myself right now. My dad’s in the kitchen which is where the back door is, so I have to go around the front without anyone seeing me. Which isn’t easy with so many people living under one roof.
“Hey, crazy,” I whisper, giggling when I see him. “It’s so freaking dark out here!”
He approaches abruptly and wraps his arms around me, picking me up and spinning in a full circle, hugging me tight. “Your dad will kick my ass if he knows I’m here,” he says as he’s pulling me away from the house.
“Yeah.” I laugh, excitement making my heart flutter. “What’re you doing here?” He pulls me to the barn where a light was left on and I finally get a good look at him and gasp. “Fenton, what the hell happened to your eye?” Black and purple marks mar the skin surrounding his eye and it doesn't look like it opens near as wide as the other one does. “What the hell?”
He chuckles. “Horsing around. What’d you do today?” He glances around the barn like he’s studying it but then his eyes are back on me.
My hand reaches up and touches the side of his face, turning it so I can get a better look. “You’re insane,” I mutter. “Boys are crazy. Did you ice it at least?”
“Naw.” He shakes his head and the smile on his face falls. “I walked straight here when my dad dropped me back at my aunt’s. Hey.” He grabs my hand and stares down at it. “My dad, he’s kind of a dick, and he’s not letting me have my car back. Even though I paid for it.” Releasing my hand he turns away from me, wandering the barn.
“That’s not right. You paid for it, it’s your car.” I walk after him, stopping him from constantly trying to get away from me. “Can’t you just go take it?”
“Insurance is in his name. And...no. You wouldn’t just take something from your dad, would you?” he asks in a serious tone, wanting my opinion and I don’t know what to tell him.
My dad would never do that...although, I did crash my car and I’m not allowed to drive alone now.
“No. My dad would probably kill me. So what? So you don’t have a car.” I shrug, taking his hand and studying how big it is in mine. “You’ve got us. Gray’s got a truck. You’ve gotten along fine so far.”
“I wanted my car back to take you to the dance,” he explains and looks me in the eyes. It’s hard to keep eye contact with that black eye. “But I won’t have it. And my aunt’s going to be out of town with her car. And my dad pretty much laughed at me when I asked if I could borrow his truck. I can’t take you out before the dance, Paige. I’m sorry.” His hand lands on the back of his neck and now his eyes are on the floor.
“Okay,” I whisper, my eyes starting to sting and a knot in my throat threatens tears. “That’s fine, yeah. I can meet you there? I mean, do you need a ride?” Of course my first date wouldn’t go like I thought it would. Or happen at all, apparently.
“No. I’ll meet you there. I’m not y’alls responsibility.”
“Okay yeah.” I huff, clearing my throat. “Hey so I should get in before my dad uh...before he finds us.” I pat him on the arm, my hands shaking because I’m so upset I want to bawl. “Thanks for coming by.”
I’m pissed I let myself get excited over this stupid date. A friends date, even. Not even a real date. Before I get inside I hear him curse but I don’t turn back. I can’t, because I’m crying so hard right now it’d be embarrassing for both of us. I storm into the house and the minute I head for the stairs Gray’s rounding the corner and almost slams into me.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” he snaps but then he sees the tears and curses. “Paige, what the fuck’s going on?” He lowers his voice but I still don’t want my parents to know about this so I shake my head and push past him.
I need to get to my room. Away from everyone. So I can break. Unfortunately, my brother’s not going to let me do that easily so I let him follow me up the stairs.
“Alright,” he blurts, closing my bedroom door behind him. “You can tell me what the hell’s going on or I can call Mom and Dad up here. But I haven’t seen you lookin’ this...terrible...” Another curse, and he runs his hand over his head. “Ever, Paige. You’ve never looked like this. What’s wrong?”
“Yeah, well I’ve never really liked a boy and had him cancel a date on me either, Gray.” I let a few tears slip out, swiping at them like crazy. “I was so stupid. So so so stupid.”
“Wait, Fenton cancelled on you?” His tone is scary. Angry.
I nod. “He doesn’t have a car to take me to dinner or anything.” A sob escapes and I feel like an idiot. “He just said he’ll meet me there.”
“He...” My brother walks over to the desk chair and falls into it. “I thought he really liked you though. You two were looking forward to your date.” He sounds about as dumbfounded as I felt when Fenton told me he wasn’t taking me anymore.
“Yeah. I was. Apparently he just needed to find an easy way out of it.” The tears won’t stop. “Why can’t I stop crying?” I pull my blanket up and dry my face but more tears fall.
My brother walks over, hugging me and promising to fix it but I don’t think he can. And I don’t think I want him to.
Fenton Sterling doesn’t actually like me.
When I walk back to my aunt’s house, my dad’s there waiting. I don’t know why, that’s not like him, but there he is, sitting there waiting for me, otherwise he’d be inside right now.
“Where the hell you been?”
“Walk,” I grumble, not wanting to talk to him. We had a shit day today and I really wish he would have gone home.
“Don’t take that tone with me.” Snatching my arm, he yanks me to stop in front of him when I try to walk past. “This ain’t a vacati
on, Fenton. I fully expect you to do what you’ve been told.”
“I know.” I nod, keeping my eyes on the ground.
“But you ain’t!” With his scream, he shakes me.
“I am too!” I belt back and it’s the wrong thing to do.
Talking back to my dad like that kept me out of school the next day. The day after that, I just didn’t want to face Paige or Gray. She was upset and probably thinks I don’t want to go out with her, when that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I like that girl too much and it’s not right. By Wednesday, I prepare for school until my brother walks into the bedroom I’m staying in.
“What the hell,” I sigh when I see the crusted blood around his nose. “How’d you get here?”
“A friend,” he snaps like I’m the one that did it to him.
With a cocked brow, I stare at him because what friend does he have that can drive? “Who?”
“None of your business!”
I stand from the bed, ready to teach him some manners but I quickly shrink in size when I realize the anger I’m feeling inside and how I want to take it out on my brother. For no reason.
“Dad thinks I went to school. Can I stay for a few hours?”
“Yeah,” I mumble and leave him in my room, needing to get some air.
I’m not my father.
"I’m not my father,” I repeat aloud as I step outside, thankful my aunt leaves for work as early as she does, or she’d probably have called my dad when Sutton showed up.
I didn’t ask for this life; no one would. So why are we punished to live like this?
We lie to my aunt and Sutton stays the night, but of course that was stupid because my dad comes looking for him the next morning. This morning is the first time I’ve put my hands on my dad. I only shoved him so he’d stop hitting Sutton with the belt, but it was a mistake. And as his belt comes down across my back, I regret it. I never was one to stand up to my dad, and I won’t start now. Leaving Sutton and my dad in the drive, I start to run, as fast as I can until I end up at school almost an hour late. I’m pouring sweat since I ran most of the way here, trying not to think about whether my dad took his belt to Sutton again. I should have stayed, but what could I have done? We both would have taken the beating and I don’t want to end up like I did Monday when everything hurt to move.
With my head down, I walk into class and finally sit, panting for breath from running. Gray nudges me but I keep my head down until he slugs my arm.
“The hell, man?” he blurts, jumping in front of me. “Where the hell you been?”
“Sick,” I mutter and pull my book out.
“Bull shit.” he smacks the book to the ground. “Wanna explain to me what the hell happened this weekend and why my sister was in tears Sunday night? Why’s your eye look like someone took a frying pan to your face? Hell, all of you? Them bruises?” When he tries to poke one, I push his hand down.
“Stop. She cried?” I ask, my stomach cramping either ‘cause I’m dehydrated or because the thought of Paige in tears makes me feel like shit.
“Stormed inside in tears. She spilled that you canceled your dinner date. Pissed me right the hell off, man. I shoulda beat your ass for upsetting her like that, but you didn’t show up to school on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Jesus, Sterling.” He nods at my face again. “You’ve got some explaining to do, you realize that, right?”
“To who?” I look him in the eyes. This week has been hell and I don’t need more of it.
“For starters Coach Matthews. He’s about to kick your ass off the team for skipping practice, no call no show. And maybe to me, because you know I would have let you use my truck next weekend. You didn’t have to cancel on the girl.” He huffs and leans back. “And you know... I mean, where’d the bruises come from, man?”
“I texted Coach Matthews I had the flu. I guess I shoulda texted him Tuesday and Wednesday but I was sick.” The anger in me because I have to lie is making me start to sweat. “And as far as your sister goes, what the hell does she want a loser like me taking her to the dance for anyway? I don’t have a car, I don’t work enough to make money worth her while. You really think I wanted to go to her brother and ask to borrow your truck to take her out? I’m not your responsibility, Gray. Let it go.” I’m sick of ‘I’m sorry’ and pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.
Now the silence. I know I pissed him off but maybe it’s better we keep our distance.
“You’re not a loser. You’re my friend. And somehow even though you’re new here it feels like you fit right in. I expect my friends to ask me if they need something and my friends would do the same for me. It’s what we do around here. We help friends out. So while I know you’re not my responsibility, I still want to help you.” He huffs. “Plus, I hate seeing my sister like she is.”
“This is really humiliating. You know that right?” I can’t stand to look at him. I’m a fuckin’ charity case here just to make his sister happy. That’s not how I want to make her happy.
“It shouldn’t be. Not if you’re man enough to accept help when you need it. Sometimes life is shitty and you just can’t help it.” He knocks on my desk. “Come over after school. If your pride isn’t standing in your way. I’ve got an idea.” He walks towards an empty desk across the room.
Lifting my book bag, I get up and walk out of the class. I can’t be pissed at Gray for wanting to help, and it’s not him I’m mad at. I can’t shake the anger and bad mood, so I go to the one thing I know that will.
Outside of Paige’s science class, I flag her down through the small glass window in the door without her teacher seeing. Her eyebrow cocks and eyes flash from me to the teacher a few times but I keep waving her out to the hall. It takes her a few minutes, but I see the teacher hand her the bathroom pass before she walks out into the hall, quickly closing the door.
“What?” she whispers at me, no smile on her face.
I grab her hand and look up and down the hall before pulling her to the science wing bathroom. I noticed no one comes in here unless it’s to smoke or sell pot. I yank her inside and she’s freaking out.
“Stop being so loud.” I laugh at her and reach inside my backpack.
“Why are you handing me cookies?” Her eyebrows push together when she takes the plastic container.
“I made them. For you.” The lid pops off and mine and my brother’s terrible artwork we spent hours piping in silver glitter frosting is an embarrassing mess across the inedible cookies. “That’s supposed to be a cheerleader.” I point to one and laugh.
A slow smile starts to form on her lips. “You made and decorated cheerleader cookies for me?” She looks up and there’s that smile. “Why?”
“This is stupid.” I take the container and prop it on the sink before I pull out five cookies, aligning them in order across the lid.
Walk
2
HC
with
me?
I stare at the awful looking cookies, hoping she can read them. When I look at her, she’s focused on them and her lips are pushed together like she’s trying not to cry.
“You made me cookies,” she whispers. “To ask if I’d walk to the dance with you? You want me to walk to the dance with you?”
“Fuuuck,” I groan and grip the back of my neck with both hands. “I’m sorry, Paige.” I look at her, really meaning that. “I...I don’t really expect you to walk with me, but...”
Before I can finish she rushes me, putting her arms around me and squeezing tight. I wrap my arms around her carefully and lay my head on hers, not wanting her to let go.
“I’d love to walk with you, Fenton Sterling,” she finally whispers, still holding on tight. “Thank you for my cookies.”
Staring at her a minute, I make sure she means that. That she’d walk with me. She doesn’t look mad. She looks like she always does, happy and beautiful. Before she takes a bite of one of the cookies, I snatch it from her hand.
“Don’t,” I blu
rt. “I forgot sugar.”
Sutton forgot the sugar and we didn’t realize until we tried them when they came out of the oven. There wasn’t enough ingredients to make another batch though.
“Why?” she giggles. “They’re mine!”
“You’re gonna taste my cooking and never speak to me again.” I place the lid on the container. “Seriously, don’t eat them. Promise?”
She takes the container out of my hand and grins at me. “Mine.” she says and I wish I could say that about her. “Wanna walk with me to my locker to drop these off?”
“Yeah. You forgive me for ruining our date?” I pull open the door for her.
She nudges me and takes my hand as we head for her locker. “I think I can, yeah.”
I like holding hands with her, and walking with her. I like everything about her entirely too much. My arm leans on the locker next to her and I stare down at how cute and petite she is.
“Your hair looks pretty,” I comment. It always does, but I’ve never told her that.
“Thanks.” She tucks it behind her ear as she sets the tub of cookies inside her locker. When she closes it, she smiles up at me. “I missed you this week.”
I can’t help the grin on my face and I reach out, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I missed seeing you too.” I let my thumb slide over her jaw when I pull away.
She licks her lips, pausing a moment to search my face, then she brings her fingertips softly to a bruise on my face.
“I didn’t notice all this the other night,” she whispers. “Still don’t understand how goofing off could have caused all these bruises. But I’m glad you’re okay.”
“It’s nothing.” I dip my head away from her hand. “Me and my brother get rough sometimes. All in fun.”
“Ms. Kenshaw!” A voice down the hall blurts and my eyes go wide but I don’t pull them from Paige because she’s staring at me like she doesn’t even hear it.
“I’m sorry I got you in trouble,” I whisper. “I’ll cause a distraction and you run to class. They haven’t seen your face, I’ll tell them you’re someone else.”