“I think she looks great,” Masie says, whacking Blaine in the gut. “And you should, too.”
Blaine shoots her a dirty look. “I never said she didn’t look great. I just think it’s weird she’s wearing a bikini. I figured that’s your influence”—he steps back to eye her up and down—“since that’s pretty much all you wear.”
Masie smirks then does a little twirl. “I wear it because I look hot. What else should I wear?”
“Clothes.” He smirks. “You know, those pieces of fabric that cover up your—”
She swats him again, and he laughs, his eyes crinkling around the corners.
She shakes her head, but a trace of a smile touches her lips. “You’re such a perv.” Then she whirls around, drops my towel, skips toward the pool, and does a perfect swan dive into the water. When she resurfaces, her hair is dripping wet, water beads her skin, and the water makes her white bikini top kind of see-through. If it was anyone else, I’d tell them. But Masie won’t care. She’s never been ashamed of her body, flaunting it whenever she can. In a way, I sort of envy her, but not enough to flaunt my own body.
While she’s distracted, I pad over to my towel, scoop it up, and wrap it around me.
Blaine, who has had his gaze locked on Masie, finally looks at me again. He frowns when he notices the towel secured around me. “Lex, I didn’t mean anything by what I said.” He massages the back of his neck. “You just took me by surprise. That’s all.” His eyes stray to Masie again.
Since when has he been so interested in Masie? He’s never showed any interest before. I don’t think so anyway.
“I was going to put the towel on before you said anything, but Masie stole it,” I tell him, puzzlement twisting inside me. “Well, until I threatened to throw her shoes in the pool.”
He chuckles, focusing on me again. “You went right for her heart, huh?”
“Of course,” I reply, trying to smile, but he keeps looking at her, making me feel weird. I haven’t felt much of anything lately, so this twisting sensation in my gut is throwing me off balance. “You know how I work. I don’t mess around.”
He bites back a smile. “So, you’re saying you’re tough?”
I lift a brow. “Are you challenging my toughness?”
“Not at all.” He’s on the verge of laughing.
“Fine, you want to see toughness? I’ll show you toughness.” I reach out and pinch his arm. Hard.
He busts up laughing, hunching over. “Oh my God, that was the daintiest pinch I’ve ever felt.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Don’t ever dare call me dainty—”
The towel is yanked loose from my body.
Masie snickers from behind me. “Gotcha.”
And just like that, almost every part of me is exposed again.
Anger bites underneath my skin as I spin around. But I move too quickly and trip over my feet. I lose my balance, teetering toward the water, when I feel an arm slip around my waist and pull me back to a standing position. My heart thunders in my chest as I realize the muscular arm wrapped around my waist belongs to Blaine.
“You okay there, clumsy girl?” Humor dances in Blaine’s tone.
“Do not start with that nickname again.” I warn, trying not to squirm from his touch.
But I feel uncomfortable and out of my element, like I might crawl out of my skin.
Masie gives me a knowing smile, probably thinking I’m in Lust Land again. But I’m not. Not really.
Honestly, I don’t know where I am.
“You’re so fucking ugly,” he whispers in my ear. “You should be grateful I want to touch you.”
“You promised you’d stop calling me that,” I tell Blaine. Thank God my voice sounds even despite the memory piercing through my mind. “I’m not even clumsy.”
With another chuckle, Blaine dips his lips toward my ear and pulls me closer. “No, I’m pretty sure you demanded I stop calling you that. But I never agreed to it, and I never will. You’ll always be my clumsy girl. Even this I’m-too-tough-for-everyone version of you.”
“Aw, aren’t you two adorable?” Masie says. Then she holds up her hand and pretends to take a photo. “Dammit, I really wish I had my camera right now.”
I glare at her, while Blaine laughs, holding me for a beat longer before releasing me.
“You know what I think?” he asks, stepping up beside me, his eyes glimmering mischievously.
Shaking my head, I inch away from him and let out a slow breath, forcing myself to stay composed. “With that look in your eyes, I’m sure I don’t want to.”
A devilish grin spreads across his face as he winks at me then lunges for Masie. She squeals as he picks her up by the waist and tosses her into the pool. Water splashes everywhere, drenching both Blaine and me.
I gasp from the coldness and step back from the edge of the pool.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Blaine says, coming at me.
“Don’t you dare,” I warn, pointing a finger at him as I continue to back away. “You know I hate getting in water.”
He’s still grinning. “Which makes this much more fun.”
He steps toward me, and I step back, preparing to fight him. Grinning, he rushes at me. I may be tough, but with him, I don’t even stand a chance. Still, I whirl around and run toward the house.
Two steps later, he wraps his arms around my waist. Writhing, I kick and try to wiggle free. My skin is still wet from Masie’s splash, and his hands nearly slip off me, but he manages to hold me tightly, carrying me over to the pool and tossing me into the air. A second later, I splash into the water.
I suck at swimming, so it takes me a moment to kick back to the top. Right before I surface, a body dives into the water beside me. Blaine, I’m sure.
Breaking through the surface, I suck in a huge breath of air. It takes me a couple breaths to get my bearings, and by the time I do, Blaine is popping up through the water beside me.
“That wasn’t funny,” I tell him as I paddle my arms to stay afloat.
“You’re right.” He grins cockily. “It was freaking hilarious.”
I mimic his cocky grin and splash water into his face. “So was that.”
He curses but laughs, wiping his face with his hand.
Before he can pay me back, I blast him with a sassy smirk then swim toward the edge. I don’t climb out, mostly because, when Blaine threw Masie into the pool, she had my towel in her hands, so I don’t have anything else to cover up with at the moment. And I want to cover up. Badly.
“You’re so fucking ugly.”
Masie swims up beside me and grips the edge of the pool with a grin on her face. “Holy crap! He’s totally flirting with you.”
“He so is not. If anything, he’s flirting with you.” It hurts like a mothereffer to say it, but I manage to keep a neutral expression. It’s not as complicated as it should be either, my thoughts too distracted by how the hell I’m going to get out of the water without that damn towel.
She rolls her eyes. “Like Blaine would ever flirt with me. Please. I’m not even his type. I mean, sure, he’s dated a lot of blondes. But, so what? I’ve seen him check out brunettes and redheads, too.” Her eyes pop wide open. “I so didn’t mean he checks out other girls all the time. I’ve just seen him do it occasionally … when he’s drunk … really, really drunk.” She’s a babbling mess.
“I’m fine.” Wanting this painful conversation to end, I back paddling toward the ladder so I can climb out of the pool. I’ll just have to make sure to get into the house quickly, and then I’ll get dressed and never, ever wear a bikini again.
I’m gonna hide forever under my clothes.
When I reach the ladder, I take a deep breath and hoist myself up. Water rivers off my body, and I wrap my arms around myself as I shuffle toward the back door of Masie’s house.
Just get inside so you can cover up.
“Hey! Don’t you dare drip water all over my floor,” Masie shouts after me.
“That
’s what you get for ruining my towel,” I throw back, gripping the doorknob.
“Lex …” she whines. “Please don’t. I just had the floors cleaned.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you should’ve thought about that before you ruined my towel.” I turn around, putting on my best fake smile, but it promptly fades.
Blaine has swum up to her and is saying something with his head tipped close to her. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but the position they’re in looks very intimate.
Is something going on with them?
Masie catches my eye and rolls hers, nudging Blaine away. Her lips part, but Blaine grabs ahold of her and swims farther into the pool. Masie screeches like she’s upset, but her laughter reveals otherwise.
“Blaine, stop!” she gripes through her laughter.
I turn around and enter her house, not wanting to see the rest of the moment.
I remain in the washroom until I’m not dripping water anymore. Then I go into the guest room to change. I more than happily peel the bikini off and shove it in my bag. As I reach for my clothes, my gaze strays to the mirror, across my reflection, across each and every flaw.
“You’re so fucking ugly,” Jay says he crouches down in front of me.
Tears sting in my eyes as I try to back away further from him, but my back hits the wall. I close my eyes, unsure why he came in here. It’s the girl’s bathroom and it’s during class. It’s why I ran in here to begin with—because I thought I’d have some privacy to lose my shit, where I could cry my eyes out over my parents. It’s only been a week since they died and I thought I was okay, but then I just lost it. Crumbled.
Broke.
And now Jay’s in here and no one else is around.
I left my phone in the classroom, and I’m shaking like a coward. Every time he’s around me he tries to break me. And I’m already so broken, I’m feel like I might shatter.
“Do everyone a favor and off your ugly ass.” He breathes against my face as his hand travels up my arm and toward my shoulder.
“D-Don’t touch me.” I jerk away from him, preparing to jump to my feet.
But he shoves me back. Hard. Then his hand makes a path to my—”
I yank myself from the memory and let out an unsteady breath.
Stop thinking about it.
You’re not that girl anymore.
You’re not weak.
You are numb.
And when you’re numb, nothing can hurt you.
I look away from my reflection and shove the thoughts out of my mind. I won’t go back there. Go back to being that girl who feels everything, lets emotions control her and make her weak. I won’t ever let anyone hurt me like that again.
Taking a deep breath, I hurriedly put on a pair of cut-offs, a black tank top, and then tie a plaid shirt around my waist. Once I do, I feel a little bit better and more in control of myself.
I leave my wet hair down and tug on a pair of clunky boots. When I check my reflection in the mirror, I pull a face. I look like a mess. A hot mess. So, yeah, I pretty much look like I always do. But at least I’m not in that stupid bikini anymore.
I comb my fingers through my tangled, wavy hair a couple of times then grab my bag, my car keys, and head back outside. I was supposed to hang around at Masie’s then go to a party later tonight with her, even though I don’t want to, but I think I’ll go home to shower and wash the chlorine out of my hair then meet up with her later. Or not, if I can find a way out of it.
I step outside, putting on my plastic smile, but then my control dissolves as I spot Masie and Blaine making out in the pool.
He has her pressed up against the side, his hands resting on the edge, her head pinned between them. She is gripping his shoulders, pulling him closer as she kisses him.
I want to look away, but my eyes remain fused to them, the sight of them burning my eyes worse than even the sunlight.
Move, Alexis. Move your damn feet and walk away. Do not react to this. Do not let that mask go down.
I start to turn to go back into the house, but I end up tripping over my own feet. I manage to catch my balance, but not before accidentally kicking a flowerpot off the back porch and onto the barbeque grill below.
“Oh shit.” Masie lets out a string of panicked curses. “Lex, wait.”
I don’t even look at her as I rush into the house and barrel for the front door. Then I charge outside and climb into my car, a beat up 1969 Chevelle, but the engine refuses to turn over.
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” I pound my hands against the steering wheel, my eyes burning with what I think are impending tears. But I haven’t cried in a long time, so I can barely remember what it feels like.
Calm down.
Get it the hell together.
Do not let anyone see you break again.
I’m about to pull out my phone to call one of my siblings and see if they’ll come get me, when Masie bursts out the front door.
“Lex!” she shouts. She has a towel wrapped around her, panic flooding her expression. “Please just wait a second. I can explain.”
For a brief second, I consider running up and kicking her ass. But since I’m still in a little bit of trouble for the last fight I got into, I hop out of my car and run down the driveway. I keep running and running without looking back, wishing I never had to look back again. Wishing I could forget it all—Masie, Blaine, my friendships with them both. My parents’ deaths. All the whispering words of hate.
I want to forget everything.
Why can’t I just forget?
It’s been a while since any pain has gotten through to me like this. It’s so unbearable that I can barely breathe.
I want it gone. I want it out of me. I want to claw it out until I can no longer feel anything. I know it’s not possible, though. Still, there are a few ways to turn off some of the pain and memories for a bit. Of course, all of them can lead to me getting in a lot of trouble. Or me getting hurt.
But honestly, I don’t care.
2
Alexis
Instead of running on the side of the road where Masie and Blaine can find me, I take a shortcut through the park in the middle of the countless cul-de-sacs enclosing Masie’s neighborhood.
When I reach the playground, I flick a glance over my shoulder and my heart bottoms to my stomach when I spot Blaine’s truck down the road. Shit. He’s the last person I want to see right now. Well, and Masie.
Picking up my pace, I sprint toward the playground then duck into the top of a plastic tunnel that leads to a series of slides. Out of breath, because I’m apparently completely out of shape, I peer out of one of the oval, plastic windows and at the road.
Blaine’s truck is creeping down the street. I worry he spotted me, but then he drives past the park and down the street.
Releasing an exhale, I sit down and prop my feet on the wall in front of me. I sit in silence, alone. The longer the silence encases me, the more my emotions slip through, and my mind begs for them to shut off. And I’m planning on it, just as soon as I can figure out what the hell is wrong with my car so I can get the hell away from here without worrying about running into Masie or Blaine.
I dig out my phone to do some research on what could be wrong with it then frown at the seventeen missed texts displayed on my screen. Ever since I ran away from Masie’s, my phone has been buzzing in my pocket like a crazy lunatic. Most of the texts are from her and a few are from Blaine. My twin sister, Zhara, has also texted me, which is weird. We barely talk anymore, not since our parents died and I decided to leave my good, sweet girl persona behind while she latched on to hers.
Zhara: Call me ASAP, please! I need to talk to you about something super important!
More than likely, she wants to talk about my behavior and how I need to change into a better person. It’s a conversation we’ve had a lot. I can’t deal with that right now, though.
I decide to text her a bit later, after I’ve calmed down. Then I move on to check the rest of my
texts. I have one from Loki, my older brother who got guardianship of our brother and sisters after our parents passed away.
Loki: Are you coming home tonight?
Such a simple text, but to me, it says so much more. Like, how he’s tired of me coming home late. Tired of me in general. I don’t blame him. I’m a tiring person. And deep down, underneath my I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-anything façade, I feel bad. But I can’t be the girl I was before our parents’ deaths. That girl doesn’t exist anymore. She died right along with our parents.
She died that day in the bathroom.
Taking a shaky breath, I focus on sending Loki a quick text back because that’s simple, and simple is all I can handle at the moment, apparently.
Me: Probably to take a shower, but then I’m leaving again.
He doesn’t respond, his silence showing how agitated he is with me. Still, I can tell I annoy him whenever I disappear and don’t tell him where I’m going, or when I refuse to set plans, or whenever I get fired from a job. I know I need to decide about where I’m going with my life since I’ll be graduating in just over a year, but the truth I have no clue what I want to do. I used to love art. I used to love painting. I used to love creating. But none of that matters to me anymore. At least in the way it did before.
I see who the rest of the texts are from. Strangely, I have one from West, Blaine’s best friend and my archnemesis since grade school. Sure, the two of us hang out a ton, but only when we’re both with Blaine, because we clash big time. The main reason we butt heads is West knows how to push my buttons, and I know I do the same to him. He constantly teases me, and I do the same to him. But at least we both keep the douchiness even.
Things had gotten so bad that Masie and Blaine made up a rule that we aren’t allowed to stay in the same room together alone, like they think we’re going to beat the crap out of each other. West thought it was funny when they made that rule and joked that they were probably worried we were going to screw each other’s brains out. I was unamused. Well, sort of. Fine, I kind of laughed, but only at the idea of having sex with West.
Sure, he’s hot, in a blond, Gothic prince sort of way, with his chin-length, blond hair; pierced tongue; and studded, dark clothing. But Blaine is more my type, which is weird because, looking at us, you’d think West and I went together. Not that anyone would ever really go with me.
Accepting the Deal (Honeyton Alexis) (Signed with a Kiss Series Book 1) Page 2