by Piper Frost
“We’ll figure this mess out.” I hear the office door open. “You need to go find Paige. And Gray,” he huffs. “Shit.” I hear his boots walk through the dining room and I jump to my feet.
Rage brings me to the office door where Fenton’s sitting with his head in his hands. I want to hurt for him. I do. I think I actually do hurt for him but the hurt he’s caused my family lately and things he’s done to me...the things he’s caused me to feel falsely? That hurts ten times more. I stand silently in the doorway, watching him try to collect himself. I should go to him, but I don’t. I’m frozen.
Wiping his face on his shirt, he stands and when he turns for the door and sees me, he stops. “Paige, I gotta tell you something,” he says. His eyes are red and his face looks like hell.
I let out a stressed chuckle and step closer to him. This is the man I gave my all to. I fell in love with him while he was busy with his family planning on how to ruin my family. This is the man I trusted with my heart and he ruined me. His eyes lock on mine and I give my head a tight shake, then my hand slaps across his face so hard it hurts my palm.
I need out of here.
I spin and storm through the kitchen, letting the tears break through before I get to the stairs. When I make it to the foyer, Gray walks through the front door and sees me in all my pissed off and hurt glory.
“Woah,” he says, blocking me from going upstairs. “Tears again? What the hell’s going on, Paige?”
“Everything,” I blurt, then cry harder. “Nothing. Excuse me.” I try to push past him but he’s not budging and I end up letting my weight fall on my brother while my body gives out.
“Shit,” he huffs, holding onto me. He pauses. “What the shit happened to you, man?” he blurts and I glance over, through my tears I see Fenton standing in the middle of the living room.
“My dad did all this to your ranch. And I...let it happen.” His voice wavers but he stands tall like he’ll take my brother’s beating if he wants to deliver it.
“You...” Gray’s arms slip and he curses, pulling me against him like he’s protecting me now rather than holding me up. “You did this?” I feel Gray’s arms shaking and try to swipe at the tears but they won’t stop, so I bury my face in his arm so Fenton doesn’t see.
“Paige, I’m sorry,” Fenton says like he’s hurting from this, but how can he possibly be hurting when it’s his fault? “I’m sorry, man,” he then says to my brother. “I’ll tell you everything and then I gotta go.”
The front door slams. “You’re not leaving,” my mom snaps. “Come. Let’s see what we can do for that face. Brandt said you have stitches?” I look in time to see my mom pulling him to the kitchen.
“He’s gone,” Gray murmurs, slowly letting me go. “I’m going to murder him.”
“Move,” I blurt, shoving past him and taking the steps two at a time. I slam my door closed and lock it, then fall to my bed and let it all out, praying for sleep so I don’t have to sit here and cry until there are no tears left.
I sleep until the sun comes up. Usually by now my brother would have woken me up and dragged my ass out to the barn for work, but I’m glad he knew better this morning. I don’t even have the strength to get out of bed and find food. Not that I have an appetite anyway. Last night my world crumbled around me. Everything I thought was so perfect just turned out to be a shit show. A huge shit show with me in the center. What’s that word Gray called me? Naïve? Yeah. That’s how I’m feeling right now.
“Paige?” My dad knocks on the door gently. “Honey, you want anything to eat today? It’s lunch time.”
I roll over in bed, the small opening the blankets have formed around my face help me see the clock. Noon. It’s been over twelve hours since Fenton shattered my heart and it still hurts just as bad.
“I’m not hungry,” I mumble, then close my eyes, letting the darkness of the backside of my eyelids help to ease the pain. It hasn’t worked yet, but I’m going to keep trying until it doesn’t hurt anymore.
I hear my door handle jiggle and when my door opens, I make sure not to open my eyes. Maybe if he thinks I’m asleep he’ll leave me alone.
“Hey,” my dad says gently. The bed shifts as he sits on it and I try not to let the threatening tears fall. My dad loves his kids and I know he’s in a shit place right now, and yet he’s still trying. But I don’t want his help. I don’t need anything from anyone. I just want to be left alone. “I brought you a grilled cheese.”
“I’m not hungry,” I mutter again, squeezing my eyes closed harder because the crack in my voice means the tears are coming.
My dad sighs. “Paige, I know you’re mad.”
“Please just leave me alone,” I interrupt with a whisper. “I can’t do this, Dad. Just leave me alone.”
“He didn’t mean to hurt you like he did, Paige,” he blurts and I flip over in bed, using all my strength to sit up.
“Yes, he did. Because if he didn’t want to hurt me, he would have told us from the start. Right? Honesty, Dad. It goes a long way and Fenton obviously doesn’t know that trait.” I swipe at the tears.
“He was scared, Paige. You saw what his family did to our farm. To him.” He huffs. “He was living with a man he was terrified of.”
“All the more reason for him to figure out how to ask for help.” I wrap my blanket back around me and fall back down to the bed, our conversation the night after the lake about me offering help comes to mind. How many times did I give him the chance to talk to me and he shut me out? Jesus. “Leave me alone. Please.”
My dad sits in my room in silence for what feels like hours. But I don’t talk to him. I can’t. My thoughts are too busy counting the times Fenton’s lied to me. Every I love you. Every story about his family. Every fucking time he refused to tell me the reason why he moved here in the first place. Our entire relationship started in deceit and betrayal. All so he could hurt me more.
Around ten I get up and tiptoe to the bathroom. I don’t want my family to know I’m up. I don’t want them to talk to me. I can’t shower because I barely have the energy to walk straight, so I wash up as best as I can and I’m back in my room without anyone seeing me. The sandwich my dad brought is cold, but it’s fine. It’s not like I’ll be able to enjoy it anyway.
I stay in my bed until the next morning when my mom calls me down for breakfast. She tried yesterday but the tone she used this morning was just scary enough to get me moving. I’ve never eaten so fast in my life and honestly, I don’t remember who was at the table. I stomped downstairs, ate what was on the plate, and was back in bed before the sun came up fully.
Like I said, nothing’s going to bring me joy anymore, so until I have to get up and try to put on a brave face when we go back to school, my plan is to stay right here. Wrapped in about three different blankets and pretending the world outside doesn’t exist.
“Paige,” Gray blurts, walking into my room without even knocking.
“Get out,” I mutter, not bothering to open my eyes. “I’m sleeping.”
“You’re not sleeping.” He falls to the bed and lies on top of my covers next to me.
“Move!” I shove him off the bed and claim my blankets back while he laughs and crawls back up to sit on the bed.
“Hey, I was thinking maybe you and Fenton would want to talk things out.”
“Why would I give him the time of day to do that?”
“Well, for starters because you love him.” I whimper and my brother rubs my back. “He feels like shit, Paige.”
“Good,” I blurt. “Leave it that way. I don’t want to talk to him.”
“Paige... I think you should just hear him out. I’m not going to sit here and tell you he didn’t do anything wrong. He did. He was a mega fucking jackass, but let him explain it to you. I know I wanted to beat his ass before dad made me give him the time of day to talk.” He sighs. “I feel bad for the guy.”
“Oh great,” I blurt, shooting up in bed with anger. “Get out, Gray. Go have your pi
ty party somewhere else. I’m not forgiving him for ruining my life.
He shakes his head and mumbles something about love but I try to ignore it. I’ve become one with the blankets and have no room in my life for love anymore.
There’s another knock on the door and I reach down, grabbing whatever I can first, then throw a shoe at it.
“Go away!” I’m done with you. I want to scream it but I can’t get the words out. I hate that. I hate him.
I hate that I still hurt for him.
“Baby.” My mom opens my door. “Oh, Paige.” She huffs and comes to my bed, pulling me into a hug.
“He’s so stupid,” I cry, curling into a ball and resting my head on her lap. I haven’t been able to open up to my dad. He pissed me off letting Fenton stay here, and Gray’s no better. It’s like the boys have teamed up to make me feel even more shitty. But this is my mom.
“Yes,” she sighs. “Yes he is. I couldn’t believe it.” She rubs my hair. “How could he do this to you?”
“I don’t know!” I huff, sniffling and sitting up. “Mom, he used me. He made me fall in l..” I sniffle. “I loved him, mom. I gave him...” I can’t even get the right fucking words out. “And he lied the whole time!”
“He took advantage of you.” She nods and pushes back the hair stuck to my face with tears.
“Yes!” I take a breath. Screaming felt nice. “He used me. He took advantage of me. He lied to me. And Daddy and Gray want me to accept his apology and go back like nothing happened but, Mom, they killed my horse!”
“Daddy and Gray are men. They don’t get it. There’s no coming back from this. He’s dead to you. I could tie him up and have Daddy skin him in the barn and you wouldn’t care. He’s an asshole!”
“No,” I blurt. “Don't hurt him.” I furrow my eyebrows. “I mean...” God, what do I mean? I should want him to hurt for everything he let happen to our family. “Mom, he let his family try and ruin us. After making it seem like he loved me. Tricking me into that relationship,” I whisper, not even believing my own words.
“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry. His daddy took care of him. Cut that tattoo right out of his skin.”
“He cut it off him?” I whisper, chills running down my spine. “Is he okay?” Why do I care?
“Who cares, Paige,” my mom insists. “He tried to hurt you. Hurt us! He did this on purpose. Who cares if he’s hurt? And who cares if he did that shit ‘cause his daddy threatened his life. That doesn’t matter. What matters is he made you fall in love. He came here and he was himself and he made you fall for him. Love him. And he treated you good for months, just so he could hurt you in the end. That’s why his dad beat him bad enough it put him in the hospital for two days. Because Fenton wanted to hurt us.” She’s staring at me and this reverse psychology shit is pissing me off.
“Please stop,” I whisper. “He didn’t come here to hurt me.” I growl, tightening my fists at my side. “He wasn’t himself. He was lying to me. To get to us.”
“No, baby.” She smoothes her hand down my hair and finally cuts the shit. For a minute I really thought she was on my side. “He lied to his dad. He didn’t plan on coming here and meeting you, meeting Gray. He planned on coming here and doing what his dad told him to do. Sabotage our ranch. But he didn’t do it, because he couldn’t. Because he met Gray. And he met you.” She pulls my hair back. “And he fell in love with an amazing girl and he wanted to give her everything, but he didn’t know how because his dad was a danger to his life. So he held his dad off, or so he thought, but that little asshole brother of his,” she grumbles. “Well, he did what he had to do to protect Fenton, and it still wasn’t enough. Fenton knew,” she sighs. “But I’m not sure walking up to a girl you set your eyes on and fall instantly in love with, I'm not sure walking up to her and telling her I’m Fenton and my dad wants to ruin your ranch is a good pick up line.”
“You’re a traitor,” I whisper. I hurt. I don’t want to hurt. I want her to be right...but I don’t know how to get past this. My heart hurts so much.
“You call it being a traitor, I call it teaching you to forgive. What happened was wrong, Paige.” She stands from my bed. “And he knows that. He got in too deep and thought his dad’s plan would fall through ‘cause he wouldn’t do what was asked of him. He loves you, he really does. Hell, baby, I’m pissed at the kid for hurting you. You know it’s taking a lot for me to come in here and ask you to forgive him. But if it matters any, just know he didn’t do it to hurt you. He did it to protect himself. So ask yourself if you would have rather his dad beat him to death, or if he tried to hold his dad off? And I know, I know he could have went to the cops, well he did and exactly what he knew would happen, happened. They can’t find his dad now so not only is his life, but ours is in real danger. Not just the ranch, now it's our lives. This guy’s got nothing to lose. His son told on him. Fenton even got his own brother arrested and thrown into juvie.” She’s at the door and leans against it, giving me a weak smile. “You can keep hurting yourself, or you can start healing. With Fenton. Because he needs to heal too. More than we do. We have each other still. He’s got no one.” She begins to close the door but peeks her head inside. “He’s still an asshole, but an asshole that meant well.” The door closes.
I fall back to my bed and stare at my ceiling. He's got no one. God, that hurts. I’ve been lying here for two days, pissed that he lied to me...but now I don’t know which way’s up. I didn’t know how bad his dad was. I didn’t know there were death threats. I didn’t know any of it but I believe wholly that if I did, I wouldn’t be reacting this way right now. I need to talk to him. With a groan, I roll over in bed and grab my phone.
PAIGE: Maybe we should talk.
I hit send and sit up, then hop off my bed and look in the mirror. I look like shit, but I don’t have time for a shower. My phone dings seconds later and with trembling hands I pick it up and read his reply.
FENTON: You smell like poop
I narrow my eyes and hear Gray laugh from his room. Swinging open my door, I stomp down the hall and push open Gray’s door.
“Where is he?” I snap, seeing my brother at his desk with Fenton’s phone in his hand, cackling.
“Don’t know.” He tosses the phone to the desk and looks at me. “Wow, sis, you look like hell.”
“Where’s Fenton?” I try to smooth down my wild hair but it probably doesn’t help.
“Said he was gonna take a walk.” Gray shrugs and nods at the door. “Close it on your way out.”
I growl, slamming the door behind me and stomp down the stairs, past my mom, past my little brother and sister, and straight outside. There are too many acres here to walk around and find him, but that’s what I’ll do if I have to.
I march into the cow barn first but don’t find him, then stomp across the field to the horse stable.
“Fenton,” I yell, seeing him sitting on the ground against one of the walls. He looks up at me and his eyes hit mine. He looks about as bad as he did two days ago.
Good.
I walk over to him and when the toe of my boot hits the bottom of his I stop and stare at the man that stole my heart then ruined me.
“Have they found your dad yet?” I ask, giving in and sliding to the ground next to him. God, just being near him makes my heart start to heal and I hate it...but I love it.
“I don’t actually know,” he says quietly, calmly, but he won’t look at me. “Your dad’s not letting me off the ranch but I told him it’s stupid. If my dad wants me, he’ll come here looking for me.”
I nod, playing with the zipper of my hoodie.
“How are you feeling?” I don’t know how to do small talk when there’s such a heavy subject at hand.
“Like shit.” He looks over at me with a small smirk. He knows I can’t do this small talk.
“Me too.” I mutter, then huff and nudge him. I wanted to punch him the other night...but I’m glad I didn’t. “Sorry I slapped you,” I whisper.
�
�I’d let you do it again if it made you feel better.” I get another quick glance but he looks at the piece of grass he’s fiddling with. I hate this.
“So all this time you knew what was going on?” I look down at my hands. “Why didn’t you tell me? I get not talking to adults and crap. But...it was me and you. You and me. I could have helped you.”
“You know when I switched schools and Abigail stopped talking to me? No explanation?” He glances at me to make sure I’m listening. “I was confused. And hurt, not ‘cause it was her, but because she knew everything about me.” He uncomfortably clears his throat and I roll my eyes not giving a shit about that bitch. “I wanted to be open about everything, but this. This one thing, I knew I’d lose you over this. Losing Abigail was for the better. Losing you.” His head shakes and he huffs.
“So you lied to me instead.” I understand what my mom said. I do. But I need this anger to subside if I’m going to be able to forgive. “Can I see your side? The tattoo. My mom told me what your dad did.”
“No.” He looks forward. “You don’t need to worry about me. Not about that shit. And I didn’t lie to you. I tried to protect you. Your family. And myself. I’m sorry.”
I reach up and turn his face so he finally has no other choice of where to look than in my eyes.
“I do need to worry about you, Fenton.” I slide my thumb along his jaw, over the bruising. “I’m hurt, and I don’t want to be. I tried being angry at you and cursing you to hell and back. I tried hating you...” I blink away the emotion. “But I can’t.”
“I’m glad you don’t.” His eyes flick down to my lips. “But you don’t need to worry about what happened to me. Fuck everything that happened to me, because I could have protected you and your family, but I didn’t. I tried to protect myself and it hurt you guys. I thought what I was doing was for the best. Now I’m single, heart fucking crushed, and your family thinks I’m a charity case because all I have left is my aunt. And she’s been out of town so she has no idea what’s happened.”